Exploring Cassy

“You are a beautiful distraction. See, I kept you locked away inside And let misery provide And now, I am changed.” ~Santana Feat. Musiq ~ Nothing At All

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The thought of young Cassy toyed with my mind over the next week. I wondered from time to time when I’d see her again.

As I was a virgin when I entered the priesthood, I had no clue whatsoever as to what to do to attract a woman. And frankly I was frightened at the effect this young girl was having on me. With all honesty, I don’t find myself a bad looking guy. I’m about 6’3’’, 195 lbs, with closely cropped dark brown curly hair. I had had a brief stint in the royal navy before entering seminary, so I still retained my soldier figure.

But, thinking that I was attractive wasn’t enough. I prayed to God that following night that he would give me some guidance as to why I was being troubled with this girl.

That following Sunday, at noon mass, my answer came to me.

Cassy strode up the center aisle toward the sacristy, placed a hand on the doorframe and poked her head in.

“Father Moore?” I heard her sweet voice chime out.

“Yes, my child?” I answered her, as I turned to face her, still putting my robes on.

“I was just wondering when confession was this week.” She asked, with innocence in her voice.

The crotch of my pants began to pinch on the beginnings of my erection. I turned away from her and slipped a hand under my robe to adjust myself.

“I believe they are directly after mass Cassy, why?” I asked, curious as to why this angelic girl was in need of repentance.

“I need to make a confession, but Monsignor Paul frightens me.” She giggled slightly.

Monsignor Paul was the other priest in our parish, who at 6’5’’, 300 lbs, intimidated many.

I laughed. “You may come to me my dear, I’ll be in confessional number 1 if you need me.” I smiled at her, and she returned the favor. As she walked away, I watched her leave. My oh my, she has some damn good genes.

Every time I glanced at her during mass, she was looking at me. These feelings I was having were knocking me sideways. I kept thinking that they’d go away, but they would not. Mass drug on and on, and eventually the bells tolled at one. I went back to the sacristy quickly to put on my stole and go into the confessional. About 3 minutes later, I heard someone enter the confessional next to me.

“Forgive me father, for I have sinned.” It was Cassy.

“Proceed” I said, trying to be businesslike.

“Father, I don’t know what to do. There has been a problem plaguing me for quite some time, and even though I have been to confession before, I didn’t have the heart to talk about it.” She said unsteadily.

She sounded upset I thought, and any thought of lust I had turned to concern.

“You can tell me about it Cassy, you know I can’t tell anyone, and I wouldn’t even if I could.” I said, trying to reassure her.

“Well, when I was a freshman in High School, my friends and I went out to the movies one night in downtown London, and as my friends went into the theatre, someone grabbed me from behind and forced me into a little recess in a separate hall.” She was stumbling over her words, as if this was a very touchy subject for her.

“This person, this man, started trying to kiss me furiously. I tried my damnedest to fight him off, but he was much larger and stronger than I.” She started to sniffle.

“Then....” Her voice trailed off.

I opened the curtain that was separating us, and as she looked at me, with mascara running down her cheeks, she reached for me, and I for her. I held her against my chest, feeling her wracking sobs shaking her body.

“He raped me father. I have never told anyone this before, I didn’t even call the police because I was afraid it was my fault.” She said, crying still.

“How could it possibly be your fault Cassy?” I asked, confused.

“It was how I was dressed, I thought I brought it on, with the way I was dressed.”

“What do you mean Cassy?”

“I was dressed rather promiscuously.”

“Cassy, you need to know that what happened was NOT your fault, at all. Why God lets these people do these things is beyond me, but do not cry for yourself, cry for him.”

She sat there a little while longer, her heaving breasts rubbing against my chest and arm. I genuinely wanted to take the girl away from all her pain, somewhere very far away. Suddenly, she got up to leave.

“I’m sorry I took up so much of your time father.” She said, wiping a tear off her nose.

“It is no bother Cassandra, any time you need to talk, you know where my office is.” I said, trying to reassure this broken down figure before me.

As she walked away, I tried to understand how a girl like Cassy, whom had everything going for her, could hide such a terrible thing under such a cool exterior. She had fooled me.