Critical Misclass Ch 01 03

Author's note: Thanks for checking out

Critical Misclass!

This is eventually going to be a novel-length fantasy story in the haremlit and litRPG subgenres, so while there will be erotic content, it not going to be in every chapter (or group of chapters) and is not the main focus. That said, I hope you enjoy reading the story!

CHAPTER 01 - Got the Axe

"You gotta be shittin' me."

The tone of voice, more than the words themselves, made my mind snap back to attention and focus on Mr. Tillings, my boss. "Sorry, could you repeat that last part?"

The upper-middle-aged man rubbed his temples, his eyes shut tight. "You completely zoned out while I was talking."

I wish I could say that was abnormal for me. My mind had a habit of distracting itself whenever I was in a stressful situation, which often only made things worse. "No, no, I was just, uh, really considering what you were saying," I lied, as I moved to get out of the chair that was facing Tillings's desk. "Was there anything else, or should I get back to my cubicle?"

"Dodd," the man grumbled, as he opened a drawer. "I had just finished explaining why I was firing you." Tillings took out some pills, and swallowed them dry. "You've got ten minutes to clear out your desk."

"What? Whatever happened, I can do better. I just think that I'm... not being challenged enough. With more responsibilities, I--"

"Five minutes."

Unsure who might have overheard any of that, I avoided all eye contact on my way back to my cubicle. I placed my satchel on the desk and filled it with what few personal belongings I kept at work, along with as many office supplies as I felt I could get away with stealing.

A face popped up behind one of the cubicle walls. "Jeremy! Were you really just

fired?

" I turned to see Haley, my cubicle neighbor. At 28, she was just a year younger than me, but had been working in this office since she was an intern just out of high school. She'd probably work there until she retired. She was kind of cute, at least in comparison to most of the other office drones I worked with, and nice enough to chat with on slow days, but she didn't seem to have much of a life outside of the office. I got the impression that she was more than a little interested in me, but we had yet to have a conversation that didn't find its way back to work.

The fact that I had just been fired should tell you how much I cared to chat about work.

"Yyyup." I scanned the rest of the cubicle for anything else that wouldn't be missed.

"Oh, no," she frowned. "Need any help updating your resumé? I'm free this weekend."

My satchel was already around my shoulder. "Uh, maybe. I might have some things lined up, so I'll let you know." In truth, I wanted to sever all ties to this place, like I had done with every other place that had fired me. No need to dwell on the past.

"Oh! Okay..." Haley's head disappeared behind the wall. Stepping out of the cubicle, I nearly bumped into her.

What, did she run over here?

Haley looked up at me with a deathly serious expression. "You've got my contact info, right?"

I looked back into the cubicle, grabbed a sticky note that had the desk numbers for some of my coworkers, and pocketed it. "Got it." Maybe once this place was fully in my rearview mirror, I'd consider calling her. For now, I just wanted to get out before Tillings made a scene. If I'd left anything behind, it was good as gone, as far as I was concerned.

Not wanting to have to explain the situation, or even just make smalltalk, with anyone else, I walked with a purpose out of the office.

"Good luck, Jeremy..."

I only turned my head slightly and gave a single wave as I exited.

***

Making a sort of combination sigh and groan sound, I closed the browser window.

Not sure why I'm looking for another job in an office when I could barely stand the easy one I just got fired from.

There had been some truth in what I told Tillings earlier: I tended to do better when challenged, and that job had been anything but challenging. The pay wasn't much, but I felt

over

paid for the amount of work I had to complete. In retrospect, I probably should have at least put in some effort to make myself look busier.

Then there was the other part of my earlier talk with Tillings: if things got

too

challenging or stressful, I would mentally disengage and end up either rushing things or not finishing them at all. It was difficult to find the right balance, so I honestly didn't bother most of the time.

Deciding that I wasn't going to magically find the right job for me in one night, I booted up the fantasy MMORPG I got hooked on about a year ago.

Probably gonna have to unsubscribe until I find another source of income. Of course I would have just completed the surprisingly-long free trial part of the game.

