Copyright (c) 2015 Naoko Smith
Thank you so much for continuing to read and give me such great votes. (Apart from that trolling 1-bomb, LOL.)
In early Spring Vadya got a commission to ride through the troops and make a complete assessment of their resources in arms and men. Arianna and Hanya el Jien had written to Clair to put up money for a spring offensive – a letter that had come in a dirty package stuck to the dead body of a Castle Sietter servant found in a gutter in Port H'las without any of the other letters she had been carrying, over whom Clair wept bitterly.
The war had been swaying from one side to the other. The Generals felt on the whole pleased and surprised that they had held the Maier Pass and not been overwhelmed by the superior numbers of Sietter men with their ample provisions of arms. Vadya was excited at the prospect of forward movement in the war in spring but when the commission began to be talked of, his immediate thought was:
If I get to go, I will see Tashka
.
It was her strategic recommendations which had allowed them to hold the Maier Pass all winter. There had been an argument in the Generals' offices about bringing her in from the field. The rumour went round that her own father by marriage ruled against it. Vadya was barred from the meeting but Clair had gone. The reports of Sixth H'las wounded were silent on the commanding officer's state of health so Clair realised that she ought to have been invalided in but he knew Tashka el Maien van H'las would never leave her soldiers in the field of battle so long as she could crawl onto a horse and lift one arm their signal. That battle-hardened warrior van H'las knew what was to do as well. He had structured the command of his army around duty of care and he opened his mouth to say they should bring Tashka in. Clair, the commanding officer trained in the Sietter army, interrupted in an ice cold voice to point out that without the sharp analysis she provided from the perspective she gained out in the field they might as well lay down arms for the Sietter army directly. He knew that Tashka would refuse to come if they called her in, she was a supreme strategic officer who could weigh up the cost of each sacrifice and put any life in the hazard in the interests of duty of care to the wider mass of her whole army.
Vadya worried horribly in case the Generals did not realise he was the best person for the commission. Clair was in charge of the lines of supply, possibly he would be the better officer for the task of assessing what resources were needed. It was two days before he realised that the only reason the Generals had not come to tell him the commission was his was that they assumed it was as obvious to him as it was to them.
One fine chill morning with a fresh wind whipping the clouds through the skies he rode down into Sixth H'las' camp where the tents were laid out on a wide hillside near a village. He could see Tashka's black and blue banner flying in the wind above the fawn and grey sides of the campaign-weathered tents clustered around hers. There was a knot of officers in black and blue felt uniforms collecting to meet him; they had known he was coming but not exactly when of course. He was glad they had not been able to get together a parade. He could not have borne seeing a parade of Sixth H'las with so few people he knew and those few badly wounded.
As he rode through the camp he was pleased to see how neat it was. Despite the rush and panic of war, the work of falling back to regroup twice, everything was in its proper place. He avoided looking in the men's faces. It felt like a strange troop to him – Sixth H'las, where he had been a Captain and that he had commanded for seven years.
He came up to the group of officers and saw that Tashka was not among them. His mouth went dry with fear. He swung off Midnight into Hanya Lein's strong grip and stared desperately into Hanya's face. "He is sleeping," Hanya said immediately. "Batren refused to allow us to wake him."
Vadya gave a short laugh of relief. Hanya was trying to go on one knee and press Vadya's left hand to his forehead. Vadya gripped his arm to prevent him and gently brushed Hanya's cheek with his soft fist. He felt a twist of sorrow. Hanya's cheek – formerly so smooth and young and handsome – was lined with tiny fine red scars. He turned to Basra and made him rise up and come into a fierce hug. Basra clung to his shoulders, he felt a tear go down his neck but they made no attempt to speak of what they felt.
He turned to greet those six or seven Lieutenants he still knew and the officers he had not commanded. He introduced round the officers helping him make the assessment. They moved through the camp towards Tashka's tent, talking casually of the journey he and the Generals' strategic staff officers had had.
Batren came limping from Tashka's tent to greet him. It went to his heart to see how his old friend had been hurt, he strode forward and, to his horror, Batren also tried to go on one knee to him. He hugged him close, Batren was still trying feebly to pull away and go on his knee. "Batren!" he said, "how I have missed you. Lord Clair says I dress like a priest's doxy without you by my side!" Batren grinned shyly, blushing with pleasure at this compliment from someone who dressed nearly as well as the beloved Lord Tashka.
Vadya went to the entrance of Tashka's tent, lifted the entrance flap, looked casually inside and let the flap drop again. He stood quite still, staring at the stained canvas of the entrance flap.
"Leave us," he said in a short clipped voice. "Give me one hour with my ... my junior."
There was a short silence behind him then Hanya said, "we would perhaps do best to prepare some of our reports with you, gentle men," to the strategic staff officers.
"Yes," Vadya said. "You should do that."
As they all moved off, he heard Basra, evidently in answer to puzzled looks and raised eyebrows, say: "Commander-Lord el Maien was his Captain," as if that would explain it.
He lifted the entrance flap again and went softly into the tent to sit beside her bedding. There was a stool so conveniently placed there that he knew she dictated most of her work from her bedding to the Lieutenants.
She was lying on her side with a rug pulled over her. A set of orders was still sitting in the curl of her fingers. She had fallen asleep while reading them and Batren had covered her over with a black and green rug that had a thin red stripe in it.
Her face was so thin.
He was reminded of birds, of mice, of little creatures with tiny bones. Her rings hung loose on her finger, he saw that she had wound thread round them to keep them on. His heart contracted to see that she still insisted on wearing his marriage and betrothal rings. Her long lashes lay on the shadowed dark hollows under her eyes. Her neck that used to hold her head so gracefully poised was too skinny in the circle of the black cotton collar of her shirt.
He wanted to cry, to kill, seeing her worn away by war. He wanted to surrender, to shout to someone:
It is not worth it, losing so many of my friends, seeing my lover so changed, nothing is worth that. Let me be taken away and hung, rather than this
.
But it was not like that, this war. They were not fighting just to save his skin or his lands. He thought about the old snake, van Sietter, with such a rush of hatred that he felt even if he had been the lowest trooper whose vow went up through the whole chain of command to such a piece of scum floating on the top, he would have compromised his honour to desert.
He caught sight of a packet of papers lying to one side of the cushions Tashka rested on. It had been tucked under them and had got nudged out. It was creased and worn. It had a stain in one corner that looked like old blood, as if she might have carried it into battle in the inside breast pocket of her surcoat, where she could still get to it if she were fatally wounded, and she had let some dying soldier rest against her breast even though his blood soaked through her silk surcoat into the precious paper she carried there.
It was his letter. The only love letter he had written her, she never replied so he knew she could not bear more but she kept it and so he knew she was glad of it.