A1386g

"Wait, so I'm a fucking millionaire?" I shouted at the attorney, as I sat in his office, "I thought my grandfather hated me."

"Well, umm, how do I put this, Mister Young hated his other descendants, save your mother, even more. You're actually prefaced with 'my least despised descendant' instead of 'my useless son,' or 'my dirt squirrel of a daughter,' as he does your uncle Karl and aunt Emelie respectively." My late grandfather's attorney replied, giving me a wry look. "Again, I'm terribly sorry we misfiled this as we did, and that I was out of town when your grandfather passed, allowing this ridiculous state of affairs to occur over the last two weeks. I'm sure you would have loved to see the looks on your aunt and uncles' faces when this was read out."

"Oh yeah." I said, as I felt myself smile at the thought of their shocked faces. "Anyway, how are you going to get back the three hundred thousand dollars of my grandfather's liquid assets that got spread about?"

"Honestly?" The Attorney sat for a moment before continuing, "I wouldn't know where we'd begin. Julia is the firm's go-to litigation attorney. If you want, I can have her start looking into things, and preparing a suit to claw the money that was improperly divided back, and charge your uncle with fraud. Aside from that, we're already in the process of presenting the will to the probate court, and having it declared valid, which will protect all of the other assets your grandfather owned, as well as securing your cousins' trusts."

"So then, Mr. Greene, how much is all of this going to cost?" I said, as I looked about the wood-paneled office, trying not to contemplate how much my life had changed in the last fifteen minutes.

"This was our fuck up, your uncle's crime, and your grandfather was a good friend of mine." Mr. Greene said with a smile, from behind his rather imposing desk. "This won't cost you anything more than what was already earmarked in the will to pay our fees. Julia and Esteban won't like it, but Albrecht kept us on a generous retainer for thirty years without taking anything expensive to court, so we definitely owe the old coot that much."

"That's good to hear." I said.

"He was proud of you, you know. Always told me how well you were doing, and that he had high hopes for you, especially since you were salutatorian at what, the highest ranked high school in the state?" Mr. Greene said, as he leaned back. "He'd admit that he regretted doing what he did to your mother on occasion, until he remembered that hardship produced you, and made your mother grow into a decent human being as well."

"I don't think I know how to respond to that yet." I replied, looking downward. "I suppose I should be happy to hear it, but I'm still thinking about how I'm going to break this to my fiancé, and my mother."

"Fiancé?" Mr.Greene said, with a raised eyebrow and a smirk. "Aren't you a little too Young to be engaged? I mean I know the rest of your family, and they seem to be the shotgun wedding types."

I couldn't help but groan at the pun. "I just got officially engaged to Governor Cooley's granddaughter Constance on Tuesday." I said, "We're not planning to get married until after we graduate. We'd already been pretty stable for four years, before she decided to force the question."

"So you got Cooleyed?" The elderly attorney said with a laugh. "What did she force the question over?"

"I bought my new slavegirl's newborn daughter in a fit of pity." I said, shrinking back. "Constance found out that I'd done it without any real plan, and well, her pride wouldn't let a child in her household sleep in a cardboard bassinet. So it was pretty much collateral to borrow an antique crib."

Mr. Greene laughed "That's kind of a low-value thing to get Cooleyed over."

"It's a family heirloom. Incidentally, I could use an affidavit or something to show the condo board that I've authorized their living with her, since she's not the legal owner."

"I've got a form letter for that, I just need to print it off if you're willing to wait out in the lobby, since the receptionist is our notary."

"Thank you. I need time to digest all of this anyway." I said, as I stood up from the chair I had been in, and reached over to shake the attorney's hand. "It's been a pleasure though."

Mr.Greene smiled as he shook my hand, "That it has."

Once in the lobby, I fired off a couple text messages to my mother and my fiancé, mostly summarizing the meeting.

Constance immediately called me back. As I answered the phone, she sounded slightly stressed out. "Okay, you're richer than I am, which is great. Anyway, my grandmother has decided to hold the engagement dinner at Metzger's tonight. Yes, I've already informed your mother, and she's bringing Ellen."

"Ellen?" I said, as I tried to unpack everything else.

I heard Constance sigh over the phone. "Coach Nguyen, from school. Remember?"