It had taken me longer than average to reach this point because I struggled to commit to a job class, and ended up leveling most of them to the free trial's level cap before moving on. No, the irony had not been lost on me.

Unfortunately, within ten minutes of playing, I reached a point where I needed to party up with other players to complete a mandatory boss fight. I preferred playing solo as much as possible, but did enjoy the camaraderie of taking down a difficult boss with other people once in a while. This was just not the right day for that.

Brilliant move, Jer. Playing a massively multiplayer game when you'd rather avoid all human contact.

I pulled myself out of my chair and - even though it was 8:32 at night and I had been fired at around 10:00 this morning - changed out of my bland office casual getup and into a t-shirt and shorts. My parents had always made sure I was participating in some kind of sport or athletic activity in school. It was one of many things I liked to argue about at the time, but as I crept closer to my thirties, I was glad that I enjoyed jogging.

It was getting foggy out, so I knew I wouldn't be able to stay out too long. I locked up my apartment behind me and jogged down one of my more familiar routes, in case the fog thickened faster than I anticipated. The route went from the apartment complex's parking lot to a well-worn trail that, after about five minutes of light jogging, led to a small park. The plan for tonight was to reach the park, do a lap or two around the perimeter, then head back.

Within a couple minutes of stepping onto the trail, it felt like the temperature had dropped. Normally, at this time of year, my shirt-and-shorts combo was plenty sufficient for night jogging, but I found myself starting to shiver a little.

Between the temperature and the fog, I'll probably just head back home once I reach the park. And order a pizza. Makes perfect sense, athletically and financially.

Despite hoping to get my mind off of work, it was all I could think about as I continued along the path. Should I try to find another job working in an office as quickly as possible, no matter what it was, so I could look for something better without worrying about money? Was this an opportunity for me to find something else I enjoyed doing more than watching the clock all day? Would it be smarter to reconnect with my estranged mother after all these years, move in with her, and finish college?

Shuddering at the thought, I regained my focus, noticing that the fog had grown thicker while I was in my own head. On top of that, the ground felt too hard, and not like the somewhat-softer trail I was used to. I was about to make a one-eighty and head back the way I came, when I jogged into a wall.

CHAPTER 02 - Tunnel Vision

My instinct was to play off the incident as casually as possible, as if there was even a chance that anyone happened to be around. "Watch out for that last step," I chuckled awkwardly to no one in particular.

How far off the trail did I get? There aren't any buildings near the park.

I touched the wall and it felt craggy and uneven; definitely not man-made. As if revealing a secret, the fog seemed to fade out a bit... but in its absence was only darkness. I pulled out my phone to use its flashlight, and was confused to see a rock wall in front of me. Knowing full well that it couldn't lead to any

good

surprises, I slowly turned around.

I wasn't anywhere near the park. I wasn't even outside. I was in some kind of cave.

It's happened. Shit. I've finally gone from zoning out to full-on disassociation.

The overwhelming silence of this place hit me all at once, and I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard a single drop of water hit the ground. The ceiling barely exceeded my own six-foot height.

Seriously... where the fuck am I?

I moved the phone's flashlight slowly from one side of the cave to the other, fully expecting to find some

thing

that would proceed to attack me. The reality was almost worse: at one point, I thought I saw a tiny bit of movement right at the edge of the light that was gone in an instant. Just like when you spot a spider on the wall and then lose track of it, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up and my body was in a heightened state of alertness.

I checked the room from side-to-side again just to make sure I didn't miss anything. Sure enough, on my first sweep, I hadn't spotted what appeared to be a way out from this relatively small chamber while I was busy thinking about the movement I thought I saw. Next, I shined the light at the ground to make sure there weren't any animals or even just something I could trip over.

Good thing I did, because I

definitely

would have tripped over the body that lay several feet ahead of me. It seemed to be wearing a black cloak that was stained with dirt, so I only noticed that something was there because the light reflected off of something metallic. The body was laying on its front, with just one hand barely sticking out from under the dark cloak. In its grasp was a small dagger.

