The Ninth Caller

"Frank, if you just could talk to her for a few minutes. That is all I am asking, just a few minutes. Is that really so much to ask? It's important," Jane asked.

Frank glared back at her across the WNBC studios and shook his head. "Look, I know Sofia was good for our ratings last night, and I appreciate that and all, but—"

"—It's more than just our ratings, Frank. If Sofia is right, a woman's life is in danger. A woman she is convinced is your daughter. You can't tell me this doesn't give you pause."

Holding up his hand, Frank said, "Let's not start believing our own bullshit here, Jane. This is just a show, remember?"

"It is not bullshit! It is real. If you could have seen the look of terror in Sofia's eyes this afternoon, you wouldn't be so flippant about this."

"Well..., Sofia is a master of self-promotion, I will give her that. And there is nothing more dramatic than having a life hanging in the balance," Frank said with a smile. He laughed as he sarcastically said, "Cue dramatic organ music. Tune in next week and see if our plucky heroine escapes the clutches of the evil—"

"—This was no act, Frank. It was just the two of us here alone this afternoon. She was only talking to me, privately, in my office, so why would she make this up? She has nothing to gain by coming back to talk to me. I think this is—"

"—I know this act," Frank said. "Sofia's a smart woman. She knew things went sour last night between us when her little dramatic parlor trick backfired big time. I guess she figured if she won you over, and convinced you her stunt was real, you would then work on me." Frank winked and added, "It appears her plan was half right, at least. You seem to have grabbed the Kool-Aid jug and swallowed it down all in one big gulp."

"Frank, I am no fool," Jane said. "But Sofia convinced me. She told me things there was no way she could know! I mean, for instance, how on earth could she have known you were from McKee Kentucky? No one knows that! Hell, it is only an accident that I know that!"

"I have no idea; she must have done her homework," Frank said. "That festering shithole I grew up in doesn't have a lot of people in it, but, I am sure a few of them remember me from years ago. Hell, spread a little cash around, especially in that Podunk town, and who knows what people will say. It wouldn't be that hard to find this information out. And after all, as you know, the best mediums always are the best researchers," he continued as he laughed. "Not an accidental correlation, I am sure. But..., listen Jane, you have been doing this job for a long time. Don't tell me that now, after all of these years, you have suddenly become a true-believer in all of this bullshit! I mean, you know it is a trick, right?"

"This is no trick, Frank, it is real. I know it. And she was very specific too. Mediums don't give full names like that. I know the old, 'did you have a relative with an R in their name trick'. It wasn't like that. She gave a specific name, Jenny. Did you know a girl named Jenny from McKee?"

"Jane, you are skating on thin ice here," Frank growled. "I suggest we drop this."

"I can't. I know this is important, and your reaction is proving me right. I can see it in your eyes, Frank. That and the fact that your whole body has tensed up tighter than a drum is proof to me that this name is recognizable to you," Jane said. She laughed as she added, "You know, you would be a terrible poker player. You have very loud tells."

"So, you aren't going to let this go are you?"

"Nope."

"Well, if you must press on this, I will tell you what I know. But only with the promise that we never speak about this again."

"Deal."

"All right," Frank said as he sighed. "I did know a girl named Jenny from my hometown. But, I have not heard from or spoken to her in twenty years."

"Did you..., uh?"

"Fuck her?" Frank blurted out. "Is that your question, Jane? No sense sugar coating it. You wanted to press this matter, so let's go ahead and press it to the fullest and go all in. That is what you are asking, isn't it?"

"Well..., I would have put it more politely, but..., yes. I guess that is my question." Jane frowned and added, "Look, I have never pried into your private affairs before, Frank, but, I really do think this is important."

"True enough. So..., the answer is, yes, I fucked that girl. And, her name was Jenny, but that was a long time ago. I met up with her when I was..., well, the last time I was back in McKee, but, I can assure you, we didn't have a daughter together."

"When was the last time you heard from this Jenny?"

"I haven't heard from her for decades now, so it is a mystery how Sofia would draw her name from the hat. But hey, who knows, maybe Jenny contacted Sofia and this is some sort of elaborate shakedown! I fully expect to have a request for a check come through any minute."

"I don't think so, Frank. Sofia hardly needs to resort to that. She seems to be doing quite well on her own."

