Finding Home

Cassy woke feeling disoriented. Where was she? She had an odd metallic taste in her mouth and her head ached. Slowly she tried to remember. Her Master had sent her to this place. She remembered filling out the papers for the professor and him taking her to a doctor office place. Then everything started to blur and seem dreamlike. He had given her a shot. That was it, he had given her some drug.

Cassy became aware of her body. She had to go to bathroom. She slipped out of the bed. The air of the room felt cool against her skin after being under the warm covers. She padded into the bathroom and sat. It was a small bathroom with only a shower stall, sink and toilet. An archway led into a walk in closet. She noticed that there were four more outfits identical to the one she wore here and a large white terry bathrobe. There was a chest of drawers. In the top drawer were silk stockings and garters. In the second drawer were several long white night gowns. In the third drawer were some sweat suits and a pair of white running shoes.

She pulled on the bathrobe and went to explore her room. She went to a heavy curtain and pulled it back looking out the window it covered. The outdoor light was bright after the dim lighting of the room. She could see the garden below and several large trees. Through the branches she could barely see the roofs of some houses on the far side of the high wall.

There was a large manila envelope leaning against the monitor of the computer. Written on the front in bold black ink were the words, "Read this immediately." Cassy sat down in the office chair in front of the computer and turned on the lamp. There was a stack of papers inside.

The first page was a letter. It was from her Master. Cassy was glad she was sitting down.

Child,

I know that you are confused. You deserve an explanation.

I have sent you to this clinic because I have sensed that you are becoming increasingly depressed. Not so much sad as emotionally numbed, dulled by your time with me instead of sharpened. The shy sweet curious girl you were when we met has faded. It seems like the life is draining out of you. I fear that I am losing you.

I blame myself for this. As your Master I have pushed you into this place.

The Professor is a very skilled doctor and therapist. He is completely aware of the nature of our relationship. I have been seeing him on an out patient basis for the last year.

This time apart will benefit both of us.

Your Master

Cassy felt tears running down her face. She wanted to protest, to tell him how happy she was with him but she sensed the truth in his words. She had not been happy or unhappy. Lately everything had seemed to be muted, muffled like she was experiencing the world through a filter. She had found herself retreating further and further into the grayness and silence lately. It had felt like the right thing to do. It broke her heart to realize it had hurt him when she had done that.

Cassy looked at the next page. It was a list of rules for the residents who where staying at the clinic:

1. All residents are required to wear the clinic uniform provided between the hours of 8:00 am and 9:00 pm with the exception of the exercise and game rooms.

2. All residents must respect the confidentiality of the other clients in the clinic.

3. All residents are expected to treat each other with kindness and respect. No cruel or judgmental behavior will be allowed.

4. All residents are expected to conduct themselves with maturity and good manners. No loud noise, rowdiness, or practical joke behaviors are allowed.

5. All residents will not engage in sexual contact of any kind with other residents unless under the direct supervision of Dr. Wanderbourne.

6. No drug use is allowed excepting any medication prescribed by Dr. Wanderbourne.

7. All residents are required to be in their rooms between the hours of 9:00 pm and 6:00 am and lights out at midnight.

8. Residents are not allowed to be in other residents rooms at any time.

9. Meals are served at 7:30 am, 12:30 pm and 8:00 pm. Breakfast and lunch will be served in the kitchen and are optional. Dinner will be served in the dining room and attendance is required. Additional food is available in the kitchen for those residents not on a restricted diet.

10. No communication to persons outside the clinic is permitted without first gaining permission from Dr. Wanderbourne.

11. No residents are allowed on the third floor at any time.

12. No residents are allowed to enter into the medical clinic wing or into the treatment rooms in the basement without supervision of Dr. Wanderbourne.

Cassy looked at the clock by her bed. It was nearly 6:30. Cassy got up and put on the blouse and skirt and stockings. She pulled on the shoes. Going into the bathroom she opened a several of the drawers of the vanity and found a hair brush. She could not find the hair pins she had used to pin her hair up so she opted for a simple pony tail hanging down her back.

