Donovan
It's late evening. I'm sitting on the sofa absent-mindedly watching TV. I'm donning my sleek, black prosthetic leg and wearing a black graphic tee and pair of joggers. I'm watching some kind of horror movie to pass the time and keep me distracted from any nervousness. I've been speaking to Katiya for about 3 months online, after meeting her on a dating app, and this will be the first time meeting her in person. We could have met much earlier than this, but she's been cautious, seemingly assessing me in some way. I liked that, and her, enough to go along with it.
From the very first exchange of messages, we just clicked. At 22, she was younger than me, but only by about four years, and her profile had stood out to me more than any of the other ones I'd seen on there. I hadn't expected to have someone so interesting contact me first, but I hadn't been about to throw away that opportunity. And, damn, despite spending hours talking to her through messages and voice calls, and having been on dates before, right now I feel a nervousness that I haven't felt for a long time, it brings me back to my days as a secondary school kid.
I'm just about registering what's going on in the movie. A woman seemingly in her late twenties, or older, playing an 18-year-old woman, with a crazed murderer chasing after her. Generic slasher bullshit. And this is supposed to be a horror channel? What is so horrifying about that? It's the same crap all over again, unrealistically stupid characters, and a stereotypical inbred freak with a power tool. As a horror fan myself, I've always seen true horror as more creative than that. To me, true horror is when something you'd hardly even imagined could possibly happen to you is inflicted upon you.
The woman, now running through a forest, trips over a branch, her tits fly up, breaking from gravity as she flails and lets herself fall.
I laugh at her horrendous overacting.
Then, out of nowhere, I notice a change in the air that makes my stomach drop in a way I can't quite describe. It's unsettling, but also strangely enticing. It's then that I realise I can feel her, Katiya. Somehow, I just know she's outside.
I wonder at what point of proximity she is.
The door knocker sounds. I leap up before I can even register what my brain has commanded me to do.
"Fuck," I mutter under my breath, slightly embarrassed already and hoping I won't behave in any ridiculous manner.
I awkwardly give my thighs a brush down, despite them being completely crumb-free, and make my way to the door. I linger there for a second, savouring that intoxicating mix of excitement and disquiet for a moment longer, before opening.
She stands in front of me, in flesh, looking even better than in her pictures. She's wearing a strappy black top and double denim in the form of a grey oversized jacket and mini shorts, each article doing its part in complimenting her petite and curvy frame. Her hair is glossy and dark like raven feathers, waves flowing down far past her shoulders. She is wearing no makeup.
She doesn't look like a film star, yet she is utterly enticing.
Upon opening the door, a strange feeling hits me. I notice it has a strange sense of familiarity, but also, it's a feeling I don't associate with any person I've known. In fact, it feels great, like something awesome could happen at any moment. It reminds me of when I sit down at the dinner table at Christmas and admire the display of food on the table before the meal begins. Despite that, it still brings me a sense of unease.
My pulse speeds up in a strange and somewhat foreign way; it feels alien, even.
I'm overcome with a strange feeling of connectedness in a way that I've never had happen with anyone else. I have a sense that she wants to spend time with me today in a way that I've not spent time with someone before.
She smiles at me with a warm but mischievous smile, then brings me into a hug that I happily reciprocate.
"Hey," she says, "how are you?"
"Hey, I'm good. And you?" I respond.
As we hug, I notice she has a very subtle, nice scent about her that, for some reason, brings toffee apples to mind.
"I'm good," she smiles. She then pushes a paper dragonfly at me, "I made this for you."
I take it and inspect it. It's made of sturdy, black paper, folded neatly and intricately. I'm both flattered and impressed by this unusual, homemade gift.
"That's very cute. Thanks."
She smiles. I stand at the door still watching her, imagining how cute and focused she must've looked when she was folding her paper art.
"Are you gonna stop gawking at me and invite me inside?"
I snap out of my momentary stupor, and step aside.
"Oh. Yes, sorry. Come in."
She steps through the door, and as she walks past me, she gently pushes my mouth closed with her hand, teasingly.
Fuck, I really was standing there with my jaw on the floor like an idiot. She seems amused, proud of herself even.
As I close the door, she kicks off her slip-ons beside my own neatly positioned shoes, and then she's staring at me, still with that look on her face. It makes me want to just grab her and do god-knows what. In that moment, ideas of just what I could do flash through my head at speed. Looking at her, I recognise that in her eyes too. It's as if she even knows or is doing the same. I feel like she's just waiting for me, like somehow this is some kind of test. Is there a risk of failing? Or is there no truly right way to respond? Somehow, I feel like it's the latter. Or maybe that's what I'm hoping, instead.
Before I can go ahead with acting on any urges, Circe trots out to greet her, slinking around her legs.
"Oh, hi!" Katiya says, reaching down to pet her, to which Circe meows in response.
"I'm glad Circe likes you," I say.
"Yeah, that's always good news." She diverts her gaze to the surrealist serpent design on the front of my shirt, "I like your top, it's really cool."
"Thanks."
I did choose this t-shirt to wear because, from the conversations we'd had, I knew she'd like it. It's a bit faded from being washed countless times since the day I bought it 3 years ago, but it's still one of my favourite shirts.
"Have you got any plans of what you want us to do?"
She reaches up and places her hand on my chest, stroking her hand down me before letting it fall back down by her side. I feel a prickle of excitement shoot through me.
"Do you know what shibari is?"
I say it before even knowing what is coming out of my mouth, as if something compelled me to.
"What?"
"It's Japanese rope art. I can show you a cool tie. I'm still pretty crap at it though."
She looks amused.
"That's quite a way to say 'bondage', isn't it?"
I feel my cheeks begin to flush, unsure of what to say. She waits, allowing my cheeks to fully give me away, before speaking again.
"That sounds like it could be fun."
"It is an art though," I say sheepishly.
"I believe you," she says sincerely. "Now show me."
***
I lead Katiya to my bedroom just down the corridor, slowly, all the while relishing mental images of her restrained and suspended by knots. A part of me feels like she can feel my thoughts, and that part of me enjoys that too. The idea of having her body like that, restrained and contorted into an elaborate position with even more elaborately tied knots... I can make her body into my masterpiece. It would look just perfect, more perfect than I could even imagine. There's no way I could actually do even a quarter of those ideas with her, unless she was willing to be my guinea pig, because I've only actually done a few of the more basic ties before on my arm, I've never even done any of this with partners. Still, if she's no rope bunny then it won't be hard to impress her. Unless, you know, she's just really hard to impress.
"Are you gonna suspend me?" she asks, eyeing the ceiling as we enter my bedroom.
"Ha, I wish I were that good. No, just floor work."