Glasses
You are studying for your physics exam. Your papers are spread out on the breakfast table in the kitchen.
I helped you with your math homework as soon as you got home. I made you a snack. You kissed me and we talked about your day -- and mine -- and we kissed some more, but then I insisted you get to work and when you complained, I told you "There will be time for love later, darling. I don't want to be your distraction. You should study now, don't you think, Konekochan?"
You smile -- Konekochan -- it's my new pet name for you. "Yes, Daddy."
I sat down next to you and took your hand in mine. "Darling, you are strong and beautiful and I only ever want you grow into being more that way. In our love-play, you are my submissive and that's wonderful. When you need it or want it, that can always be your refuge. But I never want you to feel separated from life and I never want you to hide from the things you need to do to be more and more yourself. I feel it's important that you work hard in school so you can be more independent and more free. My arms will always be here to hold you. I want you to come to them freely."
You were silent for a long moment, taking it in. "Thank you, Daddy." You smiled and touched my cheek. "I have never felt so loved. Sometimes I don't quite know what to do -- I mean -- because you are older, there are ways that you are like -- well -- like a father or uncle to me -- and I like that. You have a different view of life and it's so amazing to be around you. I learn so much just by being near you.
"So sometimes when you tell me what I should do, I react like I'm obeying my elder and also like I'm obeying you -- the part of you that is my dominant. It's actually very sweet and makes me feel warm inside. I like obeying you. And I love calling you 'Daddy.' But I always obey voluntarily. I know that sounds funny -- but I mean it. I know I'm free. I know you'd never want me to feel -- well -- confined.
"But it's also important to me to feel that I belong to you even in daily life. When I'm in class, when I'm getting lunch with my friends, wherever I am -- I'm very aware that I belong to you. And I really, really like it. I really, really need it, Daddy. I gives me -- like an anchor or something -- like context... yes context is a good word for it. Being yours gives my life the context that I need.
"I like it when you tell me what I should do -- like to do my homework or something. I like being your little girl. And I really, really like being your pet. It makes me feel safe and happy."
"But Darling," I said, "What will happen when you outgrow liking to be my little girl."
"Then, Daddy, I will like being your young lady. But you will always be my Daddy." And you tickled my abdomen with both your hands and you laughed mellifluously.
The kitchen echoed with it. I knew the halls and stairs all the way to the highest cupola were smiling. The house had found new life ever since you stepped through it's door. The building was full of you and because of you it would be empty if you ever left.
So you turned back to your studies, your lap-top whirring and your books opened.
Now my Handbook of Chemistry and Physics is piled high with other reference books from my library on the table. You are squinting at the papers. You rub your eyes. "I'm tired, Daddy. I should stop for now. I'll study more tomorrow after breakfast. I don't have class until Early American History in the afternoon." You hold your head and frown as if it hurts.
"What's the matter, baby girl? Headache?"
"Yes, Daddy, more and more -- when I study too long."
I come over and look you in the eyes. "Sweetie -- is it your eyes? Maybe you need glasses."
"But this is a headache, not an eye-ache." Your tone is a little angry. A little defensive, maybe?
"Why the mood? I just asked if you had trouble seeing."
"I can see just fine and I don't need glasses."
You have been too vehement. I'm dumbfounded. I think to myself how I had forgotten about girls' moods. But then I say "You need glasses, don't you? Tell the truth." I smile.
You look cross. "So what? What if I get a little out of focus when I'm reading?"
My tone is calm. "Is it just when you're reading?"
"Well -- mostly. So what?"
"The strain of trying to focus your eyes may be what's giving you the headaches, sweetie, that's all. If you need glasses, it's no big deal. What's the matter?"
You are scowling. "I -- I used to wear glasses."
"You used to?"
"Yes I used to, then I stopped."
"And why did you stop?"
"I can see fine without them."
"But you get headaches when you read. So -- let me get this straight. You actually have glasses, don't you?"
"Maybe -- not anymore. They were just reading glasses anyway. They were stupid looking."
"Oh -- OK. The truth will out. So you don't wear your glasses because you think they make you look foolish?"
After a long silence -- "Yes, Daddy." You sound defeated.
"Come with me, little girl."
You take my outstretched hand. We climb the stairs from the back kitchen hall to your room in the servants' wing. I am leading you. You are trailing behind. I smile -- it's as if you are being a petulant child. I open the door to your room.
"Show me." I gesture to your room and you step inside. As I stand by the door, you produce a pair of glasses from the little writing desk drawer. They are typical reading glasses -- plastic frames -- magnifying lenses. I hold them up to my eyes -- about 1.5x.
"Try them on for me, little girl."
You slide them onto your face. They look fine, but not wonderful. Your face is so beautiful that it certainly doesn't really matter. "Darling, they're just fine. Why don't you wear them?"
"I hate them. Boys don't like girls with glasses."
I smile. "Oh -- I understand now."