Seeing the cloak made me realize just how cold I was - a different sort of cold than the weather outside of my apartment. I only considered the pros and cons of taking a dead person's cloak before deciding it was better than having

two

corpses in this cave.

Are they actually dead, though? Maybe they're... unconscious. Or sleeping awkwardly in the worst place ever.

Taking a closer look, the body appeared to be that of a young man - maybe even in his late teens. He didn't appear to be breathing, and once I got the light onto his face, I could see that his skin was had turned blue and his eyes were wide open (at least, the one eye I could see from this angle). I had to turn the body over just slightly to reach the cloak's clasp, and gasped when I saw that the young man's neck had been torn open. The blood was smeared around the lower half of his face and all over his chest, and stained the ground beneath him.

The blood hadn't dried out yet. He definitely hadn't been dead for long.

My first instinct was to avoid touching the body again. With each passing moment in the cave, however, the cloak seemed like more of a necessity. I muttered a quiet apology as I cautiously removed the cloak from the corpse. Clasping the cloak around my neck instantly made me feel a little better. The material was unfamiliar to me (not that I could easily tell one sort of material from another), but felt a bit coarse and heavy.

I could now see that he was wearing of set of simple leather armor. Part of me wished I could "borrow" that armor, too, just to cover up the bare parts of my legs and arms, but I didn't feel comfortable enough trying to remove it from a corpse. The cloak would have to be enough for now.

My eyes moved back to the dagger, and soon I crouched down to gently remove it from the corpse's hand.

As long as I'm cosplaying to save my life, I may as well go all the way.

Expecting the skin to be cold, I was kinda freaked out to find that it was still a little warm.

Wearing an old t-shirt, pair of shorts, and a dirty black cloak, I felt like the world's worst trick-or-treater in his homemade Dracula costume. Actually, with the dagger, I was more like a mall ninja on a severe budget. I turned it around, inspecting it from all angles. It didn't seem to be

exceptional

in any way, but definitely sturdier than something you'd find in a mall, and not nearly as flashy.

Alright, what's the safest way to carry th--

"FUCK!"

My curse was drowned out by snarls that echoed through the small chamber. Pain, increasing with each passing second, shot through my left leg. I fumbled with my phone while thrashing my leg to remove whatever it was that had latched on. Even with the flashlight, it was hard to get a good look because of all the movement.

It was a filthy creature, with large clumps of its matted fur missing, revealing scabby skin. About the size of a corgi - an especially well-fed corgi - its jagged teeth were clamped shut on my flesh. Shaking and kicking my leg seemed futile, and only made it start scratching wildly with its thin claws.

"Get the hell off me!" I dropped my phone so I could move the dagger to my left hand, but the creature was still out of reach. In the moment, it seemed that my only choice was to bend my knee, moving the leg closer to the blade. The creature made a gurgling squeal as I flailed the dagger around wildly, cutting its skin, but not particularly deep. In retaliation, it swiped its claws at me, tearing part of my shirt as well as some of my skin beneath.

Gritting my teeth, I turned the dagger slightly in my hand and stabbed it down onto the creature's back as hard as I could. It stopped clawing at my waist in shock. I pulled the dagger out and thrust it back in, then started repeating the motion faster. Finally, after several more strikes, the disgusting thing stopped making noise, and I felt the grip of its jaws loosen slightly. I growled in pain and continued stabbing it again and again just to make completely sure it was dead.

I pulled its teeth off of my leg, then turned enough to kick the beast away with my other foot. Panting and shaking, I retrieved my phone and took a good look at my leg. Its teeth had really dug into me, and I needed to do something about the bleeding. On the plus side, its claws hadn't managed to cut into me that much. My waist was bleeding, but it was minor in comparison to my leg.

Unsure exactly

how

to deal with the wounds, I settled on tearing off some of the cloak before giving my brain a chance to overthink the situation. I tied it around my leg, but I knew it wouldn't do much for me in the long run. Thinking back to first aid classes I had taken as a teenager, all I knew was that tourniquets could be used as a last-ditch effort to stop bleeding, but that it came with different drawbacks.

Let's see how bad it gets first. I just need to get the fuck out of here.

