Arcadia Remember

Em woke up, her movements and thoughts muddled from exhaustion. She was slow to realize where she was when Atale moaned a little, their forms huddled close together in comfort. She glanced down at her sleeping face and kissed her forehead. She slowly tried not to wake her, as she untangled herself and stood beside the bunk looking down at Atale, her thoughts spiraled down fast, interrupted by a soft knock on the door.

She took one last moment to gaze at Atale then went to the door. She didn't expect to see Henry standing there looking smug with his messy blonde hair.

She stepped outside the door pushing him back with a hand on his chest.

"What in the seas are you doing here?" she asked, still lowering her voice even though she shut the door behind her.

"I got you a little, let's say, parting gift for Gen," he shrugged, still smiling and lifting a tiny clear pouch to his chest held between two fingers. She glanced at it, trying to control her breathing, staring just a moment too long.

"Consider it a gift," he said, lifting one of her hands and closing her fist around the substance. He smirked and walked away confidently. She glanced at her closed hand, squeezed it tighter, and went back into her room. Atale was in a sitting position now, and Em discretely shoved the substance in her pocket and went to Atale.

"Honey, how are you feeling?" she asked, crouching in front of her and putting her hands on Atale's legs stroking them a few times. Atale coughed and winced in unison, her face bruised and darkened; her nose clearly broken and threatening to bleed at any moment. Atale didn't say anything but her eyes watered immediately. Em wrapped her arms around her carefully. The bell sounded and they broke their embrace. Em was about to make suggestions to Atale for getting through the day when another knock at her door interrupted them. She sighed and threw her head back.

"What now?" she said aloud. She got to the door and pulled it open harshly.

She rolled her eyes when she saw Hayden standing there no particular look on his face at all.

"I've got some good news," he moved forward pushing himself into the room.

"What is that now?" she asked, shutting the door behind her and walking to crouch in front of Atale again.

"I," he gestured to himself, a look of satisfaction on his face, "got both of you off duty today." They both stared at him in disbelief. He chuckled then crouched down beside Em. "How are you love?" he didn't touch her, but Em admired him a little at his efforts. Atale surprised us both by throwing herself at him with a huff of pain, and hugging him tightly, tears flowing again.

"Thank you so much Hayden, I would," she put her hand over her mouth recovering a bit of composure, "I would," she struggled to continue, "I would be overboard without you." I stroked her cheek a little not wanting to add to her pain by throwing my arms over the both of them. Hayden looked a little uncomfortable but he returned her hug until she pulled away first. She held onto his forearms and nodded at him with a slight nod of thanks.

"Right," he stood clearly shaken a bit, "enjoy your stolen time, ladies," he nodded to me first then Em, bowing a little and taking his leave.

"Stolen time huh?" I rubbed her arms up and down, "I have no idea how he managed that, but what do you think of taking a nice cold shower?" A few silent tears left her eyes and she nodded at me slowly. I squeezed her arms and went to her locker, pulling out some fresh black pants and a soft blue shirt that I knew fit her loosely. I went back to her, clutching her clothes under one arm and slowly helping her up with the other. I carried her through the hallways, one of her arms over my shoulders as she clutched her side with the other. It seemed easier to move her today, but it was evidently still causing her pain.

Most of the other Black & Blues were hastily making their way to their holds, some stopped and even gave us a slight bow, or nod of acknowledgement. Even fewer stopped to squeeze my shoulder here or there in support. We finally got to the showers which were completely empty since everyone was working their hold. I was grateful for the peace of the empty room knowing everything was about to hurt Atale. I moved her to lean against one of the frames of the shower before stepping into it and turning it on for her.

"Do you need help getting undressed or do you just want me to wait for you?" I asked facing her now. She slowly stood on her own footing and grimaced a little.

"Just help me take off my shirt," she lifted her arms above her head. I slowly, trying not to brush against her injuries, lifted her shirt up and off her arms. She unbuttoned a few buttons of her pants and let them fall to her ankles, she leaned against the wall stepping gingerly towards the cold water. I shut the curtain behind her and took her discarded clothes sitting in front of the curtain and dropping my head into my hands. A few of my own tears fell now without control, I wiped at my face with my henley, glad I still had on a longer sleeve. I could hear the short grunts and splashing of water from behind me. We didn't speak a word between us as I pulled my legs closer to me, wrapping my arms around them, trying to comfort myself.

