Chapter 7
Killian
By midnight the beer was flowing like tap water and the penthouse pulsed with the familiar energy of my typical weekend party. Jake had the same familiar three women dangling from his body like jewelry and I sat across the room feeling like something was missing. The music wasn't any louder than normal but I couldn't hear myself think and I just wanted some fresh air.
I slipped out the back door to the balcony that overlooked the beach. It was a full moon, so I could stand and watch the white caps cresting beautifully, and if Dad's condo wasn't full of half-drunken socialites I'd have taken a stroll on the sand to clear my mind. Beer wasn't even appealing tonight. I didn't feel like myself.
There was something about the salty sea breeze that helped me ground myself. It always had, ever since I was a kid and I'd sneak out of our massive brick troubadour and sneak away to the shoreline to sit and watch the moon. I'd climb down the trellis on the front of the house and jet away, and every now and then I'd go to Jake's house and make him come with me and we'd get into trouble.
It didn't have quite the same effect once I became a driving teenager and no one cared about what I did, but the sand and sea were still calming. Now, pushing thirty years old, it was the place I went for isolation late at night when the salty winds were calmer and the waves were mine alone.
I stood there watching wave after wave crest and break. There was something methodic and comforting about the rhythm of it. I got lost thinking of Bailey in that tiny apartment no bigger than my bedroom and what she was doing tonight. I grew up with a silver spoon in my mouth, whatever I ever wanted given to me. Bailey had a hard life, working to support herself only to live in a shitty place like that. It didn't feel right.
I had spent all of my life oblivious to things like this, though it wasn't like I hadn't been put in my place a time or two. People liked to point out that I had an easy life, and that I didn't know the value of a hard day's work. Seeing the way she lived made me realize those people were probably right, and I was feeling grateful all of the sudden for my pampered upbringing.
"Dude, what gives?" Jake asked, joining me on the balcony. He held two cold beers in his hands and reached toward me with one as he leaned on the railing next to me. "The party is in there."
I took the beer and had a swig but it still didn't hit the spot. "Just wanted to think." My eyes swept out over the dark ocean again where the moonlight danced on the moving water.
"Think? Dude, there are at least ten gorgeous women who would do anything to get you alone. Why are you out here thinking?" Jake chuckled and no doubt he was correct. I could have my pick of any woman any day of the week. I just wasn't feeling it. I hadn't been feeling it for a while. I'd been going through the motions, throwing parties and drinking beer. But now even the risk-taking thrill-seeking shit wasn't doing it. I wanted something more, something better.
"Yeah, well there's more to life than beer and bitches," I grumbled, recalling Jake's favorite weekend pastimes.
Even he couldn't fully sympathize with me. His worldview was totally different, having been raised in a wealthy family like mine, but whose parents enforced higher education as a priority. At times I wished my father had been that way and there were days I was glad he wasn't. Jake had his degree in criminal justice and passed the bar last fall. He'd be partner at his dad's firm in less than a year and I was staring at a very bleak future with no education or job prospects.
Dad would hand me his entire company run by other people and all I'd have to do was spend the money. Except, there were only so many things to buy or vacation destinations to visit before life became just another boring thing that didn't excite me anymore.
"What's wrong with you? You're Killian Welch, Ocean City's most eligible bachelor. You have everything you want." Jake's chiding didn't rouse me either. He was right. There was something wrong with me, but it wasn't this sudden shift in desire or mood.
The "something wrong" was systemic. I was a party boy because getting wild and taking risks was what made my life seem interesting or worth living. But inside I felt numb. It was taking progressively bigger and more dangerous things to make my heart feel something and that scared me. It probably scared my dad too, which was why he continued to lecture me.
"I met this girl..." Just speaking abstractly about her felt surreal. I'd met hundreds of girls in my life. This one was bossy and loud, had a kid, and she was flat broke. Not at all the type of woman I'd even look at twice.
"Yeah, so what's new? There are thirty women in your dad's condo." Jake sucked on his beer and I shrugged a shoulder.
"Not like this one." I mulled it over for a while, and I realized there was something about Bailey I liked. She was honest with me, threatening to pull the plug on our arrangement and not letting me pull any crap. It got me a little frustrated and flustered, but somehow it scratched the adventure itch.
"So what's so special about this one? Who is she?"
"She's a nobody, honestly. Not on any radar, probably never will be. But she's gorgeous, and funny." I had another sip of beer as the wind picked up and tossed my hair. This sip tasted different, sweeter, like Bailey was the key to whatever it was my heart was craving.
Jake chuckled. "But can she suck dick?" His laughter irritated me and I found myself feeling defensive of Bailey, but it was absurd. I wasn't going to date her and she wouldn't ever fit in with my friend group. Just thinking that was nuts, so why was I feeling like punching my best friend in the face?
"Cool it, man," I growled and he got the point. There was a lull in the conversation though I could still hear the din of music floating out toward us. It didn't call to me like normal. I wanted to stay here on the balcony watching the waves and thinking about my life.
Bailey was on her own, paying her bills and now raising a child alone. I was still living in the lap of luxury and using up my dad's money like it grew on trees. But she had the opportunity to go home and not work, and still she was choosing to fight her dad for independence and be on her own. I watched that man interact with the baby. He loved both Bailey and Sienna, a kind of love I'd never seen on my father's face before. It was warm and full, and I could tell even if he was gruff or demanding, he did it because he cared. And she still didn't want to go home where it was easier.
"Whatcha thinking?" Jake asked and then he slurped his beer again.
"I'm thinking I got myself into a pickle." The mess I made was following me everywhere I went. I'd been partying and goofing off for years--way longer than most guys. At twenty-eight I should have had a degree and a decent job. Dad would have wanted me to go to business school and take over his empire, though it wouldn't stop him from giving me the riches anyway. I just wouldn't have true decision-making power.