Driving in Snow

Chapter 4.

Friday breakfast.

Cindy put on her men's shirt again but only fastened one button. Again I was in my bathrobe.

Cindy said: "You filled me up, symbolically as well as physically, spiritually as well as physically. You opened my soul as much as you opened my vagina. - Thank you dearest."

I replied with a smile and kissed her. We went downstairs to breakfast.

Ann was wearing another pajama top, no bottom, which was long enough to just cover her ass. She had one button closed and flashed a beautiful bosom. Barb was wearing the red robe that came with the negligee, which was still not staying closed, as if that mattered anyway, and Mary her robe.

Cindy gathered Ann and Barbara together for a whispered conversation. She then had a whispered conversation with her mother. The three girls left the room only to reappear a few seconds later, nude. They gathered around me and removed my bathrobe. Cindy said: "You wrote: 'Home is where I can stand nude,'"

I responded: "Does that mean that this is my home?"

They all smiled and nodded and Mary said: "If you want it to be, and if not your home, home at least your home away from home."

I felt very honored, very loved. I bowed to Mary. We all laughed and we hugged some more. I then looked at Mary and said: "You too."

She backed away with a grin on her face saying: "Oh, no."

We all said yes and I took her in my arms and slid her robe off of her shoulders. I took her by the hand and twirled her around. What a beauty - a beautiful mother of beautiful daughters. She looked a lot younger than 43, in fact, I would still have guessed late twenties. Her breasts were beautiful teardrops, showing only the slightest sag, amazing for her age and being twice a mother. I thought: 'Those would look good on a childless 25 year old.' She grinned sheepishly.

I said to Mary: "You are very beautiful. If I didn't know better I would assume that you and Ann were sisters and I would guess your age as late twenties."

She blushed then replied: "I wish that were true."

I responded: "It is."

She looked sad and shook her head - no.

I hugged her. She relaxed.

We stayed nude all day.

Massages and more.

Cindy asked me if I was ready for a massage. I replied: "Sure." and followed her to her room. On the way she admitted that she had not managed to read the book on sensual massage. I said: "That's O K we will just have to wing it." She giggled.

When we got to her room I lay down on her bed. She began with a relaxing massage. She began with my shoulders and back but eventually made it an all over event. We stayed light and the massage really stayed more relaxing than erotic.

When it was her turn I started with her shoulders and back, again working at doing a relaxing massage. Eventually I did her entire back side down to her toes and kissed her neck, down her back, each cheek and her thighs. When I kissed her behind her kneecaps she burst out laughing and screamed for mercy. I kissed her calves and each foot. Then I rolled her over. I started massaging my way up from her feet all the way to her neck, skipping her primary erogenous zones. Then I worked my way back down with feather light touches and didn't skip anything but didn't concentrate on any place either. In some ways this was highly erotic and in other ways not erotic at all. We stayed innocently playful. I found myself thinking that perhaps it was just as well that she had not gotten around to reading "The Art of Sensual Massage" yet.

We necked for a while and eventually we just held each other.

Cindy gently pushed me back flat on the bed as she said: "There is something I really want to try."

I responded: "OK - What do you want to try?"

She started to kiss and lick my phallus while I responded: "Oh - OK."

She took the head into her mouth and swirled her tongue around it. Our psychic merging started almost immediately. She tried taking me deep but started to gag. She sucked and worked my shaft with her hand. She began bobbing up and down on it and was slowly taking more and more in. Eventually she tried again at deep throating me and this time she was successful. I warned her that I was approaching orgasm and she worked even more. I ejaculated into her mouth. She had an orgasm when I did. The psychic merge made this very special. She grinned and said: "That was fun - you taste good."

Waltzes and Rumbas.

We moved back to the living room and Cindy built another fire in the fireplace. She spread the comforter on the floor in front of the fire and we lay on it. We were all very relaxed and I for one was very sleepy. Part of the time I was resting my head on Ann's tummy while Cindy was resting her's on mine. Cindy managed an occasional lick of the tip of my phallus without anyone else noticing. Samantha came over and curled up next to me.