The door to the showers opened and a Black & Blue walked in, pushing a mop and bucket. She glanced at me slightly startled, noticed my tears and gave me a small smile and nod. I nodded back wiping at my eyes once more. The shower turned off finally as the newcomer began mopping the floor opposite the side with the door. I stood and failed at trying not to look sad.

"Em?" I heard through the curtain. I pushed it aside a little peeking in to look at her. I only glanced at her injuries before I met her face.

"I need your help," she said softly. I pushed the curtain aside and grabbed a towel and dried her off starting at her ankles as she leaned against the wall between stalls. I dried her legs off and dabbed at her sides, trying to be gentle with her bruises. She took the towel from me and dried off her own arms, touching her face lightly with a wince. And wringing out her hair into the towel, the effort causing her pain.

We moved further from the water left draining on the floor, and I leaned down with her clean pants. She braced herself on my shoulders slowly dancing in place as I raised them up to her hips. She fastened them on and stuck out her arms in front of her, I opened her shirt, letting her get her arms through, then pulling it over her head and letting the rest of it fall over her torso. I bent to grab her dirty clothes from the floor and pulled her arm over my shoulders again heading towards the door. She was able to move quite a bit easier today than yesterday, but the strain still lingered. By the time we got back to room I was out of breath from carrying her weight and settled her down on Gen's old bed.

"Where's Rollow?" she quietly asked.

"One of the others is taking care of her," I sat beside her. "How in the Sseas did Hayden get us off duty for a day?" I asked. The clear pouch in my pocket pressing heavily against my leg.

"He wasn't always a Black & Blue," she muttered slowly, lying down.

"I thought he had said something like that," I turned to put a hand on her thigh as she closed her eyes and let her arm fall over her eyes.

"How is that even possible?" I asked.

"Something about a woman or something," she mumbled, clearly exhausted.

"So he wasn't lying about it. I saw some Green & Purple clothes in his room," I admitted.

"Yeah," she mumbled softly, clearly falling back asleep. I patted her thigh a few times then let my hand rest on there. I watched as she fell asleep, her breathing slow now. My mind wandered to the package in my pocket and I went to my locker, chose a pair of socks, shoved the bag in one sock, and blocked it off with another sock. I lifted the small box that held my fallout mask in it, giving it a soft stroke. I opened it slowly, treating it with all the delicacy I could.

I pulled out my dark blue mask, it was the softest thing I owned. The jet black sequins that outlined the edges glimmered, despite how many times I had worn it. This mask only held good memories for me as I gently placed my contraband in the box and the mask covering it. It was the safest place I could think since no one touched each other's fallout mask.

Closing the locker door she leaned her head against it. How much more could she take? The day off was definitely the break she had been needing. The only other time they got days off is fallout. She still looked forward to it, although she wasn't sure Atale would be up for dancing like they usually did. But a festive break nonetheless.

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Beck was pacing in her room, going from one end of the seating area to the other while Victus sat with perfect posture. He had a notebook out in front of him that was open to about the halfway mark. Beck slammed her hands down on the table.

"Shit! I don't know," she confessed. Victus stared at her a moment longer.

"There are three ways to get to the infirmary from the secondary mess hall," he said plainly. Beck threw her head down on the table in anguish.

"I am never going to get all of these right. There is no way I am going to, to, be able to hide who I am from everyone all the time. They are gonna see right through me," she said, her head still against the table in defeat.

"My lady," he cleared his throat a little and it was the least composed she had ever seen him. She stood up to look at him while he spoke. "You are about the same age as my son, he had a sister growing up, a twin sister. I believe in you, I have worked close with Red & Blacks and I have seen how much is hidden from everyone else all the time." She seemed to consider his words while he coughed once more, "my lady."

Beck crossed her arms over her chest and was about to reprimand him for speaking so freely towards her, but then she couldn't remember the last time someone had said something encouraging to her. She began pacing again, he took the hint and continued with the next question.

