Vivian was sitting by her vanity in her bedchamber when her servant, Mary knocked on the door. "You may enter." Vivian had her back to her maid and she fought the urge to cross the room to comfort the girl. She knew, without looking, the Mary's lovely face would be hurt and confused at being addressed like a servant. Mary wasn't a servant. She held the older woman many nights while Vivian cried over her late-husband. He was a good man who suddenly fell ill, leaving his wife well-taken care of and yet, Vivian felt alone and began to confine in her handmaiden. She knew Mary was upset at being summoned like this but she couldn't turn to face her. With her back turned, Vivian became to speak.
"It was all for you, Mary."
She heard Mary stutter, "M-ma'am?"
"I've always considered myself a Christian woman. When my Edward passed, I haven't felt anything for another man. Edward will always be my husband." Vivian paused and placed her hands in her lap. "You were my dear friend, Mary and I will always love you."
Mary stepped forward to her Mistress but Vivian spun in her seat and held up her hand. Mary came no closed. "I need you to understand." Vivian lowered her head.
"Ma'am, what is wrong? Have I displeased you?"
"No, you didn't displease me." Vivian paused and began again, "My Edward was such a good man. He saved me from a life of sin and since we wed, I have spent my life trying to be a good Christian wife for him." Mary shifted in place. She hated when her Mistress talked about her late-husband. She hated it because she always hated Edward. Edward was always kind and gentle to his wife but he was not the same man to Mary. She still remembered the first night he slipped into her bedroom and held her mouth shut while his hands wandered under her nightgown. He would pull her into his lap so she could feel his hardness and whisper into her ear, "Who will you run to, whore? No one will believe you didn't enjoy yourself." She tried to plead at first but quickly learned that only excited him. Then his fat fingers would dig inside her while she cried quietly. Mary could feel him position himself to enter her body and his memory brought the taste to his sweat to her lips. The memory was so strong that Mary gagged slightly and was brought back to the present. "You are a good woman." Mary remarked. She meant it too. When her husband died, Mary didn't dare leave Vivian's side because the older woman had always been kind to her. She didn't wish to ruin the woman's view of her late-husband so she held her hair and listened to her cry. In those hours, she came to love her Mistress more than she should have. Mary would lay awake at nights and when she thought about Edward's violation, she wished to run to her Mistress for comfort. To sleep naked in her arms. There was no way for her to say those feeling outloud so Mary stood, silent as the dead.
Vivian was silent as well for a moment. "I thought my love for you was simply a desire to see you taken care of. I know realize the sin I dealt with before Edward came into my life has returned." Vivian became to pace the room frantically. "I do believe that God answers prayers and for years he choose not to answer mine. He took my Edward. He sit idly by while I struggle with this same sin that threatens to eat my soul." Vivian was speaking with her hands, waving them wildly over her head. Mary watched in fear and anticipation. Could her Mistress be saying she had the same feelings? The way she spoke of struggle was too familiar to Mary. Mary had so much she wanted to say but was frozen to the spot. The mood in the room changed however when Vivian turned to face Mary. Vivian's eyes were full of tears that had not fallen. She was visibly shaking. "I stopped praying, Mary." Vivian's wild look hardened. "Rather, I stopped praying to God. You'll think it's silly Mary but I prayed to Edward. I confessed my feelings to him like I had so many years ago. I told him I'm sorry and Mary... he forgave me again. Can you believe it?" Vivian became to step forward and Mary for the first time felt fearful for her safety.