Confessions of a Rust Belt Swinger 08

Note: The following stand-alone story is part of our continuing swinging adventures. I hope you find at least some of these stories humorous.

Chapter 8: In Da Club Part II: Normal? Normal!

I guess you could say that our first trip to a swinger's club could be considered a success. Well, somewhat of a success. You know. A bit. I mean, Anne did get laid. Me? Well, um, it was interesting to say the least. I guess it was enough of a success that we decided that we would visit another club when we had a chance.

That chance came in the form of a wedding.

No, the wedding wasn't at the swinger's club. That would be fucking gross. Well, there would be fucking. And it would definitely be gross. Perhaps the wedding party all fucking while the bride gave the groom head. Whatever. It would be weird. No, gross. Like I said before.

Anyway.

The wedding was at a farm, or an orchard or something. I really don't remember. But it was in another city from where we lived. A city with a few swinger's clubs to choose from. So, in addition to our wedding garb, we decided to pack some hot and nasty swinger clothes!

Yeah, um, no. As we realized from our first adventure out to a club, we had no swinger clothes. Hell, we were lucky that we had any clothes that didn't make us look like an Amish couple. So, on our way into town, we stopped at a mall to shop. We kind of wandered around at first. I mean, it's not likes there's a swinger store at the mall. At least, not at the mall that we went to. That would be cool though. Big Al's House of Swinging! All your favorite slutwear! Fuck me shoes! Micro-minis! Mesh tops!

We ended up in a department store to do our shopping. Penny's. Or Sears. And who are we kidding? We were shopping for Anne. Me? I could have shown up in a potato sack with a rope belt. What difference would it make? It's the ladies that are the ones putting on a show at the club.

Anyway, we're walking around the woman's clothes section of the store. And we've got nothing. No spark. No wow. No, "HOLY FUCK I WANNA RIP THAT OFF OF YOU AND RAM MY HUGE, THICK MEMBER INTO YOU UNTIL I EXPLODE!!!"

Nothing.

Until Anne said that it was time to head over to the junior miss section.

Ah Ha! Now here were the young, hip clothes! Here was Anne and lots of young hip people! And they were all showing each other cute little outfits! Fancy shoes and frilly little underwear!!

And then there was me.

Standing in the junior miss section and looking like Chester the fucking molester. I was expecting a team of mall cops to jump out and tackle my ass any second. Maybe Taser my balls just for good measure.

Hey, it was all good. Until Anne told me to hold her purse while she went to try on some tiny little clothes.

Perfect. Now the monster has a cute little purse to go along with his pure evilness. It was like time stopped and everyone was just staring at me. Little girls stopped and gawked. Moms looked like they were going to throw up -- the bile pooling in their mouths as they gaped at the middle aged dude with the purse standing in between the teen girl clothes.

I smiled. I looked down. I moved away. And found myself standing right in front of the thongs and bras.

Fuck.

At about the time that the swat team was triangulating and moving in on my position, Anne thankfully came back. In her hand she held a tiny little plaid skirt and an equally tiny sweater shirt thing. Now, I could see her shimmying into the little skirt, but there was no way that the sweater was slipping over her large breasts.

No. Fucking. Way.

I saw fiber tearing. I saw cloth groaning as it attempted to cover her giant sweater meat.

Ha! Sweater Meat.

"It stretches," said Anne, as she looked at my face and read my mind. I had such a one track mind.

Booooobs.

"Oh." Great answer big guy. Quite the Shakespeare of English there, aren't you?

"You ok?" she asked.

"Sure," I answered as we walked by the team of security guys. I smiled their way. They gave me a death glare.

Just peachy.

We paid for the stuff and I thought that we were done. I hoped that we were done. I didn't think that the mall police would be too happy if we weren't done.

We weren't done.

"Shoes," said Anne.

Shoes? What was wrong with her shoes? How the fuck should I know? I didn't even know what shoes she was wearing. Was she wearing shoes? Shoes?

But that's what she said she needed.

Fuck Me Shoes.

Nice. Black. Super High Heeled. Glossy. Bow on the Toe.

Fuck me shoes.

I had to admit, they made the outfit.

Tiny skirt. Tight top. And a hot pair of black fuck me shoes to finish it off.

Ok. Now that Anne had her swinger uniform, we were good to go!

