Mars - 3752 C.E.
The gust of wind that blew over the red soil picked up a fistful of red dust and brushed it against Colonel Vashti's visor. Through the scattered grains, she was able to admire a landscape that was both splendidly barren and untidily littered with the detritus of war. A tank that had sunk inside a crater was weathered by wind rather than rusted by oxygen, even though it was many centuries since it had been attacked. The burnt out hulks of space craft were scattered about the cliff edges above her. They were splattered by ice that had been thrown up from the permafrost by their ancient impact. Fragments of metal and plastic were further evidence of the many battles, often fought with crazed ferocity, to claim possession of Martian soil that had never been surrendered and never securely taken.
"Oh shit!" yelled the colonel as her visor was suddenly caked with red earth that came not from the wind but from a nearby ground explosion. It was followed by another that was much closer. In fact, too close!
The world around the colonel disintegrated into fragments and a cloud of evaporated Martian soil rose in a mushroom shape directly above her head.
"Colonel! Colonel!" yelled her fellow soldiers when the pounding of missiles from over the horizon finally abated, leaving the spot where she'd been standing nothing more than a fresh crater on the scarred planet's surface. Vashti's patrol expected to find nothing more than a shattered limb or the fragments of a molten space suit.
A figure emerged from behind the shadow of the centuries-old mangled tank. It was Colonel Vashti, her suit intact and her communications systems functioning perfectly well.
"That was close!" she said with a smile that wasn't at all visible through the red dust that coated her visor. She strode towards her companions who were still shaken by their proximity to the carnage. "The Polar cunts must be stationed nearer than we thought."
"The fuckers!" said Corporal Krishnamarti bitterly as he brushed the dust off his visor. "If I ever get one of those cunts within range of my phasar then there'll be a shitload of fucking Polar corpuscles pasting the soil."
"It couldn't make it any more red than it already is," Grenadier Khadija joked as she cocked her massive missile-launcher over her shoulder. "Anyway, I reckon this planet's a lot more fucking red now than it was when the first colony was founded. We've been spreading this fucking hole with enough Polar corpuscles to give those Martian microbes a real feast of iron."
Colonel Vashti strode across the Martian plain—if such a word correctly described the bounce that accompanied her step on the low gravity highlands. She held her laser rifle nozzle-downwards while crystals of Martian ice clung to her boots. Although the soldier's space suits were as thin as modern textiles allowed, the volume of nano-particles that filled the inside shell made her seem almost obese, as it did the other soldiers. A single microscopic rip through the fabric, however tough and self-mending it was, would spell instant death for any one of them. If the low temperature wasn't enough to kill you then the poisonous carbon dioxide atmosphere most certainly was.
"We thought you were a real goner, sir," said Grenadier Khadija when the colonel had caught up with her patrol. "It looked like that fucking missile had done it for you."
"It was
fucking
close, grenadier," admitted the colonel. "But Mariner military training is second to none. No bastard missile can fucking beat that."
"Fuck yes, sir!" agreed the sergeant. "Those Polar cunts should be shitting themselves. In fact, I bet the fuckers already are."
The three soldiers bounced their way back across the plain, mindful that they were not yet by no means in the clear. They kept as much as they could to the shadows of the billion-year old crater edges that were still rather grander than anything thrown up by conventional weaponry. They were relieved to discover that their space shuttle was still intact. Its chameleon-like exterior had camouflaged it well against the red planet's soil, but it was still wise to be prudent. Polar scouts would still be on the lookout for the distinctive plume of a rising space craft. Once the company was inside, Space Pilot Sadiq elevated the shuttle above the surface slowly enough to raise minimal dust disturbance.
"So much for a routine patrol!" remarked the pilot as the crew slid open their visors. "The fuckers did have to wait for today to do firing practise."
"We really thought we were one man down," remarked the corporal. "You were fucking lucky there, sir."
"I guess I've got a charmed life, soldier," Colonel Vashti agreed.
"You can say that again, sir," agreed Grenadier Khadija. "I heard you were the only one who survived the Sinus Meridiani Massacre. There wasn't a fucking scratch on you!"
"As I said, corporal, I was just lucky."
The soldiers eventually arrived back at the welcoming protection of the Tithonium IV Dome in the Agathadaemon Colony. Here they could at last remove their space suits in the quarantine area before entering the mandatory chemical showers. They were all naked under their space suits and this was the first time that Pilot Sadiq had seen or even known of Colonel Vashti's unusual assets.
"Fucking hell, sir!" he exclaimed. "That's one big fucking cock you've got there."
Colonel Vashti held up her penis that was still slightly tumescent after the excitement of her near-death encounter. It was a splendid enough asset on a man, but especially prominent on a body that showed no other obvious sign of masculinity.
"It was a foolish mistake," she said with uncharacteristic honesty. "A long, long time ago."
"You never felt like doing something to change it, sir?" the pilot asked. "You know, return to... return to whatever you used to be?"