The thorough written evaluation of my earlier interlude with Miss Lillian was cut short by a sharp rapping at the entry hallway door. As my subject was likely at this point lodged in my study, either contentedly, apprehensively, or blankly I could not truthfully fathom, for her general abandon of months of work and progress may have 'reset the clock' as it were, and her general imbecility as regards her moral and other responsibilities likely had rendered her, if nothing else, slightly bored.
I was in no hurry now to broach the inevitable application of lessons, as enough time had elapsed since her errant behavior and following tale as recounted in my almost completed journal entry that indeed, any association of the unclothing event and the correction thereof would have long passed.
Surely it was my ultimate responsibility in this matter to educate my charge in the ways of this most unkindly world, as to one of her sort, that is a limited and possibly stunted intelligence in the sphere of social interactions and modesty, I took most seriously. Without the guidance of a dedicated gentleman such as myself (well almost so, for I was not truly in this class I do confess, yet did aspire so to be) the poor Miss Lillian and her kind might truly be preyed upon to a greater extent than already so, and by God's good grace a league of, if I might say, extraordinary gentlemen had sprung up in answer to this most urgent and remarkable call. It was our motto that we did assist wherever possible to work in rectifying the errant behaviors exhibited in our young charges most fitfully and forcefully for the betterment of all.
The rapping again pulled me back from my reverie to the present moment. As indicated by my maidservants lack of presence in answering said rapping, it did give me some hope that she was still in some way ready for atonement for the escapade thus mentioned, and so without further delay, I rose from my spot at the breakfast table and, closing my book in order to preserve the notes therein from any wandrin' eyes, made my way to the entry door. A third set of sharp taps, rather louder this time, called to my attention most severely that the door itself must be at this time receiving marks of a nature that surely would leave a trace.
I opened the door brusquely to the sight of Dr. ________, the very same gentleman (for he truly was such) that I had parleyed with the previous evening and alas, had also been guilty of partaking of the absinthe most foul. His ruddy Scottish complexion did not seem the worse for wear, but I surely remember his partaking of the said libation to be ever more than that which I imbibed, working to keep up with his count yet clearly remembering (as much as that was possible) that he did surpass me at some point late in the evening. My brain was conspicuously now reaware of the suffering I had endured this morning, set aside albeit too briefly by the tale of Miss Lillian and her entry to the Order of Wayward Souls.
"G'day most cherishied Mr. Bigguns!" spoke the Scot, ever so loudly, his bushy eyebrows raised in a sprightly, unkempt and altogether friendly way.
"Sir..." I said humbly, with but a trace of reticence, my inflamed brain again beginning to rebel against the boisterousness of his demeanor.
"Aye, I ken see ya'r most unlively this morning by the redness of yer eye, my good friend, by the paleness of yer skin, surely the absinthe from last evenings soiree has taken a toll upon yer frail English body!"
Unsure if he was in jest or not, I replied, politely, "Sir, will you do me the honor of entering into my humble abode, for my maidservant is disposed of the moment and I find that I must answers the calling visitor this morning."
"Aye, most cherished, most cherished, certainly my friend, and thank'ee."
In we came and in taking his coat and staff, I could see the walking pole was capped by a great shining knob, a solid silver rapper atop in the likeness of a woman's torso, the great mammaries evident yet with little detail upon the nipples or areolae. With these metal penumbratory objects he had been clearly beating small chest sized divots into my solid entry door. I was at a loss as to how to remark to the occurrence, whether it should draw more attention to the possible damage he had done my property or perhaps more embarrassingly to call him out on what may be an unusual predilection for the rangoons of the fairer sex.
I was saved having to decide upon the option when he said most conspiratorially, "Sir, do you notice then my staff head's makeup most fair and proportionally splendid? It were a present from my new wife, upon who's personal figure I so dote, her proportions being darlin' similar to those that you hold in yon hand. In fact, she did thus have this 'objet d'art' fashioned from a proper sittin' with the most renown Mr. ______ who's artistry is far an' wide known, yet sits his studio not a mile from this very location!" I admired the object anew, for the volume of the swells were most formidable, and while I had noticed her fine form 'in persona' the previous evening, her loose clothing certainly gave no clue that she did in fact carry such a mass underneath her elegant outer garments. Surely, the next time we were to meet I would pay closer attention to the tremendous mysteries thus hidden.
"Indeed, sir?" I remarked, "a most fine form then she possesses, I am envious of your good fortune in the matter and you must surely give my greatest regards to her." We walked into the drawing room and sat at two great plush chairs.
He settled in, glancing at me abruptly, then lowered his grey Scottish eyes to the floor.
"Aye, that I could, for y'see it occurred last evening after ye had departed," he took a deep breath, "well mind ye that she's not a fair 'appy with me this morning nor was she last evening past." He was desirous to speak, and I in good conscience felt I must abide his whim, for it was with his friendship that I did hope to correct nature's fickle error of assignment of caste, and required his assistance in order to render me yet a gentleman.
"Sir?"
"May I tell you in the strictest confidence, Mr. Bigguns, of my plight? It would relieve me greatly to 'ear the musings of another man who'd perhaps lend an understandin' ear."
"Most certainly, Sir," said I, standing to get several small cups of whiskey to lubricate the coming repartee.
"Most gracious, man, thankee." He downed the shot and held his hand out for more. "A Scottish whiskey you might at all have, my boy?" Filling up his cup with the somewhat more costly brew, he settled back in the armchair and began.
"As you may know, my lovely wife the new Mrs. ______ has not long been attached to me in this marital condition, in fact it has only been a month now that I can say we have been in wedded bliss. And I do truly mean that, it being most humbling her devotion to mine own self, takin' on the household duties and running all home affairs like a true ship o' the line. Most efficient she is, and truly remarkable in every way.
"I did in many ways underestimate her abilities, for truly I am delighted, as it were not her ken in the running o' the household I held her in esteem for," and here he hesitated, getting to the weightiest and meatiest portion of the discussion it did seem to me, "but basely though it sounds it were her generous offerin's was what I most sought in our dear union."
"Sir?"
"Her rather substantial bosom, sir, d'ya catch my meanin'? Surely you can see from the sculpture presented so shortly ago that you can clearly divine her rather sizeable attributes?"