Mary asked if anyone wanted some music and I said: "Sure, why not."

She put on an album of waltzes and we all just listened for a while. Then I stood up and went over to Mary and asked: "May I have this dance?"

She blushed and said: "Dressed like this?"

I responded: "Why not."

She laughed and said: "Why not indeed."

Cindy picked up the comforter. We started to dance just the basic waltz step with the quarter turn. It was great fun and the three girls were watching closely. I demonstrated some other steps: the hesitation, the crossover, the simple twinkle, the triple underarm turn and the serpentine. Mary claimed she got dizzy with the triple turn. Ann came over and asked if she could cut in and I ended up dancing with all of the girls.

Each of my partners demonstrated an amazing amount of grace in their dancing. I was reminded of two comments by my ballroom dancing instructor some years before. His first comment was that men watch women dance and women watch women dance. His second was that the man's job is to make his partner look good. I may be a bit of a klutz on the dance floor but all of these ladies really look good, undressed or not.

When the album ended I needed a break and sat down on the sofa to rest with Ann on one side and Cindy on the other. Cindy said: "I never would in my wildest dreams have imagined that I would dance my first waltz nude." We all laughed. Cindy continued: "Now I wouldn't want it any other way."

I kissed Cindy on the cheek. I put my arms around both girls and squeezed them to me.

Barb sat at my feet, rested her head on my knee and looked up lovingly. I thought: "Barbara is the Guru here - I should be sitting at her feet."

The room was full of pure joy and pure love.

Ann asked if I would teach them some other dances and I responded: "Sure, what would you like to learn?"

She said that I should decide. I explained that the room was a little small for traveling dances like the fox trot or the tango but would be fine for in place dances like the rumba, samba, cha-cha or the mambo. I said that it was a shame that I didn't remember how to dance the samba since I understood that at carnival in Rio the samba costumes were sometimes almost nonexistent, at least from the neck down. We all laughed. Cindy looked thoughtful.

I asked Mary if she had any rhumba music and she rummaged around in her music collection for a minute and then handed me six CDs. I chose one and using Barb as a partner demonstrated the basic step. I explained the 'Cuban Walk' hip movement which she followed immediately. We danced about half a cut with just the simple box. Then I showed her some more complex patterns. Cindy then took over and she could sway her hips every bit as well as Barbara but her boobs didn't jounce quite as much. It was fun. Ann and Mary both had turns also. Ann had the Cuban walk perfect, swaying hips with no upper body movement at all. We did a little cha-cha and mambo also.

One part of this dancing was weird for me: I found myself gaining and losing an erection repeatedly, with no real pattern to it.

Later we moved the living room sofa into the den and used the extra space for some fox trot and some tango. The tango was especially nice. Ann really liked the dip. Only then did we do some swing. We finished with another round of waltzes. We moved the sofa back.

Mary sings.

At one point Mary and I were alone in the kitchen. She was humming a song gently. Recognizing the tune I asked her to sing it. She blushed, then sang "Unchained Melody." I felt very moved. We hugged for a long time. Nude hugs tend to be very powerful.

Mary had a beautiful singing voice. I would later discover that they all did.

e-mail

I again used Ann's computer to check my e-mail. This time there were three surprises to be found in the form of emails from Sally who was the first girl I dated, Faith, my first lover and Juli the first girl to proposition me.

I had had no contact with Sally since about one year after we split up although I heard that she had married a classmate of mine. Her e-mail was six pages long and was biographical, her history from our time together to the present with a number of intimate details indicating a level of trust that I would not have expected in a first contact in over forty years. She signed it "Always - Love always," and ended with: "PS: I don't know why I am writing to you now, or even why I am writing to you at all. I haven't thought about you in years but suddenly this feels like the right thing to do and even an important thing to do for some reason I do not understand. I find that I know that you love me but that love is not a threat to my marriage. PPS: It took me over four hours to track down your e-mail address."

