When I Am Gone

Chapter 21

Everyone, look who showed up, Mikey said. Everyone turned and look at me and said hey Scott. I told Mikey that I shouldn't be here, but he insisted I stay. He handed me a beer and said happy 18th birthday Scott.

I said thanks, but I wasn't gonna drink. Moments later, I heard cheering in the back, so I went to see what is going on and it is Aaron in the back playing beer pong with other people.

They kept telling Aaron he kept winning because it was his 18th birthday and then it dawned on me that we share the same birthday.

He glanced at me and then he drank another cup. I moved on and found that there was a chugging contest in the kitchen. I somehow got pulled into it, but I wouldn't drink.

Everyone yelled coward and pussy, but I didn't do it. I saw Aaron coming inside and towards me and I thought he was gonna come and save me. Instead, he pushed me aside and said I'll do it.

He chugged 2 bottles before giving up, but then he could hardly stand. I almost walked away, but I know he did the same thing for me. I carried him up to a bedroom and decided to let him sleep it off.

I heard someone come up the stairs and I didn't want someone getting the wrong idea. So I hid in the closet. All I could see was Aaron still sleeping on the bed. Then I saw Mikey and he stared at Aaron to make sure he was sleeping.

I heard him go over to the door and lock it. He went back to Aaron and clapped in his ear, but Aaron was passed out. He then flipped Aaron over, but he didn't wake up. He pulled down his pants and then Aaron's.

I began to see the worst thing of my life. I couldn't move and I couldn't speak. He is my friend and I am just letting this happen. As one thrust after the next, I just stood there, doing nothing. As I pulled out my phone and took a video, then I felt ready.

He finished and got up, I jumped out of the closet and he was so scared. He looked at me and I could see the fear in his eye. He asked me what I saw and I told him everything. He then whispered to me, nobody's gonna believe you. I told him that I'm gonna tell your buddies downstairs.

Then he smiled at me and said good idea. He yelled for his friends to come upstairs and they all came running into Mikey's room. Mikey turned to me and said last chance, but I didn't change my mind. So Mikey told them that he came into his room and saw that I was on top of Aaron, raping him.

They all grabbed me and pulled me out of his room and pushed me down the stairs. I said no guys you have it all wrong, but they didn't listen. They all started to pound on me and kick me until I was bleeding.

They threw me out and told me never to come back. However, after tonight, I was never gonna come back to this house. When I got home, I saw mom and dad were in the living room watching tv. So I decided to go in through the back door and up the steps as quietly as I could.

I needed to wash the blood off my face, so I decided to take a shower. As I stood there naked, waiting for the shower to warm up. I turned and looked at the mirror and saw myself. There were bruises all over my body, some recently, some a long time ago.

The cuts felt so fresh and I could tell you how I got each of these bruises. I got in the shower and that imagine of Mikey on top of Aaron was scarred into my head. I didn't know what to do, I felt that if I told someone, Mikey would just blame me again.

When I went to sleep, I dreamt of Mikey on top of Aaron. But then, I began to picture Mikey on top of me. Just like Aaron, I couldn't move or do anything, but feel everything that he did to me.

I woke up and it was 11 o'clock in the morning. My phone buzzed and I looked to see who it was and it was Aaron. He said that he can't believe what you had done to me, I thought we were friends.

I am not gonna go to the police because I don't need to be arrested for underage drinking, but you discuss me as a human being. Why don't you just do the world a favor and kill yourself. I tried texting Aaron back, but he wouldn't answer.

I thought that maybe it was over. I couldn't go back to school and have this rumor go around. I started my computer up and thought maybe this is how I should do this. I signed into my podcast account and hit new. I called this one The End.

Chapter 22

Hey, it's me, today is a special day. It is a special day because it is all over. All my hard work, my attempts at being normal is over. You have won society, you can't change who you are, you are stuck with you from the time you are born to the end.

