First Death

I released my bite but remained nestled in her neck, my face buried in her soft black curls. To simply be near her was such a relief, to taste her, to be inside of her, to share in such an intimate connection was a different kind of sating, the kind that made me feel complete. For the first time in a week I was truly content and at peace with the world.

So you can imagine the surprise I felt when she harshly shoved me off of her.

I saw it in the briefest of glimpses before she was on her feet and walking towards the bedroom—she was fucking pissed. Hastily I rose, tucking my cum covered cock back into my slacks before fixing my clothes and going after her. The moment I stepped into the bedroom and shut the door, she slammed into me, her hand around my throat, her full strength pressing me into the wall so hard that I knew my body made a dent.

"If you ever—

ever

—fucking try to influence me again," she growled; her face was contorted in a rage I had never seen before, her fangs fully extended and her eyes a deep shade of red, so dark that they had almost turned black, "I—I will leave you."

It was a simple statement but such a detrimental one. She wouldn't kill me, she would do worse—she'd disappear and I would be left to wander the planet on my own, always searching for her to fill the aching loneliness that only a soul mate could. I felt my own face distort into shock, into regret, "Lily, I didn't mean to, it was an accident," I stammered out. I had no idea why she was so upset.

She released me, stepping back; when she narrowed her eyes at me and folded her arms over her chest, it hit me like a sudden flood, flashes of hundreds of years of memories...Lucas. In mere seconds, I completely understood her rage. It started when they were young; he was always the dominant one and he made sure to assert that over Lily, repeatedly. He was her first. He controlled her and when he died, something in her snapped. He sought her out after her second death and resumed his old ways; when she refused, he influenced her and fucked her against her will. Lucas continued to dominate her until she finally became strong enough to resist him and that never settled well with her brother. In her own fucked up way she still loved him despite hating him and that was why she made several attempts to kill him over the years and why he always let her live—he wanted her back.

"Oh, fuck," I said, finally understanding the full weight of what I had unknowingly done, "Lily, I had no idea..."

Her face went completely blank, her posture deathly still, "What do you mean, you had no idea?"

I knew her as well as I knew myself yet she didn't know it and I had just fucked up again, twice within the last half hour. I realized I was breathing and I immediately stopped, remaining silent because I had no fucking clue what to say.

She took a step back, her brow crinkled, "You figured it out, didn't you?"

I knew it was impossible to keep it a secret from her but what was more pertinent was that I didn't

want

to keep it a secret from her—she was my everything. "Yes," I freely admitted.

Lily turned her back to me; I fought my urge to reach out to her because I knew what her gesture meant—she was trying to think. I gave her a moment before I couldn't refrain any longer, "Lily, I love you. I didn't mean to influence you and I swear I will never do it again—I am sorry. This past week without you has been the most trying time of my life. I don't ever want to be apart from you for that long again."

It sounded fucking stupid when I said it aloud but it was the truth. She didn't turn back around though, instead she walked away, "I need to shower."

It hurt watching her shut the bathroom door. I fell onto the bed, my head dropping into my hands. Did I just fuck this up? Did I just ruin my only chance at happiness? I felt like crying—only to discover that I couldn't. Who would have known that vampires couldn't shed tears?

I stood up and left the room; she needed space, she needed time to think things over and all I could do was give her what she wanted. I flopped onto the couch in the living room and poured myself a glass of blood from the pitcher, sipping it to quell my hunger though I didn't taste anything. For the first time since I actually died, I felt dead.

Minutes ticked by into hours while I remained alone on the couch. Outside the window I saw the sky begin to lighten, I heard the birds chirp. It should have been an amazing day for me, Lily had finally come back and we were together again yet it was the worst day of my life. Even dying was less painful than this.

A swift knock on the door and I knew it was Kaito on the other side. I forced myself up and let him in; he looked surprised to see me still dressed in a suit. I avoided his gaze and shut the door behind him, crouching down near my bag where I had dropped it by the couch the night before, to pull out a clean pair of sweats. I stripped naked and changed, waiting for the question to come, though Kaito had enough insight to realize that then and there wasn't the place to discuss it. After I slipped my running shoes on I followed him outside to join the rest of the pack. We ran hard for several minutes before he spoke.

