Chapter 17: Shuffling the Cards (of your game)
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"Hester says the two of you are getting along rather nicely."
Anna jumps with a squeak, papers she'd been holding fluttering down around her. Spinning back, she eyes Robert fearfully. Surely he wouldn't attack her here in the manor, in a hallway anyone could walk through at any moment.
As if the universe had heard her thoughts, a servant comes round the corner rushing between them, swift enough to stir the air before hurrying down the stairs. Anna sets her attention back on Robert, noticing the seriousness - and sanity - in his gaze, allowing her to breathe a bit easier.
Still, she'd rather he not be here at all.
Ignoring him and his pleading eyes, she kneels to retrieve the children's schoolwork, focusing on setting them to rights so she doesn't have to engage with him. Part of her hopes he'll walk away and leave her be.
But another part of her, a weak, yet still more demanding part, wants him to try - to persuade and beg for her forgiveness. She stills at the sound of his boots, seeing them out of the corner of her eye as they calmly make their way towards her. Defeated, she sits back on her legs with eyes closed as he draws down beside her, helping to collect her papers.
"I'm not here to hurt you, pet."
"Don't call me that," she snaps, glaring at him with a fierceness fueled by pain.
And he wears such a pitiful expression, she wants nothing more than to touch his cheek. But that would be much too lenient for such a man who finds it necessary to attack women when he does not get his way.
"Anna," he sighs with a regretful - mournful tone, "I only wish to apologize. My actions-"
"Were appalling."
She can see the grief that surrounds him, his remorse thick and heavy in his quiet, languid movements. As if he hasn't the energy for anything else. So it is, the punishment for men with a conscience.
He has that at least.
"Yes, they were. I might have many reasons, but no excuses. There is no excuse." He swallows hard, leaning towards her, and though he doesn't reach for her, his knuckles brush against the back of her hand, a tender caress if there ever was one. Her eyes slide closed against it, but she doesn't pull away.
"If you see fit to hate me forever, I'd understand. But I must beg you for forgiveness." He goes silent, possibly trying to collect his thoughts.
"Anna," he presses in a harsh whisper, "I am many awful things, and I hate every one of them, but I know I want you in my life. You're-"
"You want me," Anna repeats with disgust. "You're married! To a rather lovely woman at that!"
Robert rolls his eyes, lips quirking up like she'd told a ridiculous joke. "As you say, Hester is married, yet that didn't stop you from asking her to teach you how to tip the velvet, did it?"
She frowns, not understanding until she catches his devilish look that tells her he knows all about how close she and Hester have become. She flushes with shame, feeling the heat of it pool in her cheeks.
Robert chuckles, his smile wide and kind, trying to put her at ease. "It's alright, Anna. As I'm sure you've noticed by now, my and Hester's union is... unique." He shakes his head, a fondness warming his features. "She's a remarkable woman."
It gives her pause, and she can see in his patient gaze, an asking for something she doesn't understand. Or perhaps an offering? Whatever it is, she doesn't have the strength to involve herself in his games anymore. She reaches out to snatch the papers he holds, freezing when his fingers wrap gently around her wrist.
This is a different kind of Robert than she's ever known. Considerate and sweetly affectionate. And she can see how easily it'd be to fall for him, if only he acted this way from the start.
"Please, Anna," he says with a painful yearning. "Like you said, I know I've given you no reason to trust me, much less forgive, but if you could find it in your heart to try - to give me another chance... I would be good to you."
She's at a loss at how to respond. Even if she could, or would, forgive him, how would this work? She and Robert - Hester and Robert - She and Hester. Not to mention, the employer with whom she lives has seen fit to force their leave. She'll most likely never see them again.
It was a painful mess just waiting to tear out her heart.
She offers up one last look, face clear and giving him no answers. She'd like to say it's simply to make him worry, but to be honest, she's no idea how to feel about any of this.
Papers in hand, she stands, feeling proud of herself for leaving him there crouched on the floor, watching her walk away.
Even if she does want nothing more than to turn back and have him take her in his arms.
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The study is deathly quiet, her chair becoming uncomfortable the longer she sits in it. Mr. Marriott has been diligently studying John's schoolwork for nigh on twenty minutes now. And while John is certainly a bright boy, he is only ten, and there's not that much to be gleaned from a ten year old boy's schoolwork.
Finally, Marriott clears his throat, peering up at her with a professional countenance. She'd thought with his confession things might change, worried that she might have to make the uncomfortable decision to reject his advances. But nothing has changed, not in his gentlemanly treatment of her or even how he looks at her. And she can't tell if this a good or bad sign.
"I do see how well you've done with them, Miss Smith. John especially. And I greatly appreciate your hard work. You truly are a wonderful teacher."
"Thank you, sir."
As nice as it is to hear his approval on her work with the children, the unhappy expression on his face has her hands gripping together in her lap, fingers threaded through each other with sweat collecting at her palms.
"But there's an unfortunate matter we need to discuss."
Her jaw clenches hard, teeth grinding.
"It's come to my attention that you have been displaying... improper behavior."
"Sir?"
"Mrs. Lewis informed me of what happened in the parlor the other evening." Marriott sighs, as if with regret. "She was quite disturbed."
Anna shakes her head. "It was only a game."
"Kissing Hester was a game?"
The walls of books steadily begin to close in around her, her breath coming out harder. The parlor had been empty, she was sure it had.
Though obviously not sure enough. Those snoopy, snobbish-
Marriott inhales deeply, leaning back in his chair, eyes watching her in an almost predatory way. And for the first time since she's known him, she fears him.
"I can't help but blame myself," he says, his calm demeanor and soft tone chilling her to the core. "I did after all bring them into this house. I feel if I had given you some warning, some... idea of how crude and obscene they are. Perhaps I could've saved you."
"Saved me?"
"Hall and his wife are wicked vermin. I have tried to be a good friend to them, but their boorish ways have led me to this.
The oxygen in the study seems to be thinning as she tries again and again to catch her breath.
"I'm afraid I cannot have someone, who acts as you do, around my children."
"Sir, please," she tries to beg, but she's not sure anything actually comes out. "I've done nothing wrong."
"No," he questions accusingly, with a cruel, mocking tone. The vision of him begins to swim as her eyes water.
"So you did not force the children from their schoolroom to be alone with Hall?"