Well, we were good to go to the wedding first. It was nice. I think. I mean, it was really hard to concentrate on it when I knew that in less than twenty four hours I was going to be fucking another woman!

Um, I hoped to be fucking another woman! Hmmmm, how about just seeing another woman naked!

Good enough for me!

Booooooobs!!!!

After the wedding was over, we drove to a hotel. It was close to the club. In fact, the club's website recommended this hotel.

Did the front desk people know? Did they know about the club? Did they know that we were going there? I couldn't help but think that they looked at us just a little, uh, differently when we checked in.

"Psssst, Marge!"

"Yeah Bob?"

"I got another couple for that fuck place checking in right now!"

"Hello? Right here! We can hear you!"

"Here's your *snicker* room key sir. . . not that you're *snort* gonna need it!"

Yeah, great. Well, after that horrifying experience (at least in my mind) we went up to the room to change for the evening.

Anne looked fantastic. A walking wet dream. The skirt was micro short. And she was right. The top did stretch. But her huuuuuge boobs looked even huger-er. And to top it off?

Fuck me shoes.

I wanted to take her right there on the hotel room floor.

Me? Chinos and a button down. Like I said, who fucking cares what the dude is wearing??

"Holy cow! That guy over there is on fire! Right over there! In the corner!!!!"

"Who gives a shit? Is his wife hot?"

Anyway, my hot looking wife and I headed out. Past the giggling front desk folks ("fuck you two, I'm going to get laid, bitches!") and out into the night.

The club's website was correct. It was only a few minutes from the hotel. Was it in the best part of town? What do you think? It's a fucking swinger club, not a goddamn country club.

It was in a shitty part of town. I think Anne and I hit the power door lock at the same time. But swinging isn't for the faint-hearted!! We would prevail! We would conquer!

We would quickly drive into the fenced in lot and pray to all that was holy that our car would still be there when we left the club later that night.

Walking in, we saw the typical entrance (just a little area with a window to fill out the forms and hand over the cash), paid our fees and went in.

And were pleasantly surprised. I mean, it wasn't your typical swinger club. You know, big empty rooms, some chairs scattered around a dance area, porn playing on some t.v.'s and then the private rooms off to the side for fucking.

This was more of the feeling of a house party. It was smaller. Cozier. Dare I say, even quaint? Well, maybe not quaint. I mean, it is a swing club.

But it was packed. Really. Packed with people. All seemingly having a good time. Anne and I walked around, checking out the scene. The people were talking, the people were dancing and better yet, the people seemed like regular people.

Weird.

In fact, this could have been a party anywhere. Just a group of folks getting together and having some drinks and some good conversations.

Until I looked over at one point and saw a woman standing naked in a room talking to some other people. Not that I minded. Because she had a rather big set of tits and was kinda hot. But it did jolt me out of my reverie of believing that this was just a regular, everyday party. This was a swing club and these people were here to swing baby!

Well, Anne and I didn't know a soul. So we walked around again. Checking things out. It was not easy to mingle. Well, we're not good at mingling. More specifically, not good at mingling at swing clubs. You think there's a class on that?

"Oh, hi there. Nice to meet you. Wonderful weather we're having these days. Can your wife swallow my fuck sausage now please?"

Anyway, after non-mingling for a while, we soon found ourselves in one of the smaller rooms of the club that also happened to have a pool table in it. This was good. We knew how to play pool! We wouldn't look like complete bozos doing it. Perhaps we could play some pool and meet people! A fantastic idea.

Of course, about thirty other people had the exact same fantastic idea.

So, we stood around. Kinda of looking at other people. Kind of not. It's a weird vibe. We all know why we're there. And yet, we all act shy and pretend that we're simply mingling and not, you know, checking out boobs or crotches and wondering what it would be like to fuck that hot woman or man standing across the room.

Soon though, we got some pool cues and we were playing pool.

Yes!

And we played.

Pool.

Hell, I could have done this at a local bar and saved a shitload of money getting into the club. But, Anne and I were having a good time, even if we weren't, um, connecting with anyone? We weren't mingling.

Until we started mingling.

Wait. What?

I'm not quite sure how it happened. We had played a game against one couple. I don't think they spoke a word to us other than, "You wanna play?" Fortunately, we beat them at eight ball and they moved on to another room. So we began playing with the next couple waiting to get on the table. The guy was taller than me and a bit stocky. His wife was about the same height as Anne, brown hair and big tits.