"You fucked up?"

"Yeah," I huffed out, "Lily is pissed at me."

"Why is this?" he panted, taking a sharp turn up the mountain.

"I unintentionally tried to influence her and it dredged up some bad memories and...I figured out how to read the blood memories on my own without instruction."

We reached the cluster of large rocks; the rest of the pack stripped and changed into wolves. Kaito motioned for them to go ahead. When we were alone, he turned to me, "It was obvious that you figured it out, Matthew. I understood your desire to keep it a secret just as I understand why Lilithsan is pissed at you."

I eyed him for a moment; never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd be asking for advice from a werewolf, in Japan, about how to keep my vampire soul mate from leaving me, "Care to enlighten me?"

"It is not often that anyone comes to see the immortal any more. From my understanding it used to be quite common place but there are few who know about him and even fewer who desire to meet him. Those that do, however, always come back different—they come back afraid. I have not met him myself but I speculate that simply being in his presence is intimidating. You are very much the same way."

His comment surprised me, "You are intimidated by me?"

Kaito snorted, "That first evening when Alpha Takeo demanded Lilithsan's submission? Yes, you were frightening. I would have bet that you would kill us all; thankfully, it is a bet I would have lost. After I got to know you, I no longer have fear of you but the knowledge you carry, the sheer power within you is very menacing. This is why Lilithsan is pissed—she created you. She broke her own personal vows to never turn another in order to save your life and she is scared that she made a mistake, she is terrified that you will prove her worst fears true by becoming a wicked creature. You, alone, could tip the scales in a matter of days if you so choose."

It made sense. I knew that Lily loved me in a way that she could never love another but I also knew that if it came down to protecting the balance, she would kill me if she was forced to and that thought scared her. She felt responsible because she had saved me for purely selfish reasons. I rubbed my face, "What do I do?"

"Remind her that you were a man worth saving," Kaito shrugged, "that you still are a good man."

He watched me for a moment before deciding that his advice was sound and the conversation was over; he stripped and shifted, his large brown wolf yipping at me before taking off in a run. I followed, keeping pace behind him; though I put forth the effort my mind was elsewhere.

It took a lot of will power to push aside Lily's memories of Lucas as they kept trying to replay in my mind but when one thought occurred to me, I let myself slip into the past, into her body.

It had been a long time, well over a century, since I had last seen my birth place. I looked around the large room that had once belonged to our parents; the previous owners hadn't changed much, they had kept all of the furniture in the same places. They let a few things go but it didn't really matter, I suppose—there was time to fix it all again.

I rested my hand on the stone mantle of the fireplace, watching the logs smolder, knowing that once upon a time my mother had crouched in front of it and given birth to me, to Lucas. As if on cue, I felt his hands slip around my waist in that all too familiar way; he pulled me back into his chest and rested his head on my shoulder. I felt his cheek press against mine as his arms constricted around me. Whether he did it intentionally or not, his hard cock pressed against my ass.

"Would you like this room, sister?" he asked, his sweet breath smelled like spiced honey. It didn't matter that he knew I could resist him, he always tried regardless.

"Perhaps," I replied. Part of me wanted to feel my brother inside of me, feel his cock buried deep within my cunt, watch his bright blue eyes glint with that depraved passion he only felt towards me—but I buried those notions deep down. Too many years I had spent underneath his thumb, subjected to his whim; he always insisted on us being a pair, a team and if that were to actually happen, we needed to be equals. I could no longer submit to his needs nor give my body to his desires. I leaned my head to the side, rubbing my cheek against his, "If I am to stay here, Lucas, it will be as your sister and your counterpart—not your lover. These are my terms."

His grip loosened, surprised by my declaration; he turned my body so that I faced him but kept his hands on my hips. His eyes trailed from mine, down to my lips, my neck, my breast, "You would deprive me—deprive

us

—of such a delectable pleasure? You know as well as I, sister, that we are alone. There will be no mate for us as there is for those dogs. All we have is each other." His luscious red lips pouted as he brought his gaze back up to mine.