Well, I'm saving me the long journey ahead and jumping straight towards the end. I thought that it could also help all you that I am causing pain and suffering for. Before I die, I want everyone to know these things.

I am gay, I am proud that I am gay, I am not a rapist, I loved Aaron, I am 18, I have never had a real kiss, I love baseball, and Mikey raped Aaron Baxter. I thought about signing off, but I thought that the people should watch what they did to me.

I stood up onto my chair and tied my bathrobe belt around my neck. I tied the belt around my fan and all of a sudden my dad came in. I could see on his phone that he is watching my podcast. He grabbed me and told me to untie myself.

I got down and said I'm sorry for all of this. I just can't go back to school. Dad told me to sit down and I turned off my computer. He asked me what happened and I said that when I was at the party last night, I witnessed a crime.

He asked should we tell the police, but I said no because I didn't want Aaron to get hurt. He told me that I should do whatever I think is right, but killing yourself is not going to solve anything.

I said I'm sorry and that it won't happen again. When school started up, it was the same as it was before. Junior year started off brutal because everyone thought I was a rapist, thanks to Mikey.

I knew that I shouldn't listen to them, but it's hard to ignore when you hear it throughout your whole day. This year I have 3 classes with Aaron, which he wasn't too thrilled to be that close to me.

We had math, gym, and english together again, but it didn't help that he couldn't stand looking at me. Although in October, I got a text from him finally about my last podcast and he said what the hell.

Why would you make a suicide video? It doesn't change what you did to me, but don't kill yourself. I couldn't live with myself if I was the reason you died. This year Aaron decided not to play football because he told the coach, he had a lot of things in his life to understand.

I felt bad because I knew he was talking about me. I said to him that I'm sorry for getting mixed up into your life and I told him he could've played this year if he never met me, freshmen year.

I didn't think he was gonna respond, but he texted back and said stop doing that to yourself. It wasn't a surprise that the Jaguars didn't make it to playoffs this year. December came around and I began to see Dr. Logan again.

He thought that it would be good that I talk about my feelings again. We talked about what happened to Aaron and I began to tell him about these dreams I've been having. I told him I thought they were nothing, but they felt so real.

He began to direct me towards what happened at school this week and it wasn't good. This week was candy cane week and not surprisingly my fans gave me candy canes. They said go away fag and rapist should burn in hell.

I just threw them away because I knew they didn't have the balls to come up to my face and say it. He thought that my improvement was great and that I wouldn't have to see him for a couple of months.

But I was to continue making my podcasts and to call him if I ever felt angry. January and February went by fast. I didn't do much and nothing changed in my life. Except now I am not the person everyone picks on because now it is this kid who threw up all over the floor in the middle of presenting a presentation.

However, when the snow started to melt I knew that it was almost baseball season. After last year I didn't know if I should try out. I thought that I'll just let everyone down again. But, when I got a text from Aaron saying, I hope you try out this year, we need you again to win.

I got so excited, I got out my bat and begin practicing. I made it onto the team and the coach said I don't care what happened last year. This is a new season and a new you, so don't care what anyone says.

Coach made me partners with Aaron again, I overheard Aaron trying to ask coach if he could switch partners with someone, but coach said no. On Wednesday when Aaron and I were practicing, I told him I know you don't want to be here, so you can go and I'll tell coach that you came.

He stopped throwing the ball to me, got up to my face and shoved me to the ground. He said don't make me the bad guy, we both know what you did to me and I don't know why I told you to join this team. Maybe it was because I feel bad for you nobody likes you.

I got up off the ground and told him, that maybe it's because deep down we both know you want to believe me, but are afraid to. He gathered his things and left without saying a word to me. The next couple of practices were about the same.

All he did was pitched the ball a couple of times to me and then he left. The next week mom reminded that it was time to see Dr. Logan again. I thought that he wouldn't help, but this time, he helps uncover things I didn't know.