Hard for Women

About six months ago, I was skimming through the ads in the back of a porno mag when the following full-page spread leapt out at me:

WOMEN!

Tired of all those softcore porn videos for women? Seen enough of limp-dicked men? Looking for something HARDER?

Hard For Women

proudly presents

'A Man's Pleasure'

60 mins. of single men doing what comes naturally. Hot and creamy action. Every nook and cranny probed and revealed. By the end, these guys are dripping with it. And have you every wondered what they look like afterwards? You'll see!

Volume 1 - Martin works up a sweat (amongst other things), Tony delivers, and Greg comes up to scratch!

Warning: Explicit close-up footage of the erect penis, solo male masturbation and ejaculation. Includes some close-up shots of the male anus and anal self-penetration.

'Let Me Help'

60 mins. of inexperienced men being taken in hand by confident, fully-clothed women. Guaranteed to make a splash, these women really know what they're at, investigating every last inch of their subjects before working them into a lather. But it's left to the guys to clean up afterwards!

Volume 1 - Allie shows Robbie the way to a wet bottom, Martina pulls it off for Gary, and Janey teaches Marc to shoot!

Warning: Explicit close-up footage of the erect penis and men being masturbated to ejaculation by women. Includes some close-up shots of the male anus and anal penetration and stimulation.

'Spank The Guy'

60 mins. of husbands, boyfriends and male employees receiving their just deserts. See them blush! These women aren't messing around, and the results of their handiwork are plain for all to see.

Volume 1 - Sue makes Dave see red, Helen leaves her mark on Roger, and Ruth has Oliver purple with rage!

Warning: Explicit, uncut close-up footage of men being spanked and paddled by women. Hard action which leaves a very visible mark. The male anus features in my shots, the erect penis in others.

Please note that these videos are extremely graphic, including scenes of a highly intimate erotic nature and men in a full state of sexual arousal. Genuine male orgasms are recorded, with nothing cut or hidden from view. Please do not purchase if likely to be offended.

There was a P.O. Box number for catalogue requests and the following small note in the bottom righthand corner:

Male and female actors required. Contact Lizzie on 28 8888 4888

I had to show the ad to my girlfriend, Jo Jo, who'd never been content with 'Pages For Ladies', even though she religiously picked it up from the newsagents every month.

'Look at that!', she'd say, pointing at a page (in both senses). 'It's obvious he's post-tumescent. Why don't they show the real thing?'

It was the same with 'Hunky Revelations', the ridiculous softcore video she'd ordered from somewhere. Bloodless members dangling and swaying. Just laughable. No wonder she had me stripping for her every other night. Stripping and…doing what comes naturally. Acts she thoughtfully recorded on video and replayed into the small hours on most occasions. Not that she'd paddled me so far.

Anyway, I showed her the ad, and sure enough, she was ecstatic.

'I want to order all three,' she said. 'I mean, apart from anything else, it'll give you a rest!'

'Actually, I was thinking of applying,' I said. 'I could do with the money.'

'Applying?' she asked.

I pointed to the bottom right-hand corner of the ad.

'Oh yeah! You wouldn't dare!' she laughed.

Little did she know, but I didn't say anything.

The following morning, when I should have been looking for work – except I was looking for work, wasn't I? – I took the ad to the phone and picked up the receiver. Got cold feet. Pottered about. Had a coffee. Went back to the phone. Got cold feet. Went down to the shops. Picked up a newspaper. Came back. Went to the phone. Picked up the receiver. Put it down. Sat down. Took a notebook out of my pocket. Picked up the receiver. Dialled the magic 28 number. It rang. A woman with a cockney accent answered the phone. Our conversation went something like this:

Voice: Hello?

Me: (Bloody hell! You could say the fucking number. I might have misdialled. I can't exactly get down to the nitty-gritty.) Is that um…Lizzie?'

Lizzie: Speaking.

Me: Video company?

Lizzie: That's right.

Me: I'm ringing about the ad.

Lizzie: If you want to place an order you need to write, pet.

Me: No, I mean the acting thing. Actors required.

Lizzie: Are you phoning on your own behalf?

Me: Yeah.

Lizzie: And you want to be an actor in one of our videos?

Me: Yeah.

Lizzie: Listen, love, I'm going to speak bloody direct, right? Just in case you haven't got the picture. Our videos are bloody explicit. Blokes jerking off. Close up. Cum shots. Anus shots. Finger-up-the-anus shots sometimes. I'm only telling you cos I don't want to waste your time, like.

Me: Well, I've read the advert.

Lizzie: It ain't exaggerated.

Me: Right.

Lizzie: And you're definitely interested.

Me: Yeah.

Lizzie: Good on yer! You'd better come round for a chat.

Me: Fine.

Lizzie: When are you free?

Me: Anytime, really.

Lizzie: How about tomorrow morning at ten?

Me: Okay.

So I gave my name, took down the address and that was that.