I always look at the tits.

What can I tell you? I'm a guy.

More importantly, however, we began talking to them. A real honest to goodness conversation about everyday life! They had names! Jay and Sherry! And they were nice! Holy shit Jay and Sherry the pool playing couple were nice!

I have to admit. We were a little spooked. Based on recent experiences, we kept on waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like it turns out that they were actually brother and sister. Or perhaps they were on the run from the law for killing an entire school bus filled with monks or something.

Something.

But, we just chatted. And hung out. They were very low key about the whole swinging scene.

Same as us.

They had not had many swinging experiences.

Same as us.

She had a nice big set of knockers.

Same as, um, well, Anne!

Soon enough, though, they beat us as pool. Damn you nice pool playing shark couple! As there were others waiting, we couldn't continue to play and chat. Jay and Sherry stayed at the table and Anne and I decided to walk around the club a bit to see who or what else was there.

If I thought it was crowded before, I was wrong. It was really crowded now. But the place still had a good party vibe. Again, no fucking on the tables, just people dancing and drinking and having fun. Anne and I talked about Jay and Sherry as we wandered through the club.

"So what do you think?"

"What do you think?"

"I asked you first."

"Yeah, but I asked you."

I think we had that same conversation about twenty-seven times before we ended up back where we started. In the pool room. Jay and Sherry were still there, chatting in the corner. We walked back over to them and picked up where we left off.

Jay soon pointed out to me that the shirt that Sherry was wearing was long enough to be considered a dress. A short dress, but a dress nonetheless. I guess. She was wearing a wraparound black skirt as well because she wasn't sure if she wanted to be wearing just the short shirt/dress around.

"Show 'em honey," he asked her.

"Ok," she shyly responded. Jay was very persuasive. And she was very cute. And did I mention the big melons? With the quick rip of Velcro, the black skirt came off. Sure enough, the shirt was a dress. Very nice. I felt like I should ask Anne to take something off as well, but there just wasn't that much to her slutty little outfit to begin with. I noticed that Jay was eyeballing Anne's big breasts as I was mentally taking inventory of her clothes. Glad to see that we had similar tastes!

So, we were chatting. We were getting along, and another woman had already taken off a piece of clothing! This was great! This was awesome! This was smoky.

Smoky?

Yep. As in, filled with smoke.

No, the club was not on fire. It was just that people were smoking. A lot of them. What is it with swinging and smoking? Jay and Sherry, like us, did not smoke. We were soon commenting on it. That's when Jay said that the second floor of the club was specifically non-smoking.

Really? Great! Let's go! So we went up to the second floor. It was definitely less smoky. But really, where did the owners of the club think all of that smoke was gonna go? However, it was definitely easier to breathe and see Sherry's boobs.

Mmmmmmm, boobs.

So we chatted and drank. Well, I know that Anne and Sherry were drinking some wine. I was driving so I had a coke. It was very relaxed. We talked about our swinging experiences and what we were looking for.

What we were looking for? Naked women!! Wooo.

Well, in my head I was saying that. I'm sure I mumbled something about everyone having a good time and that we were just looking to have fun and not a lot of stress.

Blah, blah, blah.

I wanted to see some boobies! I wanted someone to swallow me down to my berries! I wanted. . .

Anyway.

The problem with swinging is that the lady is in control. That's the reality. I could have wanted a supermodel to come out, sit on my face and wiggle. But if Anne wasn't into it, then it wasn't gonna happen. That's just one of the rules of swinging.

The Second Rule of Swinging. The woman is always in control.

Sorry guys, but she calls the shots. You may be the co-pilot, but she the one that tells you when to take off and when to land. So while I could certainly see myself taking stuff off with Sherry, I had no idea what Anne was thinking about in regard to Jay. She was a bit less than specific during our deep conversation of "What do you think? I don't know, what do you think?"

So there I sat. And pondered. Oh, I was still engaged in idle chit chat. But the real conversation was going on inside my head. The same one that I imagined was going on in Jay's head as we sat with these two scantily clad ladies.

"So when can we go upstairs to the private rooms? Man, I really wanna see her naked. I wanna slide my cock in between those luscious flesh pillows. I wanna stick my tongue so far up her pussy that I lick her tonsils. I wanna hear her scream like a banshee as she orgasms for the fourth time on my rock hard flesh missile. I wanna. . ."

