Okay so this is the final one. It has been a pleasure writing about Callie and I know some of you liked her spunk. Thank you to anyone who read her story and thank you especially to Dave. I will continue trying to improve Callie because I think she could make it.
Please give feedback, it is always helpful!
Chapter 10: Showdown at the Big Bang
I woke up naked and undignified. It was starting to become a trend. For the past few months I had been trying to put the Callie Cronin moves on my boss, Nolan. Last night he took me out on what I thought was going to be a romantic candle lit dinner complete with fancy deserts and a three hour make out session. I had even waxed my down-there area to look like that of my favorite porn stars, Vanessa Hudgens. Tapas were served, sangria spilled onto my blouse, and then Nolan admitted that he was just taking me out to celebrate my winning some employee of the month award. Instead of making a fake plaque and posting an ill taken photo of me, he picked me up in a sexy hot red truck, took me out to dinner, and then, like the gentleman that he is, he took me home.
I had spent months fantasizing about Nolan in between the sheets. I had imagined his Johnson to be the perfect proportion of length times width plus head size that would equal a screaming fantasmagasm. But no Christmas for Callie. No roast beast in my Whoville. I wasn't the proud head held high Who that went outside to sing praise regardless that Christmas hadn't come. I was the one stomping my feet and pouting waiting for the Grinch to come to his senses and bring my goddamn presents back!
So like any rational self preserved modern girl, I sexted photos to my ex. Sexting, is a dangerous endeavor indeed. It creates this premise between two individuals, that individual A will willingly and without much effort have sexual intercourse with individual B. I made believe that there was some magical connection between us. He sprang over here knowing he was getting laid and maybe getting breakfast the next morning. I came to the realization that Jeff was entering my life over and over again not because I wanted him there but because I let him. And when you start rolling out the welcome mat, it's hard to not let people walk all over you. I told him I didn't want to do it anymore. What I left out was an apology for teasing him by withholding entrance to vagina world, the most magical place on earth second only to Disney World.
To top off my cherry pie of intolerable cruelties, my brother Joe was moving in today. My mother's attempt at keeping me under her watchful Irish Catholic eagle eye. What she didn't know was that Joe was more of a heathen than I was. Joe single handedly tipped eighty cows in one night by sneezing and I've heard the horror stories of what to expect when dating him. He dumped Hannah Chamberlain because her hips started knocking into things involuntarily. He said it was a sign that she was going to turn into a blimp. He burps, farts, flushes the toilet with the lid up (does he not know about the fecal matter factor) and makes the absolute worst Country Time Pink Lemonade. I felt the bile of self pity rise up and ran to the bathroom.
By three o'clock I hadn't heard from either Jeff or Kevin. When four o'clock came around and passed I started getting nervous. I had looked at my phone over a hundred times waiting for a text message or an email. Phone calls were a thing of the past with Jeff and Kevin was voted most likely to die from a slurpie overdose covered in comic books and holding a light saber. I was tempted to go into work early to keep my mind off of the lingering truth that I was dumped. Given that I wasn't technically in a relationship, getting dumped by friends is harder than being dumped by a boyfriend.
So begins the turnaround phase of the antagonist. I could make new friends, start a website that didn't involve cooters or hand-jobs, and become the power driven smart and sassy working woman with four inch stilettos and a closet full of Banana Republic. Or I could start going to church, get hooked up with a mama's boy from one of the other large dominate Irish families and pop out a few kids. I choose the former.
This meant cleaning out the second bedroom used to stash a broken futon and three totes of college books I couldn't sell back and was too lazy to put on e-bay. Becoming a self-driven power woman would involve finding a direction and sticking to it. Not sitting on my fat ass and waiting for fate to find me. This eventually lead to thinking about Nolan and his hold on my affections. Denial is a strong place. I liked harboring there while working my ass off waiting for some sign that Nolan would at least give me a raise, let alone marry me and whisk me off to France for a honeymoon. Last night only proved that he doesn't want to go with me to France. He doesn't want to date me. He doesn't want me. Realizing hopes and dreams were smothered, I bit back tears while pulling apart the broken plywood of the futon. If you're a woman or have ever been a woman, you know that crying while redecorating is a cleansing process. Women better than myself have torn down tapestries, repainted walls, and erected mausoleums in order to restore order to their lives. I was kicking a POS plywood futon to the curb. Order wasn't exactly restored, but it was a start.