"I didn't know her first name was Ellen." I said, "Anyway, I'm getting the paperwork now so Janice and the baby can stay in the condo long term. I'll give it to you after dinner."

"Give it to me when you get back here." Constance replied, "You need to get dressed properly, and we'll be taking my car since it actually looks respectable."

I swallowed my pride, and ignored the dig at my beloved station wagon. "Of course dear."

There was a loud crash in the background followed by crying, and then Constance spoke. "Well, I need to go. It sounds like Janice just broke something. Love you."

I replied, and then hung up the phone just as Mr.Greene appeared again.

Signing the papers didn't take very long, and within the hour I was at the condo, watching Constance sulk in that green silk robe she loved as Jimmy tried to calm a wailing Janice down.

"So what happened?" I said, as I surveyed the situation.

"Janice accidentally broke the coffee mug you made me." Constance said before anyone else had a chance to speak. "It was my favorite, and well, it's the nicest thing you've ever given me, so I snapped and threatened to kill her."

"So that's why she's a mess."

"Yeah. Jimmy did a good job though, and kept me from following through there."

"How did he do that?"

"He reminded me that it'd eventually get to the baby that I had her birth mother killed over a coffee mug." Constance said as she avoided eye-contact. "And that you'd probably get mad, since Janice is your property."

"Yes, and that'd be an understatement." I replied, "Especially since I can just make you another coffee mug."

"It won't be the same though." She said, as she reached for a hug, which I returned.

"I know honey, I know." I replied.

Eventually, Constance broke off the hug to use the bathroom and then probably get a chocolate bar from her stash in the bar, and I went over to check on Janice.

Janice was still wailing, and Jimmy just gave me a tired look. I crouched down and gave her a hug from behind. "Janice, You're safe now. No-one here is going to hurt you. Constance is just under a lot of stress right now thanks to the engagement, and you just had the bad luck to be the one to set her off this time. She's done it to all of us, and usually calms down pretty quickly." I said, "Watch, in maybe an hour she'll be back to apologize and ply you with brandy."

"What's brandy?"

"A drink you're not supposed to have while nursing, and how Constance apologizes to people." I reply.

"Master," Janice said, as she put a hand on mine, "can we stay like this for a little longer?"

"Of course," I said, "take all the time you want." Not that she could, because the baby started crying soon after, and Janice went to go check on it.

Soon enough, she returned, with Kat suckling at her breast through an opened cup on a bra I didn't remember getting her. The two of us sat on the couch together for a time as Janice softly cried and I stroked her hair. After the baby finished drinking, and was burped, Janice set her down to sleep on the ottoman.

Eventually, Constance returned, looking a little tipsy, and having shed her robe for the matching green silk and lace bra and nothing else. She sat down next to Janice, placing a bottle and a few plastic cups on the table in front of us.

"You know what Janice?" Constance said, "I've severely over-reacted today, and I apologize. You've been nothing but a loyal and reliable servant these last couple of weeks, and threatening to kill you with a tire iron, and then raise your child as my own over a broken cup was completely undeserved."

Janice nodded fearfully as Constance paused for a second to open the bottle, and pour some of it into a cup.

"Here, have a drink." Constance said as she handed a hesitant Janice the cup.

Constance then poured herself a second cup of it, put down the bottle, and downed the contents of the cup in front of Janice, who just sipped at her own.

"What is that?" I asked.

"It's just some Peloursin mixed with a bit of pineapple and a couple tangerines, but it does the job," Constance replied as she put an arm around a very surprised and still terrified Janice, "and it's easy enough for someone like Janice to drink. She's not ready for brandy yet."

"Yeah, that's true." I replied, as Janice was now drinking slightly faster, having decided she liked it.

Constance refilled her glass, and I grabbed it from her before she could drink it. Janice just gave me that kicked puppy look she does.

"Honey, let's not get her drunk. She's nursing." I said.

Constance shrugged. "Fair enough." She said. "Anyway, for the dinner, Jimmy's getting our outfits ready, so if you want to fuck her and shower while I do my makeup, go knock yourself out."

"You're mad at me, aren't you?" I replied.

"Not really." Constance replied, as she ruffled a terrified Janice's hair. "It's more that this one could probably use a good fuck and some bonding time. I want her to know her place here, but I'm not just going to deny the poor girl."

