Special thanks to Ken Nitsua for editing this story!
***
You'll want to know about the night of August seventh. It's all that anybody ever wants to know about.
I always thought that people would forget, it was years ago, another life, another time. I always thought the world would simply move on.
But the world doesn't move on at all. The world devours that which provokes its interest and it does not stop until it is satisfied. I know that now. And I know too that I have done myself no favors in keeping certain details from the public, in attempting to keep some semblance of my good name and my reputation. Somehow the world has always known that I was holding back, and that there was more to that night than ever I have admitted.
So I suppose now I shall simply tell it all, in the hopes that at last it might all be finished and I will find myself free from that night and those events that transpired. I see finally that there is nothing left to protect, no hope of moving on until the story is told.
But I will warn you at the outset: If I am to speak then I will hold nothing back, not for your comfort and for your sensibilities, and not for mine. If I am going to speak the truth now, then I will speak it plain, and I will say every word that I have so long hidden. I only hope that it shall be enough.
As you know, it was the first blush of autumn 1926. It was the season of lights and of galas, of the last hurrah before the light of summer fled and the long cold of a New England winter set upon us again. It was my debutante season, albeit late. I was twenty years old and fresh from the Academy in Vermont, at last free to make my rounds of the high society of Providence. I had always resented my father for keeping me so long at the girls' school, for delaying my entry into the light of the real world. Across that glorious summer I believed I had at last forgiven him.
I was a long-whispered secret, some cloistered beauty long absent from the social set. I see now that my absence from Providence and its social life only served to enhance the desire for my return. Perhaps that had been my father's plan all along, to keep me locked away until the proper moment, until all the best families were begging for my presence, until I was the most sought after prize in all New England. That summer it certainly seemed as if I was.
I had been courted, it seemed, by every swain of good family in Providence and Boston, and received no less than three proposals, which was enough of course to make my head spin and provoke the jealousy of all of my friends. It was not enough, however, for my father. He turned down each applicant with nary a thought. At first I imagined he was simply being cold, but by that August he had made it known that there was only one match he would consider for me, and that was to Timothy Hansen, son of Walter Hansen and the heir to the Hansen steel empire. It was a lofty ambition, even I recognized that, but my father was single-minded. He had designed the whole of my life for the single moment when Timothy Hansen might see me across some gilded room and feel at once a stirring in his heart.
Whatever my father's failings might have been, he knew what he was about. At the Richardson Ball in Boston in the early days of July Timothy Hansen laid eyes on me for the first time. Though he did not approach me that evening, within two days he had presented himself at my father's house to ask if I could be permitted to accompany him sailing on his family's yacht. It was a proposition to which my father at once consented. Two weeks later he gave his blessing for Timothy and I to be wed.
What should I say of poor Tim? He has faded from the memory of the world now. His family fortune did not survive the crash of '29. But once his family name was mentioned in the same breath as that of Rockefeller, Morgan and Rothschild. Of course, Tim was not there to see the fall of his family fortune. His own luck turned that night in August, at the party at Richmond Court.
I will say that my engagement to Timothy was the happiest day of my life. It was not for his wealth that I loved him, not for the fine value of his name, but for the man he was. So brave, so young and handsome, he was to me like a prince from the storybooks of my girlhood. I was young and inexperienced, but when he spoke to me it sounded as though he were speaking poetry, and the way that he smiled, the feel of his fingers when they brushed my skin... I knew from the first that I loved him, and that there was nowhere I would not follow him upon this earth. There was nothing he might ask that I would not be glad to give.
I believe that the whole world saw Tim that way. He was so fine and witty, with such abounding intelligence. He was everything a well-brought up young man aspired to be. I imagine that the announcement of our engagement broke many hearts that summer, and dashed the hopes of many great and famous families. During those first heady weeks I saw Timothy very much as I saw the sun, just as bright, and just as beautiful.
As I look back now, I know that there were parts of Tim that did not show through at the outset, sides of his nature that most never had an opportunity to see. He was rich, witty, intelligent and handsome, but I can say now that there was darkness too. There was in Timothy Hansen a desire that was not easily understood, and even now I struggle to place my feelings into words. He was a man who had the whole world at his fingertips, but the world was somehow not enough.
Many men of our class desire money, and can never have enough of it. Certainly that was true of my father, and also of his. But money meant little to Tim. Through the days of our whirlwind courtship and engagement I never knew what it was that really drove my intended. I did not know just what it was that he was hungry for. But even through the haze of my giddy adoration I retained enough of my faculties to sense he was driven by a desire for something other than money.
Had things gone as they were intended, I do not know if my life with Tim would truly have been a happy one. All things fade in time, and though in those days I was young and beautiful, time soon fades all that is lovely. I will never know if Tim's desire for me would have outlasted the bloom of our youth. I have often thought that perhaps in a strange way I was spared by that night at Richmond Court.
...which I will get to now, as that is what you long to hear, what all the world has hungered after ever since that night in August when Timothy Hansen escorted me to the party there.
It was not a party like those to which I was accustomed. I knew that from the moment that Tim invited me. It was not some end-of-summer gala thrown by one of the great old families, not a festival of light and finery with the owners of banking houses and railways. No, the party at Richmond Court was a different sort of affair altogether.
"A lark," Tim described it to me.
I was aware by that time that Tim had many friends that would hardly have been welcomed at the society dinners and dances I frequented. They were men from the working class, and scholars from universities--a ragged set of eccentrics, men whose interests and passions somehow led them far from the world of convention, who dressed rattily, who spoke roughly and who never had more than a dime in their pocket.
"Visionaries," Tim had described them to me. "Pioneers. They are the future. We are the future. Someday it will be us who make the world turn."
The party at Richmond Court was one thrown by the visionaries. I hardly knew how to dress for something like that, but Tim had invited me and of course I did not dream of turning down the chance to appear somewhere, anywhere, upon his arm. Even though it was not the sort of function I was accustomed to, I had no reservations at all that evening when Tim picked me up in his Rolls-Royce. It was just another party, another adventure in what I was sure would be a long life full of such things.