Driving In Snow Ch 06

Chapter 6.

Early Sunday morning.

After breakfast Cindy and I went to take a shower together. Just before we were to get into the shower she said: "Let's try it again."

She raised her foot to my shoulder and this time it was making love. It was very nice. Our psychic link made it even nicer. After we came she went to her knees and licked me clean. As she stood she grinned and said: "That tastes so good."

Just before we were to leave for the conference Mary asked me if I had any dirty laundry. I said yes and got it for her. Later when we returned I would find it folded neatly on the guest bed.

Getting dressed for the conference I found my pants fitting loosely and I needed to use the last hole in my belt.

Conference.

Ann drove me to the conference site in her SUV.

We talked about many things: my career and its spiritual lessons as well as her education, both formal and informal, and the spiritual significance of it all. We talked about "the experiment" and she commented that it seemed we were all sharing knowledge, wisdom, love, sensation, and innocence.

When we got to the conference I did not try to attend the last couple of talks but instead wandered around and soaked up the energy of the place. I found that I could purchase a full set of CD's of all the talks for $120.00 which I did. I also purchased a Buddhist prayer wheel. Spinning one is supposed to say every prayer inside. The most common filling is hundreds or even thousands of copies of: "Om Mani Padmi Hum."

We drove back to the Wells home, stopping at a discount store to buy several suitcases and other things Ann felt she would need. Ann also picked up an extra month's supply of birth control pills.

At one point we were passing a park and Ann turned into the parking lot. We were alone in the lot as she parked the car in a far corner, totally out of sight of the road.

We started a wild make out session and proceeded to shed each other's clothing. It was somewhat awkward even with the seats tilted back as far as they would go but we did manage very nicely anyway. She screamed during her orgasms.

Afterward I commented to her that this was actually a first for me in that I was in college and had an apartment when I became sexually active and had never actually had sex in a car before.

She laughed and said: "Better late than never."

We laughed as we redressed. Being together was joyous. We drove on.

We found ourselves singing: "Om Mani Padmi Hum" again. Same melody as Tuesday night, same building to a climax. Same feeling of profound relaxation and profound love afterwards. While we were singing I picked up the prayer wheel from the back seat of the car and spun it in time to our music.

During the ride Ann commented that my visit was the first time that she had ever seen her mother actually looking happy. She likewise said: "This is the first time I ever heard my mother laugh - and I do mean ever."

She said also: "When mom told her story I knew that if you could take her to bed you could heal the worst of her anguish but I really didn't think there would be a way for you to do that. Thank you so much for finding a way. You are right: miracles happen when you allow them to."

More research.

While Ann and I were off at the conference, Barbara, Cindy and Mary were all finding that they too were able to discover past life information. They each worked separately and when they all reached a natural stopping point they compared notes and worked up a crude cross reference.

When Ann and I returned to the Wells home we were told in no uncertain terms that we were grossly overdressed. After removing our attire we all shared some really good hugs. We then sat down to a late lunch.

They presented us a set of notes based on their discoveries. These notes went into hundreds of lives, some were of people that the Wells family did not even know, but I knew. Several were high school or college friends of mine. This lead to even more discussion. They even cleared up some mysteries for me, but not anything about my mystery girl. I was starting to think that, just maybe, she was here in this history but I wasn't recognizing her.

The girls seemed comfortable with all of this but Mary seemed to be in overload. Mary was playing with some past life guilt.

I responded: "Remember that a past life is a different personality and it is the personality that makes the choices which creates the karma. Our present personality is different, even though it may be shaped by the sum of all of our past lives. We need to look at the choices made by past lives with compassion, but with detachment, and understand that karma is not punishment but a chance to choose again, to choose more wisely, a chance to restore balance. We do not suffer now because of bad karma, karma only sets the stage. We suffer now because of the choices we are making now. We are free to choose to live without suffering. Doing that, however, means being in complete sync with our soul and our soul's purpose. If and when we achieve that complete synchronization we don't need to be here anymore. Until we get there, different choices merely mean different future problems to face. We need to remember: What the personality sees as a problem, the soul sees as a project, a way to explore and by exploring grow in wisdom. So there is no need for guilt."