Next morning, a little early, perhaps, I presented myself at the H4W office in Sleam Street in Soho. A woman who turned out to be Lizzie was sitting at the reception desk. She welcomed me and took me into an office. A woman in her late thirties was sitting behind a desk. Smart suit. Nice make-up. Quite attractive. Zoe.

After the usual preliminary social niceties, our conversation went something along these lines:

Zoe: I gather Lizzie warned you?

Me: Warned me?

Zoe: What you might call our requirements. Of our actors.

Me: Oh, right. Right. Yeah, she did. Yeah.

Zoe: Doesn't bother you?

Me: No. Fine.

Zoe: Good for you. Done this sort of thing before?

Me: No, not really.

Zoe: What do you mean, not really? Have you or haven't you?

Me: Promise not to laugh?

Zoe: Give it a whirl.

Me: I strip for my girlfriend. And do what comes naturally, as your ad puts it. She's got a video camera. She records the performances.

Zoe: Well, that's good, Keith. It is Keith, isn't it?

Me: Yeah.

Zoe: That's good. At least the camera won't throw you. Do you want to get your kit off?

Me: In general or now?

Zoe: Very funny. Now. No point going on if you aren't suitable.

Me: Fair enough. Do you want me to do a sort of strip or something?

Zoe: No. I just want to see what you look like.

And with that, she got up and left the room. I stood about for a moment, a bit nonplussed, and then decided I was meant to take my clothes off there and then. I was down to my briefs and socks when she came back. She was lugging a video camera on a tripod.

'Don't worry,' she said. 'There isn't a tape in it. I just want to see how you look on screen.'

She plugged in the camera and switched it on. I was out of my briefs by this time. She looked at me.

'Yeah, you're in pretty good shape,' she said. 'Turn round a sec.'

I did so. 'Yeah. Decent butt. Let's see you erect, then.'

I turned and faced her. 'Erect?'

'Don't say I'm wasting my time. I thought you said Lizzie explained.'

'She did,' I said. 'It isn't that. It's just that…Have you got a magazine, or something?'

'Oh, right,' she said. 'Need a bit of…stimulation, do you?'

'A bit. I mean, it isn't exactly a boudoir in here, is it?'

'Bloody isn't!'

With that, she rummaged round a bit and passed me a small magazine. Small but extremely explicit. My prick was rapidly on parade.

Zoe got behind the camera.

'Nice,' she said. 'Not huge, but big enough. Lean back a bit. Feet more apart.'

I did so.

'Fine. Let's see you sideways on.'

I turned.

'Other side.'

I adjusted my position.

'Great. Now give yourself a few slow pulls. Enjoy it.'

I followed her instructions.

'This is good. Um…Could you just kneel on the sofa. Head that end, butt this, please.'

I got myself into position. She manoeuvred the camera. Looked through it.

'Knees wide apart,' she said. 'And rest your chest on the seat.'

I had an idea what she was after. I lowered my chest to the sofa and stuck my butt out.

'Your butt hole's quite deep set,' she said. 'It's not a problem as such, but can you show it to me?'

I pulled my butt cheeks apart.

'Brilliant. Nice and tight.' she said. 'Thing is, it's important. You know what our customers want to see? Not the usual limp dicks and pert butts. They want to see men aroused. Tossing themselves off. Being tossed off. Coming. And they want to see a nice butt hole. Kind of like the last little secret. Sit down.'

I smiled at her abruptness and got myself comfortable. Zoe turned off the camera.

'Speaking of which,' she said, 'how far will you go? Anal penetration a problem?'

'With what?'

'Your finger?'

'Okay.'

'Butt-plug?'

'I guess.'

'Actress's finger?'

'No problem.'

'Actress armed with butt-plug?'

'At a pinch.'

'Fine.' She paused. 'Can you remember the names of our videos?'

'Um, let me see,' I said. 'A Man's Pleasure?'

'Right.'

'Shall I Help?'

'Let Me Help.'

'Oh yeah. And what was it? 'Spank…The Guy' or something?'

'Spank The Guy'. Yeah. Good. So let me just make a note. 'A Man's Pleasure' wouldn't be a problem?'

'Not at all.'

'And from what you were just saying about the finger, you'd be available for 'Let Me Help', I take it?'

'Yeah.'

'What about 'Spank The Guy'?'

'Dunno. Bit of a new experience, that would be. Sounds as if it's pretty realistic.'

'It is realistic. I won't lie to you.'

'Would a cane be involved at all?'

'Not unless you were happy about it. Spanking. Paddling. The odd hairbrush, sort of thing.'

'And a fair amount of pain?'

'Nothing dangerous. Minimum requirement, a nice pair of reddened butt cheeks. And I don't mean pink. Deep red. Purple would be great, but we don't insist on it. More pay if you agreed to it, mind.'

'Yeah?'

'Basically, the thing to bear in mind is…Red usually goes in a day or less. With purple, you might be talking three days. But absolutely no lasting damage. Guaranteed.'

'Can I think about it?'

