Zastryavshiy's Legacy

Zastryavshiy's Legacy

I don't open the door very often these days.

One of the few people, that I will answer for, just rang the bell. FBI Special Agent John Carter, (no relation).

My heart always skips a beat when I see him, with his back jacket, gold badge around his neck, and holstered gun. A mix of pre-Noel, "Why are the cops here?" and post-Noel "Oh my god, he's escaped!"

But it was always neither.

John had become a good friend these past 6 months. One of only a handful of people, who knew our story, and could talk about it.

Two months ago, he had been Best Man at our wedding. He's been visiting regularly, about every two weeks, since the event.

We call it the event because what else are you going to call it? It's the day we got attached. Most people get engaged. We got attached.

It's a good thing I love her butt, because where it goes, I follow. Closely.

Apparently, we had both passed out. I came to first. Lying on my side on the floor of her living room with some concerned EMTs looking down on me. I was under some blankets and the EMTs were telling me not to move.

"Water?" I croaked. They squirted some in my mouth, and again urged me not to move.

"Noel?"

"She's right here, she's still unconscious but she's going to be fine."

The EMTs then looked at one another with an odd expression.

"What? What are you not telling me? What is it?"

I could feel her butt right in front of me. I couldn't move back because of the couch, not that I really wanted to. They kind of hung their heads and the older one slowly nodded to the younger to go ahead.

"It seems someone glued you two together. Intimately. We can't even see the glue! We'll get you to a hospital and I'm sure the doctors will.."

At that point Agent Carter returned and cut him off.

"I said no talking to them. And no hospitals. As a matter of fact, you were never here."

"But they..."

"No buts. Is there anything more you can do for them?"

"They seem to have just become dehydrated and passed out, other than, you know..."

"Then pack up and go away."

"But they need..."

"I said no buts! Now get lost."

The two EMTs then gave Agent Carter two water bottles and left. Muttering something about "FBI... think they're god's..."

So, it hadn't been a dream. Oh shit. Oh shit, am I still...?

Carter then knelt down next to me and spoke softly. "I think you know what's happened. You seem like pretty calm guy, so don't panic, but the guy that did this, well, he thinks its permanent.

"Permanent?"

"We've got him in custody now and we'll find out the truth. But in the meantime, you are still stuck, though no longer being controlled."

"When Noel comes to, she may get hysterical."

"Or not."

"I had the paramedics give her a sedative before you woke up."

"Now I'm going to take a preliminary statement from you, and later from her. By the way please call me John, I think we will be seeing a lot of each other."

Normally people go to the FBI building. Voluntarily or not. In our case it came to us.

Traveling was not easy, walking was not easy, even sleeping was not easy. John knew our plight and bent every rule in the book to accommodate us. Hence the bi-weekly visits.

"John!" Noel flung open the door and gave him a big hug. I kind of patted him on the shoulders around her hug.

"John, good to see you, everything ok?"

"Yes, yes, just have some news for you"

"Well come on in, don't make us stand on the front porch, neighbors will talk." Noel joked with him.

We got him a beer and sat in the living room. Noel and I have a few pairs of pants that we can wear that have four legs and two waists but are connected from the thighs up to just below the belt. A little old lady makes them for us. She thinks its for some fraternity thing.

"So, what's the news? The Mets won the World Series?"

"Nothing that outrageous, sorry."

"Noel's ex was arraigned in court today; he's being charged with conspiracy to commit murder."

"Divorce court was easy, turns out Family Law Judges don't like it when one spouse hires an international assassin to go after the other."

"But Federal charges may be a little harder to prove."

"ASSASIN?" we both asked.

"Yeah, that's the other reason I'm here. The Bureau wants you read into the case."

"Our case?" Noel asked

"We know what happened" I said.

"Not just your case. The entire Zastryavshiy file. Or did you think I just happened to show up that day and kick down a random door."

"Wow, never thought about it that way. So, what have you got for us?"

John got comfortable and opened a thick folder on the coffee table.

"First off, his name. Pyotr Zastryavshiy PHD. Translated into English that literally means Peter's Stuck. There must have been some serious ribbing in school with that name. The profilers say It probably led to his MO."

