To Grandmothers House We Go

REUNION

Hansel Gingersnap stopped before the front door of Grandma Nyx's house. He looked around to make sure nobody could see him as pressed the doorbell . Ever since his sister Gretel disappeared, the onus of making these little check-in visits had fallen on his broad, albeit protesting, shoulders.

But he liked to hide his activities at Grandma Nyx's house, as they might be misinterpreted (or even worse, correctly interpreted). His hand shook as he rang the bell (or more-accurately cybernetic tone). After a few seconds, Hansel could hear Grandma Nyx's elderly yet still voluptuous body being loaded into her Danica Patrick mobilized wheelchair. He could hear her riding in circles like Dr. Strangelove on a restless day. She even threw in a few wheelies for good measure.

Grandma Nyx pushed the Ejecto-seat button on the Danica Patrick Chair, which not only catapulted her directly onto the chair of her Acorn Stair Lift, and at the same time opened the front door to let Hansel in.

Hansel watched as Grandma Nyx descended the stairs in a magnificent entrance rivaled only by Trump's golden ride down the elevator in Trump Tower (not to be confused with the golden shower afforded him in Moscow).

Hansel reckoned that the chore of making these visits could be worse. In days of auld they occurred two times a day, seven days a week. But that was before the upgrades to Amazon.com. Now the old biddy had three Denny's square meals a day delivered by drone. If she fell down or had a heart attack, Amazon would immediately deploy a drone that would land directly on her mottled skin and perform CPR, including direct electrical stimulation of her heart, transplants and cardiac catheterizations, not to mention her clit.

Sure the system still had some kinks to be worked out. For one, the Amazon drones would occasionally take the liberty of procuring heart donors by selecting the healthiest person in a two mile radius, extracting the heart, and sewing it into the buyer's circulatory system. There also was a lot of concern centering on the fact that a disproportionate number of the involuntary donors so selected were African American.

Soon Grandma Nyx's body reached the ground floor, and she was lifted into the locked and upright position. "Well, well, lookie at what we got here! if it isn't my second most famous grandchild come to visit me at last. What's been keeping you nigh these four years?"

"Well, I've been away at college, Meemaw. But I'm here now." Hansel said. "I would have been here earlier, but my sister seemed to have your care down to a science. But since she disappeared, I've been elected to do the honors."

"Short end of the straw, eh? Well then let's get cracking. You can start by bringing those deliveries downstairs for me." She nodded toward a pile of Amazon Prime boxes sitting in the corner of the foyer.

"By the way I like your new red riding hood, Granny Nyx," Hansel said. "I swear I've seen that hood before." Just like Gretel's, he thought, but instinctively held his tongue.

"eBay," Grammy Nyx said by way of explanation.

"I also like your new gleaming teeth. Your sharpened incisors are way Goth, just like all the kids are wearing these days.

"Compliments of Invisalign," the rejuvenated crone said. "All the better to eat you with!" Granny Nyx whispered, pointedly lowering her gaze to Hansel's crotch. "If you know what I mean."

Hansel's tool grew to rival the woodsman's axe leaning in the corner of Grammy Nyx's cottage.

"Granny, with your kohl-darkened eyes, you could be a 22-year-old," he told the beautiful hag. "OK Grandma Nyx, I'll get right on it." Hansel picked up seven boxes of something called 'Granny Lube'. He wasn't sure he wanted to know what it was used for, but he could guess. A shudder went down his spine. To still his mind, he quietly chanted the three refuges:

"I take my refuge in Alexa.

"I take my refuge in the Prime.

"I take my refuge in Jeff Bezos.

The peace was soon broken by the raspy voice of Grandma Nyx. "Hansie, darling, could you be an angel and open that plastic one? I swear I think that childproofing should be called harridan-proofing. Don't you agree?"

Hansel picked up a device that resembled a hi-tech water pistol, save for its phallic barrel. He had a pretty good idea what its purpose was. There were three speed settings: massage, hyper-pump, and ultra-ream. He struggled with the child-proof and consumer-proof hard plastic cover that protected seemingly every technical device that was manufactured these days.

"Let me help you with that," Granny Nyx said. Give it over here, Hansie," she said, reaching out with her left hand.

