CHAPTER TWO — THINGS GET INTERESTINGER
In the weeks that followed our "movie night", Erica showed her commitment to our project by showing up at least twice a week after work, and completely draining my poor, old dick. We still went out to shows, museums, gallery openings, the gym. Because she didn't know anyone in town, I introduced her to my friends, including my fuck buddies Melissa and Rachelle (more about her later). Occasionally she had girls' nights out with them. God knows what they talked about. She and I talked about books. We lent each other books. Sometimes we got high and sat on my couch, just listening to music in the dark — something I hadn't done since I was her age. I treated her to dinners at ethnic restaurants that I could afford and she couldn't. Many times we ordered in. Occasionally I'd cook for her. She was something of a foodie, and a good, all around "culture buddy". She was also a good drug buddy. We did mushrooms, LSD, ketamine and coke, along with lots of weed and wine. I guess you'd call it dating.
But whatever else we were doing, she'd spend a couple of nights a week in my bed or on my couch watching porn (both mine and commercial) and working on her "special project." To wit, honing her deepthroat chops on my lucky dick.
In addition to recording videos, I started journaling our "rehearsals." I expanded select entries as follows:
June 14
E texted & asked me if I could send her the video of her facial. I edited it for time and inserted a title: DIRTY CUMSLUT GETS WHAT SHE ASKS FOR. After putting fades at each end and encoding the file, I attached it to a text and sent it, asking her to, "Let me know if this works for you."
In reply, she sent me an upskirt shot of her fingering her hairy pussy, which apparently is not acceptable for submission to Literotica. Oh well.
June 16
When E showed up, she reported that she'd done her "homework" every evening since our movie night.
"I've been looking forward to tonight. But can we talk first?"
"Sure sweetie. About anything you want. Wine?
Yes please."
When we were comfortable on the couch she started. "OK, here we go. I've been masturbating like a mad woman every night, watching the video of you giving me a facial. It's some of the dirtiest porn I've ever seen — and I'm the porn star! Just thinking about the stuff we did made me come like I've never come before. But a lot of what we did was — what's the opposite of PC? Even though I came lots, as a supposed feminist, I felt a little guilty about doing it. Then I realized that the reason I came so much was precisely because it was the opposite of PC. You're just giving me orders and I'm blindly following them. Or else I'm begging for a facial using the filthiest language I can think of. Just like your other whores."
"Is there a question in there somewhere?"
"Um. Here it is. When we talked about sex before, you always seemed very pro-feminist, but your videos seem the opposite. You slap women around. You make them beg for anal sex. You make them call themselves filthy, demeaning names. You make them beg you to come on their faces. Stuff like that. Can you see why I'm confused?"
I took a moment to collect my thoughts before I said, "OK. Here goes. I'm very pro-feminist, but maybe my kinks aren't. I think people's sexual preferences form at a much younger age than their political beliefs. That's probably the best I can do to explain. I love women. I think the deck is stacked against them in just about every way, including sexually, and that's just not right. It angers me that society shames women into thinking that it's not OK to have normal sex drives or that their bodies are sub-standard. And I hate that women end up convinced that having mediocre to non-existent sex lives is OK. It's chauvinism and it's puritanism which is a form of chauvinism and it's just sad that the world is that way. It shouldn't be."
"Here's another thing I believe with all my heart. I think that gender politics should apply only up to the bedroom door. What two people choose to do on the other side of that door is their business and only their business."
"So that excuses any sexist behaviors you exhibit in your videos?"
Not an excuse. Here's an excuse. Almost all of what goes on in my videos is at the request of the women who are gracious enough to appear in them. If you were watching carefully instead of gooning to them, you may have noticed that. Melissa didn't necessarily agree with everything I did to her on camera, but we were playing a scene that was worked out beforehand. We negotiated. I can play the clips back for you if you like.
"Omigod, am I a gooner?"
"No sweetie. You just have lots of gooner potential." I paused again to collect my thoughts.
"The women in my videos know that I'm deeply committed to women's rights. All of my "co-stars" consider themselves feminists too. They're making porn with me because they choose to. And I'm pretty sure they all consider what they do on camera a form of feminism. They 're exploring the porn star within themselves, exactly like you said you want to do. They feel constrained by a world that demands that they behave themselves in a manner that other people consider proper. Some of them are exploring modes of sexuality that aren't proscribed by sexist male attitudes."
"Aren't you being a sexist male in your videos?"
I guess I was playing a dominant personality in some of the videos you saw. And I happen to be male. A couple of my girlfriends have had experiences with dominant women too. Some of them have expressed interest in being forceful with me. I've tried to accede to their requests. I let Greta peg me once because she wanted to see what it was like being the fucker instead of the fuckee. My girlfriend Rachelle actually was a dominatrix, though not with me."
I paused to put more thoughts in order.
"Some people want to see the world as black and white, because it makes things simple for them. And that's fine for them, but I don't need black and white. The experience of my own eyes is that the world is a beautiful mix of all possible colors — and damn little black and white. The co-stars in my videos largely request to be treated the way I treat them. We're all working out kinks and acting out fantasies. Sometimes we work out plots before I start recording, sometimes we just wing it. Everyone takes something away from our get togethers and everyone leaves smiling."
"You called me a cumslut and a cumdump and a whore."
"Look, I don't have any use for the concepts of slut, or cumdump or whore. They don't exist in my world. A slut is just someone who is having more or better sex than you are."
It wasn't that funny but it got me another "Ha!"
"The words themselves come in handy sometimes though. They have a lot of connotational baggage that can spice things up in the right context."
"That's what they did for me. I didn't exactly come when you called me names but it definitely helped. When I called myself filthy names it gave me zings in my pussy. It helped me come more and better."
"And I'm in favor of whatever helps people come more and better."
"Your sluts get orgasms until they're stupid."
"Funny and possibly true. I guarantee you none of them mind what we're doing. Did any of them seem like they were under duress?"
"No. They all seemed to love it. What luck for you to stumble across women who share your attitudes and interests." The sarcasm was dripping from this one.
"HA! Look, I try to be up front about my little idiosyncrasies and they might seem extreme from a certain feminist point of view. But what's the alternative? Should I be ashamed to tell people what I like sexually?"
