Excellence in Loving You

CHAPTER 10

This particular client was loaded. He had a nice home with a pool in the backyard. He looked like an all American boy only he liked women's underwear. His case was a classic. There have been many clients that appeared to be normal but behind closed doors had freaky fetishes.

Fetish play is not usually Chayne's drug of choice it's just a skill she learned along the way. She would much rather spread her legs than mind fuck with some freak whom she cares nothing about. Fetish play causes you to engage and enter the mind of your client. It's just like role playing.

Playing the part was second nature for her. She loved performing. This is the only thing she feels she is good at. She doesn't want to just be an escort she wants to be the fucking best escort ever! She uses reverse psychology to get her clients to trust her and then she starts attacking their pockets. She was good at what she did and had it down to a science.

Today was the first time Chayne has ever seen this client drunk. It was out of his character to let himself lose control and a bit awkward to experience. Before Chayne even got her feet in the door the client was waiving around hundred dollar bills. Her date was originally scheduled for 1 and a half hours but now he wants her for three days.

Something is different about his behavior but she cannot pinpoint it. She declines a drink but asks for water instead. Chayne shows herself to the restroom where she calls the agency to let them know she has arrived. She changes out of her civilian clothes and slips into that black lace corset.

By the time she emerges from the bathroom the client is already on the floor wearing his leash and women's thong panties. She walks over to him and begins to pet the top of his head. With leash in hand she begins to walk him like a dog, stopping every other pace to render insults and commands. That is what 500 dollars buys some rich fuck. She could not wrap her mind around it.

The biggest shock was his fetish for women's underwear. He requests that Chayne masturbates in her panties without washing them. He likes to place them over his face while he jacks off. Sometimes he even likes to wear them. Either way he was paying her $125 per each pair of dirty panties she could provide.

After their session Chayne changes back into her clothes and finishes her glass of water. The curious thing about role playing is how opposite a person's life is from their fantasy. She never knew why a grown man would want to be humiliated. Her father was never like that. He was a man's man.

She had never seen her father cry and she rarely heard him say that he loved her. Things like that make Chayne into the needy ball of wax that she is today. She always sought out that seal of approval from any man she ever dated. Even men that meant nothing to her still had the benefit of her performing for them.

If she was able to love on all these people she figured her wounded spirit would somehow be repaired but that was hardly the case. She hadn't realized it just yet but she was soon going to learn. Chayne cannot see herself spending more than a few hours with one person so she declines the offer to stay for three nights. She collects her money and heads to her car.

Before she goes anywhere she deposits her cash in the bank. Bank runs are a common occurrence for Chayne. She deposits cash several times a day. She has a lavish lifestyle but she saves her money as well, leaving herself room for a plan B so to speak. Chayne was always thinking about how she was going to spend her time, she never liked being alone.

While at the stoplight Chayne scrolled through her cellphone thinking about who she could call to occupy her time. The sad thing is she only wanted to see Dirty or Carly and no one else. Chayne missed her mom. If she was talking to her family she could drive over to her Mom's house and sit in the front yard for a few hours but that was not going to happen.

The urge to get a drink is starting to peak its ugly head. She tries to distract herself with her second addiction- food. She was always on a binge or past the point of starving. Starvation is a tool she uses to regulate her emotions. Binging is a method she uses to comfort herself. Either way these polar opposites go hand and had for her.

First stop is to get some Pho noodle soup. She had been craving Pho since Carly cancelled last week. Chayne rarely goes out alone but there is this Pho joint that is just like home to her. The owners know what her order is and they start making her food before she can even sit down.

The beginning part of a binge is very mellow. She wants to stretch her stomach and then empty its contents so she drinks lots of fluids and eats very slowly. Once she has ingested her lunch she drives over to Dick's to score some burgers. This part of the binge takes place in her apartment on the bathroom floor. I am sure you don't need to have the last part of the binge spelled out. She rids herself of all the food she has just ingested. Just like that she goes from being full to being empty again. Not even Carly knows about her eating disorder. It became pronounced after Chayne stopped speaking to her parents. After a purge Chayne is just not satisfied with brushing her teeth, she had to floss, rinse and even shower.

There she sits at her desk preparing to roll a blunt. Her life is just like Groundhog's Day. Wake up, get high, fuck, wake up, get high, fuck and round and around we go. The last two weeks have been unbearable. She has been struggling with suicide ideation and is being tormented by the very thing that is keeping her alive.

