April 4, 2007
Donny and I are going to get married right after graduation. Our parents are very happy. I think I am. I'm happy that we will be able to make love. After nearly four years, I still can't forget that intensely erotic feeling I had when the policemen took me. I want to experience that feeling again. So, so much! But with Donny, like a Christian wife. Not like a Negro and his whore.
The awful thing is, I keep looking at those pictures of me with that silly cop hat sitting backwards on my head and the cop belt dangling half down my hips and Mike's badge pinned through breast.
But mostly, I guess, I stare at the cops. The shots of the two new cops masturbating with their sex posed inches from my open mouth. Or the ones of me smiling stupidly while they're ejaculating on my face and boobs. But I stare longest at the ones of Ramal and Mike holding my legs open while I push the nightstick deep inside of me. In one Mike is pointing at his badge pinned through the width of my nipple with a big grin on his face. In another, Ramal is behind me with his enormous black sex lying on my shoulder. I've turned my head to lick it. And then there's the awful last one, where I seem to be posing with my legs spread open and shoulders thrown back to emphasize my breasts, while cupping the boob with the badge in it as if to display it. I look like a slut in utter sexual ecstasy.
When I'm though looking, I'm often wet. What is wrong with me?
September 18, 2007
We've been married three months now but we still haven't made love. It was my nineteenth birthday yesterday, so I thought for sure we would do it last night, but we didn't. Donny needs to pray over it more. He says we can't do it out of lust. It has to be to procreate, like the bible says. I am so, so frustrated! I want to feel like a woman.
He wants to go to Divinity school and learn to preach. But he has to find a part-time job first.
September 24, 2007
Donny couldn't find a decent part-time job, but he did get a full-time job at a corporate real estate firm here in town. He is going to write advertisements and train as a salesman. He's a pretty good writer. The sermons he writes for school are good, anyway. He says he'll take night classes or correspondence courses to get his degree. I don't know if he'll be a good salesman, though. He's kind of timid.
September 25, 2007
We finally made love. We did it with the lights off and our nightclothes on, though. It was over so quickly. It isn't what I hoped it would be. I didn't experience that feeling like with the policemen. I cried afterwards.
I didn't know Donny would be so very small. I guess he couldn't tell I wasn't a virgin. There's that at least.
October 6, 2007
Donny has only made love to me that one time. I am getting so frustrated. I mean so many guys look at me when I'm out shopping, and some of them even follow me around the store. Like twice this week guys have just been openly flirting with me, and one has asked me if I "date," even though he could see I was married. I would never, ever be unfaithful, but I'm starting to like the excitement of all those guys looking at me. I don't know why Donny isn't aroused like those other guys are. It's very frustrating. Like I'm not a real woman.
October 12, 2007
I bring Donny his lunch everyday at work. I think people make fun of us because we say grace in his cubical. Donny likes us to get on our knees when we do it. It kind of embarrasses me, but I do it for him anyway.
The receptionist there is named Brooke. She's the only woman in the office, and she dresses like a total slut, if you ask me. Sometimes when I'm eating lunch with Donny, she will come in and just flirt openly with him. She's always half undressed, but Clint, the man who owns the business, doesn't seem to mind at all. I don't worry cause I know I have a much better body than her and am prettier, too. And Donny would never be unfaithful anyway.
Clint is a really interesting man. I've only met him twice, so I don't really know him, but he's really intriguing. He seems just so very assertive and confident. He's in his late forties, I guess, but still quite handsome in a rugged sort of way. Not at all like Donny, who is also attractive, but more "cute," I guess, than manly.
The way Clint looked at me the last Wednesday actually made me quiver. He has a way of asking things without asking, if you know what I mean. He's obviously a man who's been with many women. I don't think many women would say no to him! He's married, but I'm sure he sleeps with Brooke anytime he wants. But who doesn't, really? I bet everybody does. I just know she's a slut. I can tell by looking at her. I really like Clint, though. He's a real gentleman.
I'm kinda bored.
October 17, 2007
Donny told me today that we got invited to a party at Clint's house on Friday. I'm so exited. Donny thinks he's the only one of the new hires that Clint invited. That's kind of flattering, I think. I wonder if that's true.