Harold Saves Her Husband - Complete

Copyright Oggbashan for the three separate parts -June 2006; November 2013; July 2014 and October 2018 for the complete edited whole.

The author asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

This is a work of fiction. The events described here are imaginary; the settings and characters are fictitious and are not intended to represent specific places or living persons.

None of this story has any relevance to a historical India. It is a fiction based in a mythical country which is one character's imagination of what India might seem to be after consuming too much alcohol. The persons, acts and customs are those of a mythical place which has no basis in reality.

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Chapter 1: An East India Company Office

Princely India 1850s

It had been a boring day at the office. I had been writing reports that might reach London in three or four months' time. When they did, they would be out of date. Such was the reality of mid-nineteenth century communication.

I had just finished the last one and was relaxing in a cloud of pipe smoke, with my spurred boots resting on the desk, when there was a knock at the door.

"Sahib!" a voice called softly from the partly opened door.

"Yes?"

"There is a Royal Messenger here for you."

I brought my feet down from the desk in a hurry. I knocked out my pipe and stood up.

"Send the messenger in."

"Yes, Sahib."

The door swung open and a closely veiled sari-clad woman entered. She had my full attention. Only Queen Serena would use women as messengers. When she did, it was for very secret matters. She had a small group of women who were her close confidants and the Goddess's priestesses. They were her secret service. If Serena had sent one of them to my office the message must be important.

The woman unveiled. It was Pushpa. I bowed to her.

"No, Prince Harold, you should not bow to me."

"Why not, Pushpa? You are a beautiful woman, a priestess and Queen Serena's closest friend. You deserve a bow for each category."

I bowed twice more. Pushpa spoilt the effect by giggling. I took her hand and kissed it, keeping hold of it afterwards.

"Is that a better greeting?"

"Perhaps? But would Princess Lisa object?" Pushpa asked.

"No, she would not. She knows that you are our friend."

"Then, friend and Prince, here is my response to your greetings."

Pushpa wrapped an arm around my neck and kissed me full on the lips. That was pleasant. A kiss from Pushpa is to be treasured even if only a friendly one.

"And now, O highly esteemed Royal Messenger, what is the message that your Queen has sent to my humble self?" I asked.

"Only an invitation to dinner tonight at the Palace for you and Princess Lisa." Pushpa replied.

"Dinner tonight? Of course, since it is a Royal Command, Princess Lisa and I will be delighted to accept. Is that the whole of your message, O trustworthy counsellor?"

Pushpa giggled again. "Yes, Prince."

"Then, O Matchless Pearl of Wisdom, I do not believe you."

"Is my Prince suggesting that I, a Royal Messenger, could lie?"

"Yes, O Vision of Beauty, you can lie, and that cannot be the whole of your message."

"Oh ****!" was Pushpa's unladylike retort.

She whispered in my ear.

"Queen Serena told me that you would suspect something. I underestimated you. She didn't." Pushpa looked serious. "She needs your advice and help, and Lisa's."

"Then she shall have it." I whispered back "Why the formal invitation?"

Pushpa's reply was equally quiet "Because she cannot admit openly that she needs you, not this time."

"Thank you, Pushpa, Princess Lisa and I will attend the dinner in our best finery. Are my sword and pistol necessary?"

"I don't think so, Prince Harold." Her whisper sounded doubtful.

"If even the highly intelligent Pushpa is not sure, then I shall wear my sword and pistol with my full uniform. What Princess Lisa will bring I know not but I am sure she will prepare herself appropriately."

I spoke in a normal voice "Will you convey our formal acceptance to the Queen?"

"Yes, Prince Harold." Pushpa dropped into a low curtsey, splaying her fine draperies wide across the spur-scarred boards of my mundane office. Then she rose lightly to her feet, kissed me again, veiled herself and swept out of my office in a swirl of silken skirts.

Serena must be in real trouble. If she was, so were Lisa and I. Sending Pushpa, the head of her secret service was a message in itself. So was the need for Pushpa to whisper even in my office. That was a sign that even my office was NOT a safe place. There must be a spy on the staff.

The trouble must be urgent. Lisa and I met Serena once a week as the official representatives of John Company and Her Majesty Queen Victoria. We are a Prince and Princess in Serena's state that caused some amusement with my fellow John Company officers but our status was real as far as Queen Serena's realm extended.