Heading into work early meant running into the employees who didn't work your shift. I passed a cute blond who's ass cheeks were perfect hemispheres and I wanted to gag. Of course Nolan didn't want to bang me when he could have his pick of the ex hooter's waitresses who applied here daily. Some of which he hired. At least he bought me fifty dollar mozzarella sticks. The Big Bang was banging already and it was only six p.m. During the summer it's usually quiet for the college bars. A few brave souls out there stay to catch up on flunked classes and to endure the hot-as-balls heat and the next-to-nothing entertainment. Somebody upstairs must really hate me to defy the odds. There are only so many cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon one town can own.
Cody was manning the bar so there were about five girls ordering drinks. At the same time. All wearing tube tops and hot pants. Nolan was nowhere or he was stuck in the middle of the giant blob of dishwater heads. Nolan would be considered blond to a three year old and a strapping hunk to the anyone female with hormones. There wasn't time to take creatine and make bulging muscles in his schedule, but he did run and I've heard fairy tales about his six pack. Lean and handsome whoops roid rage any day. Cody is the loveable Goofus to Nolan's Gallant. He could probably tickle the pants off of ten women with all ten fingers while singing the lyrics to every Tim McGraw song; but he's a slacker when it comes to applying anything other than tanning bed lotion.
My partner in crime and fellow waitress, Penelope, was dolling out turquoise colored shots that the girls' rugby team downed their gullets then shouted, "ROUGH AND TOUGH WE KICK AND BITE!" Penelope faked a yawn and slipped out of the rugby pile up when she saw me. "Heard you had an interesting night," she said folding the tray under her arm. "It was an employee of the month 'thank you' dinner," was all I could choke out. He thought I was just being nice when I offered to substitute sleep, food, and sanity to help him run two businesses.
Penny gave me a weird look; she could smell fear and loss of dignity three miles away. The butterfly in my stomach flapped its little wings and I felt nauseous. Cody winked in my direction as a sorority girl looked over her shoulder and stink eyed me. Another butterfly flap. Nolan, who'd been speaking Spanglish with the kitchen staff, popped out from behind the double doors and waved his hand at me, saying his platonic "Hello." I felt like I needed to vomit. Throwing on an apron and slipping the essential bar tools into it; bottle opener, shot glass, and a vuvuzela for idiots. I whisked myself behind the bar before anyone could make a comment on my sappy demeanor.
Cody smiled big like he had something up his pant leg causing him an itch. Penny made some weird hand gesture involving her right hand. It almost looked as if she were auditioning for the Shake-weight infomercial. Hmmm. I ducked behind the counter and hyperventilated for a moment while I thought up an excuse to leave. I'm on my period only works once a month. Family emergency, more suitable now that Joe lives with me, but I promised myself I was going to Pretty-In-Pink this out. Come on Andi. Suck it up and go to prom.
"Are you alright?" Nolan's just-wanna-be-friends voice asked behind me. I stood up gripping a bottle of Grey Goose like I was going to smash it against the counter and bar fight him. I nodded and gripped the bottle tighter.
"Fine. Just think I might be coming down with something." Set it up, Callie. In ten minutes I'll pretend to have a fever. In twenty minutes I'll excuse myself to go "throw up" in the ladies room; and in a half an hour, I'll be faking Mono to hide my shame.
"Ok. Let me know if you need anything." Nolan patted me on the shoulder. I let my mouth do its smiling thing and watched him walk away. Penny slid in to take his place. Jesus, it was like the changing of the guard.
"Hey there, fat ho," she said knocking into my ribs with her elbow. My secret life was starting to bite me in the ass.
"Hello, white-trash," I countered. Penny is black for one. She is also an IIT graduate. Penny gave me a big smile, not even fazed by my poor attempt at irony, "I had no idea how nasty you were, but girl, it's cool."
My spidy senses tingled. Should I play the denial card or admit defeat and move to a different state.
Penny shook her head guessing at my obliviousness and snuck closer to whisper in my ear, "There were a few guys in here earlier. They had nudey photos of you on their phone and a video of you jerking off Cody."