The second sheet seemed to be a set of instructions specifically for her:

1.Cassy you are significantly underweight for your height. You will be required to eat at all three meals every day. It is my wish you focus on eating more. If you do not gain weight with this simple intervention, we will start a specific diet for you.

2.In the night stand in the lower drawer you will find your purse. Your cell phone has been removed. If you need to call someone you must get my permission first. You may find it convenient to carry a personal bag with you for the time being. It will help you to keep certain items with you that I will require you to use on a regular basis.

3.The password to using your computer is ReassociateMe9111. Forgive my humor. On the desktop you will find a link for your journal. You will be required to start writing a journal of your experiences here at the clinic. In this journal I require you talk about how you feel about what is happening to you. I will review it on a daily basis and may respond with questions or explanations. Your Master will not have access to this journal. All therapy you go through here is confidential from your Master but I may direct you share any thoughts or needs if I feel it is important to your health.

4.In your journal I will expect you to record any sexual thoughts or feelings you have as you stay here. It is especially important if you have any orgasms for you to record all the circumstances that they occurred and how they felt.

5.In the bathroom in the lowest right hand drawer you will find a digital timer and a small blue jar. In the jar is some sensitizing ointment. This ointment will make your skin feel warm and tingle. It is more intense on sensitive areas. Starting now and every 60 minutes (Excepting dinner and between midnight and 6:00 am) You will apply this ointment to your clitoris and nipples. You will rub the ointment onto each of your nipples and then using the timer to insure the amount of time, you will massage the ointment onto your clitoris and labia for five minutes. You will neither pursue or avoid orgasm. If you do achieve orgasm you should record this in your journal.

6.Your Master's rules of not speaking and being silent are suspended. You will speak normally with anyone you meet in the clinic. You will react normally to stimuli. If you feel the need to cry out or vocalize at any time I require you not resist that urge. You use your silence to disassociate.

7.If at any time you find yourself disassociating you should make every attempt to stop this by keeping your eyes open, focusing your attention on what is happening around you. Be sure to record in your journal any time this occurs. Record what led up to your becoming disconnected and what helped to bring you back to reality.

8.Your appointments will be posted on your computer each evening between 9:00pm and midnight. You will have no appointments before 9:00am the following day.

9.At this time your television is disabled and you do not have access to the internet.

10. On the desktop of your computer is a link to a test I want you to take that evaluates your sexual preferences. Work on that test after you write in your journal about what has happened to you so far today.

11. There is also a link on your desktop to all video tapes that may have been made in the course of your therapy.

Cassy got up and found her purse. She noticed that there was a lock on the bottom drawer of the night stand. In the drawer was a key. She got out her purse and removed her billfold, putting it back into the drawer. She didn't think she would need ID or money any time soon. She only kept some tissues, comb and lip balm. She locked the drawer and put the key into her purse.

Cassy walked to the bathroom and looking into the bottom drawer she found the timer and the blue jar of ointment. Unbuttoning her blouse she rubbed the ointment onto her nipples. It smelled like mint and the initial sensation was cool but soon heat began to build and then a distinct tingling itching sensation.

Cassy unzipped her skirt and lowered it down around her knees. Her shiny blond pubic hair were clearly visible under the garter belt. She only shaved the outer lips of her cunt as her Master directed her to do, leaving the pretty golden curls above. Her Master called it her natural blond guarantee. Cassy spread the pink lips and began to rub the ointment into her inner labia and clitoris and the Professor had instructed, watching the timer as the five minutes passed. Soon the sensation of heat became a burning so intense it was almost painful.

Cassy felt herself beginning to float away, her attention wandering. She was startled when the timer chimed. Guiltily she realized she had faded away. The burning had faded to a persistent warmth and an intense tingling itch, like a determined bee had landed on her clit and was buzzing his wings. She resisted an impulse to scratch the tickling feeling. She pulled up her skirt, set the timer for 60 minutes and went to the computer.

