20

Chapter 19

"I'm so glad we have finally come to this agreement." I signed the contract sprawled out on the conference room table between Winston and me. For the past two months there were so many opportunities to blow this but he had finally agreed to sign with us for a period of three years. The profit he gained off of our clients decisions toward longer term investing with the gains we go them quickly just worked out.

"Me too, and I think we'll have a fruitful relationship." Mr. Harper waited patiently for me to sign each document then pass them to him.

When he said "fruitful relationship" all I could think about was Cici. She hadn't responded to my drunken text messages and it had been a week. I wasn't surprised. I read and reread them myself. I wasn't ashamed of a single one, and I'd have told her the same to her face if she had just called me, but I didn't dare just show up at her office or at Beck's house either.

"Something on your mind?" Winston asked as he took another document from me.

"Ah, no. Just some relationship struggles. I'm sure you and Mrs. Harper have had a few over the years." My father was a conman of sorts, and he taught me that if I was going to lie I should make it as close to the truth as possible so I could remember it and not be caught off guard when someone questioned me. Relationship problems were really what I was having, of the fake variety. Now that Winston was signing, I was obligated to tell Cici she didn't have to help me anymore.

"Oh lord yes, we've had our share. I'm so glad you and Cici have a strong relationship though. You'll get through whatever spat it is. It takes open communication and willingness to hear each other out. That's all." He scrawled his name on a few more lines and clicked his pen shut. "Well there you have it. We'll get these papers filed at our office and get you copies. And you tell Cici I said hello." He stood and shook my hand and I watched him walk out.

Disappointment crept into the corner of my mind. I sat down and ran my hands through my hair. She didn't want me at all, that much was clear. Even when I had been very honest with her about how I felt and what I wanted, she was distancing herself. I had made a fool of myself in that cabin, so why didn't she stop me? When I initiated sex, she didn't hesitate. I had asked her if she wanted it, if it was okay. She had agreed, demanded even.

"Sir? Mr. Adler is waiting downstairs. He said he needs to speak with you." My secretary stood in the open door with a stack of files in hand. I looked up and nodded, wondering what horse shit he'd be dealing today. When she walked away I dragged myself out of that conference room chair and stopped by my office to grab my phone and send a text to my driver to take me to lunch. By the time I got downstairs, the car was out front and Beck was standing by it waiting.

He had his arms crossed over his chest, scowl on his face. It reminded me of the jailer in that movie Cool Hand Luke. Always glaring at the prisoners. Beck thought he was a tough guy, and I understood. If Cici were my sister, and some man like me were hitting on her, I'd be chasing them off too He just didn't realize that she wasn't just another plaything. I loved her.

"We need to talk," he stated in a very stern manner. I almost chuckled at how he thought he could take authority over me, but decided not to poke the bear again. That shiner he gave me last weekend still hurt.

"Get in." I opened the door and waved off the driver, then climbed in after him. He looked tense. He had bags under his eyes and looked like he hadn't shaved for days.

"Look, Drew, we've been friends a long time," he started. "You basically made me the man I am. I really look up to you like a father or big brother."

As he spoke, I began to realize why dating Cici was so off limits to me. He looked at me as family, probably because he'd never had a father. His grandfather had tried, but Beck had just been so damn angry and rebellious his whole life, no one had gotten through to him until me. I was the one who helped him change his major. He followed my footsteps, helped me build my company, then took off on his own, just like a son would do.

"I know you slept with her, and I'm really hurt that you would take advantage of someone so much younger than you. All I've ever wanted to do my whole life was protect Cici from the world."

I thought carefully before responding. "She doesn't need protected from me, Beck. Yes, we had sex, but she is twenty-five years old. She consented and enjoyed that sex." He glowered at me as I said she enjoyed it but it was the truth. "I know there is no way you could possibly understand this because of our history, but I actually really care about her. I think I love her."

"No." He huffed and grabbed handfuls of his own hair before shaking his head. "Why do you keep making this worse? She is just a baby. You are not in love with her. You are way too old for her and--"

"She's a grown woman, Beck. Stop treating her like a little girl."

"Stop the car!" Beck tapped on the glass furiously until it cracked. "Stop the car."

The car continued to bump along the road for a while, and I took advantage of that time. "Look, I understand you're upset, but if you just think about this rationally, you'll understand I just want to take care of her."

