Day 0 – Meeting Edvin, a virgin
I was very, very drunk.
He was very red in the face, very bald, had a very large smile. He looked like a balloon car salesman. I suppose I should have been more careful but how could I have known what he was?
I still don't know what he was.
We were talking about women. Well, I suppose we were talking about fucking. I remind you; I was drunk. I was also young, and stupid.
He pointed at a very pretty blonde; "That one, meboy. Bent over, you takin her from behind, she´s just lovin it! Right?"
"Yeah, right. Girls like her just don´t go for guys like me."
"No? Wonder why, goodlookin bloke like you."
"Don't wanna talk about it."
"Hmm, I smell a bit of confidence trouble here. So what´s wrong? Dick´s too small?"
"I said I don't..."
"All right, what else, what might this poor unfucked boy want apart from a huge slab of man-meat? How about a new willing, even eager, lady every night? A lady who would be happy, well-fucked and content. No being mean, but also no dreary clinginess, no obligations. Oh, and no pregnancy, no STDs, no problems getting it up, just sheer fucking fucking – your new gigantic dick and every pretty girl you could wish for. Sounds good?"
"Sounds like every man´s dream."
"Great! It´s yours. No need signing your name in blood or any of that shit. An honest handshake is enough, between honest fellows like ourselves."
He shook my limp and drunken hand, his smile impossibly growing even wider, so wide his big red head burst. He flew away with the fart-sound of an untied, released balloon. "Good luck!" said the fart.
Day 1 - Amanda
I don't know how I got home, but I woke up in my own bed. I was feeling like a run-over badger looking for his entrails and finding that the crows had eaten them. My head was close to bursting, which brought out memories that had to be dreams of a preposterous red balloon and his weird wishgranter handshake.
Shaking my head (which was a serious mistake) I turned around to fall asleep again, but something felt weird. Something was definitely different. Something flapped over heavily like a sleeping anaconda. Something dormant but alert, ready to be ready to pounce. A porn-star humungous crazy-cock had somehow swallowed my dick and taken its place. What the fuck!
Memories (perhaps not dreams after all) of that handshake and that headfart stirred again. He had promised me a big dick, right? And a new pretty girl every day. Yeah, right.
I still wanted to sleep, but this phallic weirdness had made sleep quite impossible. I went to the kitchen to get me some coffee, walking carefully since this gigantic...thing in front of me might seriously have changed my center of gravity. Coffee might restore my sanity, I thought. Coffee might make this hallucination go away.
The trash-bag was overflowing, so I put on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt and took it out. In the stairs I met Amanda, my super-cute blond neighbor. She came from below and found herself eye to eye with the anaconda. It twitched hungrily, and Amanda stared at it, mesmerized. It´s said to be a myth that snakes can hypnotize their prey, but this snake apparently could.
She smiled sweetly.
"Come," she cooed, and opened the door to her flat. I was coming, of course I was, but...where should I put the trash-bag? If I went back to my apartment with it she might get un-hypnotized, and that I did not want to risk. But it seemed very rude and unromantic to bring a bag of stinking trash when invited by an amorous lady. In the end I left it in the stairwell, by her door. I didn´t feel so good about that either, but I soon had other thighs...I mean things to think about.
She was already naked when I found her, in her bed, on her back. Anaconda woke up with a roar and tried to rip my shorts to shreds, and would have if I hadn´t gotten them off in record time. In a flash I was on her and in her. I plowed her fertile field relentlessly, getting almost two thirds of my steel hard manhood inside her quivering flesh before bottoming out. She moaned in ecstasy, already coming. I flipped her round, took her from behind, from above, from below. I was her master her possessor her undisputed lord of pleasure and she was coming again and again and I was building up to an enormous climax and she came a last thundering time in a final orgasm so overwhelming that she swooned.
I didn´t quite know how to handle that. I was fucking an unconscious woman, was that all right under the circumstances or was it abuse? I decided it was still voluntary sex, she had been a most enthusiastic participant after all, but it was still a bit of a let-down to be sort of all alone when my first orgasm ever with a woman was coming and now I was coming, by god I was coming and she...started snoring.
I waited for quite a while for her to wake up, but she didn´t, she slept like Snow White and apparently I was not her prince because kissing did not wake her up. Eventually I left. And when I did I stepped in the bloody trash-bag, which I had forgotten by her door.
Day 2 – Evelina
The day after, when I knocked on Amanda´s door, she looked at me with total surprise. It was obvious she had no idea why I would seek her out. No you-just-fucked-me-and-I-am-mad-about-it look. Or happy or embarrassed or guilty or anything, just a whatever could HE want. So I stuttered something about lending me a little sugar or something, which she graciously did – in my hands since I had somehow forgotten to bring a cup, ha ha ha.
Back to my place, bewildered.
But hadn´t balloon-head said something about a new girl every day? Perhaps that magic only worked once. Or perhaps I was fully mad and delusional after all.
I went for a walk in the park. A dog came running towards me, leash snaking along after it, obviously on the lam. I picked up the leash and looked around for its owner. A very pretty redhead came hurrying towards us, gratitude in her eyes.
She was grateful and I was obliging. Yes, she could buy me an ice-cream as a sign of that gratitude. Yes, she could kiss me. Yes, we could go into that thicket over there so she could deep-throat me. And, what the fuck, let´s screw, too, we might be busted but that´s half the fun. Once again, I was obliging – the thicket was thick and the dog was lookout, although I think he watched us most of the time.
Then, we parted. Bye bye, it was fun. See you round.
