The Sweetest Deception

-1-

Jade

"What the fuck," I whisper, staring at the messages on his phone. "What in the actual fuck is this?" I continue, feeling my pulse escalate and heat flush my face. It has to be early morning, judging by the soft light filtering in through the curtained windows.

Dawson stirs and mumbles, but within a few seconds, his breathing evens back out, completely dead to the world.

Dawson. My Dawson. We've been together just over four years now and everything has been incredible. We're the definition of high school sweethearts, or so I thought. We met in middle school and became best friends nearly instantly. Dawson, Emily, and I became an inseparable trio, continuing our friendship into high school and college.

Though things have been a bit more complicated since we've been in college, we've maintained our friendship and still get together a couple times a week when our schedules work out.

As a matter of fact, we just saw Emily last night when she was here at our place, hanging out after a night of drinking and karaoke. We had gone out to the bar for a few hours, then crashed here, promising to take her back to her dorm in the morning. She's still here, sleeping in the guest room down the hall.

Scanning over the texts again, I take Dawson's phone and quietly slip out of bed, careful not to risk waking him. I need some space to figure out what the hell is going on. Padding on bare feet, I slide the glass door to the patio open, stepping out into the crisp morning air.

EMILY: Does she really have to know though?

DAWSON: We can't keep having these conversations, Em. She's going to find out eventually.

What conversations is he talking about? Everything prior has been deleted from his phone. As if that isn't suspicious as hell.

EMILY: Ughhhhhhh. I guess you're right. It's probably best if we're just honest with her about it now. I just don't want to lose you guys because of this whole mess...

My stomach churns, threatening to spew all of the alcohol from last night at any second. My head spins, making me feel dizzy and disoriented.

There's no way this is happening.

Locking his phone, I place it face down on the table next to me as I watch the sunrise, desperately trying to extinguish the burn in my chest and calm my pulse. Acting insane isn't going to fix anything. I just need some time to figure out what's going on and how to move forward from here.

Nearly tiptoeing, I place the phone back on Dawson's nightstand before heading for the kitchen to start a pot of coffee. While that is brewing, I put a few of the dishes away, clearing the space of any unnecessary clutter.

My mind is whirling with a trillion thoughts as I absentmindedly grab a mug from the cupboard and open the fridge door for the creamer. "Fuck!" I start, nearly jumping out of my skin, hand flying to my chest. My heart is beating erratically against my ribcage from the scare. "I didn't hear you come in."

Emily stands on the other side of the kitchen, rubbing the back of her hand against her eye. She groans before dropping onto one of the bar stools and holding her hand out for a coffee. Withholding the eye roll, I pour her a cup of coffee and hand it over, which earns me a tiny hint at a smile.

Before I open my big fat mouth and say what's on my mind, I place my mug on the counter and head off toward the bedroom. I hadn't planned on starting the day with a shower, but I need space before I explode.

With Dawson still asleep in our bed, I quietly close the bathroom door and turn on the hot water. While waiting for it to warm up, I stare at my own eyes in the mirror, searching for I don't even know what at this point. Hope? Understanding perhaps? Maybe even a hint at what I'm supposed to do going forward.

While I don't have all the answers, it seems pretty obvious that Emily and Dawson have been seeing each other behind my back, even if it isn't spelled out in black and white in the few texts I found. Roughly pulling my hand down my face, I turn from the mirror and focus on things I can control for now. Removing my pajamas, I step into the hot water, steam now rolling from the walk-in shower.

This shower is hands down my favorite part of the entire house. We had it custom built when we bought the place. It's all black tile with gold grout with his and hers rainfall shower heads. There is also a handheld sprayer for each side and shelves built into the wall in the middle. There's even a bench made into my side for when I want to relax in here.

I step into the hot water, hands clasped around the back of my neck in a pathetic attempt to ease some of the pressure building there. It's starting to give me a headache and that's the last thing I need right now. I take a huge breath, filling my lungs until they feel as if they will burst, then exhale all at once. With that, the first tear slips down my face, joining the rest of the water drops circling down the drain.

Going through the motions, I finish cleaning myself before I collapse onto the bench, turning the handheld sprayer toward my body so I can keep warm. Pulling my legs up to my chest, I wrap my arms around them, leaning into the wall, and let my world crash down around me. Wave after wave of grief threaten to take me under.

I grieve for my relationship. My friendship. Our future. We've all been intertwined so long I can't even imagine moving forward without either of them now. As I'm trying to pull myself together and gather the courage to leave the shower, I hear the door open and the shuffling of feet.

"Babe?" Dawson mumbles, still half asleep. "You never shower this early. Is everything okay?" Of course he would ask. I always shower at night, close to bed time.

Clearing my throat, I try to force my voice past my teeth, even though my tongue feels as if it's stuck to the roof of my mouth. "Uh, yeah. Everything is fine. I was just feeling rough from all the drinking last night. Thought a hot shower might help take the edge off," I manage. It sounds weak even to my own ears but I'm hoping he will drop it at that.

