Confessions Of A Rust Belt Swinger 04

Note: This is a stand-alone story, but part of our continuing adventures as a swinger couple. I hope you find at least some of these adventures humorous. Thanks.

Chapter 4: Riding Fat Women and Dildoes: Worst County Song Ever!

Ok, so we had a somewhat successful encounter with Misty and Kevin at the Knight's Inn. I mean, I saw another woman naked! Anne was naked! Hell, I was naked! And even though we were fooling around on one bed and they were going at it on another, I figured that we had finally started truly swinging with other couples. The great swinging adventure! Woo!

Woo.

So now what? I mean, I wasn't sure how to take it all to the next level. You know. Actual sex with another person level. People. Sex with other people! How do we have sex with other people? Well, I know how to have sex with other people. It's just how do you make it happen? And who the fuck do we do it with?

Well, Kevin and Misty seemed to be the obvious choice. I mean, think about it. We'd been naked together and were still talking to each other. And even though we didn't have a lot in common with them, we'd come a long way since the whole puking thing at the Mexican restaurant.

So, Anne and I decided to keep trying to get together with Kevin and Misty to see where things might go. And by that I mean go to bed. To fuck.

Hopefully.

An additional positive about Kevin and Misty is that several times when I was chatting with them, they told me about all of these absolutely wild times that they had with some other friends of theirs at a local bar. Crazy, crazy times. With women.

Hello!

That of course, piqued my interest immediately. Um, because, uh, ah,

Ah, who the fuck am I kidding? Women having crazy sexual times with each other? I wanna know about it!! I wanna watch it!!! I wanna stick my face in it and do a motorboat!

Whew.

Anyway, I asked them for more details about these wild nights at the bar. Kevin and Misty explained that when they were out with some female friends of theirs, Misty and the other girls tended to get a bit crazy. After drinking vast amounts of alcoholic beverages served in foofy glasses with umbrellas, some dirty dancing and heavy flirting would inevitably occur. Between the women. Usually after lots of drinking, dancing and flirting the girls would then dare each other to make out and of course they would end up doing it.

Zoinks!!!

Kevin told me that one night when they were at the bar, one of the other women that they were with dared Misty to give her a lap dance. Misty was apparently up to the challenge, and Kevin said that almost instantly, Misty's tiny little body was grinding all over the other woman's lap. Meanwhile, the other woman was running her hands around Misty's back and breasts, down to her legs and across her thong-covered pussy. Misty's little mini-skirt was riding up higher and higher as Kevin and the other ladies cheered them on. Kevin said that things were ultimately cut short by one of the bouncers at the bar. It seemed that while they were willing to let a lot of the activities go on, Misty and this other lady had managed to cross the line.

*thwump*

I think my dick hit the underside of the desk as I read Kevin's online description of that night at the bar. Visions of hot supermodel women danced lustily through my head, grinding hard on each other, their large breasts mashing together, their pussies getting soaked with excitement and desire. As they moved together on the dance floor, their flimsy tops would barely be able to keep their perfectly shaped, gravity-defying triple-D breasts from bursting out. Hands would slide down to micro-mini skirts, lifting them up and exposing incredible asses, barely covered in flimsy see-through thong panties.

Holy shit! I had to get to this bar!!! This could perhaps be the greatest place in the entire universe! All men needed to know about it! There should be ads about this bar in the newspaper! There should be a guy on every street corner yelling into a bullhorn about this magical land of sex-crazed love goddesses, ready to play with each other in a hot sweaty naked pile of fun!

So I told Anne about it. Surely she would see how important it was for us to engage in this fantastical experience! This wonderful adventure! This incredible orgy of humanity!

She did not share my enthusiasm.

While she didn't exactly say no to going, she certainly wasn't frantically checking her calendar to see when we might have a free night in the next few days. All in all, she was rather apathetic about it.

Why? Why damn you why?????

Which, of course, I said on the inside. To Anne I said, "C'mon. I mean, let's just go one night. We don't have to stay that long if we don't like it."

I followed that up a few days later with, "I mean, it's not like it's that far of a drive. So, if it sucks, we could still go out somewhere else that night."