Faith and I had maintained contact over the years to the extent of exchanging Christmas cards. I knew that she was very happy with a live in boyfriend. Her e-mail was three pages of stream of consciousness about what she had experienced in the last two days. She was very happy with the experience. Among other things she said that she felt validated.

The third e-mail was a total surprise. Not only had there been absolutely no contact since college, I had not realized I was sending her loving energy. Her e-mail made it clear that she had indeed received two big doses of it and that she was very pleased and felt honored. She said that she thought of me sometimes but was surprised that I remembered her at all. We did not even pet far less actually have sex but I do think of her occasionally. She radiated a very strong sexual playfulness which was very different from Cindy's.

My intuitive sense was strong: Juli was not my mystery person. There was still someone else.

I found a strong need to meditate after receiving these messages. I did send a short reply to each.

Friday lunch .

At lunch I shared the e-mails I had received, skipping the more intimate portions of Sally's missive. We mostly discussed my sending love. They all had received it and were aware of the overwhelming nature of it. We discussed this at some length.

I wondered if in some ways this was doing a disservice to my old girlfriends since I really did not plan any interactions with them. Yes, I did love them all but it seemed to me that sometimes that means just wishing them good lives and not anything more. I stated that I did find Sally's PS to be somewhat reassuring. I said: "Still I find that I really wonder what my soul is trying to accomplish here."

We discussed that for a while.

At one point I went of on a bit of a tangent and suggested: "Maybe, in order to love Barbara at the level I was loving her I needed to express that love to everyone I loved. Of course this begs the question of why my higher self would limit it to those I had loved in a sexual context?"

We decided that this was part of it but not the whole picture. Our discussion as to why just those I loved sexually were included got rather wild.

Something was wrong here. I raised a finger, saying wait.

I paused, let my mind get really quiet and found that I had been sending love to many others without realizing it. The list went back to grade school and before, starting with a girl named Susan. Most of the new list received a much lower level of intensity. My 'mystery girl' remained a mystery.

I returned to ordinary awareness and described what had just happened.

We bounced around a lot but did not come to any real conclusions. Even Barbara did not have answers here.

I was really somewhat confused about the process, how the soul sends love and loving energy as well as the role of the personality in the whole thing. Again we discussed this for some time without reaching any conclusions.

We also discussed the role of both the receiving soul and receiving personality in the process.

Finally, I visited the subject of my mystery girl. Only Barbara seemed to get any reading here and basically it was just reinforcing her earlier insights. So my mystery girl really remained a mystery.

After lunch.

Ann went to continue packing. Cindy went to take a nap. Mary went to start a load of laundry. Later, I heard Mary in the kitchen.

This left Barb and I. We moved into the living room and she turned on some soft music. I teased her that she was trying to seduce me as we sat down together on the sofa. She laughed and said: "Maybe I am."

I replied: "Fine with me."

We both laughed. We started kissing, gently and tenderly. We were both very relaxed. She started to play with the hair on my chest and I started to caress her breasts, again very gently. Her nipples hardened immediately and her breathing changed. We shifted into french kisses and it became a furious make out session. There was a funny aspect to this in that it felt totally innocent in spite of the fact that we were both nude. Our hands were staying above our waists. My hands were sometimes on her back, sometimes on her breasts, sometimes stroking her hair and sometimes touching her face. In some ways this was like a make out session with Sally all those years ago. I was so erect that it was painful, yet somehow I was not thinking in terms of 'putting it in.' I found that I was totally in the moment, just enjoying what we were doing, 'loving every minute of it.' Barb was also clearly really enjoying herself.

Eventually she ended up lying on the sofa while I knelt next to it and licked, kissed, caressed, massaged and otherwise enjoyed her breasts. She was really aroused.

The music ended and she said to me: "Shall we go upstairs?"

I responded: "You don't need to ask me twice."

When she stood up she left a large wet spot on the sofa. She looked down and said: "It's good that it's stain protected." She went and grabbed a box of tissues and mopped it up.

We moved to her bedroom and were soon heavy petting. She had an orgasm within minutes. She ran her fingers lightly over my shaft and said: "I need you inside me."

