Sometime late in the night, there's noise in the cell block and I wake up with a start. An awful stench fills my nostrils. I'm sharing my lockup with a drunk who has been sick in the cell and all over himself too. It smells so bad that I start to wretch dry heaves. Damn, I hope my bodyguards Alphonse and Arturo show up early in the morning to get me out of here!
Then I see two passed out drunks being dragged to the holding cell next to mine. They're sick and moaning miserably. The light comes on in their cell and I recognize them- my two guys, my bodyguards!
I wanted the cops to let them know I'm in jail so they could get the room and rental car keys. But it didn't happen, and the stupid asses drank themselves half to death, probably blowing all their money on girls at the bar. Now we all have a new home tonight. I fall back to sleep on a rough bench wondering about tomorrow.
In the morning, a cop comes rattling big keys to let them out. They're free to go, so I give them the motel key and tell them to bring the car while I stay for some questioning. The duty cop sits across a small table from me with a pen and a pad of paper.
"So, why were you out by those trucks behind the bar last night?"
"I told the guys who brought me in that I had to piss."
"You can do better than that! Come on, or we'll be here all day. I'll get paid but you won't."
"OK. OK. I'm Wesley Bruce Arundel, Head of Acquisitions at the Peruvian National Museum of Archaeology in Lima. Here's my card."
"Really! Be serious. You look more like a truck driver to me."
"It's just a disguise..."
"Then why were you sneaking around the parking lot of a rough bar, Mr. Arundel?"
"Ancient artifacts are brought into Brazil and sold to international collectors. I think truckers are somehow getting them out of Peru, and I came here to see if my hunch is right."
"Hmm....You should have said that last night instead of sleeping in here."
"I didn't get a chance. Not with a pistol stuck in my back."
"We can't take any chances over there. It's a mean area. Anyway, you're free to go now, but don't go back there. Clear out of Rio Branco. Go back to Peru and let the police look after your problem."
"Yes, we'll go this morning. I'll wait here 'til my buddies come back with the car."
He's curious about the artifact smuggling, so we talk over a coffee. As I tell him more about my trip up to the Peru-Brazil border region, it's clear that he doesn't know anything about the problem. Drugs and human trafficking, yes, but the illegal trade in cultural pieces, no. I leave him with my contact information in case anything turns up.
Eventually Alphonse and Arturo are back. We drive over to the motel room we never slept in, and use it to shower, change our clothes, and eat some breakfast. My bodyguards are badly hung over, so they load up on juice and headache pills. We finish up with black coffee, load our things into the car and leave. There's nothing more to do in Rio Branco.
"We going back home now, right Jag?" Arturo asks hopefully.
I don't reply at first, so Alphonse speaks up.
"You're going the wrong way, boss!"
"We're on our way to the last stop, Porto Velho."
"Hey... where's that?"
"In Brazil."
"How far?"
"About eight hours following the bus route."
"Shit, man! We'll die before we even get there! My head is pounding."
"Just don't puke in the car. We'll stop every few hours and get there tonight."
"Come on, Jag. Give us a break!"
I look straight ahead and don't say anything, so they slump back trying to fall asleep. Soon they're out like a light and stay that way while I drive through increasingly tropical terrain on the paved road to our last stop in Brazil. We can't get there soon enough
After a few hours I pull into a small town for gas and the brothers wake up. A stretch, a drink, and we're on our way again with Arturo driving. I'd like to catch some sleep, but my body guards are feeling better, and start to brag about their escapades the night before.
"Mine was so hot! She was like a rabbit- every way possible!"
"Nita, she was more a vacuum cleaner. I never had one like her, and she couldn't get enough of me!"
"Maria was an awesome lay. And I gave it to her so good that she's probably hoping I'll be back tonight for some more!"
"Mine told me nobody was better, that my dick was amazing. I turned her inside out with it, man!"
It's hard to listen to this.
"So, do you private room studs have any money left, or did these girls get it all?"
"I still have some," one of them claims while the other one just looks away.
"How much?"
"Enough for a few beers, maybe."
"And you?"
"Can you lend me some until we get back, Jag?"
I have to laugh at them. They're burning through money fast, but having the time of their lives. I just hope they aren't bringing home some disease picked up from all these hookers.