Mary hugged me.

The discussion continued for a while, then wound down.

Ann went and got her computer and loaded the file from her mother and sisters. I sat and read the notes while Ann worked combining that file with our version.

Meeting Connie.

The phone rang and it was Connie calling Barbara. Barb took the portable phone and walked upstairs chatting quietly. About twenty minutes later she came back downstairs and asked me if I would like to meet Connie.

I said: "Sure."

Barbara then invited Connie to join us for dinner. Connie agreed but said that she would have to leave by 8:00 since she still had homework to finish. Barb wandered off still chatting with her friend.

Barb then hung up the phone and called to all of us to go get dressed since Connie was on her way.

Barbara had a whispered conversation with Cindy who giggled and smiled while glancing in my direction, obviously agreeing with whatever Barb suggested. I wondered what it was but figured whatever it was I would probably really enjoy it.

We were all dressed and Mary began to work on supper while the rest of us were sitting in the living room when Connie's car pulled into the driveway. Barb went to open the kitchen door. We followed.

Barb opened the door and her friend entered carrying her purse and a paper grocery bag. Barb took the, purse, bag and Connie's coat, passing them to Ann who hung the coat up in the front hall closet and set the bag and the purse at the foot of the stairs.

Connie was about five foot five, with long jet black hair, big brown eyes, a cute face and a nice figure.

Looking at Connie, something was going off in my head but I didn't quite have it yet.

Barb did the introductions. Then she gave Connie a big hug.

Connie said: "Wow, that's some hug."

Barb laughed and said: "My hugs have gotten a whole lot better since I've had lessons from an expert."

She pointed to me. I opened my arms and Connie stepped into them. I gave her a really nice hug - we shared wonderful melding energy. She sighed and said: "I see what you mean."

Cindy commented: "If you really want a good hug try hugging him naked."

Connie looked totally shocked while Ann, Barbara and Mary burst out laughing. Cindy giggled. I blushed. Finally Connie asked: "You do that?"

The girls all nodded: "Yes," still laughing.

Connie said to me: "Boy, things have really changed here. These are the last people I would ever expect to do something like that."

Barb countered: "You're always telling me to 'loosen up.'"

Connie smiled and said: "I guess I am, aren't I. Well it sounds like you really have." Turning to Barbara, she asked: "Did you really belly dance for him?"

Barbara replied: "Yes, both ways." Followed by a chuckle.

Connie looked confused and asked: "What are the two ways?"

Barb replied: "The first way was a normal dance and the second way was with him inside me!"

Connie responded: "...Oh."

Mary smiled.

Connie looked at Mary and asked: "Are you OK with this?"

Mary answered: "You bet." and slid her arm around my waist. Pulling me to her. "This is a really special person, someone I have been waiting for for years, if not lifetimes. You know how we believe in reincarnation - well he is an old friend over many lifetimes, just as you are. He has made love with each of us and it was really making love, not just having sex. That, by the way was a first for me."

Ann, Barbata and Cindy all nodded. Mary kissed my cheek.

Connie let out a breath and whispered: "Wow."

Barbara explained: "It's fantastic, much better than I could have imagined. There is something wonderful about giving and receiving orgasms but that is only a small part of the total experience."

Connie again said: "Oh. ... What is the rest?"

Barb answered: "Part of the rest is really connecting with who we really are - That divine place. We are so much more than just human. There is a place at the center of each of us which is pure love. Really loving is discovering that divine center and that the divine centers can merge in one glorious union."

Barbara looked at me, so I continued: "We usually think of ourselves as our personality, but that is not who we really are. The word personality comes from 'persona' which was the mask worn by an actor in a Greek play. At the highest levels we are each the one God in disguise. One being comprising all sentient life in the universe, both physically manifest and non-physical. At a somewhat lower level we have separation into individuals, but we travel in groups, interacting in all the myriad ways that humans can. However, if and when we get past the masks, the costumes, the dramas, the drama, we find that our group becomes 'one big happy family.'"

