And everything faded to black.
When I woke up the EMTs were there. Apparently, I wasn't just asleep, I was out cold. When Cindy had tried to wake me and couldn't she had called them. Of course, the first thing they did was take vitals. I think if I had a knife sticking out of my chest, they would take my blood pressure. Then they examined our connection. One was a cute Hawaiian girl. It was totally weird to have her holding my dick while it was in my fiancΓ©! Next thing she was fondling my balls while looking me right in the eyes. She winked at me and continued her exam. While taking my heart rate she was examining my hook.
"Nice Hei Matau." She said. "doesn't look like the average tourist one"
"It's not. It was given to me by a MΔori in Fiji. He made me Ohana and gave me this." I replied.
"Maybe that explains it then. Huh." She then stopped fondling my balls and finished with me.
Her partner said "I don't see any reason not to transport them"
"Me either, she" replied. "But this might get interesting"
"What was that?" he asked
"Nothing"
"Ok I'll get the gurney"
The gurney was parked right outside our condo. He proceeded to wheel it in.
"Obviously, we'll have to transport you together. The gurneys aren't very wide. Probably be best to have you lying on your sides. Once you're on we'll put up the rails and that should keep you from falling off."
Okey dokey captain obvious. First there was the clown act of trying to get on the gurney. They had to lower it and we climbed on kneeling, then lowered ourselves all the way and rolled onto our side. Then they tried coving us. The ubiquitous EMT blanket. Must have been made of silk or something. It kept falling out of their hands. At one point they held the four corners out before approaching us, with the blanket up high. Just as they got above us there was a gust of wind or something and they lost their grip, and down it went to the floor.
"It's ok" I said. "The hospital staff is going to see us naked anyway"
The cute Hawaiian girl was watching everything and seemed to be taking mental notes.
They got us into the ambulance, and we drove to Lihui.
At the hospital we had several other people try to cover us. They finally settled on a human cordon. We had about a dozen scrubs surrounding us as we moved through the hospital. It seemed like they outnumbered the people who might have seen us, but, whatever. They wheeled us into some sort of OR, where a doctor and a whole team of other people in scrubs stared at us.
"Ok, Dr. Hanson, set up traction, Dr Phillips get anesthesia ready. You four orderlies, help Dr Hanson. Nurse Jeffries set up dual monitoring. And somebody get me some more light"
I shouted "Hey, Hey, What the hell's going on? You look like you're getting ready to operate on someone. And I think we're the someone!"
"Just a simple procedure, I assure you. We just need to take a sample of the substance. Nothing to it."
They proceeded to strap Cindy to a table face down, and stand me up behind her. Some kind of harness under my arms and around my chest. Then something big and heavy was rolled in behind me and locked down to the floor. Another harness came from that and was belted around my waist and thighs. Ahh. They were going to try to pull us apart. Was this stuff adapted from other hospital equipment, or did they often have to try to pull a couple apart? I asked what was going on.
"We're just going to pull you far enough apart to get a sample, we're going to put you under for the procedure as a precaution, so there aren't any sudden movements."
They clipped the little thing to our finger and put the cuff on our arms and an IV in our other arm. The we heard the first doctor say "Begin" and someone else say "I want you to start counting down from 10." We both got to 9.
I woke up standing. Hanging from the harness. I was still attached to Cindy but was stretched out even further than we could manage on our own. It was like an iridescent white tube running between us. It looked too long to be my dick. When I looked closer, I could see the line where her lips ended, just above where my balls hung tightly beneath. Wow. That had to be eight inches at least. I started noticing other things around me. There was some commotion. And a lot of shouting and cursing. No one seemed to care that there was a couple stretched between two pieces of equipment in the room. The doctor was on the floor and several people were attending to him. Finally, another voice entered the room from behind me. And started restoring order. The traction was run back down. The straps were released. The harness was removed, and we were loaded onto a hospital bed. Then wheeled out of the room. The doctor was still on the floor. We were taken to a private room on another floor. The elevator was for staff only, but it seemed that an unusual number of people had to use it at that particular time. And they all happened to be looking intently at their cell phones. About an hour after we were dropped off, we got a visitor. It was the pretty Hawaiian EMT.
"Hi, I'm Kailani, we met before."
"I remember. You were holding my dick."
"She was holding your dick? And where was I?" Cindy asked with a little acid in her voice.
"You were on the other end of it, sweety. She was one of the EMTs at the condo."
"Oh, and I suppose that makes it ok?"
Kailani jumped in with "I'm sorry if I offended. But I had to be sure. You are Haole. By rights you should be dead. But you are not. Look can I introduce you to my grandfather? He's waiting in the hall and would be much better at explaining this."
"Sure" I said. "Let's have a party!" "Oh, go ahead. It's not like everyone in the hospital hasn't already seen us."
She then brought in an older man. He looked like he could be 60 or 80. Leather skin. All handmade clothes and sandals. It was like he just walked out of a painting of the old Hawaii. "This is my grandfather Keanu"
"As in Keanu Reeves?" Cindy asked.
"As in a cool breeze" I said before he could be offended