The titles of Queen Serena and her King (Consort) Vishaladeva and Princess and Prince for Lisa and I were a complete break from the local traditions. After the last Rajah had led a failed revolt against the English, he and his heir were executed by their wives who were then strangled by Serena. She had ensured that her husband, who was the late Rajah's second son, did not take part in the revolt. She also made sure that it would fail. Then she had rescued the Englishwomen under siege in the zenana. Lisa and I with Jane and George had helped. For services to the state, Lisa and I were made nobles ranked immediately below the heir to the throne. There had been some dispute with the realm's courtiers about our exact titles. Serena had settled the matter out of hand by appointing us as Prince and Princess. Neither of those titles actually mean anything in the state's traditions, but then Queen and King don't either.

Serena was the actual ruler of the state. King Vishaladeva was her consort in practice but notionally they were equal rulers because some of Serena's subjects could not accept the idea of a woman as head of state. Three months after her coronation they were beginning to accept the idea, reluctantly. They still had difficulty accepting Serena's eldest daughter as heir to the throne. They saw Serena as an anomaly that would end when her son succeeded, when one was born.

Outside Serena's realm, I was apparently just a volunteer officer of John Company troops, but I left the real soldiering to the Colonel and our friend George. I was the diplomat, and I admit it, the spy. My real task was to make money for the Company. As long as I did that, whatever else I did didn't matter to them.

I tidied my office, called a messenger to get those reports on their long journey to London, and called in at George's office.

"Afternoon, Harold? Anything the fighting soldiery can do for the gallant courtier?"

"Yes, George."

I looked around. Unlike my office that was surrounded by others, George's was at the end of a blank-walled corridor. Anyone approaching it could be seen. Overhearing our conversation would be impossible without being seen.

George noticed my scan of the surroundings.

"Feeling that you are being watched, eh? Wondering who knows things they shouldn't know?"

I nodded.

"That's why I choose this room for myself. You cannot be overheard. What's the problem?"

"Queen Serena has invited Lisa and me to dinner tonight."

"What is so unusual? You are friends."

"Yes, but she was due to meet us officially the day after tomorrow. Whatever it is can't wait that long."

"Um. So what do you want from me, Harold?"

"I think Lisa and I ought to arrive in style and with a show of strength to indicate John Company's backing for her rule. Can you provide some of your troops to escort us, and to stay around in case they are needed?"

"Maybe. But what is the threat?"

"I don't know. All I know is that it could be serious and it is urgent."

"Right. We will have a nice night exercise around the palace. You will get a flashy escort of lancers, but they will be backed up by vicious looking troops with blackened faces playing around. I'll take a leaf out of Sir John Moore's book about the uses of light infantry, but I'll add a few cannon for effect. Napoleon showed the effectiveness of cannon in street fighting. A few meaty nine-pounders should deter any possible threat."

"Thank you, George. It may be nothing, but..."

"...but if it is, it is better to look silly than be unprepared."

"Exactly, George."

"Warn Queen Serena what we are doing as soon as you arrive. We don't want her thinking that we are going to overthrow her government, do we?"

"Will do, George."

"Right. Get going. I've got a lot to do. This will shake up some of the junior officers. Get their minds off their Gin and Tonics and Polo. It could be jolly good fun. See you."

Chapter 2: The Cantonments

I left the office at a fast trot, scattering people in the crowded streets, and extended my horse into a gallop as soon as we were clear of the town. If Lisa and I were to be ready in time to arrive in state we had to move fast.

As soon as Lisa heard the speed at that I was arriving she dropped everything and ran to the door. Most unladylike! She should have waited for one of the servants to announce the arrival of her husband. I thrust the horse's reins into the groom's hands.

"What's up, Harold?" Lisa asked.

"We are invited to dinner at the palace - tonight - and we have to arrive in state with an escort."

Lisa needed no more hint than that. She spun round in a flurry of crinolined skirt and rushed in, calling for her maid. I bounded up the stairs yelling for my valet.

I had a cold bath as quickly as I could. I had no time to wait for the water to be heated. The valet laid out my official uniform, then asked whether I had any special instructions.

"Yes, please make sure one of my big revolvers is fully loaded. I'll need its holster and belt, and my sword - the one for use."

