Chapter 22
Ava
The doctor's stethoscope pressed against my chest and chilled me to the bone. As if it wasn't cold enough in this room. I cringed but I breathed deeply as he moved it around and around. Kelsey hid her snicker, though I could see the smile on her face and knew she was taking too much pleasure in this torture I was living through. She'd come along with me instead of Max after he'd faced pressure from his board to get a tighter hold on the company.
It was alright with me. I missed hanging out with Kelsey as much as I used to, though most of that time had been working hours before. With her pulling doubles four or five days a week, she and I barely even got to chat on the phone, let alone visit. She hadn't been to Max's house once, so when she pulled up today to pick me up she was flabbergasted by the size of it. After the first month there, I'd gotten used to it, though it still felt more like a hotel or resort than a home.
"And another deep breath," the doctor coaxed, so I sucked in another big gulp of air and blew it out slowly. I hadn't been coughing at all anymore, except for the occasional time water went down the wrong pipe. When I tried to remember how miserable I was, even that was a distant memory. I'd had my new lungs for almost five full weeks, and at week six I was supposed to be almost fully mended.
"Good, good," he said, backing away. He draped his scope around his neck and smiled at me. "And you've not been coughing at all?" he asked, raising his eyebrows. I shook my head and he continued. "Fever? Chest pain? Swelling?"
"No, nothing like that. I'm taking my meds religiously and I've been keeping myself away from anyone who's shown signs of sickness." I knew what was coming and I was dreading it. I shouldn't have been, but I was. My life would go back to normal soon, and I'd be moving back to my dinky apartment away from Max and his luxury.
It wasn't that I'd miss the luxury. I could adjust to my meager life again. I just didn't know how I'd adjust to life without him. I was just too stubborn to admit that I'd fallen for him, especially after having warned him not to fall for me. Then there was the fact that I knew how he felt about me. I wasn't looking forward to seeing the pain in his eyes when I left, which he'd try to hide. But I knew it would hurt him.
"This is all good." The doctor nodded as he spoke and he turned to make notes on his tablet that housed my files. "I'd say we're well on our way. It's time to lower the dose of your immunosuppressants. I think the next step after that is seeing how you fare when we return to a normal environment. At six weeks we should start to see how your immune system does when presented with germs. We can't strain it, but I'd say a day or two a week back to work will be a good measuring stick." He took off his glasses and let them dangle from the chain around his neck.
"Work?" I squeaked and I glanced at Kelsey. She had assured me the manager held my position. Though a few girls had quit and a few new ones had started, the boss was looking at me for my regular loyal attendance. Before all this happened I was probably being considered to become manager too. Now I wasn't sure, but I could really use that pay bump, especially since I had doctor bills to pay now.
"Yes, just to test it out. I think you'll do fine though. Your bloodwork is looking great. You're really a lucky woman." He smiled at me and nodded again. His bedside manner was strange, but I didn't have to see him all the time. Only for a while until I was all mended up.
My nervousness didn't escape Kelsey who narrowed her eyes at me and made a face insinuating I was holding something back from her while the doctor finished up his instructions. I had to get a new prescription, start spending time outdoors again, and a heap of other things he said he'd put in some paperwork. When he finally ducked out of the room with orders for us to head to the check-out counter to get my paperwork, Kelsey was on me like flies on a pile of dog shit.
She hugged my arm and huffed out a sigh. " You don't want to go back to work?" she asked dreamily, and then she batted her eyes at me. "Does it have something to do with Mr. Incredible?"
I shrugged my shoulder to get her head off of me and shook mine, rolling my eyes. "Can you at least wait until we're away from all these people?" I couldn't hide the titter, and she chortled in response.
When we were finally in her car headed back to Max's she turned her stank eye on me and demanded, "Dish. Tell me what the hell is going on? He got to you, didn't he?"
I grinned stupidly but thought better of it. Even if I told her every detail and she thought it was the most romantic Cinderella story, I couldn't stay. The agreement was clear. There wasn't supposed to be love or attachment. I had to return to work; he had to move on. He wasn't even in the same ballpark as me, let alone an even playing field. Our different worlds were just too different, and Kelsey seemed to be the only one in either of our lives who didn't see it.