'Of course. The only thing is…I mean, we need guys for 'A Man's Pleasure' and 'Let Me Help', but we really really need them for 'Spank The Guy'. So what I'm saying is, if you could manage all three, we'd be very very interested indeed. Feel free to get dressed, by the way.'

I got up and went over to my clothes, suddenly realising I'd forgotten to take off my socks.

'Sorry,' I said, raising my right foot. 'I forgot about the socks.'

'Actually, they're quite a turn-on.'

I got dressed.

Zoe organised some coffee then offered to show me round. I accepted.

She led me out of her office and took me down a narrow corridor. She indicated a door on the left.

'That's one of the studios,' she said quietly, 'but we can't go in now. They're recording.'

And with that, we heard a sharp slap through the door. We both smiled.

She led me into another studio, which was empty, and closed the door.

'I don't know what it is about spanking,' she said, 'but women really love to watch it. Not if it's women on the receiving end, of course – although some women love that too – but men being spanked. Such a turn-on! I don't think it's the dominance thing as such. It's just so incredibly…well, naughty, I suppose. And fascinating. And delicious. Ask your girlfriend.'

'I will,' I said.

I looked round the studio. It wasn't really a studio at all. Just a largish room. Bed, desk, shower-cubicle, a few chairs, TV. Cupboard and so forth. Huge mirror. Quite ordinary. Except, of course, for the cameras on tripods. Three of those.

Suddenly, the door opened and a man and three women came in.

'Keith,' said Zoe. 'Claudia and Jenny, who do the recordings. And Ricky and Juliet, two of our actors. 'Let Me Help', is it, Ricky?

Ricky said it was.

'Keith may act for us in the future,' Zoe observed, and with that, she led me from the room.

By the time we got back to her office, I'd decided.

'Okay,' I said. 'I'll do all three.'

A couple of weeks later, and about a week before I was scheduled to do my first shoot, my girlfriend rushed out into the garden, where I was mowing the lawn. She was clearly excited about something.

'Keith! Come in a minute!' she gabbled.

Intrigued, I followed her into the house. She led me into the sitting-room.

'They weren't kidding,' she said, and handed me a video box.

It was 'Let Me Help' Volume 1. The cover was tame enough – a guy in underpants sitting on a bed with a fully-clothed woman standing next to him – but a warning text box promised the works.

'Look at this bit,' said Jo Jo, before I had the chance to speak.

She pushed the play button on the remote control. I looked at the screen.

A naked guy was sort of lying on a bed, and a women was brazenly jerking him off. Allie and Robbie, as it turned out. I say 'sort of', because Robbie had pulled his knees up to his chest, his ass slightly raised off the bed. Allie had a firm grip of his erect penis, which she appeared to be aiming at the ceiling. The camera zoomed in. Glistening helmet, shaved shaft and balls, puckered asshole.

Allie wanked Robbie slowly and then paused. She squeezed his helmet. A large drop of seminal fluid escaped through the eye. And then Allie pumped away furiously to the sound of Robbie's moans. And then the camera recorded what must be one of the biggest flukes in the history of porn video. Allie aimed Robbie's penis skywards and a long jet of sperm shot up into the air. Incredibly, when it fell back down again, it landed straight on Robbie's butt hole. An absolute bull's-eye! Further jets of sperm shot up and dropped down – some landing on his balls, some on the area between the balls and butt-cleft, and some on the verge of the cleft itself.

Finally, Robbie was spent. Allie pulled his butt-cheeks wide apart and the camera lingered on the aftermath. The little patch of sperm on Robbie's anus glistened and winked. You could practically feel the wetness on your hole.

Allie scooped as much cum as she could into his crack, slowly and painstakingly adding it to the patch on his asshole. And then, unbelievably, she massaged that patch until the semen bubbled and creamed. She tested its stickiness between her thumb and forefinger and then wiped it back onto Robbie's butt-hole. And then she did it. Slowly, with her second finger, she pushed some of that semen into his anus. Her finger returned, gathered some more cream, and pushed it deep into his tunnel. Eight times she must have repeated that action, methodically feeding the frothing cum into Robbie's most private depths.

On her final dive, she kept her finger deep inside. She moved her hand around, clearly massaging the walls of his tunnel and prostate gland. She paused. Massaged again. Paused. Massaged again. Robbie moaned, but the camera remained up close, cruelly devouring his pulsing sphincter as it seemed to suck on Allie's finger. Finally, Allie slipped her finger out, but still the camera stayed where it was. Wilting prick, a few late droplets of sperm around the eye; cum-festooned balls; and the messiest butt-hole conceivable, all sticky with the remains of the sperm.

Jo Jo stopped the video.

'Fucking unbelievable!' she said. 'Whoever owns that company deserves to be a millionaire.'

Stunned at what I'd let myself in for, I tried to sound nonchalant.

'So you ordered it, then? Good for you!'

'Not it. All three of them. They came today. I haven't watched the other two yet, but Jeeze, I sure know what to expect!'

So did I!