As a good valet should, he did not query my instructions. By the time I was fully dressed my revolver was loaded. He fitted the gun belt around my waist. It was a nuisance with the sword as well. Usually I wore one or the other, not both. It took a precious five minutes to get both adjusted so that I could draw either.

I walked through to Lisa's dressing room. Lisa looked at my revolver.

"I see," she said, "I thought it might be that sort of invitation. I have my Navy Colts and a few other useful things."

I looked. Lisa looked as if she was being formally dressed en grande tenue for an evening out. Her dress ballooned out over her largest crinoline. The low cut bodice revealed her cleavage in its full glory. She had an embroidered overskirt looped up in four places, looking suspiciously bulky in front.

"Lisa. I know, and you know, that you are expecting but does it need to be so obvious?"

"Harold, you know it doesn't but it is an excuse to cover these."

She lifted part of her overskirt to show her gun belt with two Colt's Navy .36 calibre Holster Pistols. Those ten shots might be useful. They weren't man stoppers like my Walker Dragoon, but they could be concealed. My gun couldn't. It was massive and heavy. I had two but I never wore both. I needed both hands to fire one.

Lisa's guns had been mine but now I relied on the Dragoons. The Navy Colts were effective weapons but too light for serious use on a battlefield. It had been unfortunate that we had left our personal firearms at home at the time of the last Rajah's revolt.

Except for target practice I had used a Dragoon only twice. The first time I had used a Dragoon was to kill a bull that had been mauled by a tiger. The shot had smashed the bull's skull, satisfyingly stopping its rampage, but I didn't admit to the awed natives that my aim had been the bull's heart.

The second time had been on the North West Frontier visiting my old regiment and had gone along on a showing the flag expedition. We had been ambushed but the ambushers came off worst. I had fired the Dragoon at a charging mob of hashish crazed tribesmen twenty metres away. The man I hit had been knocked backwards, dead of course, with a large hole blown through his chest. I had nearly lost hold of the gun from the shock of the recoil. By the time I had re-cocked the Dragoon a volley from the troops' Brown Bess muskets had blown away the tribesmen.

Finally, Lisa was ready. Our carriage was waiting outside with George's lancers forming up as the escort. Lisa's maid draped a shawl over Lisa's bare shoulders. As we left the house the escort saluted and our personal standard was unfurled. In the distance I could hear the tramp of infantry and the rumble of the gun carriages. If our assessment of Queen Serena's need was wrong, we would have annoyed a large number of our troops unnecessarily. I could take a phlegmatic view. Any military complaints would be addressed to George.

Chapter 3: The Royal Dinner

We entered the town with a blare of trumpets that sent the locals scattering. The lancers clattered ahead and formed up beside the main palace entrance. Already there, either side of the gateway were two of George's nine-pounders. The linstocks were alight and the firers ready for action. Each gun was attended by a small group of infantry with their Minié rifles resting on improvised barricades. They looked ready for war and made a stark contrast to the dress uniforms of the lancers. The streets around were empty. The locals had decided that the area by the palace was likely to be unhealthy.

Lisa and I descended as if we were attending a normal social occasion. Apart from exchanging greetings with the Gunners' Captain, we ignored the presence of so many soldiers. As we entered the gate Queen Serena's Major Domo came to meet us.

"Thank goodness you are here, Prince and Princess. We were concerned about the cannon outside."

"What cannon?" Lisa asked innocently "Is that what they are? I understand that our soldiers are playing some of their games this evening. Is that the correct term, Harold?"

"No Lisa. What the Princess means is that the troops are taking part in an exercise. It is part of their training. I am sure Queen Serena will understand the need to train soldiers."

"If you say so, Prince," the Major Domo replied.

He understood very well that training did not usually happen in the evening, or with loaded and aimed cannon. He looked pointedly at my Dragoon and the 'for use' sword. They are not pretty. The sword has a plain oiled wooden sheath. The oiled wood keeps it sharp. The dress sword's fancy silver decorated sheath blunts the edge. The Dragoon looks like the killing machine it is. He sighed and led the way to the Audience Chamber.

The crowd of courtiers parted before us. Queen Serena and King Vishaladeva came down from their thrones to greet us. Serena whispered in my ear.

"Don't be surprised by Visha. He's drunk too much."

King Vishaladeva was enthusiastically kissing Lisa's hand. She looked closely at him, then kissed him on the cheek, before giving her cheek to Serena. Serena spoke aloud.

