Katie stood outside watching the sunrise as I sat in the loft watching her. I wanted the flirty Katie back. The woman she'd been before and during dinner. The one who'd relaxed and let me take care of her. It was a silly wish, almost a dream, but it made me feel normal and that was something I'd never been able to find. I wanted to give her space but I couldn't stop watching the monitor. If she ran, I'd go after her. For now, she was satisfied by the distance my front door put between us.
I'd dated plenty of women, but I never cared about them. I've always been emotionally closed off, dead inside. I never initiated it and there was no intimacy between myself and the women I had sex with. Until I met Katie, sex had been about as clinical for me as having a root canal. I was numb before and after the event. I don't think I even saw Katie as someone sexual at first.
It was the fact that she'd killed Noel that flipped my switch, even if I didn't see it at the time. That one confession unlocked my true desire. I did want her. She'd killed someone and that meant she could understand someone like me. It was a foolish feeling, even if Carter had pointed out that it had been there from the start. I could no longer deny that we were connected in a way I was reluctant to lose.
For six years I'd watched her. When my life got turned upside down, betraying Carter and the fallout of being hunted, I had Katie. She'd caused my turmoil and at first I convinced myself that killing her was the only way to set things right. I'd be an idiot if I couldn't admit that I was changed by her—even if I couldn't see it clearly before I ever spoke a single word to her.
I was messing everything up. I didn't know how to gain her trust or why I wanted it. I just knew I needed it. I needed her to see me, the real me, and I needed her acceptance. The problem was that's not who I was. I was an assassin, but for Katie I was willing to be more.
She looked tired and worn out by the time she came back inside the cabin. I relaxed into the chair and wiped my hand across my face. The guilt of what I'd done sent me hiding in the bathroom. It was a childish reaction, but I washed up quickly, determined to face the consequences.
Katie climbed the ladder and looked around just as I came out. I went back to the wall of flatscreen monitors flashing images of the woods, checking and rechecking the area surrounding the cabin. Four screens were devoted to the front, back, and sides of the house. Mostly there were views into the dense forest. Each picture looked pretty much the same; the differences were subtle.
I stopped and stared at her, feeling unsure of myself.
"Sleeping arrangements?" Katie asked.
"Right. Well, there's only the one bed. I can sleep on the couch, but I'd rather stay up here and uh...watch the monitors." I cleared my throat, running my fingers through my hair.