I wrapped up my pitch a few weeks later with, "You know, it would only be for a drink."

She finally gave in. I think she was just tired of hearing me whine about the place. Kevin kept telling me about these awesome nights at the bar, and my desire to go was now through the roof!

So, one glorious evening, we made plans to go to this bar with Kevin and Misty. This SUPER-BAR, filled with hordes of hot, horny women. He assured me that the group of crazy sexy ladies that Misty liked to hang out with would be there that night. ASSURED ME!

I imagined that after a few drinks, Anne wouldn't be able to contain herself, and that she too would soon be dancing and grinding! Allowing other women to feel and caress her large breasts while she did the same to theirs. I had a perpetual hard-on the entire week as my fantasy became wilder and more vivid! I couldn't wait for that Saturday night!!

We made plans with Kevin and Misty and then we were off! Like a rocket! In a Toyota! Well, maybe not like a rocket. So we drove. For a while.

And then drove some more.

Further. Into, um, nowhere. Really. We were driving into fucking nowhere. And then, as we rounded a corner, the bar was there.

And the lights from the heavens shined down upon us and the angels sang sweetly.

Well no, not really. It was actually kind of dark. And dumpy looking. Very dumpy looking.

But I would not be dissuaded from my task! This was a bar filled with gorgeous women that wanted to do all sorts of nasty things to each other and I was going to be a witness!!

We Are All Witness!!! Woooooo!!!!!! BOOOOOOOOOBS!

Anne still was not exactly as excited as I was about the evening. She had gotten over her initial reluctance to venture out to this land of erotic dancing girls with large boobies, but to say that she was enthusiastic would be a stretch. However, she was a trooper. She'd dressed in a cute little jean skirt and a tight top and put a smile on her cute little face. And some lipstick.

Hell, I'd do her.

I briefly considered it, but thought that bending her over the car hood in the parking lot of a bar in the middle of nowhere was probably not the best of choices. So I kept my lust in check and we headed inside.

To country.

Oh yes. It was a country and western bar. Now, one thing that Anne and I are definitely NOT, is a couple of country and western fans. Not in the least bit. Not as in, "Oh, I don't really like country, but I do like this song. . ." kind of country fans. Never have been. Never will be. Bleecchhh. That's what I think of country. And Anne likes it even less than I do.

Oh, and did I mention that the place was filled with smoke? You see, our little adventure that night took place well before the country went on its anti-smoking kick. Not that we minded the change. Being able to walk into a bar and not start choking on cigarette smoke is a pretty good thing to me. But I don't smoke. I can't say the same for ANYONE else in that bar that night. Well, except for Anne. Who was now wheezing and turning a funny gray, ashen color. And swaying. Almost to the beat of the awful country song that was blaring away.

So to set the scene, we couldn't breathe, couldn't hear too well, and we couldn't see too far into the murky haze of the smoke filled bar. We stumbled around for a bit, until we fortunately saw Kevin and Misty. They were all smiles -- glad that we came. We chatted a bit. Well, a very little bit. They still had nothing to say. We saw each other naked for Pete's sake, and yet these people still had nothing to talk about! I mean, it's not like I'm looking for deep conversations about life, the universe and everything here.

But something more than, "Um, hey! So you made it. . . ." would have been nice. I've had better conversations with automated phone messages!

Whatever. We were willing to overlook that. I mean, I was willing to overlook that. For I was in this fabled land of broads, boobs and bi-girl action! I was here! I wanted to kneel down and kiss the ground. I wanted to plant a flag. I wanted to compose a poem. I felt alive! I felt free.

Fat women.

Um, hello, what?

As I was sitting down at the table that Kevin and Misty had gotten for us, I noticed something.

Fat women.

Lots and lots of fat women.

Sitting with us. At this table. With me and Anne and Kevin and Misty.

Now I'm not talking about some ladies with a few extra pounds. I'm talking obese. I'm talkin' large Marge in those awful stretch pants that you see trollin' through the aisles of Wal-Mart. I'm talking Biggest Loser contestants here.

Yeah, ummmm, ok. Excuse me? I think I'm at the wrong table? You see, I'm supposed to be surrounded by hot lesbian stripper/porn models right now? Can I move please? Anyone?