Got his PHD at Leningrad Institute of Applied Science. Then stayed on to teach after it changed to Saint Petersburg Technical Institute.

There was a scandal involving a female student named Sasha. He was sweet on her till he found she was sleeping around. Then one day after an argument, she suddenly couldn't put her knees together. They stayed at least a foot apart no matter what she did. Still that way. Sound familiar?

Somehow the Board of Directors found out and connected it to him. They had a disciplinary hearing. We don't have the details, but it ended with him telling the board they could go fuck themselves.

Which according to the account they then did. Five men and Three women. They were found walking in a circle. Outside in the quad.

Each man penetrating the person in front of him, with his hands on their hips. The women having one hand on the hip and the other between his legs gripping his balls.

Except the odd guy, who was between two guys, getting buggered, and holding the balls of the man in front of him. Happened to be the Chancelor.

They were all shouting and tugging, but they continued walking and thrusting and walking and thrusting.

Until the paramedics and the police arrived. Then suddenly they were separated. And all that was left was Eight naked School Board members that didn't want to talk about it. Ever.

Things were quiet for about a year. Zastryavshiy left Russia and disappeared into Eastern Europe.

Then in Kiev, Interpol thinks it was his first hit.

One of the Eight Russian Oligarchs had a mistress in Ukraine. His wife had ambitions of her own. So, she put out a hit on her husband. Zastryavshiy answered.

Unfortunately for the wife, the Oligarchs are a strictly male bunch. Quite the old boys club. It didn't take them long to strip her of everything her husband owned and leave her penniless. The Eight became the Seven.

Fortunately for Zastryavshiy, he got paid upfront. That put him on Interpol's radar. What he did, got him a page in their most wanted.

The former Oligarch was found by his bodyguards in his Dasha. The Mistress was on top, with him underneath. Both naked, her jaw was locked open, and her lips were attached to the base of his penis. Attached so well that the bodyguards could not begin to separate them. Her Labia were similarly stretched across his lower face. And her breasts were stuck to his chest.

Both were still alive and were thrashing around but couldn't separate. The bodyguards tried to help lift her off but with four solid attachment points they got nowhere.

Their lips were stretching to the point that it was distorting their faces, but nothing was letting go. A complete airtight seal.

Suddenly according to accounts neither could breathe. They really started thrashing and yanking then, but still got nowhere.

In minutes they were dead. Both asphyxiated. The M.E. said it was like someone had held their nostrils closed. The three bodyguards and a maid each collaborated the other's stories. Zastryavshiy got a bonus.

After that it becomes a little murky. Zastryavshiy learned to hide his tracks and his signature MO.

Interpol believes he was responsible for at least a dozen murders. In some a person fitting his description can be seen in the area on security footage. In others they flagged a deposit into his accounts and then linked it to a suspicious death.

A rash of people jumping in front of a train, for no reason.

Half a dozen more people, stepping into traffic, or in front of a bus.

At least two drowned in bathtubs

Jumping out a window.

One was dragged to death behind a car after helping push start it.

Then apparently Zastryavshiy got bored and started doing his own thing again

In Amsterdam there was a stripper stuck to her widow with everything on display. She described someone fitting his description with a tablet, outside watching.

In Czechoslovakia another stripper was stuck to her pole, her breasts have apparently been permanently magnetized. It took three guys to get her off that pole.

Now it's a part of the show and patrons pay to help her get free. One enterprising guy wore metal mesh gloves that were locked to his wrists. They ended up having to get tinsnips and cut the gloves off his hands. Then peel the gloves off her breasts. They ended up dating.

In France, they almost caught him when he stayed a little too long playing with a couple on a bench outside the Louvre. They were totally naked and making out and seemed to have been glued to the bench, and to each other. He was on an opposing bench watching with a tablet in his hands.

The Gendarmes thought he was recording them, and wanted the file, but when they approached, he ran. He managed to lose them; they didn't try too hard as they thought he was just a witness.

He disappeared from Europe after that.

There's no record of him arriving in the U.S. but less than a month after the Louvre incident a girl riding the subway in New York had her butt stuck to a pole.

