Long ago, not long after Maui pulled the Hawaiian Islands from the sea, but before he made the first coconut, Ku the god of war, sacrificed himself to become the first Ulu, or breadfruit tree. Whenever Kū, the Hawaiian god of war and prosperity came to the islands, the sky would always celebrate his arrival in commotion -- thunder, lighting and loud cracks. However, the people did not recognize Kū as a god, in fact, Kū was known to live among the people as a planter. It is said that Kū fell in love with a young woman and decided to start a family, but years later, they were struck by a terrible famine. The people within the Hawaiian village became weak and began to starve -- even Kūʻs children.
Kū knew something had to be done, he told his wife that he could help but needed to travel far away in order to do so. His wife agreed and soon Kū began to grow tall, planting his feet firmly on the ground sinking into it as the dirt swallowed him up. The next day, a sprout grew from where Kū was buried and the plant began to grow swiftly, reaching up to the stars. Hundreds of ʻulu fruit swung from the branches and Kū told his wife from within, "Roast the fruit well, remove the skin and you shall eat." And this was the gift of Kū.
Pele's older sister Namakaokahai had seen Kū's sacrifice and was much impressed. Being somewhat vain herself she had trouble understanding how anyone would kill themselves just to save others. She would often visit the breadfruit tree, and just stare at it for hours trying to find some insight. Most of the villagers treated the tree with respect and reverence. Namakaokahai saw this and was in agreement with them.
One young couple saw it as just another tree that had to be harvested. A day came when it was their turn to harvest some breadfruit. A huge thunderstorm struck while they were nearby. They sought refuge from the rain under the huge breadfruit tree. Namakaokahai was nearby contemplating Ku's sacrifice still trying to understand. She approached the couple thinking they might provide some insight. As she got to the edge of the breadfruit tree, she heard noises and saw that the couple was having sex under the tree while waiting for the storm to pass. This made Namakaokahai very angry. She didn't even know why it made her angry, but it did. Being a powerful goddess, she was not one you wanted to upset.
Still being reverent to Kū's sacrifice she changed the properties of the sap of the tree making it into a powerful glue. The newly changed sap now dripped down onto the young couple, gluing them together permanently. Namakaokahai went away with some satisfaction. She had taught some villagers a lesson about respect, and she had made the breadfruit tree even more useful. The local villagers eventually found the couple still locked together. Nothing they could do would separate them. With renewed respect the villagers gathered some of the sap and began using it on their feathered costumes and boats as a permanent waterproof glue.
Modern Day
Cindy had been my girlfriend for several years now. I was at the point where I was hoping it would become a little more permanent. I booked a vacation to Kauai hoping that the romantic setting would lead to the right time, and a good opportunity would arise. I had a ring ready. I was sure. Just needed a little feedback.
I had bared my soul to her. She knew all my little secrets. Ok not all my secrets. See I was in love with her butt. You can't tell someone you love their butt. But it was big and round and perfect. I constantly snuck photos of it. I always took another picture with her smiling at me so she wouldn't get suspicious, but it was the butt I was most interested in.
She had long blonde hair, sometimes in a ponytail, sometimes in a bun. When I first met her, it was a ponytail under a baseball hat. She was just so darn cute! As we drove around the island, I would point out different features, and plants, and animals.
The Octopus tree, with its bright red flowers that look like octopi. The Papaia tree, with always ready papayas. Mango trees with tons of ripe mangos. Avocado trees heavy with ripe avocados. And of course, my favorite, the Breadfruit tree. I told her the legend of the Breadfruit tree. I know she thought I was making it up, but for the rest of the trip, every time I would point one out, she would look for any couples stuck together under the tree. Man, do I love this girl!
I told her why you never want to sit under a coconut tree. And I told her some of the legends of the south pacific. How Maui raised the Hawaiian Islands out of the sea. The fights between Pele and her sisters. And about the Menehune or little people of Hawaii.
We were staying at an out of the way resort on the road to Waimea Canyon. It was a beautiful little resort, only a dozen or so guests, on an old plantation. Perfect for a couple wanting to have some private time.
I had just bought her a Niihau shell lei from a native Hawaiian who swore they were from Niihau. I don't know. He seemed believable. But he really goes back and forth to the forbidden isle? Anyway, she loved it and it was real shells and they were really tiny, so it was worth it regardless.
After a light lunch we went back to our condo with the idea we could explore the grounds. We wandered through bananas and papayas, and we collected some fruit for our room. We found some sugar cane but with no machete, we had no way to collect any.
It started to sprinkle. No surprise Kauai is the wettest place on earth, and it was a warm rain. We decided to head back anyway as it was starting to get a little heavier. Going back by a more direct route than we had taken coming out. It really started coming down. We were both looking for somewhere to shelter when Cindy spotted a huge tree and we ducked under the low branches.
The sky was pretty dark by this time, so neither of us realized what kind of tree it was. As our eyes got adjusted to the lower light, I spotted the distinctive leaves of a breadfruit tree.
"Uh oh," I said "this is a breadfruit tree. You know what happens to a couple under a breadfruit tree"
"Don't they have to be having sex?" she asked