The password worked the first time. The desktop had only few icons. They were clearly labeled: therapy journal, therapy videos and sexual preference test. Cassy could not resist her curiosity and clicked on the video icon. The menu had only on entry, dated today.

She clicked it and saw herself on the examination table, nude and bound tightly. Her face was expressionless. She could see that the video was long, almost 90 minutes. She realized she did not have time to view the whole thing at real time and increased the speed. The professor began to move at a comic accelerated speed around her. Her form remained static and still in the center of the blur of movement. Cassy noted how her expression did not change except for the closing of her eyes.

When she saw the doctor fill the syringe she slowed the speed to normal and turned the audio up. She could hear the voice of the professor clearly but her responses were soft and blurred. The influence of the drug clear in her voice. Cassy was surprised to see the change in her face. Her brow was furrowed, she could see herself breathing through her open mouth in short gasps as she tried to talk, her pink tongue repeatedly licking her lips. Suddenly she clenched her eyes shut and her lips pulled away from her teeth, her face red with effort. Just as quickly it was past, leaving a sleepy look of surprise behind. Cassy could hear the professor tell her she had done well and see a soft smile flash across her face.

Cassy was suddenly very aware of the itching and tingling in her clit and nipples. Her whole cunt was throbbing. She shivered and felt herself begin to fade. This time she stopped and stood up and rubbed her hands across her face and shook her head.

She returned to the computer and began to write in her journal. She wrote about how sad and frightened she had been to be sent away from her Master. She wrote about her uncertainty of why this was happening. She wrote about her first meeting with the Professor and her feeling nervous around him, not knowing what he wanted or how he would treat her. She wrote about the time in the examining room, how she had trouble remembering a lot of the time she was in there especially after he gave her a shot.

Cassy was so absorbed in her journal that she did not notice the time going by and was startled by the digital timer in her purse chiming. She got up and went into the bathroom and applied the ointment. The ointment once again started out with a sharp burning sensation. Cassy shivered and winced but did not fade away. She massaged the cream in thoroughly and noted how her cunt was continuing to throb like it had when she watched herself on the video. She felt hot and wet between her legs. On impulse she put her sticky finger into her mouth tasting the ointment and the juices of her excitement. She was shocked at how the ointment made her mouth burn like she had bitten into a hot pepper. It was spicier than she had expected.

It was almost 7:30 when she went back to writing in her journal. She recorded remembering that she had had an orgasm but did not remember much about how it felt. She wrote honestly about the sensation of the ointment and how watching the video had made her feel excited. She wrote about disassociating during the time in the examining room and again in the bathroom when she first felt the burn of the ointment. She also noted resisting the urge of fading when she had felt excited while she was watching the video by standing and rubbing her hands across her face.

It was almost 8:00 and Cassy was getting nervous about maybe being late to dinner when a hurried knock came on her door. She opened her door and Windy whispered in a frantic hurry. "Oh god I am so late, we have to fly. Come on!" She grabbed Cassy's hand and pulled her out the door before Cassy could grab her purse. She pulled Cassy rapidly down the hall and together the skittered down the stairs and ran to a door. Windy stopped and whispered urgently, "Walk, good posture, follow me, stand behind the chair next to mine, don't sit until he does."

The Professor was standing at the head of a formally set dining table. Several others were standing behind their chairs. Once she and Windy were standing behind their chairs he nodded and sat. The others sat down soon after.

"Windy perhaps you have a good excuse for why you made me and your fellow patients stand here waiting? You always seem to have such good excuses."

Windy blanched and gulped looking down at her plate. "It was the new girl sir, she wasn't ready and I had to wait for her."

Cassy's head snapped up. Her mouth opened but no words came out. She could feel her face turning scarlet.

His voice was soft. "Cassy is this true?"

"No, Professor sir." Her voice shook with shyness and then she flinched and grunted when she felt a sudden sharp kick under the table. She pulled her legs close to her chair and shrank into herself.

The Professor's voice was sharp with impatience. "Windy go to your room."

Windy began to cry, "Its not fair. You like her better than me. She's lying. Its her fault. I hate her." But she was getting up and moving out of the dining room.