I took a deep breath. There were times when it was wisest to stay where you were if you got lost, but ending up in a mystery cave when I should have been ten minutes from my apartment felt like a rare exception.

I pointed my flashlight at the dead creature to get a good look at it. With its bulging eyes and long, hairless, tail, it looked like a deformed cross between an opossum and a rat, but much bigger.

Rising shakily to my feet, the pain in my leg increased, but it wasn't so bad that I couldn't move.

Just gonna have to deal with it for now.

The cave had returned to its previous eerie silence, broken only by my slow steps. I made my way to the exit I spotted earlier. The chamber I was in appeared to be connected to a long passage that led... well, I wasn't sure, but it definitely didn't lead directly outside, as I'd hoped. I sighed. That would have been too easy.

So long as it doesn't lead me deeper into wherever-this-is.

You know that feeling you get in-between turning off a light and fully exiting the room? I was feeling that times ten; worried that there was something right behind me in the dark. My hands clutched my phone and the dagger tightly, my body tensed up, and I made short-but-speedy steps into the passage. The adrenaline had the bonus effect of distracting me from the pain, so things were looking up!

The narrow passage twisted and turned often, and I kept getting my hopes up that I'd see a way out around each bend. I was careful about shining the flashlight ahead of me for too long. There was no need to alert anything to my presence if it could be avoided, but I made sure to check the ground ahead of me every so often.

My breathing quickened when the ceiling - already too short for my comfort - got lower, and I had to crouch down uncomfortably to proceed.

Shit... is it going to be like this the rest of the way? What if it gets even tighter?

I began to relax as the ceiling rose up again a few minutes later, until I realized the passage had opened up into another chamber.

Anything could be in here. Gotta stay cautious.

As I was wondering what would be the best way to get a feel for the chamber's layout, inspiration hit me. With my flashlight turned off, I opened up my phone's camera, turned it to landscape orientation, and snapped a photo. The flash lit up the room momentarily, and now I could refer to the photo instead of constantly shining the light around... or trying to rely on my memory.

While I was proud of my idea, I still tried to keep my expectations in check. I'd seen enough horror movies to know that this would be the moment in which something even worse than the rat-thing would be revealed. What I

actually

saw in the photo, however, was worse.

CHAPTER 03 -- "Didelphimorodentia", maybe?

I turned up the brightness on my phone to make sure I was seeing things right. Unfortunately, I was.

The chamber I had just entered was like some sort of junction: in the photo I could see at least four passages. For all I knew, there were even more outside of the shot's frame.

To say that my mind started to distract itself by thinking about other things would be an understatement. At first, my thoughts were still somewhat related to the situation. Scenes in movies involving elaborate mazes, video games with or without convenient in-game maps, Greek myths, video games

inspired

by Greek myths...

It spiraled from there, and took a sharp pain to snap me out of my reverie - I had started to shift my weight onto my injured leg. Using that pain to help me focus, I looked at the photo again to see if any of the passages looked more promising than the others.

There was something odd at the bottom of the image that was only partially in frame. It appeared small and lumpy, but had a slightly different color than the rest of the cave. Zooming in didn't help. I would have to check it out with the flashlight.

I turned on the light, keeping my thumb over it so I could reveal more or less as-needed. I kept it pointed at the ground directly in front of me and took a few cautious steps into the chamber. After a minute, I felt confident enough to angle my phone to shine the light further ahead.

The odd shape from the photo was another one of those big rat-opossum-things.

Opossrodent? Ratsupial? I'll settle on something eventually.

Fortunately, it was dead - nearly cut in half, and it seemed like it happened somewhat recently. The wound was something only a weapon could make... unless there were other strange creatures here with that sort of capability.

Okay, let's assume that an actual person went through here not too long ago. Maybe I can track them down? Not sure what kind of person goes around in caves, slicing up animals, but I'd probably be safer with them than alone.

Much less concerned about being attacked by any rats in this chamber, I started shining my light down the various passages to see if anything stood out. Sure enough, maybe fifty feet down one of them, I saw two more dead rats.

Okay, they went this way... or is this the way they came from?