"You do not know that for sure, Lucas. Perhaps, one day, you will find another who satisfies you—where does that leave me? Fate is a cruel mistress, she does as she pleases."

He leaned into me, his scent so thick it started to clog my rationality, "We are twins, sister. We are two halves of the same soul, there will be no mate for us. No one could love only part of a being." When he pressed his lips into mine my body responded naturally, melting against him, feeling the familiarity that only kin could.

I wanted to give in, to conceding to his demands but I recalled my promise to the Immortal—I must protect his line or he would cut mine. It had been almost a century since I had looked in on the descendants of my son but that didn't matter, they would not be forgotten. I pulled back from Lucas and took several steps away to lessen the severity of his influence, "Those are my terms, Lucas. Either you accept them or I leave this moment and never return."

Though my back was to him, I could feel his rage, his anguish at the notion that I was holding fast to my decision. He was silent for a while before he spoke, "If you give me no other choice, I would have you stay here by my side. As my sister and equal...and nothing more."

I knew it was a hard concession for him to make, it was not easy on my part either but it had to be done. "I'd like to ask one other thing of you, brother."

He huffed; when I turned around to him, he had thrown his arms up in the air, "What now, sister? Would you demand my fidelity too? Shall I cut my heart out and serve it to you on a silver platter?"

In an attempt to ease his agitation, I stepped back towards him and gently rested my hand on his chest, "Brother," I chastised. When he calmed some, I continued, "I ask for fidelity in a certain sense, yes, but not to deny you pleasure. I ask that you never change anyone into a night creature."

His eyes bore into mine as he thought about it, "This I will accede to but only if you do the same. It has weighed on me, the knowledge and power you and I have; it would make for a formidable rival if given to the wrong person."

I was thankful that my brother felt the same way in this aspect, if none other, "Of course, Lucas."

Nodding, as if in relief, he clasped my shoulders for a moment before he pulled me close into a tender embrace. Though the words, to any other, might have seemed harsh, there was a reassurance behind them, a statement of familial love to not let the other commit an unspeakable wrong, "If you change anyone, sister, I shall kill you."

I nestled my nose into his neck, feeling the comfort of his skin against mine and knowing that I would not feel it ever again, "And you have my word that I'll do the same."

I came to a skidding halt next to Kaito as he shifted back into his human form; he narrowed his eyes at me as if he knew something was wrong. I shook my head and waved him off, stretching out my limbs while continuing down the path towards the compound. I needed time to get my head wrapped around everything.

I knew that Lily's relationship with her brother was strained for many reasons including and beyond his incessant need to stake a claim to her but the realization that she had actually condemned herself to her final death to save my life was dispiriting. Ian should have been the forefront foe in my mind yet he was nothing more than a nuisance now. The real threat was Lucas—I saw the way he and Lily fought and I knew that she had struggled to hold her own. From here on out I needed to ensure she was feeding at regular intervals and from prime sources instead of gutter scraps in case of an attack by her brother. There was no doubt that he would not survive the both of us so long as my fighting skills matched hers; I knew I had plenty to work on and I had the motivation and desire to see it through—I just needed Lily to help me and that was easier said than done.

When I arrived back at the room both she and Max were sitting on the couch, talking softly. Simply from the fact that she avoided my gaze when I walked in, I knew she still needed time. I said nothing, offering a quaint nod before retreating back to our bedroom. It felt wrong being in there despite my own proclivity to remain by her side so I gathered my belongings and silently took them down the opposite hall, taking the unused room next to Max's. I stepped into the shower that carried no memories of Lily's naked body and made short work of cleaning up for sparring time with Kaito.

The living room was empty by the time I finished, a solitary glass of blood left for me on the coffee table. I sipped it down in one long swig, offered a minor comfort at having my thirst quenched for the time being.

Down in the sparring arena, Kaito was standing in the middle of the mat instructing Max on a series of stretches; I was surprised to see Lily leaning against the wall. She was wearing a pair of tight black leggings, a cropped tank top and soft canvas shoes. She never glanced at me.

