Foreword by the fuckwit who wrote this piece:
FUCK!
I missed the deadline for the Earth Day competition.
Arse!
OK, bugger it, I might as well put this in Novels and Novellas for the 2 points in the survivor contest at least. *sigh*.
Right, now that I've finished feeling sorry for myself here it is, a series of scenes that track the burgeoning sexual relationship between Carl ā a university student of twenty-one who lives with his mother's sister, Hazel. He's in her house because his aunt happens to live in the city where Carl is studying. It was an economic and convenient arrangement, at first.
One Saturday evening, after a disastrous date, Hazel shocks her nephew by performing an obscene act in front of him. The following day sees Hazel and Carl trying to work through the issues that confront them. And it goes on from there, with what Hazel set in motion gathering momentum.
I had the nucleus of an idea in my head, the setting of the North Yorkshire Moors and a picnic, but when I began to write, the piece just trundled on like a steam-roller.
I'm unsure about the amount of sex I included, and there might be a seemingly unnecessary amount in the following. I did consider cutting some out, but then left it in since if I start culling sections from the scene I might well run past the deadline for entries. Anyway, I'm hoping you can give me some feedback on that particular point, as well as providing feedback for the overall piece as well, of course.
I hope you enjoy the scene, it took me quite a few aborted attempts at making a start, and I do hope it works.
At the end, as you'll see if you read through, there's scope for a continuance, but I'm not making any promises to that effect for a number of reasons:
First, I'd hate to promise more of these two ā with the potential inclusion of a further character (see the ending to clarify) ā and not deliver. I already have a few series that tapered and cooled, and have been questioned about them as well, so to make noises about more to follow without actually doing so seemed out of order. I'm loath to leave another dead-end behind. By all means, extrapolate at your leisure.
Second, it's always a gamble, writing a piece and putting it out there, I can never be sure if something I write is any good or not, and there's the potential for this scene between Hazel and Carl to crash and burn. If that's the case and it bombs, I deffo won't be adding a sequel!
Right, I'd best STFU. Sorry about that, I'm a gabbler.
Please send feedback, etc.
GA ā Sanur, Bali ā 14th April 2013.
Saturday March 30th
When I said she looked lovely, I meant it.
My Aunt Hazel had offered a shy, self-conscious pose and a doubtful grin, crows' feet of unease creasing her blue eyes when she said, "You're just saying that."
"No," I returned, "I'm not."
Hazel's grin widened into a smile. "Thank you, Carl." She stepped towards me and laid a soft kiss against my cheek.
"You smell good, too," I said, my fingertips caressing the place her lips had brushed a moment before.
Then, before things got awkward, the chiming of the doorbell grabbed her attention.
Hazel carried out perfunctory adjustments in the hallway mirror, baring her teeth at her reflection as she checked for lipstick, smoothing away imaginary stray hairs from her immaculate blonde bob that shimmered like liquid silver under the bulb in the hall.
Hazel turned her back to the mirror and craned her neck awkwardly. "You look gorgeous from behind," I said, pre-empting my aunt's question the moment her mouth opened to ask. "Honestly, Aunt Hazel, you really are lovely."
Then she left for her date with Ian. I settled down with my coursework, books scattered across the kitchen table. In less than two hours Hazel was back, upset and close to tears.
My aunt perched on the edge of the leather sofa in the living room with a tumbler of vodka in her hand, the second since her return "What is it that I did wrong?" she asked with a sniff, eyes downcast.
I shrugged and didn't answer, the plain reason being that I didn't have an answer.
Hazel eyed me, her look questioning. "Come on, Carl," she said, somewhat belligerently, as though the failings of my sex could be laid at my door. "Tell me, you're a bloke, tell me what it is that I did wrong."
"I dunno, Aunt Hazel," I replied, more than a little uncomfortable at the position I found myself in.
Drunk people make me nervous, I don't know how to handle them and, in the few times I found myself confronted with someone less than sober, I've so far managed to always say the wrong thing. Not that my aunt was totally sozzled, but she was definitely a couple of drinks into it.
Stammering, I added, "I ... I dunno why he did it."
My aunt swigged the vodka down in one go. She held the glass out towards me. "Be a love, Carl," she said, waving the tumbler at me. "Get me another, eh?"
I rose from my own seat, one of the cracked leather armchairs that matched the rest of the suite in my aunt's front room and reached for the heavy glass. Frustrated by the way the evening had been derailed ā I had a week's worth of notes to write up ā I left my aunt alone in the living room and went through to the kitchen to refresh Hazel's drink. After sliding the ice tray back into the freezer compartment I pulled a beer from the fridge. I might as well have a drink myself, I reasoned.
"Am I not pretty enough?" Hazel asked as I passed her the vodka. "I admit, I might be pushing forty but I don't think I've completely gone to seed." To my relief my aunt sipped rather than swigged before continuing. "I do my best; I don't eat rubbish food, I go to the gym three times a week." She fixed me with eyes bleary from either alcohol or upset, I wasn't too sure which. "You tell me, Carl, and be honest, totally honest ā am I unattractive?"
I swallowed heavily and felt the heat rise in my face, uncomfortable at the potential for deeper questions to follow. "No, Aunt Hazel," my eyes slid away from the challenge in the woman's stare. "I actually think you're pretty. I told you before you went out ā I think you're gorgeous."
I tilted the beer bottle to my mouth and took a deep draught to mask my discomfort in the silence that ballooned between us.
"Really?" Hazel asked. I could hear the need in her voice, the necessity for confirmation. "You're not just saying that because I'm your aunt and you're living in my house?"
"No, Aunt Hazel," I replied with a sigh of irritation ā
how many times did I have to tell her?
"I'm not just saying it. You looked lovely tonight; I don't have a clue what Ian was thinking."
My aunt blinked, apparently accepting my reassurances, and offered up a wan smile. "You're so kind," she murmured through quivering lips. I had a thought that real tears were imminent, but then, after a heavy sigh, Hazel added in a determined tone: "If I'm honest with myself though, Carl, I had an inkling that Ian would dump me tonight. He's been off with me for a few days; I don't know why, he didn't say, he just came out with the old guff about it being him and not me." My aunt gave a snort of derision followed by a brittle laugh. "He spouted some crap about not wanting to tie me down or disappoint me." Hazel gave a small shrug and sipped at her drink.
My heart went out to my aunt when I saw her eyes glistening with the unshed tears, tears she refused to allow. Three blokes, all in under a year, had thrown her aside. One, the second one, Murray, had asked her to marry him, but he'd been a player and had two other women on the go at the same time as he was wooing my aunt. This last one, Ian, had come along and pursued Hazel relentlessly. Still picking up the pieces of a heart shattered by Murray the Player, Hazel had only agreed to go out with Ian to get it over with, to end his relentless, dogged pursuit of her, so she could say 'thanks, but no thanks, I've had enough'. But Ian had somehow won her round and they'd been out a few more times in the last couple of months. Now it seemed that Ian had, for reasons of his own, blown her out, which left my aunt on the sofa at ten past ten on a Saturday night with me for company.