* Erica and Jillian continued... *
I've been in my new life and surroundings for almost a month now finding the freedom of being a girl as nice as I had hoped it would be...could be. I love the way boys look at me and though tempted I've come to realize finding a special person isn't always so easy and if it weren't for my feelings for Jillian things would be different. I can't let a day go by without seeing her and being in her company as she still proves to be an enigma to me...for me. Admittedly for the first time in my life I feel I've fallen in love and in a sense it doesn't matter if she's male or female. Well, it matters a little since if she's a female, then I could never love her completely; the way I'd like. I've been trying to get more information out of her regarding her past but she keeps deflecting me.
I have my own checking account for the first time now. Most of the settlement went to mom and dad to help them and to pay back all the money they spent on helping me with my transformation. I'm not as frugal as I should be, spending more on clothes and jewelry than I should and with Jillian on my mind I have a hard time not buying her gifts. Sometimes I give her flowers, perfume and anything else I think she might like. Our friendship has become what some would call "touchy-feely". I like holding her hand, hugging her and kissing her on the cheek a lot. It makes her laugh and it's clear she likes it but not without misgivings since she is concerned about others. Needless to say teachers are under constant scrutiny and though she has a growing business as a physical trainer, she still doesn't want either of us to get in trouble. Her girlfriend Ellen turns red with anger when she sees me and I think she knows about the connection and attraction Jillian and I have for one another.
I want to tell Jillian what I overheard but don't know if I should. One day I was entering the gym when there were two girls coming out almost hitting me with the door. I heard a part of their conversation,
"Do you think Jillian was born a male like others are saying," one of them asked when the other said, "Like duh, of course silly but does like it really matter."
* Why do echoes repeat themselves? *
It's Friday night and Jillian has invited me to have dinner with her. Maybe I was late as I entered the gym hearing the thump of the circuit-breaker when the gym was thrown into a sudden darkness as only the dwindling light from outside filtered in. The darkness caused me to stop before I got my night-vision. Thinking Jillian had turned off the lights I waited for a sense of her presence before proceeding. As usual my heartbeat accelerated with the thought of seeing and being with her. After a few moments I heard the bouncing of a basketball as it echoed in the gym. Silently I walked to where the sound was coming from expecting it was her. When she came into view I sat down to watch her thinking this was a private moment for her; a way to let out all the stuff that happens to people during the day when they reflect on things. It was fun watching her in her black gym-shorts as she faked one way and then the other before dribbling to the basket to score. The intensity and competitive nature made her look so much like the male I had hoped she was. After awhile she turned looking startled when she saw my darkened outline watching her until she realized it was me.
"Say pip-squeak; have you been there long," she asked smiling.
"Long enough to see the ferocious competitive and exciting male inside you and to know I love him," I said.