"Matthewsan," Kaito called me over before pointing to Max, "make him understand how not to be useless."

"I have yet to figure out how, Kaito," I replied. When Max looked at me curiously, I realized we were both speaking in Japanese.

I showed him how to do the stretches while the wolf and Lily stood and watched us, both with slightly disproving looks on their faces.

"I didn't realize you and Lily were joining us," I said to Max quietly.

"Lily thinks it best that I get a refresher course and that the three of us spend some time fighting alongside one another. Some zen bullshit or what not," he huffed and rolled his eyes.

We were sitting on the mat facing each other, stretching our arms to the side. I cracked a smile, Max always had that effect on me, "Kaito won't go easy on you but it might be better than those she wolves."

He shuddered, "Well, as long as he leaves my cock alone I'll take whatever abuse he has with a smile on my face."

I saw Kaito the moment he lunged towards us and managed to roll backwards over my head and to my feet; Max barely scrambled out of the way before being tackled. That was all the forewarning we got before he continued with a battery of assaults. He focused on us singularly while the other stood off to the side, though never gave us any indication to change places aside from turning his blows to the other.

I didn't think I would learn much by watching Kaito work with Max but I was surprised; Max's fighting style was different than Lily's or the wolves'. His movements were almost more mechanical, less fluid, technical like they were learned from an old school master soldier. It dawned on me during my third break that he probably fought a lot like Ian, since he was Max's benefactor.

After about an hour, Kaito paused for a break; he was panting, his chest glistened with sweat before he wiped it off with a towel. Grabbing a bottle of water, he turned towards Lily, "Lillithsan, why not take some time now to spar with Matthew while Max and I watch? You have not had the opportunity to train your own creation yet, no better time than now."

I knew what Kaito was doing and inwardly I was grateful even if I knew that Lily was not. She simply nodded before her eyes followed Max as he exited the mat. Though I was watching her keenly, her movements were so natural to her, so refined that I didn't see it coming. One second I was staring dumbly at her like an idiot, the next I was flat on my back with her knee on my chest. She hit me with such force that I was sure she had fractured a few of my ribs, maybe even my sternum.

"Though the wolves have done a decent enough job teaching you how to command your body, you still do not understand what it is to be a vampire," her voice came out like a threat.

My muscles tensed but I stayed my initial reaction of throwing her off; instead, I remained beneath her on the ground, watching her blood red eyes glare at me, "Then teach me."

She huffed, "I am not sure it is something that can be taught—can you teach a baby to breathe? A fish to swim?

Being

a vampire, becoming one with your abilities is only something that can be learned through a lifetime of coexistence."

Of course she was right. There was still a lag between my understanding the need to respond to something and my body actually responding—it didn't come naturally to me. I knew for her she didn't have to try to be a vampire, what took the most effort was attempting to come off as human. I had gotten better at it over the past week but I was still nowhere near the level she had and as a result, nowhere near the level that Ian had either.

The balance was something that I had struggled with ever since I fed from a live source. Each day following my death felt as if I were slipping away from myself and into the body of another creature entirely. It was hard for me to fully grasp but if humanity was a peaceful afternoon underneath a tree, my first death was the rabbit hole beneath it and each moment that passed I was falling further and further away from what I used to know as life, as truth, as me.

I ceased fighting against the fall because I knew the only way to come to terms with the fact that I was no longer Matthew Colthorse, twenty-five year old aspiring unemployed historian turned lecturer was to accept my fate and freefall, come what may.

I gave in to the darkness within me, finally releasing the death grip I had on being human, knowing that I had to be careful not to let it consume me entirely. I cohesively drew on her memories of fighting before I made my move. I knocked Lily off of me, flipping to my feet before charging. She did not retreat or evade me in any way, she simply crouched and lunged like a wolf would have. Lily became my entire focus, almost everything else receded from my view but her beautiful face which I tried almost whole heartedly to destroy. If she held back at all, it was a mere iota, the tiniest fraction between my existence and my final death.