*********************************************

Em wasn't sure where Rollow was today but she needed to talk to her, needed to explain to her what was going on and that everyone was ok, well, everyone that was alive. She made her way to one of the mess halls. She knew at least there would be other Black & Blues who might have spotted her today, after all yesterday was quite a stir of an event. She walked the hallways with a slight purpose nodding back to each person who nodded at her with a gentle smile.

Those kind of wish well greetings made her want to hide away and never come out again. But she remained polite to everyone who greeted her on her path, returning the nods and wish wells with a forced thankfulness.

Em entered the mess hall and saw the same girl who had come into the bathroom while she was helping Atale mopping the floor. She walked over tucking her arms into her pockets a little nervous she would bring it up.

"Hey," she said, sheepishly, startling the woman, "do you know where Rollow is?" She paused and almost stammered, "Nerea? Right?"

"Wow you got it right," she exclaimed, a big smile on her face. "Rollow? Is that the short happy one with the curls?" she asked. I started laughing out loud, the sound almost foreign to me.

"Yeah, that would be her, I swear nothing can take her happiness away," I glanced around feeling like I was walking on eggshells, "not even what happened yesterday." I wouldn't let myself fall apart like I so desperately felt the need to. Especially not here, not in front of anyone.

"I think she is just in the kitchen actually, that might have been yesterday though, everything gets all jumbled up there sometimes," she motioned to her head. I could sense her unhappiness, although it wasn't much unlike everyone else I knew. The ache to lift the dread even just a little caught me before I made my way to the kitchen.

"Sixteen," I chided, a little fanfare in my word. She chuckled and went back to mopping as I headed behind the serving counter into the prep area. There were several Black & Blues doing various tasks preparing for our mealtime. I spotted one of the guys I knew as he was washing dishes, probably what I should have been doing today. I shook off the tremor of guilt I felt in my throat and approached him.

"Hey Garrison," I said, casually. He gave me a half smile without stopping what he was doing as I leaned against the sinks.

"Have you seen Rollow, anywhere today, I need to talk to her," I tried to sound nonchalant. He finished scrubbing the dish he had, put it on the dry rack, turned to face me, and uselessly wiped his hands on the already soaking apron.

"You're not gonna like this," he spoke with direct eye contact, his blue eyes light, but unhappy. He took a big breath, shifted his jaw around, looked around the room at the others, and finally turned to face me again. "Yellow & Red took her this morning."

He could see the immediate hatred flash over my face in less than a second and he grabbed my arms quickly before I lashed out at something.

"Not forcefully, and not with a charge, he just asked her to come with him. And you know Rollow she ignorantly followed happily. I don't think she's in trouble or anything," he tried to console me. I threw his arms off of me, my teeth unconsciously surfacing.

"There is no good reason to follow a Yellow & Red," it came out almost as a whisper as every cell in my body was screaming to hurt someone, or at least something. He took a step back and shrugged his arms up a bit, my reaction garnishing some foul looks from the others. I took in a very slow breath, until my lungs threatened to burst, crossing my arms, and let it out slowly. I tried to contain myself, Garrison hadn't done anything to me, if anything he was trying to be helpful.

"How long ago was this?" I surprised myself with how calm and certain I sounded. He glanced around seeming to look for someone until his eyes fell on an older woman who I knew was friends with my mother.

"Hey Seary," he looked in her direction waiting for her to acknowledge him.

She gave him a graceful, hollow, smile. "About how long ago did Rollow leave?" She stared off into the distance a moment, silently contemplating.

"Rollow was, taken," she emphasized with a nod directed at me, "not too long ago, they went that way," she pointed to the door behind her. I shot a half smile to Garrison, he was trying to be helpful. I squeezed Seary's shoulder in thanks, and made my way through the door behind her.

I had to restrain myself from running down the hallway. I got to a fork in the hallways and glanced down each direction, "For sea's sake," I gritted out. I spun around a few times, then closed my eyes and concentrated, trying to hear anything at all. I took a few deep breaths willing my heart to stop pounding in my ears. I could hear a few voices to my left so I turned that way.

They sounded fairly far down the corridor but it was all I had to go on.

