"This is it," she said as we stepped up to a large apartment complex a few minutes later. We'd walked the rest of the way in a comfortable silence with our arms linked. I was beginning to get cold after giving her my jacket and was glad when she led me up to the gated building.
I looked around and smiled as she pressed a code into the keypad and opened the glass door.
I walked in and stalled, waiting for her to lead the way. She brushed past me, took my hand in hers, and led me to the stairwell; hesitating, she asked, "It's the fifth floor, do you mind the stairs?"
"No, after you."
On the fifth floor, Natalie reached into her back pocket and dug out a key that was attached to her back belt loop by a small silver chain. "So I don't lose it," she said.
She opened the door and flipped on a light. The place was nice; really nice. The floor was a honey coloured hardwood and the walls were a neutral khaki. The hallway led into a sitting room. There were steps leading down to the large red sofas that were curved to fit exactly against the rock wall of the lowered, semi circular portion. In the middle was a glass and wooden table sitting on a white, shaggy sheepskin.
The corner of the room held a workspace with a pile of magazines. I would recognize the yellow covers anywhere; they were
National Geographics
. In the center of the mess sitting on an old bed sheet with a large glass vase on it. The bottom of the vase was wrapped in what looked like blue pieces of material, which began in a deep blue shade and faded to a lighter hue as the rings went up the vase. I'd ask about it later.
"Wow, this is really nice," I exclaimed, unable to mute my awe of the design.
"Thanks." She walked into the living room and stood beside me, looking down at the lowered sitting area. "My friend is an architect who was hired to design this 'new and modern' apartment complex. As part of the contract, there was the option to rent an apartment without the six month wait."
"So why isn't he here?" I walked around the lowered area to the glass wall on the other side.
"Well,
she
was already living with her fiancΓ© in a large Victorian terraced house; so she offered this place to me."
"And what did you have to do for her?" I teased, turning and wiggling my eyebrows. She hesitated before walking towards me.
"Oh, nothing that would be of interest to you, I'm sure." she responded in the same teasing tone that I had used. She came within inches of pressing her body against mine and and raised an eyebrow as she pulled the sliding glass door open behind me.
I was glad for the rush of cold air that hit me and gave me a moment to collect my thoughts as I backed out onto the small balcony.
Natalie placed her hand next to mine on the railing.
"You'd be surprised at what does catch my interest," I said, no longer teasing. I wasn't sure if I was going too far. My mouth always seems to lead towards what my body wants and what my mind isn't ready for. I held my breath as Natalie gazed down at the neighboring streets and then looked at our hands, side by side. She moved hers slightly and began to rub the back of my hand with her fingers.
I swallowed and mentally cursed myself for taking it a step further than I was willing to go. I watched as Natalie traced my arm with her eyes, she had a wicked smile on her face and my eyes widened involuntarily.
"So you want to hear all about exactly what I did to get this place?" She hesitated. "How I designed the web site for her firm free of charge?" She burst into a laugh as my face turned bright red.
"I...I...uh," I stuttered and tried to form a coherent, collected response.
"You had that deer in headlights look again." Her smile faded as she continued, "You know I don't want to do anything you don't want to do."
I relaxed a bit. "I know, sorry."
She put her finger to my lips. "You don't have to apologise; I just don't want to be the cause of that look."
"What?" I joked, trying to lighten the mood, "you don't like the way innocent deer look?"
"No; innocence is nice, but I don't want to be the one that causes you to look scared enough to run away and get hurt in the process."
"Oh," was the only brilliant remark I could muster. "Thanks."
I turned back to look down at the empty streets and Natalie straightened up and walked back in doors. I stayed outside, leaning on the railing, trying to figure out what was going on in my head. I was attracted to Natalie. There was no denying the way my blood rushes when she moves close to me or how my hands shake and my stomach flips at the thought of her touching me. But why was I so scared to go beyond that attraction?
I was mulling over this line of thought as my heart rate slowed enough for me to realize that it was freezing. I jumped slightly when I felt a warm jacket being slid over my shoulders.
"I thought you might need this."
I turned around; she pulled the front of the jacket together and held her hands there on my collar.
"Thanks," I managed, and smiled.
It's funny what you think of when a moment gets too intense. As Natalie and I stood there under the overcast London sky, with her hands resting near my neck, I thought how nice it was that she was only a little bit taller than me. Just and inch or two. Nice fit.
The moment drug on; but neither of us were willing to break it. She walked backwards into the apartment, pulling me by the coat as she went.
She stepped in and pulled me around so I had my back towards the middle of the room. She let go of the jacket and slid the glass door shut. She reached down and pulled off one heel, then the other and held them in her hands as she walked out of the room.
"Want a tour?"
"Sure." I tentatively began to follow her, my hands still on the collar of my coat, where hers had been so shortly before.
She led me to a large bedroom that was dominated by a four-poster bed that had a light, sheer canopy draped over the top, and wound around the four poles. She tossed her shoes into the closet and removed her earrings, putting them on a dresser. She ran her fingers through her hair and turned around, leaned on the dresser and appraised me.
"I don't bite; you still look so unsure."
I sighed and walked closer. "I know, it's just, I don't let myself get in this position often. And..."
She interrupted me, "And you don't owe me any explanation."
I sat down on the bed and pulled the coat tighter around me. "No, I do. I agreed to come here with you; it's just that every time I've been to this point with someone, I realize that I am not able to give them what they want and I freak out." As I spoke I closed my eyes and dropped my head a little. My hands dropped down to rest in my lap.
I felt her move across the space and kneel in front of me on the hardwood floor.
I whispered, "And I don't want it to be that way with you."
Natalie put her hands on my knees and slid them up to clasp mine.
"Hey, look at me."
I did.
"I don't know what you've been through, but I wouldn't have brought you here if I thought you might not be worth it. I don't want to push you. I want you. And, I won't deny that you make me so hot I can hardly keep myself from touching you, but I think there's so much more to you than just my desire. And, I want to get to know that part of you too. That's why you're sleeping in here and I'm sleeping on the sofa."
Natalie reached up and kissed me gently on the forehead. Then she rose and turned to open a dresser drawer.
"I'm not about to run you out of your bed."