I pulled on an oversized gray and red flannel shirt and baggy blue jeans. I stared at myself in the mirror but couldn't recognize the woman looking back at me. My reflection wore familiar clothing, stuff I wore when I was home on the weekends. The clothes hid my body and my scars, but they didn't hide the person I'd become in Cantana. That scared-to-make-a-move-without-a-command-from-another-person girl stared back at me and I hated her.
I was temporarily ripped out of my musing by hearing my name on the television. Mrs. Donnelly's face was on the news begging the public to find me. I had to call her and let her know I was okay. I was her last connection to PJ, her son, my Paul. From what I could tell she'd reported me missing this morning after my car had been found burned out and abandoned.
Jared was still in the shower so he missed the news program. I turned off the television and grabbed my coat. I stopped when I spotted a new one. All I had to do was put on a coat and walk out the door. If I went to the manager's office and told him my name, surely he'd call the police. I could be home in hours. Safe. All I had to do was pick a damn coat to wear.
I wanted to go. I wanted to get away from Jared. I couldn't make myself move to the door. I stared at it for long minutes. Even after I heard the shower turn off, I still couldn't pick which coat to wear.
I loved my apartment and my often lonely and boring life. When I'd left work last night that had been my destination, so how the hell had I ended up somewhere in Ohio with a man who killed two people in front of me as if it were nothing? A man who'd tied me up so that he could run errands. A man who'd promised not to hurt me.
I sat on the bed, defeated, as Jared came out of the bathroom a moment later. I plastered a smile on my face to hide everything I'd been thinking and everything I was feeling. If I went home and someone killed me, I'd feel pretty stupid for leaving without ever knowing why.
Jared shook his head and ran his fingers through his damp hair. "Are you feeling better?"
"Perfect." I grinned. "Well, almost perfect. Actually, no. I'm not even close to perfect. The psycho who saved my life six years ago did it again yesterday and I have no idea why anyone would want me dead in the first place. Other than that I'm perfect. Wait, not even then because I can't figure out what coat to wear."
"Put on the new one," Jared suggested, ignoring the rest of my little rant.
"Um. I'll just wear this one," I whispered, pulling on my old brown coat.
"But it's wet. Leave it. It doesn't make sense to wear that old thing."
I frowned at him. In a small voice I replied, "It belonged to my father."
"Fine, whatever, no big deal." He shrugged into his own leather jacket. "Why don't you wear the new one until that one dries?"
"That's okay." I stood up and dropped the new coat on the bed. I crossed the room to the door. "So where are you taking me?"
"You'll freeze in that thing! Just wear the new one," Jared said. I flinched against the door as he retrieved the discarded coat from the bed.
"Are you going to tie me up if I don't?" I glared. It wasn't that I was angry at him. I was angry at myself for not leaving when I had the chance. No, actually I was very angry with him, too.
"What? No! I just don't want you to freeze, that's all." He stared at me. "Uh, sorry for that. Tying you up, I mean. And sorry for hitting you. Uh, and for throwing you at CJ." His cheeks flushed as he said the last.
"Am I supposed to think you feel bad about all this?" I wrapped my coat tightly around me.
"Yeah. No. Fuck if I know. Are you going to fight me on everything?" He sighed. "You're very frustrating up close."
We stared at each other. The tension in the room was potent, so thick I felt like I was choking on it. Finally, Jared dropped the new coat on the second bed. He followed it down onto the mattress, resting his head in his hands. I stood by the door, digging the toe of my boot into the carpeting. He was trying so hard. What he was trying to do I had no idea, but the effort was written all over his face. I sighed.
He was trying to help me. He just didn't have a clue how to go about it. It was like he had no social skills. He was very Boo Radley. I'd always felt sorry for the character when I read
To Kill a Mockingbird
and that's what I felt for Jared: sorry.
I just had to get over the fact that this was my life. Occasionally I'd be kidnapped and then my life would be in jeopardy, basically crappy. It wasn't going to help anything to hate the man who was two for two on saving it. Even a crappy life was better than no life at all.
Everything about Cantana had changed my life. It was the only common ground I knew between us and I figured I had to start somewhere.
"Tell me what you know about Cantana." I raised my chin up as I looked down my nose at him, wishing I had half the confidence the move portrayed.
He raised his eyes to stare at my chest. "It all seemed wrong from the start." He balled his hands into fists and pressed them against his jean-covered thighs. "The money was way too good for what he wanted. I mean, who are you, Katie? Kathryn Rollins? Who are you that someone would pay that much money to get you out of there?" His words were pressured, as if he struggled to speak them.
My mouth dropped open. "Me? Someone paid to...Who?" I gasped.
"Donnelly. Paul Donnelly, Sr. It was a lot of money. Retire to your own private island kind of money." Jared finally met my curious eyes. "I didn't understand it at first. Not really. I questioned who you were as I read the dossier. Why were you so special that he was willing to pay that much? Then I found you, and I got it. I cut you free and I carried you to the Jeep. I held you in my arms and I understood why he did what he did."
After a long pause he said, "You didn't know? I thought someone would have told you."
I was too stunned to speak. Paul's dad had always redefined arrogant prick. He never thought I was good enough for his son and he made sure I knew he felt that way.
"No way Mr. Donnelly did that. He never even liked me. He thought I was the maid when he first met me. I was sitting at the kitchen table with Paul going over the bio test I'd just bombed. Mr. Donnelly walked in and asked Mrs. Donnelly what the maid was doing sitting at the table instead of working. I remember Paul's mom turned bright red, but she recovered quickly and introduced me. Even my own cheeks colored from the misunderstanding. Everyone tried to blow it off. Eventually we all laughed about it. I always thought he said it on purpose, though." I sighed. "Like he knew who I was, but wanted to insult me. He's never liked me. Certainly not enough to pay the kind of money you're talking about." I giggled. It was ridiculous to think Mr. Donnelly cared what happened to me in Cantana. There was no way he paid to have me rescued.
"He did. He hired us. You don't just hire the men I used to work with. It's not like we advertised on the internet. There isn't an ad in the yellow pages. You were the main goal. Our orders were specific about retrieving you or your body. But it's not like your rescue was the only thing he paid for. He hired a group of assassins to get you out of there."
I crossed from the door and sat down at the opposite end of the bed before I fell flat on my face. "So Mr. Donnelly paid some outrageous chunk of change to get me out of Cantana?"
I could feel the tears threatening to spill out my eyes again. I didn't want to cry and I didn't want to believe what Jared was saying. I shook my head. "I don't think so. Maybe, for Paul. You must have misunderstood. He paid to get Paul back." Mr. Donnelly must have figured out Paul was on the trip. It was the only thing that made sense.