I passed a few intersections, weary of running into, well anyone. I was getting closer to the voices and I unconsciously sped up, not even looking down the next intersection and running straight into a body. We both clutched each other a second before stepping back.

"Hayden?!" I almost screamed at him. He clutched my shoulders and pushed me back, anger on his face.

"Shhhhh," he said in my face. "I should have known you were bound to show up," there was something vile in his words, he continued anyway. "Rollow is in there with three Yellow & Reds. I was going to try, as you would say, use my 'charisma,'" he quoted in the air, "and get her out of there." He stepped back from me finally, both of us glancing towards the room where Rollow must be. He motioned with his head to follow him, and we both silently crept towards the room trying to make out any of what they were saying.

I could just make out Rollow's voice, sounding way too cheerful to be with Yellow & Reds, but that was her. I couldn't quite tell what she was saying but I knew it was her. We both stopped dead in our tracks when we heard footsteps coming close to the bulkhead of the room. They stopped, only a slight shadow spilling in the corridor beyond. Hayden gestured for Em to stay there as he stood tall, smoothed his hands over his hair, fleshed out his shirt, and went to the room.

"Ah, kind sirs, I am here to escort Rollow back to her quarters," he sounded like he was familiar with ordering people around. There was complete silence after, and Em knew she was holding her breath. "Well, if it isn't the great Anton himself, lovely seeing you again, how is the family? Good?" She couldn't tell what he was playing at, but it seemed to be working. Em had to remind herself to breathe, slowly, and quietly. She was glad she couldn't hear anything but a neutral calm in 'Anton's' voice.

"You remembered?" she thought she could hear a faint smile in his words, "they are doing lovely, just lovely. My youngest, you wouldn't believe how tall she has gotten." He seemed happy to talk about his family and she knew then, Hayden was more than just charismatic.

"Would you say about as big as our precious Rollow here?" he insinuated. Em couldn't hear anything but the blood rushing through her ears. The silence was deafening.

"Alright young lady, Hayden here will bring you back to your quarters, you have the rest of the hold off today," she could even hear Rollow bouncing around at that thought, "but just today." he finished trying to sound strong but cherry.

"Pleasure, as always," she heard Hayden. She realized it probably wasn't a good idea to be found lurking in the corridor so she ran quietly to the next intersection hiding against the corner. She could hear their footfalls as they approached. She smiled to herself, noticing you could hear the innocence and hope just from the pattern of Rollow's steps. They got to the corner and Hayden saw her standing there. He glanced behind him quickly and back to Em as Rollow bounded into her arms.

"Clear," Hayden said. Glancing at the two embrace, "Alright then." he walked off without another word. Rollow was ecstatic and her happiness was a little contagious.

"I missed hearing you snore last night," she pouted innocently to Em. Em wrapped her arm around her shoulders and started pulling them both back towards the mess hall.

"You can't tell lies like that, I do not snore," Em playfully poked at Rollow.

"Yes you do, yes you do, I bet Atale will tell you too!" Rollow chided back.

"Well, we will just have to ask her won't we?" Em concluded. They walked through the doorway to the mess hall when Rollow stopped walking and put her head down.

"Is Atale ok?" she almost whispered, as if asking had an effect on the outcome. Em bent down to her level and stroked her arms.

"Honey, Atale is fine," she nodded, trying to make the words sound more true, "she just has a few injuries and is gonna need our help for a little while." Rollow met Em's eyes, shifting one of her feet around nervously, "Really?"

"Really," Em smiled back, "I bet she could use your help," she pointed at Rollow, "tying her shoes." Rollow beamed instantly. All the poor girl ever wanted to do was help. Rollow threw her arms around Em. They pulled back and headed towards their room once more.

"Loop, swoop, and pull!" Rollow acted out the movements with her hands as they walked.

"You got it!" Em encouraged ruffling Rollow's hair. "And I do not snore!" she added. Rollow's laughter filled the kitchen as they left everyone behind with a little smile. When they got to the bulkhead door, Em knelt and held both of Rollow's hands.

"I know you're excited to see Atale, but she has some parts of her that look pretty bad. You're gonna wanna hug her, but just be slow and careful ok?" Em asked. Rollow tilted back and forth on her toes and heels for a moment.