"Perhaps..., but, now you know all that I know, which isn't much. Can we drop it now?"

"But, aren't you curious Frank? I mean, that call was pretty crazy."

"It was, and, the radio host side of me loved it. I know it was a big hit, but, like I said last night, and I will repeat now. I do not fucking like to be surprised on the air! I don't know what Miss Arcos' game is in this charade, but I know this. I don't like it or appreciate it, and, I don't care if she is a rock star in the world of the occult, that was a bridge too far."

"I get that, but, that bridge is one we can't burn, Frank. The affiliates are over the moon about her appearance."

"Yes, I figured as much," Frank said. "And that is the only reason why I didn't toss that Romanian bitch out on her ear." He grinned and added, "I was cordial was I not?"

"Cordial enough, I suppose," Jane said. "But, I really do think you need to listen to her. She is very insistent that something really awful is about to happen. Something awful that you can prevent."

"Something awful about my daughter, right?" Frank said as he raised his eyebrow. "See Jane, that is the kicker. That is where this whole façade collapses. That is where the castle of bullshit she has constructed collapses under the weight of its own nonsense. I told you about this mysterious Jenny, and I can assure you. I don't have a fucking daughter. But now, because of her publicity stunt last night, that is all people are talking about!" Frank's face flushed as he added, "I have been asked about it at least thirty times today, everyone from my maid to the security guard in the lobby to random people at Starbucks! That shit burns my ass up, you know. I don't like people fucking around in my personal business, Jane. I hate that crap!"

"I know you do, but, don't you think there is something to what she was saying? I mean, how do you explain that call last night. You know, if you haven't talked to this Jenny in twenty years, it is possible that—"

"We need to drop this! It's going to take more than a fucking phone call to convince me I have a daughter, Jane. A lot more!"

"So, that's it then? Your mind is made up?"

"Yup."

"So, Mr. Knight," Jane said sarcastically. "What do you want me to tell Sofia? She begged me to convince you to talk to her, Frank. We certainly can't afford to piss her off, so I am going to have to tell her something."

Frank smirked, and said, "You'll come up with something. You always do." He frowned as he added, "But hey, why would she be pissed off anyway? We have put her up in the best hotel in New York, at no small expense mind you, and I guarantee the publicity from last night's show is going to sell a ton of books for her. It is not like she is just some sort of poor misunderstood woman here. She made out bigtime on this deal."

"Yes, but, she seems very sincere about helping this phantom woman, daughter of yours or not. I think she just wants to help."

Frank shook his head and scowled, and said, "So..., who is our guest tonight? Thank God I saw from the roster it is a call in! I have had my fill of in-studio entertainment for a while."

Jane sighed. She knew Frank well, and this was the sign the portcullis gate was now closed. This was his signal. This conversation had now ended and nothing on earth would get him to talk about it any longer.

"An old reliable. It's Barry, from Portland," Jane said.

"Oy!" Frank exclaimed. "A bigfoot show again, are you sure? We did that Yeti show just a few weeks ago, I hope it isn't too soon."

"Sorry, but, it was the best I could do. You know Summer is always hard to get good guests."

"True, and who knows, maybe it might be a nice palette cleanser from last night. Frankly, I am looking forward to taking a few weeks off myself. America will just have to deal with the 'Best of' shows while we are on vacation." He glanced up at the clock on the wall, and seeing it was 11:45, said, "I assume he is calling in from Oregon? You did remind him that we go on LIVE at Midnight, Eastern Time, right? You know, Barry is many things, but, he is not the sharpest tool in the shed."

"I reminded him. He will call on time."

"Good!"

*****

The doorbell rang in Frank's apartment, and Juanita got up from her chair in the living room and walked over to answer it. She was pissed when she glanced down at her watch and saw the time. It was the middle of the night and now they show up. Typical!

"Maintenance," the man said through the locked door.

"You guys sure took your time about it," Juanita said as she opened the door. "Do you realize it is almost midnight?"

"Sorry ma'am," the maintenance man said. "With the heat wave and all, I have been fixing A/C units all day. I got up here as soon as I could, but I realize it is late. I can come back tomorrow if you want."

"Oh no, this can't wait. Come inside."

The maintenance man paused as he walked into the foyer and shivered, his arms instantly turning to gooseflesh. "Holy crap! It is freezing in here!"

"See! This is what I have been dealing with all day," Juanita said.