"Which is what place exactly?" I replied.

"My bitch." Constance replied, turning to Janice. "You've seen the org chart dear, could you repeat it?"

Janice swallowed, and then nervously spoke. "Yes mistress. At the top are you and Master, under you is Grace, her mother and sister (should they be around,) and then there's Jimmy, and then Katerina, then myself and my sister, and then the worms in the dirt, the dirt, and then finally Master Steven."

Constance affectionately rubbed the blonde's head. "Good girl. You'll fit in here in no time. Go fuck your master if you want."

Janice of course turned to look at me with those pleading eyes, and I shrugged.

It wasn't particularly vigorous or enjoyable sex, what with Janice being emotionally exhausted and still somewhat terrified, but we both managed to get off before I had to shower and get ready or the baby woke up. Constance looked disappointed, but it's not like you really owe anything to a voyeur.

With Janice asleep on the couch, I showered and got dressed in the outfit Jimmy had laid out for me. Which was the black suit Constance had made for me last year, a plain white shirt, and the saffron waistcoat my mother had gotten me for graduation. I wouldn't match my fiancé, but that wasn't a big deal.

Constance met me in the foyer wearing her favorite black cocktail dress, and we drove to Metzger's mostly quietly.

"If the Governor or anyone asks," Constance said without looking up from the road, "we're still shopping for engagement rings because of how quickly this happened."

"You already have one picked out, don't you?" I replied. "I'm guessing silver with emeralds and maybe a diamond.

"Yes." Constance said. "No diamonds though. Diamonds are tacky."

If there was a word to describe Metzger's, it'd have to be out of mode. It was a turn of the century sort of place, with tin ceiling tiles and a checkered tile floor, and the private dining room we were seated in was somehow more antiquated than the main room, with its wooden walls, tin ceiling tiles and cloisonné decorations.

The governor and her husband had seats at the head of the table, and from them clockwise were Constance's parents, Anne, my mother's girlfriend, my mother, myself and Constance, all of us dressed as formally as a restaurant like this would expect, but also made us uncomfortable. Except for the Governor, her husband and Anne.

"Why is Anne here?" Constance asked. "Wasn't Steven supposed to show up?"

"His new toy tackled him into a bookcase, so Kelly took him to get stitches." Replied the governor. "So we took Anne instead because I want to get her opinion of the place."

"Why did Marie tackle him into a bookcase?" my fiancé asked, after spending a moment trying to parse her grandmother's comment.

Anne's shrug was the only response.

"Anyway," The governor said, looking at me. "I heard you were talking to a lawyer today. Did your uncles try and pull a fast one?"

"It turns out my grandfather had a will on file, so Greene-Velasquez is handling the litigation." I replied.

"I could have your uncles brought up on charges, or killed if you'd want." The governor said changing modes from concerned grandmother to caudillo. "Julius is getting bored, and the Stikini are getting rusty."1

My mother smiled at what I presumed were thoughts of her siblings dead or in jail. I honestly wouldn't wish finding a body after the Stikini had their way with it. "Charges might be nice. They did steal something like three million in liquid assets from the estate, which was to go to me aside from trust funds for their children."

Coach Nguyen spat out her drink in surprise, and I heard my mother whisper to her. "I told you my dad had money."

"It's not that, it's that she just offered to have people killed." Ellen replied.

"Mom really hasn't been the same since the coup." Said Constance's mother.

"Anyway," Constance said, "can we just order already? I'm hungry and I really don't want to get into all of this sober."

"Fine." The governor replied, "Let's pick this up after dinner."

And thankfully, the food was good enough we didn't.

"Anyway, when the hell can I expect grandchildren?" said my mother as she stared at both of us. "Like, actual grandchildren and not Katerina."

"Dolores, didn't you say something about Constance trying to babytrap Rupert at some point?" The Governor added in between bites of lamb in bordelaise sauce.

"Why did you tell grandma?" Constance said as she looked at her mother. "That was supposed to be a secret."

"Baby trap?" I asked as I looked at my fiancé.

She played with her steak a bit before responding. "It was senior year, before you got your scholarship. I wanted to make sure you could afford college, and the only way I could think of to force my family to support you and get you to accept it is if I had a baby. It's why I never made you use protection."

