My thanks to my editor adetaildiva. Without her this would be a poorer story. After her any errors are mine.
*****
I picked Jean up for dinner on Saturday evening. We went to a nice steak house. On our last date, I had taken her to an upscale, trendy French restaurant. It wasn't that I didn't want to spend money on her because of the fragile nature of our relationship. I just didn't want her to think that I was trying to buy my way back to her.
She was friendly, but reserved. We talked about Rebecca and Bobby. We talked about her job. We talked about what was going on at the Pentagon. We talked about which novels we were currently reading. Basically, we didn't talk about anything that mattered.
"Jack, do you want to come back to the house for coffee?" The waiter was presenting us with a dessert menu .
"Just bring the check, please." Except for desultory comments about the autumn weather, the car was silent going back to her house.
"I've got the coffee ready. Let me turn it on." She disappeared into the kitchen.
This, to me, had the feeling of a last date. If it was, why not just tell me at the restaurant and get out of the car at the curb? Why had she invited me in?
In a few minutes she returned with a tray. "Black for you, cream and sugar for me."
"There's no doubt who's the sweetest in the house." My riposte generated only a half-hearted smile.
She settled on the other end of the couch, not backing off from me but not approachable either. She twisted her slacks-clad knees up onto the couch. "Jack, I still don't know where we're going. I don't share my boyfriends with other women. I don't like my boyfriends keeping secrets from me. I just feel like you haven't treated me well."
"I apologize if you're hurt. That was not my intent. Nor did I plan to string you along for a year or two. I've never dated two women at the same time before. This just sort of happened. I started dating both of you within a week of each other. Again, I didn't mean to hurt you and once I realized what was going on I couldn't figure out a good way to handle it."
"I won't pretend," I continued, "that I wouldn't miss making love to you, but I would miss seeing you even more. If you want to cut out our bedroom activities until I can make a decision or until you feel you've waited long enough for my decision, we can go forward on that basis."
"Is it just one other girl? Or are you just using me for steady benefits while you sample all the honey out there?"
I tried to suppress the scowl that wanted to creep across my face. "It's just one other. I don't think you know her. At least I'd be amazed if you did. She knows about you now, too."
"What's her reaction?"
"She's not happy either, but that's as much as I'm willing to talk about her."
"Well, I'm very unhappy. If you do this to me now, how can I trust you if we marry?"
"Look, I was married to Kathy for eight years. I never hit on another girl, never kissed one except for the odd New Year's Eve kiss between friends, never thought about another one sexually if you ignore the occasional Jessica Alba fantasy. I passed through Las Vegas twice on my way to the National Training Center. When the other guys wanted to catch some of the shows at the strip bars, I was in my room calling Kathy."
"Yeah, but what about now? You've sampled the wild side."
"What about you? This isn't completely fair, but you've learned that you can get rid of a husband and the world won't end. Maybe if I had to deploy for a year, you'd start having coffee with a co-worker. None of us can guarantee what we'll do in the future. I can only say that I want to pick one woman to come home to."
"Well?"
"Well, what?"
"Well, why don't you pick?"
"I'm sorry, but I'm not ready to. Like I told you before, the criteria are different at thirty than it was at twenty. Plus, as you mentioned, it's not just me I have to think about. I just haven't got all this sorted out yet."
"I don't know that I want to wait while you figure things out." We were both quiet for a little while.
"Have you ever gone out without any underwear," I asked.
"I'm not talking about sex!"
"I'm not either. Just answer the question, please."
"You know how small I am up top. It makes it easy to go braless and I do it a lot."
"No, I meant without panties under a skirt?"
"Of course not!"
"No? Well, I haven't either. Gone without panties under any of my skirts, I mean." This got a fleeting smile from Jean. "But consider it. You would be taking a risk. If it's a full skirt, the wind might blow it up. Even a pencil skirt, you sit down awkwardly, or you cross your legs and the afternoon sun is just right. Lots of possibilities. But we both know that if you were only moderately careful, nobody would know the chance you're taking. It's only for a short while, anyway. If you do take the chance, you get back a lot in heightened sensitivity, anticipation, excitement, and finally satisfaction when you tell that special someone about it."
"And your point is?"
"Take a chance. I'm not keeping you from going on a date with another guy while you're waiting to see what I decide. You get to decide, too. No guarantees but the reward might be big."
"I told you we aren't talking about sex." She grinned this time as she made the remark.