**All characters are 18 or over. This story contains hallucinatory non-con tentacle sex, and attempted overdose. The author does not advocate taking anything but the recommended dose for any medications, nor does the author advocate for suicide. if you have suicidal thoughts, please seek help.**
Sonia was alone in the examination room. She anxiously rubbed her long sleeves and looked at her own reflection in the mirror in front of her. She was twenty six but still felt like a teenager. She had always thought depression would be something she'd grow out of. That social anxiety was something she'd eventually learn to overcome. But it was still there. There was always was a dull, low, throbbing existential crisis waiting to strike at any moment.
Drugs didn't seem to work. She could hardly get out of bed most days. She had been trying to stay healthy for the past month or so, but even eating well and exercise didn't seem to take away the oppressive hopelessness. She was just destined to be miserable, she supposed. But as a last favor to a friend in her support group she decided to try this. An experimental drug treatment. Her friend had been ecstatic about it. Sonia owed it to her to at least endure one last attempt.
She was dressed in a tight black shirt from the choker on her throat to her wrists. She pressed her hands against the hem of her flannel skirt. Stockings started at where her fingers touched her thighs. Her skin was in want of sunlight and the brightest and most colorful thing about her was a sparkle of blue behind her bangs that marked her eyes. There were dark circles under them, and there was an expression of apathy mixed with silent pain on her face. She just wanted to be done with it all.
When the doctor came in she flinched at if struck. There was nothing too out of the ordinary about him except that he was very attractive, and thus, intimidating. She gulped and recovered as the man sat down in front of her, impeding her gaze of the mirror.
"Hello. I'm Doctor Cliff Sailor." He was strong but gentle with his words. "Ms. Sonia Hollow was it? It is good to meet you." She felt timid and unworthy of such praise. More than anything she was afraid of saying or doing something wrong. "I'm sure you have read the fine print." He continued. She probably should have said something. She felt even more awkward as the man continued, "Here. Twice a day." She looked at his hands. They were weathered but smooth like natural stone. She looked up and saw grey eyes and sharp features.
"Thank you." She muttered, taking the bottle of pills.
"I would like you to take the first dose now. You can take the next one before bed." His smile looked forced. She was making him feel awkward wasn't she. She should probably just take the pill. She gulped and stopped losing herself in her own head. He gave her a glass of water and she swallowed it down.
"Because this is a trail, I would like to ask you some questions when you come back tomorrow. Would that be fine?" She nodded. "Thank you Ms. Hollow. I will see you tomorrow."
She didn't feel anything. She walked home with a slow, uncaring pace. It was a dead end apartment paid for by a dead end job. It was where she spent half her life. The other half was working. She sighed as she locked the door and microwaved a dinner for herself. She should eat something, she supposed.
After the meal she still felt nothing. She stared at a wall for several minutes, wondering if happiness was going to suddenly appear, or if she should just give up already. The sun set and her pale room became grey, and then black.
And then she felt something. It wasn't what she was expected. She didn't feel happy exactly. It was hard to put into words. She tried to picture it as the feeling slowly grew. Then, in her mind, she could see it. It was the face of the doctor, Cliff. There was some emotion attached to him, or caused by his face. Or maybe his strong hands. Or maybe his smile. Was it truly a fake smile? Maybe he really did care.
And then she realized what she was feeling. She wanted him. Not Cliff specifically, but a man. Or a woman, or something. She felt horny. It was a hopeful warmth and desire for companionship. An image of the doctor popped into her mind, his hands on her hips and his mouth close to hers. She then felt another emotion take over. Fear. Shame. Immense terror and guilt filled her. The Cliff in her mind looked insulted. "You actually think I'd want you? I can't stand you." He said in his calm and rational voice. "You're useless." She thought of all the things she'd let him do to her. All the things she desperately wanted. Reading her mind, his scowl intensified. "You're disgusting."
She was crying. The drugs weren't working. Or maybe she was reacting poorly again. At least she was feeling something she supposed. Maybe that was better than nothing. Or maybe she was just being a pervert. It was just another reason to hate herself. She hugged herself tightly. Maybe the dose was wrong. She took out the bottle of pills again and wondered how her family would react to the news of her overdoseing. If downed the entire thing, maybe she wouldn't have to wake up. Maybe that would be enough. Maybe that would end the pain. There was about twelve pills inside.
She swallowed them all. She didn't know what was in them, but that made it easier. If she survived she could say it was an accident, or she didn't know what would happen. It would be the truth. And maybe the dose had just been too low before. Maybe she could feel something good afterwards.
She collapsed in bed and tried desperately to let sleep kill her thoughts. She wished for no dreams. She wished not to wake up. She waited there in her clothes for maybe an hour, restlessly hoping for oblivion before another strange thing happened.