"So, I mean..." I sighed and stared out the window. I felt like I had to justify my decisions with her, which shouldn't be that way. As my friend she should be supportive, or maybe not. Maybe she was the one seeing things clearly and I was the blind idiot. Her pushing me to marry Max was what had saved my life.
But this was different. It wasn't to save my life anymore. Thinking I deserved to be with Max now was just selfish. He deserved someone on his level, someone his father liked. Not me. Not a broke barista with a busted heart.
"Oh it's bad, isn't it?"
I looked at her dumb grimace and found myself mirroring the expression but I still couldn't fess up.
"How bad?" she asked, glancing at me repeatedly as she drove in heavy traffic.
"Would you please watch the road," I said, but more out of frustration with myself and my inability to communicate and feel confident in myself.
"Did you sleep with him?" she asked, and my shoulders tensed. I had to look down at my hands to realize I was picking at my fingernails. "You did?" Her tone changed and I thought she sounded happy, not mortified like I was. "You love him, don't you?"
Tears pricked my eyes but I blinked them back. "It doesn't matter. I can't stay."
"Ava, what are you talking about? The man is totally in love with you. You married him. He saved your life. You're allowed to have good things in life." She pulled up to a stoplight and stopped the car but I didn't look at her. It didn't matter that Max was in love with me. I knew he was. No one treats another human the way he treated me unless they're in love. And he was so perfect. I just couldn't.
"Please..." I almost whispered and she sighed. She knew me well enough to know when I wasn't going to change my mind, though that hadn't stopped her when she was pushing me to sign that marriage contract.
But right now, I didn't even have the courage to stand up for myself. If she stomped and demanded that I stay with him, I might just do that and I'd regret it. I didn't deserve it, and I didn't want to be trapped.
"Can I just say one thing?" she asked as she pulled away from the intersection and flowed with traffic.
"Yeah..."
"If Cinderella would've just stayed at the ball, she'd never have lost the shoe..."
I let those words hang in the air without response. I wanted them to roll off me like water off a duck's back, but they were sinking in. Filtering down through my thoughts and emotions and needling away at my resolve. It was a good thing my recovery period was almost over. With only about ten days left, I knew I was cracking and I needed to get back to my normal life. I'd already gotten too attached. I think even Max was feeling it.
Chapter 23
Max
Ava sat across from me at my dining room table. We never took meals in here. I never wanted to. It was too formal for my taste, decorated by my mother when I first moved in. I preferred the breakfast nook that was much more relaxed, where I sat only inches from Ava and I could look right into her eyes. Or better yet, when she took her meal in bed and I could sit directly beside her.
Tonight, however, we had reason to celebrate. My heart didn't much feel like celebrating her leaving me and going back to that shitty apartment, but her news was good news. Great news, in fact.
"Ten days, huh?" I asked, having a bite of the rigatoni pasta drizzled in Italian vinaigrette. I smiled at her, putting on an Oscar-winning performance. I hated everything about this. She was slipping through my fingers, drifting back to her normal life, while I was pining over her, mourning the love of someone I almost had, but never quite did.
"Yeah," she said softly, taking her own small bite of food. She wasn't eating much. I could see the sadness in her eyes too, but she was a stubborn girl. She should've been thrilled. She had her life back, and her health. The hospital had set up payments she could afford, and she didn't even have to catch up her back rent or utilities. This was what she wanted.
"And they'll give you your barista job back too. That's really good of them." I was playing my role, doing what I promised her I'd do, while drinking the bitter vinegar my affection for her had become. Tart and sour and all mine to drink alone because I could never voice the truth to her. It would make her feel trapped and confined.
"Yeah," she said again, this time smiling a bit more brightly. It was difficult to see her feeling so sullen. I felt like I knew why she was feeling that way. We'd both sensed it so many times over the past few weeks. She slept in my bed, woke with me, had sex with me a few times a week, and now we'd say goodbye, all because she had a rule I couldn't break. A rule I hated and wanted to sink to the depths of the ocean.
"Ava," I said, and she looked up from the meal she'd barely touched. I had my chef cook something special, but she seemed to have no appetite. "Would you dance with me?" I asked her and she glanced around.
