That Friday, for the first time Roger invited Allison back to his place, apparently his roommate was gone for the night doing something with his family... she couldn't really think of a polite way to turn him down since he told her he wanted to skip the movie so that they could finally make love on his bed. At least she managed to get out of spending the night, telling him that she'd promised Diana some girl time after their date... she had a feeling that she'd be desperately needing that girl time too, especially since Diana had enthusiastically endorsed trying out the new strap-on dildo the next time Allison needed some relief. He had been very understanding, telling her that girl time was very important and that any time Diana needed her that was fine with him... Allison almost giggled as she thought of the expression he would have if he ever found out just what they did during girl time! Then again... it probably wouldn't be as funny as she was thinking... much less shock and a lot more hurt. She sighed a little, the humor gone.
It was becoming so usual... so routine... and she felt completely disengaged from this act which mean so much to him and made him feel so much for her. She felt like a complete phony, and she hated herself for not being what he wanted even as she hated that he couldn't what she needed. Neither of them were at fault, but surely this was something that couldn't go on forever.
Her body went through the motions of loving, heaving her hips beneath him without feeling more than the tingle of arousal and foreplay. The movements in and out of her were so gentle and slow that she wondered how she could have ever thought that this was what she wanted... perhaps there were some girls out there who wanted nothing more than a gentle attentive lover. Not her. Not her, Allison, not anymore.
No, Allison wanted something more than that. She wanted someone who swept her up off her feet and made her feel like a princess. Someone that made her temperature rise, feed the heat between her legs. Moving quickly, sure, confident in what he wanted. Passion, pure and unadulterated, heady fever that made people do the most ridiculous things. A man who pushed her boundaries, who took her to places she'd never been before, who could ignite cravings in her body and feed the constant hunger.
Pretending to moan and climax under Roger, she knew he wasn't that man for her. And that it was something she couldn't compromise on, that if she stayed with him she'd always return to Todd. There was some kind of connection between her and Todd, some kind of deep bond... she wouldn't call it love, but it might become that eventually if they were allowed to explore it. All she knew was that Roger would never be able to fulfill what she needed, and Todd might. The only possible future between her and the man who was moaning on top of her, spending his seed in her body, was deception, jealousy and misery. It made her feel very sad, and a bit sluttish... but she was also coming to understand that people change and that there was no sin in that. What would be a sin would be continuing things with Roger.
Not that she could break up with him now, not while his lips were buried in her hair, hands stroking her body as he murmured how wonderful she was. It wasn't that her ego needed his compliments, but to break up with a guy right after sex... it would completely undermine his own ego. Especially with a guy like Roger who only believed in making love, she couldn't do that to him after his expression of love.
Perhaps, she thought as he curled himself around her and fell asleep, perhaps she ought to stop having sex with him... and then after a bit she could break up with him gracefully, just saying that she didn't think they were right together. After a week or so of avoidances he would probably be feeling that something was wrong as well. Yes, yes that would work.
And in the meantime, she pulled her body out of his arms, kissing his forehead lightly, and went home to Diane. She was horny.
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