You get the idea. It was quite a conversation going on in my head. Well, monologue.

As I tried to refocus my energy on the conversation with Jay and Sherry, I caught the tail end of a conversation about wondering what the rooms on the third floor looked like.

HELLO! Um, excuse me? Can we rewind a bit so I can hear that whole "let's go upstairs" thing again?

Of course, I couldn't say that because then Anne would know that I was completely zoned out and thinking about smushing my face deep into Sherry's large cleavage. So, I had to act naturally. You know, wait for the conversation to progress to actually going upstairs to check out the private rooms. With beds. And sheets. And bowls filled with condoms.

I drained my coke.

Chewed on some ice.

It was like waiting for a water to boil. I decided I needed to stop looking at the kettle and so I excused myself to grab another coke from the kitchen area of the club.

Yes, this club had a kitchen area. I told you it was like some weird house party.

Anyway, I headed downstairs and as I'm in the kitchen getting another coke, this guy walks up to me.

"Hey," he said, "I saw you walking around the club before." He paused. "Was that your wife with you?"

I looked at him. Seemed normal enough. "Yeah," I answered. "This is our first time here and we were just checking the place out."

"Well, she's hot," he said. He looked out of the kitchen area and pointed to a woman standing in the next room. "That's my wife."

I looked over. The woman he was pointing at was good looking. Very, actually.

"If you guys wanted to um, get together," he continued, "we would really be into that."

WHAT?? Are you kidding me? I've spent all this time trying to just get together with one couple and now it seems they're falling out of the fucking sky at me? Is this a joke? Where's the camera? This kind of shit just doesn't happen to me. Two hot women that I could maybe, perhaps, like almost get together with? I mean, Sherry is upstairs, waiting and seems ready to get naked. Maybe. Possibly? And now down here is a hot woman and husband who want to get it on. Like now? What to do! What to do?

And then I realized that he was staring at me.

Fuck! How long has this conversation been going on in your head you moron??? Say something!! Say something!!

"So, um, what do you do?"

What do you do? What kind of fucking comment is that you dope? This isn't a goddam job interview shithead! This is a chance to fuck some other woman while your wife gets pounded next to you! Are you gonna ask him what kind of car he drives next? Loser.

"Actually," he said. "I'm in the government." He paused. "So I don't like to talk about what I do."

Huh? What is he, a goddamned spy? Does he have a license to kill? Who cares what the fuck he does? Ok, now the little red "weirdo" flag is starting to go up. I'm in the government? For all I know, that means he's a freakin' toll booth attendant.

"Um, oh. Uh, ok," I answered. What the fuck else do you say after you get that kind of verbal slap down?

"So, anyway," he says, looking at me. Uh, oh. Decision time. Is it the sure, but possibly whacked out of their fucking heads, thing with this guy and his wife or back to the normal, but possibly nothing actually happening thing with Jay and Sherry?

I'm going normal! Alex, I'll take normal for one thousand dollars!!

"Um, yeah, well, we're kind of chatting with another couple upstairs and, um, well, we may be heading up to, uh, one of the rooms, ah, soon. So. . . "

Smooth.

"Really?" he said. "Up to one of the rooms?" His whole face lit up.

Uh oh.

"Could we maybe join you guys?"

Say what? This foursome becomes a, um, sixsome? Is that even legal? Six of us? Will we fit in the room? Is that an orgy? Am I ready for an orgy? Does Anne want an orgy?

Will you stop with the fucking internal conversations!!!

"Well, um, ah, I don't know, but maybe," I replied as I began to walk out of the room. With my coke. I didn't stop to hear a response. I just went. I scurried back up to the second floor.

I admit it. I panicked. I just did not know how to handle the scene. Some cool smooth guy would have had all the ladies naked and been banging away in some giant writhing mass of female flesh, but me? Well, I'm an idiot who overthinks things WAAAY too much. And I couldn't wrap my head around trying to introduce this new couple to Anne, Jay and Sherry.

I went back over to where they were still sitting and Anne gave me one of those, "Where have you been?" kind of looks. Not a look like, "I'm gonna kill you cause I need to get away from these freaks!" It was more of a, "Hey, I'm having a good time with these people and you're missing it" kind of looks.

Or perhaps she was just pretty buzzed from the cheap wine and simply smiled at me when I sat down.