Hansel forked it over, and Granny Nyx spoke into the air. "Alexa, Dr. Scholl me." A Dr. Scholl's kiosk materialized at the foot of the stairs. Probably just self-assembling nanobots, Hansel supposed. Granny Nyx gingerly stepped out of the Acorn Stair Lift onto the Scholl footpads. Not only did the kiosk spit out and install new rubber soles for Granny's feet, but it also injected a titanium endoskeleton that grew like vines around her existing bones, reinforcing them so that she could bench press a semi with one arm. This is why 90 is the rapidly becoming the new 22, Hansel supposed. Granny Nyx then used her new titanium fangs to tear through the plastic casing off the Squirtmaster 500 as though it was made of paper or human flesh). She slapped the batteries into the Squirtmaster into as though they were a new clip in an assault rifle.

She held the Squirtmaster 500 against her ear and fired it up in ultra-ream mode, She seemed transfixed as though she were being carried aloft into heaven itself by the sweet music of the super-dildo.

"Hansie, where are my manners? You're my only grandson, and this is the first day I have seen you in five years, and here I am drilling my own coochie like a some haggard burned-out 90-year-old whore. Here, let me treat you to a cup of my famous horny goat weed tea. I've got some on the burner now.

Granny walked over to the cupboard, and selected two Ming-dynasty tea cups, which she placed on the small table sitting in the kitchen . Nyx and Hansel sat down at the table, and Nyx poured the hot concoction into the aforementioned teacups. Despite the general agility of her movements, when Nyx stood up to replace the teapot on the stove, she stumbled against the table, spilling the hot liquid directly onto Hansel's crotch.

Granny Nyx quickly placed her hand on her long-lost grandson's lap in an effort to cheer up his semi-boiled genitalia.

"I'm sorry. Gramma Nyx. I know that those cups must have been 500-year old Ming-dynasty porcelain."

"Ah, those were mere trinkets. At most 475 years old But what about these precious family jewels? They are more important than mere porcelain.

She reached down to cup said orbs, which jumped nearer to launch position. She held them in her right hand and juggled them like a tennis player deciding which ball to use on match point at Wimbledon.

"Well, I guess the family genetic aspirations are in very good hands, or should I say conjones. The family line is not going to die out anytime soon. No siree. I'll bet you have the combined population of China and India in in there."

Hansel's cheeks began to flush in embarrassment at his grandmother's compliments.

"Well, your balls seemed to have made it through their scalding bath without harm. Let's see if the same can be said of the family totem pole," Granny Nyx, said as she pulled down his Haynes jockey shorts, and his Colossus of Rhodes sprang free from its cotton (albeit tag-less) prison. She gave said shaft a playful slap and it went into metronome-like motion.

She caught Hansel's pillar on the back swing, and wrapped her arthritic, bespeckled fingers around it. "Oh my, how you've grown, Hansie" Nyx said. "I must have changed your diaper a thousand times. I knew you were going to be heart-breaker but I never imagined this.

"Let me taste you, my long-lost itinerant grandchild," Granny Nyx said. She ran her sharpened nails around and around the hood of Hansel's shaft, drawing a thin line of blood on each rotation. He gasped at each iteration. She tightened her grip, pressing her claws deeply into the trembling flesh of his virgin tallywacker, and a single bead of cum emerged from the single eye of his magnificent plonker. Delicately, she lowered the tip of her tongue to taste his jizz. Mmm, she thought, a taste of ginger combined with just a hint of abject fear. This one was going to be a keeper. Unlike the last five.

She sprawled over him like a spider fixing to consume her mate. She lowered herself so that her soft nipples barely touched her grandson's yearning naked flesh, keeping Hansel in a state of maximal arousal. "You may not come, until I tell you can. Do you understand?"

Hansel nodded like a bobblehead doll. "Yes Gramma," he said.

"What did you call me?"

"I mean, 'Yes Mistress,'" Hansel said.

"That's more like it," Nyx said. "I'm going to eat you now. If you come without permission, I am going eat you literally rather than figuratively." She nodded in the direction of the outsize oven /crematorium that took up half of her parlor to make her point. Do you understand?"

"Hai, Mistress."

"Let me taste the nectar of the gods again," Nyx said. as she lapped another jizz bead from the eye of Hansel's straining cyclopes. She then took the entire helmet into her mouth and began to slide her lips up and down her grandson's throbbing shaft.

Hansel felt the heat and building pressure of the bull juice within his balls. He knew he was about to come. To forestall the inevitable, He tried to imagine that Nyx's luscious body was replaced by the naked body of the obese Russian ambassador Sergey Kislyak.

But when he opened his eyes, however, he was once again confronted with the vision of Gramma Nyx's outsized casabas . Although he would have thought it impossible, his tool grew even harder and longer.

