Felicity

A Conversation

by jjcolejr

"Why are you bothering with me?"

"I'm sorry. I did not mean to bother you. Have a nice evening."

"No, no. You were not bothering me. I just wanted to know why you were with me instead of those girls over there. They are a lot prettier than me and you are the type of guy they fall all over themselves for."

"You know them?"

"Yes, we came here together."

"Why do you say I am their type of guy?"

"Well, you are tall, dark, and handsome as they used to say. You are dressed well. Plus you are in a gallery showing an artists photographs."

"So are those two guys over there."

"They are a gay couple."

"Really? Their handshake was firm but now that I think about it they held on to my hand a bit longer than necessary."

"See. You are their type of guy too."

"And apparently not yours."

"I do not have a preferred type in men."

"So I have not been dismissed from possible consideration. That is good to know."

"You may be jumping to conclusions. What do you have against my friends?"

"Nothing. They present themselves well. They are obviously experts on the application of make up. They apparently pay considerable attention to their hair and they know which dresses flatter their body. At least one has taken the step towards surgical enhancement. They look very nice. Eye candy."

"But.......?"

"I wonder if any of them have ever read a book."

"I'm not laughing. That was insulting to them and they all have subscriptions to Cosmos and Glamour. They read. And I am not laughing!"

"I apologize. I am sure they are good friends."

"They are although they seem to be confused by the sight of you chatting with me. Which brings us back to the original question. Why are you bothering with me?"

"Your make up is flawless, your hair is perfect, and your dress is beautiful."

"I am not wearing make-up."

"So I was right."

"My hair is a mat of unruly red curls."

"Again, perfect"

"I am skinny with no boobs."

"Neither is true and you are the most feminine person in the joint."

"The guy in the lavender suit is the most feminine person in the room."

"Point taken."

"My dress is too boring."

"OK, I may have stretched it a bit on your dress. It does flatter your butt."

"Really?"

"Absolutely."

"Is that why you are here with me?"

"That and your walk. I love the way you quietly glide along the floor."

"It must be the shoes."

"Unlikely. You took them off almost as soon as you got here."

"Anything else?"

"Your voice. It has this deep Christy McVey quality to it only sexier."

"Now you are stretching it."

"Absolutely not! I love your voice. It was what made me turn to look at you. By the way, why are you here?"

"I heard about the photographers work and wanted to see it. My friends wanted to show themselves off in an upscale setting. They think that the place will be full of photographers and maybe one will ask them to pose. I think that is the show's artist they have cornered now."

"That is a photographer but not the one whose exhibit this is. He is very good at erotic, moody, artsy stuff. Your friends have cornered the right guy."

"Pornography?"

"No. Nudes and semi-nudes. He sometimes poses two girls in such a way that the viewer could imagine a physical relationship between the models but he never shoots that. He is gay and that stuff is of no interest to him. He is very good at what he does."

'Excuse me a minute. I need to tell them to be at their best and not to push. They need to know he is gay."

*

"How were they doing?"

"They had already figured out he was gay and were in the process of making him one of the girls. I suggested that since he could be very important to their lives they should show him respect first."

"I knew you were the brains of the gang."

"I am the voice of reason. The surgically enhanced redhead in the green low cut dress is the gang leader. She is also my sister. Interestingly the girls think that since you were not paying attention to them you must be gay too."

"Do you feel insulted by that?"

"Why would I be?"

"Well I would be if my friends thought that that the only reason someone paid attention to me was because they were gay."

"Oh, I see. No, they really do think that any man not destroyed by their charms must be gay. They know that I am aware enough to know one way or another. They also know me well enough to know I would not care one way or another. Did that come out right? Anyway, I know you are not gay but I still have a hard time swallowing your lines about my walk and my voice."

"OK, I confess. It was your butt. It is magnificent. I have been walking behind you all night. In fact for the next several years every time you turn around you will probably see me right behind you."

"I am not laughing, that would encourage your line of malarkey. I am not laughing."

"I am sorry I mistook those sounds you were making for laughter. For a moment I thought some of the wine would come out your nose."

"Not laughing."

"How do you like the exhibit by the way?"

"Good technique, great use of light. Too many bridges, too many frogs. The food and wine are pretty ordinary."

"I can lead you to better food and wine. Follow me to the VIP room."

*

"This is definitely better wine and better food. Why a VIP room?"

"To schmooze the potential buyers. All of the framed photos are for sale."

"Confirm a suspicion for me. We had ready access to this room and everyone here knows you. Are you Jason James, the photographer?"

"Guilty."

"I am Maggie MacDuff. Sorry about my comments about the bridges and the frogs."

"No problem. The bridges set was a commission for an architectural firm. They are sold. The frogs, well I admit I am a bit overly fascinated by them."

"An old witch is approaching you."

"Ah, I see you know her. Hello old witch."

"Be nice to me or I will turn you into a butt plug. You have to be nice to me anyway; I just bought the dirty pictures. Hi Maggie, how are you sweetheart? I am saddened to see your taste in men."

"Hi Aunt Wendy. I did not know you were a fan of his."

"The picture of that enormous oak tree in front of a shanty you see on my living room wall is his. You are going to see three more next week, if he signs them with an appropriate comment this time."

"I have not seen any writing on the oak tree picture."

"It is on the back. He wrote: To a fine Lady With Magnificent Tits."

"I am not laughing. I am so not laughing."

"You bought the dirty pictures? There is more to you than meets the eye, difficult as that may be."

"Thank you. They are magnificent aren't they?"

"What dirty pictures?"

"I guess you have not made it to that end of the exhibit. I apparently have some business to attend to. Miss MacDuff, why don't you take your niece and show her what you bought?"

*

"I can't believe she bought those pictures. Her eyes were welling up with tears as she looked at them. When you said dirty pictures that was what I expected and knowing Aunt Wendy I would not have been surprised.

Photos of a young mother playing football in the mud with her two little boys were not what I expected. What do you know about Aunt Wendy?"

"Not much. She likes to rub her tits on my body and she grabs my ass sometimes. As opposed to you she laughs often. I love her company; she is one of my favorite people in the world. Her artistry with jewelry is top notch. She likes my work but I don't think she can really afford it. My agent accepted her offer tonight because he knew that as soon as I learned she wanted those pictures I would have given them to her."

"Aunt Wendy had two sons. There are snapshots of the three of them playing football together. Nothing like the ones you took but you could see the fun in all three faces. Both of her sons died in a car accident that also killed their father, her ex-husband. The kids were five and six years old."

"Maybe I should keep the pictures away from her. I would not want them to cause her pain."

"She did have tears in her eyes but every other part of her body was smiling. They bring a happy memory to her heart."

"That is good to hear. I will be delivering them to her home in Felicity on Sunday. I would be very pleased if you were there when I do. Maybe the three of us can then have a nice lunch somewhere overlooking the bay."

"I would like that. I will be there. But why are you bothering with me?"

"Well, you are related to a witch."

"And?"

"A spell?"

"I am so again not laughing."