Scrubbing my hands down my face, hoping against hope that it's not a red and puffy mess, I take a deep breath in and prepare to face the day. Stretching my legs that are now tingling, I stand and shut off the water. Praying my legs continue to hold me up, I open the shower door and grab a towel for my hair. Once it's up and I've dried my body with another towel, I make my way to the sink to moisturize my body. At this point, my routine is the only thing keeping me even halfway sane.

***

A half hour later, I'm walking into the gym. Ear buds in place with Bad Omens blaring, I do some quick stretches, eager to get started. This place has become my safe space, where I don't have to talk or be polite. I can work out in silence, allowing my mind the space it needs to find solutions that otherwise allude me.

Starting with a brisk walk on the treadmill to warm up, my mind starts to wander. For the first time all morning, I just let it go wherever it pleases, taking me down a path that has little chance of redemption. The questions start to pour in faster and faster until I feel as if I'm drowning in them.

I want to know everything, but they obviously aren't going to tell me the truth if I confront them. If they were going to be honest, I wouldn't have had to find those messages on my own. I need a plan of some sort.

Making my way to the leg press, I glance around the gym, noticing how empty it is for the first time. There are only a few people here today. A petite blond girl and a guy I'm assuming is her boyfriend from the way they're touching and giggling at each other. Fucking disgusting, I think, rolling my eyes at them. Then I see him.

I've never seen this guy here before, but we lock eyes right after my eyes return to their normal position from the roller coaster I just sent them on. When we lock eyes, I see that he's smirking. Great. I'm going to guess he saw the eye roll. That's embarrassing.

Feeling the heat creep up my neck and into my cheeks, I break the eye contact, trying my best to focus on resetting the weights. Although I fumble a bit, I manage to get set up and slide into the seat, placing my feet on the footplate. Soon enough, the world slips away, replaced by the burning in my thighs and the whirlwind of thoughts. My entire world is crumbling and there's not a damn thing I can do about it.

If there is one thing I hate in this world more than anything else, it's feeling helpless. And I'll be damned if I don't feel utterly and totally helpless to the marrow of my bones today.

After pushing myself to the point my legs are shaking with every step, I decide enough is enough and make my way to the front door and back out into the world. I have no clue where I'm going at this point. I just know I can't go home right now. The gym helped some, but I'm still locked in a hopeless battle with my brain.

Turning left as I leave the gym, I find myself walking aimlessly. I don't know where exactly I'm going, just that I need to get away for a few more hours.

Suddenly, I'm snapped out of my thoughts when I notice my cell phone buzzing in my back pocket. I hadn't thought to check it when I left the gym. Not that anything I found there would change anything at this point anyway.

Filling my lungs to the point of bursting, I slowly exhale before fishing the phone out of my pocket to see who's calling. I don't answer when I see Dawson's name flashing across the screen. Within a few seconds, the call ends and a shit ton of notifications pop up. Seven missed calls. Nineteen texts. Eight Snapchat notifications.

As I slide my phone back into my pocket, I'm hit with an overwhelming sense of numbness. I have no desire to answer either of them right now. Their bullshit excuses are just not what I'm in the mood for. I need time to clear my head before I deal with either of them.

Instead of heading back toward home, I turn the opposite direction and make my way to a place I used to love as a kid.

***

It takes about an hour, but I finally plop down on the cliff's edge, overlooking the river. When I was younger, I came here all the time to get away from home and all the drama there. Luckily, very few people know about this place so I have the entire area to myself right now.

I had considered bringing Dawson here from time to time, but now I'm thankful I never got around to it. Something about it just never felt quite right, so I kept putting it off.

My thoughts are interrupted when my phone starts buzzing yet again. "Dear fucking God, can't you get the hint already?!" I scream into the empty space around me. On a split-second decision, I chuck the phone as hard as I can, watching it drop until I lose sight of it all together. With a sigh of contentment, I lay back against the ground, feeling the pebbles stabbing into my back but welcoming the slight pain.

Throwing one arm up over my face to shield my eyes from the sun, I lay there for what feels like hours, absorbing the heat and allowing all the negativity to slowly ebb out of my bones.

Once the air takes on the hint of a chill, I pull myself into a sitting position and do my best to dust off my back after stretching my exhausted muscles. The sun is starting to set and I really need to get out of here before it's completely dark and I can't see the path anymore.

Stepping over the bigger rocks, I set my mind to figuring out my next move. Dwelling on what they've done isn't going to help. At least not without some sort of plan.

The sound of a twig snapping pulls me out of my thoughts. I swivel my head toward the sound, squinting against the setting sun. Not seeing anything out of the ordinary, I turn back toward the path and take a few steps before the hair on the back of my neck stands up and I'm consumed by a full body cold chill.

I take off at a dead sprint before my mind can even make a conscious decision. Suddenly I'm absolutely terrified, fight or flight kicking in full force. I don't dare slow down until I make it back to a more populated area with some streetlights.

Gasping for breath, hands on my knees, I look back toward the path. There's nothing there, of course. Rolling my eyes at my own fear, I turn and head toward town so I can finally go home and deal with the damages. Although I would have preferred whatever was in the woods, I'm sure.