She feels dead inside and notices that when she really needs a friend there is no one in sight. But why must others be responsible for her happiness? She surely can't make it alone that is why she is always reaching out her hand for something. For a while the lifestyle provided the momentary pleasure she thought she needed but she found out later on that getting stuck in the life was like laying down in a warm bed. It was easy to get into but hard to get out of.

Halfway into her blunt her cellphone starts to ring. It is one of her regular clients. He is back in town and wants to see her as soon as possible. Well at least she doesn't have to be stuck home alone. Chayne packs and bag and heads out the door. Little does she know this is going to be the last date she has for money.

As she arrives to the hotel she observes the open bar. Without thinking she pours herself a double Grey Goose on the rocks. Vodka always fucked her up so I am not sure why she choose that over wine. Not only that but she had made a promise to Dirty she would stay sober.

Welcome to the world of addiction. Promises to stop for love or friendship never ever pan out- she knows that. She just wanted to be normal for once but now, now she just wants to stuff all of her feelings inside and wash them down with a few shots of "I don't give a fuck!"

This client is very aggressive and needy. He watches her get dressed. He follows her to the restroom. She is under constant surveillance with this client. He knows Chayne is not a thief so that is not why he follows her. He follows her because she is one of the most beautiful creatures he has ever seen.

That is kind of confusing to Chayne. She doesn't understand why men pay for her time. She knows she is worth it but finds it odd that she can be so desirable for an hour and a half and then not matter once time is up. What changes from then to then? She is still the same person. Men just use her for their own selfish sexual needs and then they discard her. The money she receives now cannot be compared to the money she will spend on psychotherapy. This life takes away more than it can ever give. She knows that. She just doesn't know how to stop. The air is becoming thick and she is finding it hard to breathe. She is having a panic attack.

She knows that something bad is about to happen she just doesn't know to whom or when it will occur. She is slowly losing control. Her head is becoming dizzy. Something is not right. Her vision is blurry. She looks around the room for her client but he is nowhere in sight. She has had vodka before and it has never made her feel like this before. She is afraid that someone has drugged her.

Chayne closes herself in the bathroom and makes herself throw up. She was a pro at this. She then runs water over her face and kneels down. She tries to stand up but she falls back to the floor. The room is fading to black. She has passed out.

When she comes to her client is hovering over her. He has this crazy look in his eye. She asks how long she passed out and he says it's only been a half hour. At this point she is sure she's been drugged. Without trying to raise red flags Chayne acts as if she is feeling better.

Chayne asks her client to fix her another drink and when he leaves the room she grabs her shit and runs for the door. She peels out of the driveway and heads to the nearest hospital. In the waiting room she begins to vomit again. She is immediately taken in the back where they pump her stomach and run toxicity tests on her.

She was right, he fucking drugged her. She was so lucky to escape unharmed. Just before she could discharge she heard a familiar voice. She looked up and it was her Mom. Chayne hasn't seen her Mom in about two years. Their eyes met but they both remained silent. She wondered if the day would ever come.

Apparently while Chayne was having her stomach pumped she was screaming out for her Mom. The Nurse looked through Chayne's phone and dialed her Mom's number. Her Mom looked very sad. Her eyes had dark circles around them and looked swollen. Chayne can see that her Mom has been trying to nurse another black eye.

"Two years is a long time" her Mom said.

Chayne chuckled and told her Mom that something's never change. Chayne doesn't have the energy left to worry about anyone other than herself. She loves her Mom and is glad to see her but she cannot be around her if she stays in her abusive marriage. Chayne thanks her Mom for coming and lets her know she has someplace to get to.

They hug one another and part ways. Chayne feels herself slipping out of control. Things are happening too fast for her. She longs for her Mother's embrace but knows she cannot fight her fight anymore.

The sadness that she feels is quickly covered up with anger. She is mad that the hospital staff even looked through her fucking phone. Chayne was embarrassed to think that she cried out for her Mom like some school girl. It had happened to her before after having bad dreams but never has she cried out to her Mom in the wake of being attacked.

Her convictions are quite heavy. She knows she is punishing her Mom for not being more like her but she does not know what to do. She wants to chase her Mom down and tell her she needs her but she knows her Mother has no capacity to support her since she can barely even make it herself.

Chayne will always feel as if she has been abandoned by her Mother. When she becomes sad it is much easier to think of all the fucked up things her Mother has done and become angry. The angry puts her in control.

Today has been very strange and all Chayne wants to do is get high. She fixes a line for herself once she gets to her car and she cleans the makeup off her face. She does not know how close she has come to death nor has she ever been aware. She views incidents like the one she just had as a risk to the life. There are pros and cons of every career. The most important thing she tells herself is that she is alive.