"You said you were on the pill!"

"I lied because I wanted what's best for you, and well me." Constance replied. "Grace likes you, and you're the only man I feel I could ever love aside from Jimmy."

"I take it I'm not getting grandchildren any time soon." my mother said.

"Does it matter?" Constance shot back.

"A little." My mother replied. "I'm getting older, and I want grandchildren."

"You're thirty seven." Ellen said. "And you were just going on about how you want another child now that Rupert's out of the house permanently."

"They could be playmates." Constance said with an odd glimmer in her eyes as I choked on my drink.

"Exactly." My mother replied.

"I guess I'll have to satisfy myself with Grace's child, if you're going to take your sweet time about it."

"Marie will probably be pregnant by the end of the year with the rate they're going at it." Anne said.

"Is it just me or is the bordelaise unimpressive?" I said, trying to change the subject.

"I think they used premade stock instead of making their own fresh." Anne replied. "It's not uncommon, but you're used to Mama and I going all out which is honestly really expensive."

"Rupert," the governor said, "are you planning on going into politics? Even if Constance isn't going to be that helpful."

"Maybe?" I replied. "Like after law school or something, and I'd probably join the PSO anyway."2

"Not the PCF?" The governor asked. "They'd be less concerned about the whole defacto polygamy thing."3

"It doesn't match my views, and to be honest even if I am marrying a Cooley, I want to be seen as my own person." I replied. "I'd never vote NRP or DA though."4

"I'd still be willing to mentor you if you would like, and the PSO are good people." The governor said, before turning to Constance's parents. "On a related note, since Constance is getting married, and Grace is going with her, I have a proposition for the two of you."

"Go on." Dolores Cooley said. "This better not be about getting Bruce to run though."

"No, it's about Anne." The governor said, "Since she's getting about that age, I was thinking about maybe emancipating her and sending her off to school to get a proper education. I'll get you a new cook though."

"I already have a degree though." Anne said. "I've had my BA for two years now."

"Have you ever thought about doing something else with your life?" The governor said. "Or being free?"

"No. I like cooking, and someone will have to take care of the three of them in their old age." Anne replied. "Freedom would be nice, but if I went on to be a chef, it'd be a pain and I'd be constantly compared to fucking Madeline Grey."

"I've proposed a bill to the state legislature to allow freedmen to hold elected office." The Governor said, "It's meant mainly for Edmund, so I can drag him and his wife back from Vienna, but I want to send you to school for public administration and I want you to be my successor while Steven plays around with his boats and things."

"I don't really have a choice do I?" Anne said dejectedly.

"Nope." Constance said with a cackle, "I had to set a bar on fire at the debutante ball and start a porn studio to get out of it. What chance do you think you'll have?"

I turned to my fiancé and and whispered. "That wasn't a question she was asking me either was it?"

I got a pat on the head as she leaned back over to me. "Now you get why I kept you away from grandma." She replied.

Well fuck.

Footnotes:

1 - The Stikini are a collective of SIM (Servicio de Inteligencia Militar, Florida's secret police agency) officers who were previously hitmen for Governor Cooley during a purge after a failed coup and assassination attempt. Playing off Seminole myths, they would place their victims' hearts in between their broken jaws. Julius Jai, one of the officers involved in foiling the coup attempt, has been implicated as a member.

2 - Sozialistische Arbeitspartei/Partido Socialista Obrero lit. "Socialist Labor Party." A socialist party broadly allied with the PCF in the federal legislature. Largest member of the coalition, and third largest party in Columbian politics.

3 - Partido de la Constitución de Floridá lit "Constitution Party of Florida." A center right and anti-federalist party allied to the PSO, and notable for being led by Miranda Cooley, the Governor of Florida for eighteen years and one of the many living Presidents Emeritus of the Federation of Columbia. Very used to the Cooley family's sexual proclivities, and fairly neutral on the anglophone issue, drawing the line at culture more than language.

4 - National Reform Party and Democratic Alliance respectively, form the Conservative Coalition for Columbia (C3) between themselves and are right wing anglophone parties. The Florida branch of the NRP attempted to stage a coup against Governor Cooley's government, but failed. The DA are basically anti-federalist Draka.