This is the second chapter of the parts expunged from the published Gulliver’s Travels.
Chapter Two
The author is in peril from Lady Petrova. Griselda anoints him with unguent. The court jeweller makes measurements. Is it a protection or a restraint? The jeweller’s curious contrivances produced. The author ends in peril again.
I was sleeping soundly between the Lady Petrova’s breasts when she turned on to her side.
I was in danger of imminent extinction. Her breasts are so large that when recumbent on her back I could stand between them with my head lower than her aureoles. Her nipples protruded like cairns on hillocks. Now she had moved I was being crushed between her breasts. My whole body was struggling under the massive inertia of the upper breast. I had a passing thought that there had been an antique punishment of being crushed under heavy weights. Now I appreciated the agonies that malefactors condemned to such a fate would have undergone. I was in a similar position even though the object oppressing me was soft and yielding.
It was fortunate that I had been sleeping with one arm above my head and that I was not wearing any attire. The friction between my attire and her skin, smooth though it was by the standards of Brobdingnag, would have prevented my escape.
With my free hand I caught the hem of her garment and gave a prodigious pull while shaking my body as much as her bosom allowed. To my immense relief I gained a few inches of movement releasing my other arm. Using both I was able to extricate my body from its mortal peril and found myself resting on the rounded upper portion of her breast.
I was still in an awkward predicament. If the Lady Petrova moved again I could be crushed under the full weight of her body beyond any hope of release. Holding fast to the hem of her garment I let my lower limbs dangle. I released my hold and dropped to the soft mattress, which cushioned my fall of eighteen feet or so.
It would have been instantly fatal to have attempted to leave the bed. The drop from the edge to the marble floor was fifty feet or more. Yet if I remained in the bed I was in peril from any movement the Lady Petrova might make while she was still asleep. To give myself a vantage point and time to assess such options as were available I used the Lady’s profuse tresses as a climbing aid. Once I had attained the top of her head I scrambled up the pillow and at the peak I sat back against the bed head.
From my vantage point I could see the whole extent of the bed. The Lady Petrova was to one side of the mattress still wearing her daytime apparel. I would not be safe from her involuntary movements anywhere upon the surface of the bed. I could not leave the bed without sustaining serious injury. I felt like the ancient Greek voyagers who had to run the gauntlet of Scylla and Charybdis.
My situation was not improved by my lack of clothing. Between the Lady’s breasts I had been warm and comfortable. The temperature of the room had not been noticeable while I had been at my toilet expecting to dress myself momentarily. Now I was suddenly deprived of that warmth and very far from my own attire that I could see on a side table a hundred feet away.
More as an aid to cogitation than with any serious purpose I walked along the upper edge of the pillow moving cautiously past the Lady’s recumbent head. Beyond it I found her mobcap that may have been displaced by the violence of her movements in her aroused excitement. I hastened towards it and insinuated myself inside its extensive folds. The masses of material gave warmth to my shivering body.
Although the mobcap gave me warmth, the sensations returning to my body were not agreeable. The use to which the Lady Petrova had put me had produced extensive bruising and I was unable to lie comfortably in any position. I dozed fitfully.
I was woken by the Lady calling my name. She may have been calling at a normal level of voice but she outrivalled Stentor to my ears. I emerged from my concealment and endeavoured to attract her attention by shouting as loudly as I could and waving my arms. Eventually she noticed me and caught me up in her hand. I winced as her fingers closed about my body.
She noticed my distress and enquired the reason. I explained that I had been severely bruised by our earlier sportive gambols. She seemed to find my terminology amusing but called for her personal maid whom I shall call Griselda.
The Lady Petrova explained my injured condition to Griselda. The maid left the chamber returning presently with a hogshead containing some emollient preparation to anoint my bruising. The two ladies insisted that this ointment should be applied to my whole person. The Lady Petrova even suggested that they might apply it forcibly if I did not consent forthwith. Reluctantly and because I feared further indignities if I did not comply I agreed.
Griselda smeared the unguent liberally over my whole integument and to my intense distress drew her mistress’s attention to the inevitable result of her ministrations to my private parts. My erection appeared to cause them intense amusement and they whispered in each other’s ears in a Brobdingnagian dialect that I could not interpret.
Griselda examined my person intently as she was anointing me and announced that I was indeed sorely abraded and would need repose if my constitution was not to be permanently impaired. This caused her mistress some pangs because she had been the cause of my enfeeblement but she consented that I should recuperate for a couple of days after which they would consider if any further measures would be necessary to aid my recovery.
Griselda very carefully carried me in a fold of her handkerchief to my travelling casket and placed me inside. Apart from delivering the necessary victuals at appropriate times and removal of the night soil I was left undisturbed for two whole days for which I gave thanks. Throughout that period I did little but sleep as best I could.
On the morning of the third day Griselda announced that she had brought someone to see me. She introduced him as the court jeweller and gave me to understand that he had been commissioned by her Majesty the Queen to produce a life size statue of my humble self.
The jeweller had very small and nimble fingers by the standards of Brobdingnag. I could well appreciate that he was an artisan capable of very fine work. His measurements of my body and person were meticulously made with callipers and a silken tape measure. He seemed to take unnecessarily frequent measurements of my torso and head but not being privy to the secrets of his art I made no demur.
I was still grievously bruised but Griselda’s unguent appeared to have eased the pain. While the jeweller was making his precise measurements she inspected me through a magnifying glass. Once he had left the chamber she announced that she would anoint me again and gave me no choice in the matter.