"You just don't get it. You'll never get it. Cici is off the cards. Do not call her. Don't text her. Don't show up at her place, or mine. If we can't keep this strictly professional then maybe we have to end that part of our relationship too."

The car rolled to a stop and Beck climbed out and slammed the door. I understood it perfectly now. As the driver pulled back into traffic I thought of how one traumatic event had stolen his parents from him. In an instant his life had been disrupted forever. Beck was so afraid of Cici feeling that pain if I broke up with her. He probably feared our business relationship ending poorly if things didn't work out with Cici, which was a valid fear too.

I tried to relax, to put the whole thing out of my head, but I couldn't. Beck was wrong. I wasn't a threat to Cici in any way, and a relationship or even a breakup between us wouldn't affect my ability to be professional. I'd never do anything to hurt her. She had been hurt by me enough.

I toyed with the idea of showing up at Beck's house to see her, but I knew she was only waiting a few weeks for her new place to be ready. For all I knew, she was already moved out and on her own. I had no idea where she lived and New York City was huge. I knew she had a close friend here, but I didn't even know that woman's name. The only way to truly surprise her would be at work, and she'd made it clear that I was a distraction there. If I just showed up at work, it would send the wrong message, that I didn't respect her and didn't listen to her. I had sent that message to her too many times in the past. Repeating that would be very hurtful.

I glanced at the time on my phone. It was nearly six-thirty on Friday night. I had worked late, and Cici was probably already off to a club or a bar. The only option I had to speak with her was over the phone. So I dialed her number and waited until it rang through. She didn't pick up, so I sent a text.

Drew 6:28 PM: Cici, I'd like to have dinner to talk about the arrangement. I can pick you up or we can meet there. I'm thinking some place simple. There is a burger joint on Fourteenth and Irvine. We can chat there.

I sent the text and locked my phone. Either she would respond and I would be able to argue my case, or she would ghost me again and I would know she wanted nothing to do with me. Then I could put this crazy obsession away and try to move on with my life and focus on work. It was the most important thing right now. Unless Cici responded to me. Then she'd feel the full weight of everything I had to give her. My world would revolve around her.

She just had to respond.

Chapter 20

My apartment was full, and so was my heart. I'd been here a week and unpacked almost everything. The second bedroom was stuffed full of boxes, some of them empty, but the rest of the place was put together. I had invited some people over as a little apartment-warming party. After building relationships with some coworkers and a few in upper management, it was nice they could all join me. Nev was here too, already flirting with one of the handsome interns from the first floor who I knew she'd like, which is why I invited him. It kept her mostly occupied so I could interact with Mr. York.

I knew he'd have questions about Drew and I didn't want Nev overhearing and badgering me later on. After I'd called her and broken down about how I loved him and how hurt I was by his treatment, I didn't want her seeing me act so casual about our supposed breakup. It would be hard enough to get through without Nev's side eye or lecture later on.

"So glad you could make it, James," I said as I passed by a cluster of coworkers in the corner of the kitchen. I picked up a tray of hors d'oeuvres and a glass of wine and weaved my way across the open-concept living area to where the Yorks, Gladys, and Julie stood chatting. Having upper management in my home was intimidating, but if I wanted to swim with the big dogs, I had to act like one.

"Cici, your apartment is just lovely. I'm surprised you got real estate in this part of the city. It's always hard to come by." Gladys plucked a finger sandwich off the tray and took a bite. I offered them to the others and they each grabbed one before I set it down on the coffee table.

"Yes, well my grandfather is a realtor and knows some people. He got me in at a great price for a four-year lease, so for the foreseeable future, I will be living it up here." I gesture around the room and had a sip of my wine. It was a great place and with new renovations it made it seem even nicer.

I noticed Nev eyeing me and knew she'd find a reason to weasel her way into the conversation with the big boss. James was giving her all the attention she wanted though, and I turned my back on her so I wasn't distracted by her.

"Mrs. York, you look lovely tonight. I'm so glad you both could come." Paying compliments was one of the quickest ways to get someone to open up to you, at least that's what Nana always told me. Mrs. York wasn't a tough cookie though. She was kind and friendly.

"Oh, thank you, Cici. I agree with Gladys. This place is really nice. I remember our first apartment. Don't you, dear? Back in Columbus, we lived in a tiny one-bedroom unit with a leaky sink and floorboards that creaked when you walked across them."

"Ah, those were the days," her husband agreed. He turned to me and cocked his head as he said, "Where's Drew? I suspected we'd see him here tonight."