I moved on top of her and she had two more orgasms before we had one together. Again it was very intense. We had no overtly psychic phenomena occurring but it was still very loving, very sweet.

We held each other for a long time. Occasionally gently kissing and stroking. We were totally relaxed, totally tender. There was a real look of love in her eyes.

Eventually she sat up. I started to get up also but she said: "Just lay back. I want to try something."

I did and she started rubbing her hands together. They began to glow white, getting brighter and brighter. Her whole body began to take on a soft white glow. She started placing her hands on my head. Moving them from place to place. Her eyes were closed and she had an expression of intense concentration on her face. She moved to my neck and on to my torso. She spent some time on my chest but more on my abdomen, going back over several areas multiple times. She spent ten or fifteen seconds with a hand at the base of my penis. She then gently held both it and my testicles before starting down my legs. After she had worked all the way down to my toes, she moved back and did each arm. Finally she took hold of my spare tire, starting at the middle and moving her hands outward to my hips.

She opened her eyes, looked deep into mine and said: "Yes - good."

We kissed gently, hugged longer. The glow faded.

Eventually we went back downstairs, hand in hand and wandered into the kitchen for a snack.

As we were walking she commented: "You are the second person I have tried that with."

I asked: "Who was the other?"

She replied: "My mom."

We hugged a lot. She was just so sweet, so tender.

More telephone tag

I checked my cell phone. There was another message from my wife. She said that she made the call this morning and was starting her drive North. She also said: "I've never felt your love for me so strongly before. I don't know what you're doing but whatever it is keep doing it. Love you so much."

Cindy researches.

Cindy used her new laptop to get on the internet and learn a bit of Samba. She demonstrated this just before dinner. She wore a floppy hat. Not what they would wear in Brazil but fun anyway.

Friday dinner.

The girls did their hair up before dinner and Mary put on a string of pearls. We again ate in the dining room with the good china, silverware, goblets and linen. This time it was by candlelight. Mary had prepared homemade turkey pot pie.

I pointed out to Mary that pearls are a symbol of wisdom and that I found it appropriate that she was wearing them. The combination of their hairdos, candlelight and nudity together with their natural poise somehow made this dinner tremendously dignified.

Innocence revisited.

During and after dinner we sat around discussing innocence again.

I said that: "Innocence is seeing the universe as harmless and by holding that viewpoint being harmless ourselves. When we lose innocence we think we have to put up walls, that we cannot afford to really care, really trust, really love. The trust is of self, the universe and process as opposed to our partner or other individual that we are interacting with. Innocence is not at all the same as naivete or as foolishness, we can live carefully, prudently and still be innocent. Innocence is understanding and maybe that isn't really the right word here because 'understanding' implies conceptualization, that all that happens is part of a bigger pattern and that all that happens is really 'all right.' We tend to lose innocence as we experience life and discover the Buddha's First Noble Truth, that life is suffering. It is not easy to look at all the cruelty and tragedy in the world, have compassion for all of that, work gently to ease that suffering and still see through it all to a space where we see how it is serving everyone involved, especially ourselves. I do however, believe that innocence is something we can gain as well as lose. That we can see much of life as some version of the Taoist farmer story."

I commented that I perceived that we had all demonstrated a great deal of innocence today. That being nude together in a non-sexual way is demonstrating a great deal of innocence. It is also demonstrating trust in both the others you are with and trust in self.

Mary remarked that she was really enjoying being nude. She said: "In all our years of marriage I never saw my then husband, John, nude. He always wore pajamas to bed and never changed clothes in my presence. He didn't fully remove his pajamas even when we had sex. He had me wear pajamas or a nightgown. When we'd finish he would look at me coldly and say something like: 'Cover yourself, woman.'"

I said: "His loss."

Mary asked: "Why?"

I replied: "It would seem that he was seeing sex, even within marriage, as something profane and by seeing that way he was making it profane. By making the sex act a sin and proceeding anyway all he was doing was separating himself as personality from his higher self. He was seeing the human body both his and yours as something shameful which furthered that separation. He was also dishonoring both your marriage and you personally."