Ann commented: "One big tribe, which is actually one consciousness, one being, one loving being and one loving doing, a verb as much as a noun, but we usually see it as a group. Our individuality is different from our personality. It is aware of multiple lifetimes. Thus it has a very different perspective. Sometimes our individuality can merge with another individuality. That merging tends to be incredible, but it is a rare event and quite temporary. Usually those individualities are part of one 'family,' one group."

Connie looked sad and said: "You guys, maybe."

I took her in my arms again for another hug. There was something extra special about hugging her - some form of union - something not yet understood - something wonderful. She melted into my arms and I said: "You're part of this too." I kissed her cheek. She looked up at me and smiled.

She asked: "A loving group? How?"

I responded: "Yes, a loving group. How? In whatever way is appropriate. There are many ways to express love, especially spiritual love. It seems to have been appropriate for me to go to bed with each of the Wells girls, but that is far from the only or even the normal way of expressing spiritual love."

She asked: "Do you love me spiritually?"

I responded: "It seems that I do. We definitely have a strong connection, but that doesn't mean that we automatically need to go to bed together."

She looked wistful and replied: "Maybe we should."

I responded: "That might happen sometime in the future but lets not push it. Lets just let things unfold." We swayed as we continued hugging. Finally we released. It took a lot of will power to end that hug.

Mary jumped in saying: "We have found out a great deal about all of our past history together, including yours."

Ann left the room. Saying: "Be right back."

Barbara looked at her friend and said: "As we begin to understand our interactions over lifetimes, it becomes apparent that much of what we do plays out over many lifetimes and that love is much more real than fear or hate and cooperation is the norm. We really are 'one big family.' We literally carry love from lifetime to lifetime."

This discussion continued.

Ann returned with another three ring notebook. She gave it to Connie saying: "Here is what we have been able to discover about our history together - Hot off the press. It is an incredible story, actually an incredible set of intertwined stories. For example: you have been my mother in two lifetimes, my daughter in another and my husband in two more. You and Barb have had some wild adventures together."

I still didn't quite have the whole picture but I had part of it, as I looked at Connie and said: "So have we."

We ended up sitting around the kitchen table while Mary continued preparing dinner. The conversation continued exploring our past ties. Connie, who apparently had been somewhat skeptical of the Wells family spirituality, was becoming intrigued. Connie started asking questions. Some of her questions were quite basic and some were very sophisticated. Connie was really 'one smart cookie.'

I later learned that while Barbara was expected to be her class valedictorian, Connie was expected to be the salutatorian.

Our discussions went far and wide. At one point we discussed the idea sometimes called 'the planes of manifestation'. I concluded with: "I need to clear up one thing. In referring to personality and spirit or essence or soul it sounds like they are separate. They are not. From body through personality to soul, on to Atman and through the manifest God all the way to Tao, it is really all one. Each of these is a different perspective on the same thing. This is an incredibly subtle concept, but key to understanding the 'all that is.' We are each the one God in disguise, but the disguises are very good. All of human activity, indeed all activity by all of life, is creating experience for the oneness, that is me and you and us and US globally, universally, All of this activity is to conduct that exploration and by so doing bring us back to remembering just what we are, which is really better expressed as: what I am, What I AM."

Mary set the table and served dinner, an early dinner to go with a late lunch. The conversation became somewhat lighter. We were all very relaxed.

At one point there was a bit of a lull in the conversation and Ann commented to Mary: "It's weird to be eating while dressed."

Connie almost choked on her food and responded: "What???"

Ann replied: "This is our first dressed meal in three days."

Connie just smiled and shook her head.

This launched us into another discussion of nudity. We covered much of the same ground as Wednesday's discussion.

Mary pointed out: "Obviously nudity can be very sexually arousing and that arousal may either draw those involved toward or away from spiritual awareness. Sometimes however, it turns out to be totally non-sexual. I've never been to a nudist camp but I expect that is largely how things are there, for instance. Non-sexual nudity likewise can draw people toward or away from their spiritual selves. We have found, however, that it pulls us toward spiritual awareness."