I had practiced this the entire time I cleaned the apartment for tonight's event. They had to believe it. And even though I was really crushed by the way things happened, I hated that I was still lying to them. The emotion was real, but the words weren't true.

"Drew and I broke up. Unfortunately, our lives are going different directions and we just couldn't agree on anything." I sipped the wine, feeling tears brimming. Mrs. York looked concerned.

"Oh, that's so sad. You two seemed so great together. You have this natural chemistry between the two of you. I could see you really loved him." She brushed my arm gently almost milking the tears from my eyes.

"Oh, dear. That's just so sad." Gladys joined Mrs. York in comforting me but I was more concerned about what Mr. York would say. He had a placid expression; it was hard to read.

"Thanks, ladies, but not every man is Mr. Right." I tried to shrug it off but part of me wanted to soak up the sympathy because my heart was broken. In order to head any problems off before they stuck their heads up, I turned to Mr. York. "And don't worry. He's still solidly on board for the agreement we have. I won't even pass off his account because we are on good terms and I know his company inside and out now. No sense and passing it off. I can be professional."

"Are you sure? You two seemed so very close. Last week the way he spoke about you. It could be very difficult to continue seeing him while your heart is raw." Mr. York showed a greater level of compassion than I had expected for which I was grateful.

"Yeah, I'm sure. Drew and I have known each other for such a long time, I know it will be okay. I think it was the long distance that kept us happy. We spent too much time together recently and it just wasn't working. We're both too independent." I felt like I was going to start bawling, so I excused myself. "If you'll excuse me, I have to go check on my other guests. Thanks again for coming. I'll stop back over here after a while."

I slipped away, hoping to hide in the bathroom and compose myself, when Nev grabbed my elbow and yanked me into my bedroom and shut the door. "What the heck? You're almost crying. What happened?"

I blinked hard, and squeezed the bridge of my nose. "Nothing."

"Liar, tell me." She let go of be but stood between me and the door. As my best friend of fifteen years, she knew when I was lying. "Now."

"Cici, I slept with him." I blinked and the tears sluiced down my cheeks. "And it was hot and magical and incredible. And we never talked about it, and then on the roof last weekend he was so amazing and I kissed him and then he was an ass. He drunk texted me that he loves me and what the hell am I going to do?" I slumped to a seat on the end of the bed and buried my face in my hands. I was confused and upset. His texts were raw and horrible, like he was only lusting after me. But when I saw Beck's face, the way Drew had defended me against everything. Was he really turning other women away for me? And I had been ghosting him.

"Oh, god it's worse than I thought. Why didn't you tell me this already?" I felt the bed shake and Nev sat next to me.

"I didn't want you to judge me. I'm an idiot for thinking this could ever work, but why is he telling me he loves me now? Why now after all this time?" I wiped my eyes and rubbed the tears out on my pants. "Why when he's toyed with my heart? Nev, I'm so confused. I love him. I want to be with him, but it's impossible to have a conversation with him."

"What did you respond to him with?" She scooted back on the bed and faced me.

"I didn't. He was drunk texting me. It was obvious. I thought he'd wake and regret it." She shook her head.

"Did he text to apologize?"

"No."

"God, woman. He is in love with you. Any man who drunk texts things like that would apologize if he didn't mean it."

We heard a crash in the other room and Nev's eyes widened. "I'll check on that. You clean yourself up." She stood and let herself out and I snuck into my bathroom and washed my face. If she was right and Drew really was in love with me and I hadn't responded, he probably thought I wasn't interested. My heart suddenly went into a panic. I pulled out my phone to send him a response--a week late--and noticed I had missed a call from him and a text.

It was difficult to see straight because of the tears in my eyes, but I read it. He was asking me to dinner and telling me we had to talk about the fake relationship. He probably signed the deal and was ready to end things. I didn't want to end things. I wanted him to know I felt the same way--that I always had. I'd never stopped wanting him the past eight years.

I had ignored his drunk texts because I never thought he was serious. He should have said them to my face, not in a message. I'd tried to talk to him, but he pushed me away. Was it because he thought I'd just tell him off or put a wall up? I hated myself for being so reactive to his immaturity.

I typed a message as quickly as I could telling him I'd meet him at the restaurant and hit send. I had to clean myself up and get out to my guests. For the first time in my life, I wanted something more than I wanted my career, and I felt hopeful that he wanted it too now.