"I hadn't expected this. Not at all," the man said. He grinned as he added, "You know, you should consider yourself fortunate lady; half the units in this building are hotter than a pizza oven. Yours is the only one that has THIS problem."

"I am at my wits end here. I have the thermostat set at eighty, and it's still freezing," Juanita said. "It must be busted."

"Have you tried turning it off?"

Juanita scowled and barked, "No, really? Wow, why didn't I think of that? Of course I have! But it must be stuck or something."

"Sorry, Ma'am, I'm just trying to help." The maintenance man took a screwdriver out of his belt and said, "Where is the thermostat. I will take a look. Hopefully it's just mechanical and not electronic. These new units are a bitch to—"

"Before you do that, I need you to do something about the rat problem! That is a much bigger issue, you know."

"Rat problem! Hey Lady, we don't have rats in this building. I can guarantee it."

"Oh, I would not be so sure about that. I have seen them?"

"You," he said, raising his eyebrow. "Where?"

As Juanita and the Maintenance man talked, Rosario trotted in, her tiny nails clicking across the floor. She panted and whined as she jumped up on the maintenance man's leg.

"Well now, who is this?" the maintenance man said.

"That is Rosario, and, it she was the one who alerted me to the rat."

"Oh," the maintenance man said as he reached down to pet the dog and smiled. In his best baby talk, he said, "so, did you big ferocious guard not take care of the scary mouse? Hmm? A ferocious killer like you should be able to easily scare off any unwelcome vermin." He laughed as he added, "although, she hardly seems much bigger than a mouse herself."

"Well, Rosario is spooked, so I know it is a rat. She will not go into Frank's room at all, and she always loves sleeping in there. She keeps seeing something."

"I assure you Ma'am, there are no mice in this building. Perhaps she is seeing something else, dogs don't act like this with mice? After all, my dog goes nuts every time he sees a mouse."

"Aha! So, you admit this building has mice!"

"Ma'am," the maintenance man said with a sigh, "I just work here, I don't live here. Trust me, I could never afford it. Now, if this was about my apartment building up in Queens, and you called me up complaining about mice, I wouldn't doubt you for a second. But here, no way. We take every precaution to keep this facility completely free of such problems. After all, as you have said many times, this is no cheap hovel."

"No, it is not," Juanita said with a huff. "But, could you check please? I know I saw something flash by out of the corner of my eye myself, so it certainly seems like a potential mouse infestation."

"I will, I promise," the maintenance man said. "But, first, I have to ask. How clean is it in there?"

"Hey! I keep this house immaculate! What exactly are you—"

"I am not saying you do not keep a clean house, Ma'am. But I need to rule certain things out first before we call in the exterminators and have you uprooted for a week."

"Understood."

"I have a black light that I use to check for any rodent tracks or droppings in the basement. That is where they can get in, you know, and I can assure you nothing has been found down there. It would have to be some pretty acrobatic rodents to crawl all the way up here."

"Can you just check, please?"

"Yes Ma'am. But, I need to know how clean it is, since, once the lights are out, and the black light is on, everything shows up." He grinned when he added, "and I do mean EVERYTHING. I had a woman find out some pretty unsavory things about her husband's activities once their apartment had been subjected to the black light treatment." Shaking his head, he added, "Having your way with the Au-Pair in the laundry room..., tsk tsk tsk."

"Well, I just vacuumed in there this morning, and I had the carpets cleaned last week, so it should be very clean. Mr. Knight likes it clean."

"Mr. Knight? Is this THE Frank Knight's apartment?"

"It is. He likes to keep a low profile," Juanita said. "After you are done I can give you one of his very special coffee mugs he only gives to his closest friends."

"Wow! You know, I checked the name on the work order and I saw the name, but it didn't register. It figures he would live here, it's pretty posh." As he glanced around the apartment, he grinned, and said, "You know, it's funny. I have been a fan of his show for decades, but somehow, in my mind, I always imagined him living in some sort of dark, creepy castle, with lots of cobwebs and torches and stuff, like a real Boris Karloff kind of place." Pointing over to the modern furniture, wide screen HD TV and original art on the walls, he added, "somehow, this just doesn't fit, does it?"