I pointed out: "When people are not used to being nude, nudity tends to add a great amount of energy to the situation whether it is a sexual context or a non-sexual one, but as one gets used to it it can produce a profound relaxation, a profound sense of trust. Again it is all in how you come to it, use it.".

It was clear that Connie was not yet comfortable with the thought of being nude. She also did not quite believe that people could be nude together in a non-sexual way.

I commented: "At least for me, sexual thoughts and sexual energy are often present, either overtly or lurking just below the surface, when I'm in the presence of a girl that I find attractive whether she is dressed or not. In some ways it's actually easier to control when everybody's nude. To amplify what I said before: I find nudity to be somewhat funny - It can intensify both sexual feelings and feelings of innocence. The trick therefore is to take that energy and allow it to transform itself into higher and more subtle forms."

Cindy commented: "From what I've been reading that may well be the central idea of Tantra."

The conversation slowly morphed into a discussion of sex and some aspects of it's role in a spiritual universe.

Connie was surprised by this discussion. All she had ever been told related sex with sin. The idea that sex, especially sex outside of marriage, could be sacred was new to her.

She asked: "Just what is sacred sex?"

I answered: "Having sex in a way that increases your spiritual awareness and/or that of your partner."

Connie responded: "That simple?"

Mary replied: "If only it were that simple."

I said: "If you can really see your partner as a spiritual being in human form and see sex as a way of expressing love for that being, as a way of honoring that being then this can create a profound connection between self as personality and self as spirit. Perhaps I can put it better by saying: Creating an awareness of the unity between self as personality and self as spirit, self as divinity.

A big part of this is intention. If you approach the act as a celebration of life, a celebration of self and partner as spiritual beings, even as Gods or united as God, then it can and does become sacred. For most people however the shift to considering self as spirit, becoming aware of self as spirit, is a huge leap. The energy of Eros can push in that direction or act to block it according to our true intention.

A funny story, in some ways perhaps a tragic one: I once called my first love a 'Goddess' and she objected saying: 'Oh, Don't put me on a pedestal.' She said it in a way that I felt attacked such that I did not or maybe could not explain that I was calling her a Goddess because she was making me feel like a God. I think that at that time I was feeling Godlike more as a recognition of Godlike power rather than Godlike virtue, Godlike wisdom, Godlike Teh. Maybe if I had had even a little more wisdom I would have been able to explain where I was coming from. Maybe if I had been able to explain this it would have changed our dynamic in a way that would have allowed us to stay together, maybe not. Small things often have large consequences.

I need to make a point here: Virtue is very different from morality. Virtue is based in love while morality is based in fear. That fear may be as fear of God as judge or as fear of what others will think of you or of what you will think of yourself. But ultimately, morality is doing what man says is appropriate. Virtue is doing what our soul knows is appropriate and with full acceptance of the consequences. Teh is living to the highest in our nature. Teh makes all of life sacred, specifically including sex if we so choose. Remember: Sex symbolizes creativity and creation. It also is a powerful way of expressing love."

The discussion continued.

It was apparent from some of Connie's questions and comments that she was still a virgin. She did not overtly say so.

Connie was flabbergasted when Cindy commented that she lost count of her orgasms during her first lovemaking. Connie looked sad and said: "I've never had even one."

Cindy said something which caused Connie to realize that Cindy was aware of some of the rumors running around the school. Finally she made her situation explicit for Cindy's benefit by explaining: "Don't believe the rumor mill at school. I've been dating Paul for about a year now. He is the closest thing to a nice guy of all of the football players. I've let him take my bra off a few times, but that's all - in spite of his best efforts. He keeps trying to get me to suck his cock but I find that idea totally revolting. I don't know how the story that we're fucking got started. Wait, actually, I do know: Paul was being pressured by the other guys and made up a story. When I asked him about it, he said: 'Don't worry about it. It's just a story. Who cares if you're still a virgin anyway.' I told him that I cared and he just laughed at me. What he didn't realize is that by spreading such stories or even by not killing them, he has lost my trust and my love such that now I will never sleep with him. "