Penelope and Billie help me get dressed into my dress uniform for my retirement ceremony. As always, I am wearing the pants and not the skirt with it. My ribbons are measured, the metal and buttons are polished, and my shoes are shined. I pull by hair into a tight bun and adjust it so my cap can remain firmly on. Chief of Police gave me the go ahead to dress as if I was a detective, but I opted to do this the right way. It's a little rigid, but my sling still works in it.
I look at myself in the mirror and sigh. Ten years of my life. Everything I ever worked toward, taken by one asshole who got a lucky shot off.
There is a knock at my door and I ask one of them to get it. Penelope leaves the room to get the door, while Billie takes a cue tip and polishes anything shiny.
"This isn't the end. Get a new routine," Billie reminds me, and I give her a small smile.
"Dad!" I hear Penelope shout from the living room. My heart races as I leave my room and see my father in the living room, Penelope still holding him.
Sylvester Oliver Simpson. Yes, my father's initials are literally SOS. My parents starting having kids late, my dad was in his mid-forties when I was born, so he's already in his seventies, but it's hard to tell with him because he aged well. Still an imposing looking man who would never impose. His eyes are full of life. The pace and smoothness of his voice and words was astonishing. No stammering from age, nor did he suffer from a voice that sounded tired at its core.
My dad came dressed for the occasion. For thirty seven years he worked as a fireman, and he stood in my apartment dressed in his service uniform. He teaches aspiring EMTs now, even at his age. It was obvious he was a once a much more built man, but he wore it proudly. When he saw me in mine, he gave a salute with a stern look on his face.
I snap to attention and returned it. We both drop our salute, laugh, and hug.
"Hey dad, I didn't know you were coming. I was going to tell you after because it was so short notice, even for me I thought you couldn't make it," I say, letting him go and seeing Billie walk out of my room. "This is Billie, my friend." Billie looks absolutely delighted I didn't say neighbor.
"Pleasure to meet you," Dad says and shakes her hand. "We heading out soon, or do I have time to enjoy a cup of coffee?"
"We can make one to go," I say and show him to the kitchen and the keureg. He's old, not helpless. He knows how to work a keureg.
We all take one car, Penelope driving, Billie in the front with Dad and I in the back. We talk the entire time, mostly about how crappy the Cardinals are this season. I don't follow the sport but I assume he's right. When we arrive I climb out of the car and realize I forgot my hat, but Dad already has it. He walks around and places it on my head for me, and then fixes my tie a little.
"You have nothing to be ashamed of. You gave all you could, and no one will ever be able to take that away from you," Dad says as he pulls to tighten it, and correct its position. He knows that this is what I need to hear.
"Thanks Dad," I say and face the building. "Let's retire."
-
"Detective Jill Simpson, entered the academy in August of 2007. It was clear from the very beginning this was a person who would excel in this career field. Graduating top of her class, she began as a patrol officer, in June of 2008. Her leadership was impressed and spoke her praise frequently. A clear minded and competent police officer was the consensus by anyone who ever evaluated her performance. Soon it was clear in record arrests and convictions.
"In 2010 she received her first promotion, to the rank of Police Officer, First grade. This was the first time in her career she was entrusted with leadership responsibilities. Again, she excelled. Officers trained under her, many of whom are sitting in this room, have told me that it was the finest training they had received. They truly learned from the best in an unappreciated police competency; peaceful conflict resolution. Detective Simpson codified in a generation of young officers the power of displaying respect to those we have all sworn to protect.
"In 2014 she was again, promoted, this time to Patrol Sergeant. Within a year she was offered the promotion to lieutenant, which she refused, fearing she was not ready for that so soon. The average experience of an officer offered that promotion is twelve years. She was again asked in 2016, and again she refused it. However, wanting to challenge herself more, Detective Simpson took the detectives exam, receiving the highest score in her group in the written exam, the range, and physical requirements.
"In the relatively short time she was a detective, she displayed the same level of competence and dedication that had characterized her career which was cut short.
"Detective Simpson was wounded in action and can no longer serve. This ceremony is to show that we do not forget those who gave so much and allows us to honor her service. Thank you, Detective Simpson, for ten years as one of our finest officers."
The chief of police himself gave that speech. Chief Zorn is so dedicated he tracked down anyone I worked with and asked about me. Many officers who retire get an audience of a dozen people. I'm overwhelmed with over a hundred men and women in their best dress. Is this my impact?
I'm seated behind the podium to the right from the view of the audience. When the chief is finished speaking, I walk over to the podium and look at the crowd. I am amazed how many of them I recognize. Some I worked with for years. Others, I had a small relationship in passing. A few I had only seen a once or twice, but they stood out the most.
Sitting front row was a young woman to whom I was the responding officer to her domestic abuse call. Also present was Natalie Hawthorn, the girl Derek and I rescued. A couple with a toddler in the mothers lap I pulled over for speeding three years ago. They were speeding because she was in labor, so I told them to hug my bumper and follow me. A man who's store got robbed while I was in it off duty. All of the people I had helped. I don't even know how they knew I was retiring.
"Thank you all for coming..." I start, but I don't know how to continue. I have never been one to stammer or stutter, and not know what to say. Today I'm drawing a blank.
"I had no expectation this many people would show up..." I say, and I stop again.
"I'm not good at speeches, and I never have been, so I'll keep it short. Thank you, Chief Zorn for giving me something impossible to follow." The room laughs, easing my tension a little. "I'd like to thank the leadership and mentors I've had at every point in my career." All of those leaders and mentors are here. "The knowledge you handed down to me was invaluable, and saved my life, and by extension others, more times than I could count.
"For the new police officers, the next generation about the patrol the streets, the most powerful weapon you have is respect. How you approach a situation, determines more often than not if you draw your gun. No one likes police, until they need them. Put that in the back of your mind, and never forget it.
"Like I said, I'd like to keep this short. Thanks again for coming," I conclude and return to my seat.
The ceremony is complete when my detective shield was put onto a plaque and put onto a wall with other plaques. My badge number is officially retired. No one in the future of this department will ever have my badge number. This does not happen to every person who retires. Few on that wall are on put on it when they're still alive. Most receive the honor posthumously. This is like Derek receiving the Medal of Honor for his military service.
This cements the fact being a police officer was exactly what I was supposed to be doing with my life. Nothing but that. I'm not meant for anything else. I can't do anything else. There is nothing I will be as good at. I don't even Derek to fall back on anymore.
I shake hands and smile. I thank people for coming and excuse myself and go to the bathroom. Locking the door behind me, I walk to the mirror to look at my face. Instantly I break down in a fit of tears. I'm leaning on the sink with my good arm, before I sit on the floor like a little girl again.
In just a few months I lost everything. Not only is my career over, I have people telling me I should be happy I get a retirement. I'm probably not getting Derek back, just when I began to develop ambitions I never knew I had. Before I met Jesse, I would have never illegally used police resources to track down his mother and threaten her to make her leave them alone. That was pure maternal instinct. Jesse became my cub, and someone threatened my cub.