Juanita laughed. "Yeah..., well I hate to burst your bubble that Mr. Knight doesn't live in some sort of old Gothic Haunted House. As you can see, it is just a very overpriced Upper West Side Penthouse. One even more overpriced if I discover we have rats!"

"I am telling you, Ma'am, you don't have rats. But, since you seem so insistent, it will be easy enough to check."

The maintenance man pulled out a long purple glass tube out of his bag, and said, "All right, take me to where you think the trouble is."

Juanita nodded and started walking down the hall towards Frank's bedroom. Rosario whined, shaking and growling as the two reached the door.

"It seems Cujo there doesn't want us to go inside." The maintenance man smiled as he grinned at the dog and said, "some guard dog you are!"

"No, and that is more proof of mice," Juanita said. "The dog has been acting weird all day. She always loves sleeping on Frank's bed, so it would take something pretty big to keep her out of here."

As they entered the room, the Maintenance man said. "Shew! It is freezing in here."

"Yes, see what I mean?" Juanita pointed to the thermostat and said, "Eighty Degrees, and still cold as ice."

The maintenance man took out an object that looked like an old grocery store price scanner.

"What's that?"

"A heat gun. It registers temperature," he said as he pointed the gun into the center of the room. "Well..., that is odd."

"What?"

"My heat gun must be broken or something."

"What does it say?"

"It says it is 85 degrees in here! But it makes no sense. I can't be more than 50 in here." He walked over to the thermostat, and after taking out his screwdriver, he popped the case off. Three taps on a small metal strip, and the room was filled with a light hissing sound.

"What's that?"

"It should be OK now. I think the register just got stuck. That hissing sound is good, it should start warming up in here soon." After a blast of warm air flowed over him, he said, "See, I think it is getting warmer already."

"Well, at least that problem is solved. Now..., about the—"

"—Yes, the mice," the maintenance man said with a sigh. "Can you turn off the lights?"

"Sure," Juanita said as she flipped the switch. Since the blinds were closed, the room was pitch black. "Is this dark enough?"

"Yup," the maintenance man said as he turned on the black light. Instantly the room was bathed in a dim purplish light. Juanita looked down and saw her white sneakers glowing under the light, as well as the maintenance man's T-shirt. She glanced over the room, and saw nothing. To her relief, but also disappointment, there were no tracks on the floor, just dark nothing.

"Well, you weren't kidding about keeping it clean, Ma'am," the maintenance man said. "Normally something shows up. This is almost like walking into some sort of computer clean room, or something. What are you and Mr. Knight doing up here, making silicon chips, or something?"

Juanita laughed and smiled. His comment made her proud, but, didn't solve the problem.

"So, you see nothing?" Juanita said.

"Nothing..., as expected," he added as he walked around the room and held the light at waist level. The bedspread glowed, but nothing showed up.

"Oh, I can see your footprints, sir," Juanita said as she pointed down at the ground behind him. There on the floor, the outline of his boots were clearly marked on the carpet, looking like some sort of Alien tracks in a night time field of corn.

"Like I said," the maintenance man said, "the black light shows all. You have it so clean in here, anything will show up. OK, you can turn the lights back on."

Juanita flipped the switch and the room was bright again.

"As I suspected, you are 100 percent mouse free," the maintenance man said. "And," he added as he rubbed his arm, "you can see it is already much warmer in here. It appears your HVAC issues are resolved too. Not bad for three minutes work, eh? I'm sorry it took so long."

"Thanks, but..., I am not crazy. I am sure I saw something. Now, I did vacuum in here this afternoon, so maybe I cleaned up any of the—"

"Look," the maintenance man said as he handed the black light to Juanita. "Why don't you keep this for a few days. You saw how to operate it, so, keep an eye on things. If you see any evidence of rodents, give me a call and we can set up an appointment with the exterminator."

"That is very nice of you," Juanita said, her face blushing. "I am sorry I was so out of sorts earlier."

"Hey, no problem," he said. "I can see you take good care of this place, and we want to make sure our residents are happy, especially such prominent residents as Mr. Knight."

"Oh!" Juanita said. "That reminds me. Let me get one of those mugs. You have been such a help tonight."

"I really appreciate it. You know, I hope I don't sound like a total doofus here, but, I really am a huge fan of the show."

"Well," Juanita said as she winked back, "I know I can speak for Mr. Knight, when I say he would want you to have one. You know, he doesn't give them out just to anyone, you know."