Fuck.

As I sat there in a daze or smoke and flesh, I heard Misty introducing Anne to all of her chubby little friends. Well, Misty was little. And next to these porkers she looked absolutely tiny. Like circus show freak tiny. "Ladies and gentlemen! I draw your attention to the center ring where Minuscule Misty and Titanic Tina will entertain you with their amazing difference in size!!"

Actually, I thought that one of them was gonna eat her. Just open her wide maw and toss her tiny little body in like some monster from Greek mythology.

"Ahhhh, look out, the fatteus has grabbed Misty!!! Where is Perseus and the gorgon head to turn her into a large fat block of stone!!! She's going to devour that poor maiden in one bite!!! Ahhhh!!!!"

Fuck.

These were the wild and crazy women that Kevin had described? The ones that got nuts and crazy? Maybe at a Baskin & Robbins on free ice cream day, or at the Pizza Hut all-u-can-eat pasta/pizza buffet, but I just wasn't seeing it here.

Dildoes.

What?

As I looked past one of the large ladies, I couldn't help but notice that there was a rather large pink dildo sitting on the table. Like huge twelve inch giant pink rubber kind of dildo.

Huh.

That just isn't something that you see every day in a bar. In the middle of nowhere. With smoke and country music.

Was it?

Turns out that they were all celebrating at the bar because it was the birthday of one of the beasts. I think her name was Ginormica. Or Megan.

Anyway, they all thought that it would be funny to get her sex-related items as gifts and bring them to her at the bar. Like an offering to the food god. There was ginormica, surrounded by these dildoes and cards and chocolates. Quite the erotic scene.

Um, no.

In fact, between the billowing smoke, blaring Garth Brooks and the fat lady with multiple plastic penises, I was feeling a bit nauseous. I looked over at Anne. Her ashen color remained. Perhaps with a tinge of green. Rather pretty in fact, contrasting with the pink top.

Until she looked over at me. With the death glare. AAAAHHHHHH!!!!! I'm melting toto! Melting!

Well, that's what it felt like. That stare. That look that said, "WHATTHEFUCKWEREYOUTHINKINGTAKINGMEHEREINTHEMIDDLEOFNOWHEREWITHSMOKECOUNTRYMUSICANDFATWOMENYOUMORON!!!!!"

Ouch. Like I said. It was not a good stare. It was a stare that told me that I was gonna be paying for this little adventure for a very long time.

And that's when the heard decided they wanted to go graze. Dance I mean. They wanted to dance. As they rumbled over to the floor, Misty somehow convinced Anne to go up there and dance with them. And a few little stick figure guys.

Holy shit, there were other guys there! At the table!

Obviously I couldn't see them because they were hidden by ginormica and her minions.

So there was Anne. Over on the dance floor dancing with the cast of a Richard Simmons Sweating to the oldies video. I sat at the table, surrounded by rubber dongs and broken dreams, coughing and wheezing while I felt sorry for myself.

Kinda pathetic actually.

I think that one of the tubbos actually tried to get me up on the dance floor at one point. My heart just wasn't in it, so I threw her a jelly doughnut and watched her waddle off in search of further nutrient.

Actually, I told her that I needed to stay at the table and guard the purses. I'm the walrus wallet police!

I think she glared at me and stomped away. I flagged down a waitress, ordered a light beer ("I'm sorry, are you sitting at the right table sir?") and sat and watched my beautiful wife dance amongst the whales and buffaloes. The stick man with her was looking her over. I'm not sure he'd seen someone that thin in quite a while. He obviously wanted her to stay, but I think Anne was done.

Done with the dingy bar.

Done with the country music.

Done with the cigarette smoke.

And definitely done with Misty's flabby friends.

She walked over to me, grabbed my hand and hauled me out of the bar.

As we drove away, I couldn't help but think that this was probably it for Kevin and Misty. It just wasn't gonna happen. Not now. Not ever.

And the hot stripper girls dancing with Anne in an erotic display of flesh and lust?

Well, it was just gonna remain a fantasy.

Now, it was time to go home and start a diet.

Ugh.