"Princess Lisa, will you accept the King as your partner for dinner?"

Lisa bowed her acceptance and moved to the King's side. I held out my arm. Serena tucked her hand in it and we followed the King and Lisa to the dining chamber. It was arranged unusually. Normally the King and Queen sat in the middle of one side of a long row of tables. This time they and we were directed to a raised dais at the end. There was a wooden screen at the front of the dais. The diners below the dais would see only our heads. There was another oddity. Normal protocol would have sat the King and Queen together, then Lisa beside the King, and me beside the Queen. This time Queen Serena was sitting in the centre beside Lisa, with the men on the outside. I was beside the Queen.

We watched as the diners processed in and took their seats. As the meal started to be served the conversation level in the chamber rose. Queen Serena whispered in my ear, loud enough for Lisa to hear.

"Harold, the King is not himself tonight."

Lisa cut in. "I know he isn't. I've had to stop his hand wandering twice already. He isn't Vishaladeva. Who is he?"

"I thought I couldn't deceive you two," said Serena. "He is the King's second cousin, Ranjit. He is an amiable and loyal friend but he likes women too much."

"I know about that already. He might get a surprise if his hand wanders much further," retorted Lisa.

"Please be discreet," hissed Serena. "It is important that he is recognised as the King tonight. It won't be for long. This dinner is a simple one by our standards. Afterwards the four of us will retire and then Lisa can kick Ranjit in the balls or take whatever unladylike action she likes. Until then he must appear to be the King. Ranjit doesn't understand English."

"I see," said Lisa. She whispered in Ranjit's ear in his own dialect. That shook him. He looked terrified and nodded his agreement to Lisa.

"What did you say to him, Lisa?" asked Serena. "He looked just like Visha does when you tell him off."

"I told him that if he didn't behave I'd slice his balls off with my husband's sword and serve them to the guests as shish kebab."

"I think he believes you." Serena said.

"He should. I'd do it."

"I know you would," said Serena, "but not until afterwards, please, for my sake."

"If that's what you want, Serena. His hands have stopped wandering."

"I should not be surprised, Lisa, but that is probably the first time in Ranjit's life that he has ever accepted no from a woman, except his Queen. Despite that I like him. He is a loyal friend and would die for me."

"I hope it doesn't come to that, Serena. You may have been told about the training exercise outside."

"Yes. They terrified most of my court. I knew that was Harold at work."

"George, actually. Harold asked and George arranged for a demonstration of our support."

"Is that what it is? Some of my guests thought they had been invited to a massacre instead of a dinner." Serena lowered her voice. "Ranjit and I will leave soon. He will have a slight indisposition. You two will continue as the hosts until you signal the end of the dinner and the guests leave. Then you can come to our private chamber for the real business of the evening."

Soon afterwards, Serena summoned her Major Domo. He announced the King's slight indisposition. The King and Queen withdrew. The meal continued with a few curious looks at us. It was the first time that we had taken any formal role in Serena's realm.

Lisa noticed Pushpa signalling to us from the far end of the chamber. I summoned the Major Domo who asked Pushpa to attend us. She mounted the dais, bowed low, and spoke very quietly.

"Prince and Princess, there is likely to be trouble when you tell them it is the end of the evening."

"What trouble?" Lisa asked.

"I don't know. It can't be too serious with all your troops outside. Without them, it might have been."

"Thank you, Pushpa," I said. "We are as prepared as we can be."

Pushpa bowed again and backed off the dais. I don't know whether she has to walk backwards when leaving a Prince and Princess. I shouldn't think Pushpa knows either. We are the first she has met.

The rest of the evening passed quietly. Just before I rose to make my announcement I drew my Dragoon, cocked it, and held it in my right hand. It was concealed from the guests by the low screen at the front of the dais.

The Major Domo asked for the guests' attention. I rose to my feet and announced the end of the evening. I thanked the guests for coming. A man stood up and shouted that he wasn't going to take orders from an Englishman. There were murmurs of support. I replied that I was not present as an Englishman but as a Prince of the realm. He shouted back that he did not recognise me as a Prince nor the right of a Queen to rule the state. That did it, as far as I was concerned. He could insult me, but not the Queen. I lifted the Dragoon and pointed it straight at him.