She was wearing Yoga pants and the pole was forced way into her butt crack with both cheeks touching on the far side. Everyone figured it was a prankster with KrazyGlue.

She had no shortage of guys trying to help peel her butt off the pole. And at least half a dozen that were content to just film it.

Paramedics had to cut the pole out of the train car and took her to the hospital with the pole still attached.

Of course, video of that landed on social media almost immediately. That pinged a server in Langley that was running a search for just that kind of report.

Our friends at the CIA forwarded it to us, for jurisdiction reasons, and I was assigned to the case.

From New York he moved to Georgia where a water-skier drowned after failing to let go of the tow rope. Turned out he owed money to a loan shark.

Then Texas where a Rancher got third degree sunburn after riding a horse naked for five hours in July. He survived but he's not talking. Locals still don't know why he didn't just get off the saddle.

Colorado where a college girl got her tongue stuck to a flagpole in August. EMTs tried pouring warm water on the pole, but it was 80 degrees outside. After six hours it just came off by itself.

Outside Las Vegas a legal whorehouse had their lube swapped for glue. The glue left over a dozen couples stuck in various positions for about six hours. Then just evaporated.

Then I got a hit on his bank account. Someone in California had just paid him. I got the first flight out.

Some people don't hold up well to FBI interrogation. Your ex-husband, Noel, cracked after just 10 minutes.

He swears he didn't know Zastryavshiy was a hit man. He just wanted pictures of you sleeping around for the divorce.

"Why? Why are you telling us all this? Why now?"

"Zastryavshiy is currently being held in a CIA black site working for DARPA, the Defense Advanced Research Projects Administration, he has been working on your case, and he thinks he may have a solution. We wanted you to know what kind of man we're dealing with here before we went any further."

"What do you mean working on our case?"

"Well, he can control someone by manipulating the magnetic field of their body after he has amplified it. He calls this control. Or He can make a body part super magnetic temporarily, this lasts around five to six hours. The skier that drowned. The tongue on the flagpole. The butt on the subway car. Others. Or he can make a body part permanently super magnetic such as that strippers' breasts. That takes about fifteen minutes and requires more power. If he makes one person's parts super magnetic with one pole and another person's parts super magnetic with the other pole the two become inseparable. That is what he refers to a "Bond". The couple in Ukraine and you two."

"He thinks he may be able to release "Bond". Not right away, but over time. Something about interfering with the magnetic fields and how they interact."

We were stunned. Permanent may not be permanent after all?

"I don't trust him. I sat outside your window for 15 minutes before he stepped away from his tablet and I gave the order to breach. It wasn't easy watching you go through that, but I knew what he was capable of. If we had just rushed in, we would probably all be dead right now."

"Why would he help us? What's in it for him?"

"He's working for DARPA. They're not in the wholesale killing business. They don't want anything that's irreversible. Or I should say, they'd rather have something, that was reversable. In either case they asked him to come up with a solution and he thinks he has one... You two are the only ones that need one. No one else has volunteered to be stuck permanently for a test."

Stuck permanently. Ever have a sleepless night while attached to your girlfriend's butt? I doubt it. Ever been snuggled up against someone, and want to roll over, only you can't? Within days we had figured out how to walk all over again. How to sit. How to eat. How to shower. How to get dressed. With T-shirts and our special jeans, we almost looked normal.

Just flirty.

Very flirty.

But no one could mistake us for two separate people ever again.

The clothes were as much for our sanity as for anything else. We just felt a little more normal. We could see John, and a very few close friends.

But every now and then, one or the other of us would crack, and start thrashing, and struggling, and pulling and pushing, and yelling. We never said anything hurtful or mean. We just wanted off, and off now!

Never getting anywhere, ever.

Eventually we would breakdown crying.

Usually in a huddle on the floor.

And end up kissing and hugging.

Kind of sideways. Always sideways.

We could never face one another.

That would usually crack us up and we would laugh for a bit.

It's a good thing we are so compatible, because in all history no one has ever been closer than us. Except maybe Siamese twins. And they're born that way.