Her breasts were sheer perfection, unless you counted the crow's feet on her pectoral muscles, and Hansel definitely wasn't counting them. As far as he was concerned, her age-spotted flesh was as supple as that of an eighteen-year old.

"I see that you like these," Nyx said, lifting her mammoth gazongas and then lowering them in cadence with Hansel's thrusts. "Suck on them, grandson. Let me nurse you, as I longed to when you were young."

Gamma Nyx lowered her right breast to Hansel's eager, gasping mouth. He drew the proffered mega-granny-hooter halfway down his throat, and began to suck it rhythmically, teasing her nipples with his swirling tongue on each pass. "I think I'm about to come," Hansel told his enate ancestor.

"What part of good slave don't you understand? When did I tell you could come?"

"When you told me to, Grandma.,"

"What did you call me, miserable worm?"

"I'm sorry, Grandma Nyx, I mean Mistress."

"Do you want me to help you with your self-control, worm?" You must master your impulses if you are to provide your mistress with the maximum pleasure she demands."

"Hai, Mistress. I will commit seppuku at once."

"And how are you exactly going to accomplish that feat? I have removed all the swords from this room for your protection, including ceremonial tantos and wakizashis. We have also sterilized the toilet in your holding cell, as you will see from the paper band around the seat proudly proclaiming that it has been sanitized for your protection. We don't want any suicides by swirly on our Yelp reviews.

"Mmm, all this talk of steaming hot entrails reminds me that I volunteered to bring the giblets for the staff party this weekend. They will perfectly complement the gingerbread house I am baking right now." She nodded toward the kitchen.

"My, what a big oven you have, Grandma!"

"All the better to bake you in, I mean bake for you , my studly grandson,. I already told you that I was going to bake a life-size gingerbread house. What I didn't tell you is that it's all for you. Hansie," the voluptuous matriarch said. "Just think of it, rent-free and edible if you get hungry. Plus all the deviant, insatiable geriatric sex your little heart desires, What could be better than that?"

Hansel could not argue with that . It was as though he had won the lottery. He could finally tell his sarcastic landlord, one Shecky Greene Jewberg, to buzz the fuck off. "But what if I want to leave?"

"Oh you're perfectly free to go at any time, mein liebchen. It's not like we're back in Dachau." Granny Nix's eyes grew misty as she fondly rhapsodized about her days as counselor-in-training in that venerable institution. "You're not a prisoner here, but a voluntary inmate. But before you decide to go, remember that codicil to my will in which you get over five billion clams if I die?"

"Yeah."

"Well, it will all go away if you leave voluntarily. You are also required to perform any sexual act I command you, to no matter how degrading and no matter how many of your moral scruples, assuming you have any, are violated.

"Works for me," Hansel said. "Where do I sign?

"You already have, my precious," Granny Nyx said, holding up a parchment a la Donald Trump brandishing his outsized hemoglobin-red signature on an executive order.

"Well let's get started then. What would you like to try out first?" Nyx asked motioning with her head toward the pantry, which seem to hold every sadomasochistic device known by man, or in this case woman.

"Drink me a little more, grandson. We're not quite there yet." She plopped her right bazoom into Hansel's gasping mouth. He managed to suck a good third of her proffered honker into his oral cavity. Nyx reached down and grasped his throbbing genitals, and began to stroke his johnson in very creative ways.

"Grandma Nyx, I think I'm about to come. It's my first time and can't hold it much longer."

"You will need to learn more discipline if you want to succeed in this house. I hope that a little premature ejaculation doesn't ruin your financial future.

"Here, I will help you achieve self-control. You are going to need it." Nyx hit Hansel's groin with a Ippon nukite uchi (single finger strike), which tied Hansel's vas deferens into a Gordian knot. "Let's see you ejaculate prematurely now. my horny grandson."

Hansel tried to surrender himself to the fire-hose pressure filling the various ducts of his genitals, but to no avail. He just couldn't come. His balls were throbbing painfully, without any hope of release. Nyx then performed a reverse Ippon nukite uchi, unkinking Hansel's vas deferens. Although he knew that he could come at any time he wanted, he held back the pounding torrent that threatened to break free of his control.

"Not yet, my pet. Your mistress has not yet given you permission to come." Nyx said, raking her nails along Hansel's shaft, drawing thin rivulets of blood that flowed down his aforementioned jizz canon. She reached down and punctured his balls, causing them to jump in her hand. She squeezed them painfully. "Very good, grandson. You are deliciously adept at controlling your pain in the service of your mistress."

