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Guardian Program Ch. 21
A novel by R.C.PeterGabiel, all rights reserved.
I called Toni, only to find out that she had taken a sleeping pill and gone to bed early. She claimed that all was right with the world, but her tone left me wondering.
Having spent last night working out logistics for the Tokyo situation, I started reviewing Mr. Jack Henderson's file, aka James Iverhouse, from its inception. What I found after six hours, was surprising.
He'd placed Sam on my tail before he'd ever heard of the Guardian Program, which I suspected, but had to be sure of. What surprised me was that he seemed to be a genuinely honorable person. He did his work thoroughly, and efficiently, like most people at his level, but he repeatedly refused to compromise himself to get the job done.
I enjoyed watching his interaction with his family and wife and he seemed to be genuinely fond of them. He showed remorse at having to be away from them to work. He even seemed to have a friendly concern for Sam's welfare beyond her being the only asset the DOD has within my sphere of control. Although he obviously found her attractive, he never ogled her beyond the usual male glancings. He paid his bills ahead of time but didn't flaunt his new wealth. His only indiscretion seemed to be, his and Jim Iverhouse's alteration of the duty rosters. In essence, I liked the man. Well, at least respected him.
I guess out of all the employees working for any covert organization of the DOD, there had to be at least one honest individual.
Feeling not quite so tense about the situation with the US government, I decided to make lunch. I loaded a tray and headed down to the playroom. Setting the tray down on the bed I continued into the vault.
What I saw was that every item from the trunk had been removed and sorted into categories--different neatly arranged piles at various points around the room. I was bemused to note, that by far the largest pile belonged to my inherited assortment of sex education material.
Every book, anatomical text and otherwise, that had been written on the subject before my Grandfather's death was included. Almost three dozen VHS tapes demonstrating every known sexual act that one or more humans could partake in with another human. Next to those were twenty-two years' worth of adult magazines with eight titles, and one-hundred-sixteen erotic novels, were stacked in neat piles. I never really thought about how much sexual material I had consumed at such a young age.
I guess my grandfather went a little overboard in his desire to teach me about the social possibilities available in the world. Either that or the man was just a pervert. Probably both, but either way, I'm grateful to him. He was always kind and helped me find an outlet for my many frustrations.
Not seeing Sam, I was about to check the restroom, when I heard a soft sniff coming from the far side of the dais. I circled it to find her half-buried in tissues.
There were quite a few of my notes on electronic architecture and particle physics open around her as well. But she was reading my journal from when I was nine, while quietly sobbing.
She looked up at me with shiny red eyes, and marked her spot with a fresh tissue, then started to climb to her feet. I stepped closer to help her up, but she was standing before I got around far enough, so we just melded into a hug.
We embraced for several minutes, but it seemed different. She felt stiff as if she wasn't comfortable in my arms. Then she pulled away and grabbed one more tissue before striding from the room, blowing her nose as she walked.
I knew at that moment that she had found something she couldn't handle, and was about to leave me. "Sam?" was all I managed to get past the lump in my throat, but it came out a whisper. I doubted she heard me.
I moved to follow her, but I was afraid to catch up. If I did, she'd be able to tell me goodbye, so feeling like a coward, I waited a few more seconds, before following at her pace. She had spotted the tray on the bed and picked it up, but continued out the door, as I entered from the vault.
Because the stairs followed a winding course, I couldn't see her as we ascended. When I got to the top of the stairs, I still couldn't see her. She could have gone in any of four directions.
Assuming that she had continued upstairs to retrieve her 'Julie' persona so she could return to work, I sat down on the stairs to wait for her. It wasn't long before I was working myself into a seriously depressed state. I tried to reason with myself, but I quickly decided it didn't matter how long I'd known her. She was part of me, and I needed all my parts.
I sent up a desperate prayer for intercession. I was begging forgiveness for all of the deaths that I had allowed in pursuit of what I hoped was the greater good, promising to work faster if God would only fix this!
Within minutes I was reliving Shannon's loss, feeling complete despair. I sat with my eyes clenched shut and my fingers gripping the edge of the step that I was sitting on so hard they were cramping. I didn't care, I deserved the pain for being stupid. I think I was moaning my lament, but I couldn't be sure. I know I was trembling. I couldn't stop, even though I was trying to.
Then something touched my foot so lightly that if I hadn't been barefoot, I wouldn't have felt it.
Forcing my eyes open to find Sam, on her knees, with her forehead on the floor. Her elbows and forearms flat, one arm extended above her head, reaching out to me.
"Sam?"
I realized she had been whispering. "Please forgive me. Please. Please forgive me," over and over.
I tried to ask her calmly what she meant, but I don't think I succeeded. "Forgive you for what Sam? I don't blame you for wanting to leave me."
She crawled forward and started kissing my feet. "Please Robert, forgive me! I don't want to leave you! I'm so stupid, I'm so, sooo sorry! Please punish me. I should have told you what I was doing. Please forgive me."
I couldn't believe what was happening. My heart and my eyes were in complete conflict. "What?" I asked in confusion.
"Robert, please forgive me!" she begged again.
I was so choked up I couldn't speak.
"I should have waited and told you what I wanted to do. I am so sorry. I didn't even begin to think that you'd take my walking out to mean I wanted to leave you. I don't want to leave you! Please, forgive me!"
When I could comprehend what she was saying, I pulled her up into a crushing hug. "Thank you, God!" I whispered. "Thank you!"
A minute later, I suddenly realized that I had been squeezing Sam too tightly, because she had started tapping out, to get me to loosen up enough for her to breathe.
"Sorry. I..." I began, but couldn't continue. I had to take several cleansing breaths to center myself before I could. "I'm not sure what just happened, but I never want to go through that again."