Noel realized one day that she had never seen me naked. Not all of me. So, we got a mirror and looked up at our connection. Talk about a porno. That was me, going into her. I was still always hard. Constantly fucking twenty-four hours a day. Rain or Shine. And nothing on earth was going to get me back out.

Until now.

The blackout van. The less said about that the better. Someone, probably John had gone to some length to try to accommodate us. But it was still a windowless van for 5 hours. Ughh.

When they opened the door, we were inside a large, empty, boring, warehouse.

Only one thing was lit. Only one thing was of interest.

A big glass room. Probably thirty feet long by twenty wide. In the middle of the empty space.

Glass ceiling, glass walls, some kind of glass airlock thing. Video cameras everywhere. There were workbenches, storage cabinets, and a desk, all plexiglass.

The only privacy was a small section with a cot, a toilet, and a shower, with a curtain that could be pulled all the way around like in a hospital. And in the middle of the glass room was HIM, Zastryavshiy.

He was smiling at us. Gave us a little shy wave.

I could feel Noel trembling against me. I gave her a reassuring hug. But where was my reassuring hug. There was the enemy, right there. I wanted to run away screaming. Then John put his hand on my shoulder.

"He can't hurt you." John said to both of us. "His antenna thingy is locked in one position, and he can't get to it. His tablet runs through our computer, and we have override control of everything he does. He's in a cage and he knows it."

We were introduced to two of the Federal Marshals that were in charge of his security.

"He's been a pussycat. A model prisoner. Sometimes it's hard to believe that he could have done some of the things he's accused of"

"Then we see you... Are you really stuck together? Permanently?"

"No" I replied. "We just have this thing for wearing one pair of pants."

"Uhh yeah... Well normally protocol calls for only one person through the airlock at a time, I guess we'll have to make an exception in your case."

"Do we have to go in there? With him?" Noel asked

"That's where the Monolith is"

"The Monolith?"

"That big black slab against the far wall"

We hadn't seen it. It was so black that it was hard to see even with all the lights. Light just seemed to ignore it and wouldn't reflect. As if it were just a blank space in the wall. It was about seven feet tall, three or four feet wide, and looked about eight inches deep.

We all trooped up to the airlock and stood there.

"Well let's get this over with." I said

Julie the senior Marshal nodded to her deputy. He pushed a button on a console on the wall of the warehouse.

There was a sharp buzzer, and John pulled the first door open. After letting it close behind him, there was a second buzzer, slightly higher pitched, and he was able to open the inner door.

He looked carefully around the room taking in Zastryavshiy, the Monolith, and all the equipment. Probably doing a threat assessment.

I'm glad I don't have his job. Having to be suspicious of everything.

Finally, he nodded at us. Noel reached for the handle and waited for the buzzer. The airlock was a tight fit for two of us.

Then we were in the room with Zastryavshiy. Noel was trembling again. I wasn't too steady myself.

"You should thank me for bringing you together. Should now be in Guinness book for longest sex, no?"

Arrgh. I just wanted to get my hands around his neck. Just for a minute.

"Bond is holding well I see. Americans have no idea how to do real science. Must experiment. Not just theorize. Testing in the real world..."

"Cut the crap Zastryavshiy. You know why we're here." John interrupted.

Zastryavshiy looked angry for a second at being cut off, then he said

"Yes, Special Agent John Carter. You are here for Monolith. I had different name for it, but lab technician said it looked like something from a movie in 2001. In 2001 no one could have made anything like this. But name stuck. So is Monolith."

Even inside the glass room we couldn't really see the Monolith. The black just seemed to soak up all light.

"How does it work?" John asked

"It interferes with the magnetic force lines in..."

"I mean how do they use it?" John cut him off again.

"Interface is simple. Even nonscientist can use. Just stand against slab, doesn't matter direction. Is set to activate when senses four hands touching slab. Field will come on ensuring maximum contact area. Field will last fifteen minutes approximate. When field collapses subjects are released. Should be separate for approximate one hour. Separation time will increase with repeated use. Clock on wall indicates field time then elapsed time."

"And we're sure this will work?" John asked

Zastryavshiy shrugged.

"No animal testing. No human testing. Need guinea pig. Theory is good. Each time should increase release time, don't know how much."