Hairy Pecer & the Sorcerer's Coc

Herman Bumsley was not a happy man.

He was lost in thought as he stepped onto the stoop in front of his home.

His wife hadn't aged the way he had and still turned heads everywhere they went.

His son was an idiot and he wondered if it was a gene from his side of the family.

Even more aggravating, he had been saddled for over twenty years taking care of his wife's sister's kid.

Herman shook his head in disgust.

Hairy turned 21 years old today and he was every bit the stud his old man was.

"Freakin' bastard," Herman thought to himself.

Herman smiled for the first time that day.

"At least the kid doesn't know about the magic," Herman thought with menacing glee. "That's one thing I'll keep from him if it's the last thing I do."

Herman stuck his key in the lock, and started to turn it, when he felt something hit him on the forehead.

The 'something' passed in front of his eyes as it fell to the ground.

On the ground was a small square foil package. Herman recognized the condom immediately.

"Where the fuck did this thing come from?" He muttered under his breath.

He looked up instinctively to see if Hairy or Doody had dropped it on him from the upstairs window.

As he looked up, another one landed on the bridge of his nose and balanced there precariously.

Herman grabbed the condom from his nose and looked at it.

The foil package was like any other condom he had seen, however the words on the package struck him like a thunderbolt.

"Come to Wantsfox Conservatory."

Herman's face turned beet red.

"Sonsabitches!" He yelled. "He ain't fucking going!"

Herman bent over to pick the other condom up and stuffed them both in his pocket.

He started to enter his house when another one hit him in the back of the head.

Furious, Herman turned, grabbed the third condom off the ground, and stuffed it into his pocket. He slammed the door as hard as he could behind him.

He stomped his way into the dining room where Pansy had fixed Hairy's birthday dinner.

Herman could hardly look at Hairy over the dinner table. "Son of a bitch looks just like his father did at that age," Herman thought as he tried to swallow half a brussel sprout which almost caught in his throat.

"Probably be bangin' my sister soon just like his father did at that age."

Herman could picture the scene just like it happened yesterday.

There was his sweet, innocent sister, bent over the dining room table in his parent's old house.

The guy, he thought was his best friend, was driving his cock deep into her ass.

"Not just her pussy," Herman thought ruefully. "Into her tight little asshole."

His sister was saying things he never thought he'd hear her say.

"Fuck me harder, Big." "Plug my ass with that thing, you fucker."

"Harder. Deeper. Nail me to this table. Make me squeal."

Herman had started towards Big intent on beating him within an inch of his life. He had every intention of saving his sister's honor.

Whenever he thinks about that moment he initially sees his sister raise her hand towards him and mumble something under her breath.

His mind cannot accept this though, so he immediately pictures Big looking at him, taking a hand off of his sister's hip, and gesturing at him.

In any event he freezes in his tracks, unable to help his poor, virginal sister as Big Pecker unloads about a gallon of hot, sticky goo deep into her bowels.

Herman shakes his head in disgust as he finds himself back at his own dining room table.

He was just about to stuff the other half of the brussel sprout into his mouth when he heard a slight noise in the fireplace.

Pansy must have heard it too as she immediately turned towards the fireplace.

"What was that?" She said with concern. "I hope the mice aren't back."

Herman got up from his chair and walked over to the hearth. There, wedged between the fake logs, was another condom.

The string of epithets he planned never were uttered.

As his temper flared, and he turned to voice his displeasure, he heard two things that took his voice away.

The loud rumbling of a motorcycle pulling up in front of the house, immediately followed by an even louder rumbling as tens of thousands of condoms flew down the chimney and swarmed out of the fireplace.

Herman barely had time to squeak his surprise before he was buried in a huge pile of foil wrapped condoms.

Pansy, Hairy, and Doody all jumped up from the table and immediately started to dig Herman out.

Hairy looked at one of the condoms.

"What's Wantsfox Conservatory?" Hairy asked to no one in particular.

Pansy started to say something when a thunderous knocking began at the front door.