She turned at the door, but the Professor spoke again sharply, "No!"

Windy screeched in frustration and stormed out, slamming the door.

The Professor's voice was calm and cool, "Well that was unpleasant. Perhaps we should introduce ourselves. William could you start please."

A slender young man cleared his throat. He spoke with a marked stutter. "M... mmm... my name is W... w... w... William. I am am am here be because I I I ha... have ob... ob... obsessive com... com... compulsive disorder."

Cassy felt her body tense as she tried to listen, fighting the urge to speak up to finish his words for him. The Professor smiled and praised William. "Good job, you did very well William." He looked at the next person.

A thin black woman smiled and said, "Hello my name is Acadia. I am here at the clinic because I am an addict. My drug of choice is Meth. I have been drug free for 3 months."

The third person was a very cute young red haired girl. Her voice was petulant. "My name is Mary. I am here because my parents think I have an eating disorder."

The Professor raised an eyebrow. "What do you think Mary, do you think that they are correct?"

"I think its none of your fucking business. That is what I think."

"Mary if you are trying to be sent away from the table so you will not have to eat I would remind you that you agreed to commit yourself to my care. Go to your room. A tray will be sent up. Remember that there is a monitor in your room. You will eat your whole meal by 9:00pm." The girl tossed her head and marched stiffly from the room.

The professor sighed and turned to Cassy. "My dear I must apologize for the behavior displayed here this evening. Mary has only been here a few days. Having two new residents in a short time has unsettled Windy. Go ahead and introduce yourself to William and Acadia."

Cassy was nervous and flushed red. "My name is Cassy. I am here because... because... I... um..." She faltered and stopped her face scarlet.

The Professor smiled and came to her rescue. "Cassy does not have a specific diagnosis at this time. She is still being evaluated. She is very shy and unused to talking. We need to encourage her to open up."

An older woman with a big ruffled apron wheeled a large serving cart into the dining room and set the table family style. Cassy thanked her when she saw the other residents saying similar things. Dinner was very good. Pork roasted with a rich apple ginger sauce, roasted baby red potatoes, and steamed green beans. Cassy had no trouble eating everything on her plate. At the Professor's prompt she ate a second helping of the meat and had a slice of soft warm bread to soak up the sweet spicy gravy.

"William and Acadia could you be so kind as to show Cassy around the house. Help her learn to find her way around. I suspect I will be busy talking with our two rebellious girls for a while."

Acadia nodded and jumped up. "Come on Cassy, it will be 9:00 soon and we will have to be in our rooms." The two showed her how to find the stairs to the basement. "We can wear sweats down here. I hate this ridiculous uniform." The basement was a large open space with a wide variety of exercise equipment on one side. On the other side were a pool table, ping pong table, a large screen TV, and a juke box. "There is a laundry area back here and this door is to the therapy rooms the Professor uses sometimes. We aren't allowed back there without him."

They went back upstairs to the main floor. They showed her where the kitchen was. The heavy set older lady was bustling around the kitchen cleaning up and getting things out for the next day. "You kids still hungry? No dessert today. You want something sweet, grab an ice cream."

Opening a freezer, they each snagged an ice cream bar. "Do you want one?" Cassy shook her head, she still felt stuffed from dinner.

"Dinner was very good. Thank you very much. My name is Cassy." Her voice was soft and shy.

"Oh sweetie, how kind of you to say that. Call me Momma. My name is Mia. But everyone just calls me Momma." The woman walked over and put her hand under Cassy's chin and lifted her face up and gravely looked in her eyes. "Child don't look so sad. You are in a good place now. Come on give me a smile." A sharp pang went through Cassy's heart. Her Master called her Child. A wave of home sickness crashed over her. She felt herself fading and did nothing to stop it.

The soft warm hand under Cassy's chin tightened and suddenly shook her. There was remarkable strength behind the soft hand and Cassy felt herself pulled back almost against her will. The soft blue eyes peered wisely into hers. "Where you think you are going to, child. You know you are not supposed to do that."