"I always aim to please, mistress." And to receive the five billion dollar purse for good behavior, he thought.

"Take my right jug into your mouth again , grandson, and suck it like there is no tomorrow, as there will be no tomorrow if you come before I do. Do you understand?"

"Hai, Grandmother Nyx."

She crammed her right mega-tittie back into Hansel's grasping mouth. He tugged it back and forth.

"Mmm, you suck me nice," Nyx said. "Now, I want you to drink me, to take my liquids into the very core of your being.

Hansel sucked her hard, and felt a few drops of what was presumably breast milk on his tongue. It tasted more like almond milk than true breast milk, but what would he know, being lactose-intolerant for the past decade . He slid up Nyx's milf-like (or should he say ' gilf-like?') body, and then impaled her on his throbbing lance. Nyx let out a gasp of surprise at the depth of his penetration.

"Oh, Hansie,I have dreamed of this moment for years, and you have surpassed my wildest dreams. Before I completely surrender to you, I want you to keep sucking. My tittie is on fire and wants to fill your throat."

Hansel put both hands on Nyx's right bazoom and squeezed it hard, like a recalcitrant tube of toothpaste. Her milk tasted like a combination of barbeque sauce and cold malt liquor. When she could no longer contain her sexual excitement, her fun bag exploded and poured its unholy contents into Hansel's eager mouth. He felt her liquids suffusing his body and burning his throat. His shaft grew even longer and thicker. "What the fuck was that? It sure as hell wasn't normal breast milk. Not that I'm complaining, Grandma."

"That is what we call the dark colostrum grandson."

"Colostrum. Isn't that what they call the nutrient-rich breast milk human mothers put out during the first few weeks of the infant's life?"

"I see you have been boning up on perinatology, so to speak." Nyx said. "But the rules are a little different for those of us who have imbibed the dark colostrum. Incidentally, all of our milk and cheese products are made from the dark colostrum, so that is pretty much everybody, except for those who, for some unfathomable unreason, persist in ordering the vegan pizza from Pizza Hut. Each of us mothers must have her hooters emptied weekly or she shall die. The balls of each man must similarly be drained weekly or he will die. It's all in our genes, honey. There's nothing we can do about it. We are doomed to eternally hunting and raping ourselves. There is no escape for us but death, except for one thing."

"And what's that?"

"Cannibalism The only release from his Wheel of Sexual Karma is to completely devour the hearts of two or more citizens who have partaken of the dark colostrum. If you do this, you will be able to live for eternity, free of craving, as you will be complete. You will no longer have to imbibe your lover's precious sexual fluids once a day just to stay alive.

"You mean no more blow jobs, cornholings, rim jobs, cunnilingus, analingus, guzzling the devil's lemonade, coprophagia and missionary positions (whether they be the Mormon, the more kinky Catholic, or the more literally twisted tantric guru kind)?."

"But Granny Nyx, to borrow a phrase by Julie Andrews, these are few of my favorite things.

"Oh well, you are free to engage in these delightful practices. Indeed, you must if you are to stay alive.

"How is it nobody told me anything about this?"

You had not yet imbibed the dark colostrum. There was no need to tell you. You were free to live as a normal human being, without a care in the world, other than an insatiable need for poontang of every conceivable and inconceivable kind."

The harridan crone seized Hansel's johnson and began to pump it like there was no tomorrow, as in fact there would not be for Nyx, if she did not manage to scarf down the contents of her grandson's family jewels. Her head became a piston, and she was lost in the spasms and tremblings of Hansel's inexperienced, yearning body. She squeezed her grandson's shaft tightly, and slid her head up and down his swollen and by now well-lubricated phallus, and grabbed his aching balls.

The pressure within said orbs grew to apocalyptic proportions. Hansel did not know if he could resist it much longer, but the alternative was unthinkable. "Mmmmm, may I cum yet, Missuss?"

"Mutt mid du may?" Nyx replied, ignoring her own mother's dictum not to speak with her mouth full.

Barely able to contain the growing pressure, Hansel screamed by way of clarification "May this humble slave cum yet, Mistress?"

"What? Oh sorry I forgot about you. My bad. Here, you go, Nyx said, and she performed a reverse ippon nukite uchi (single finger strike), which tied Hansel's vas deferens back into a Gordian knot. "Let's see you ejaculate prematurely now. my horny grandson." After a pounding worthy of a jackhammer at a construction site, Nyx screamed and released her hot fluids all over Hansel's torso.