Jessica couldn't have told anyone that asked, what drove her out of her lonely drab apartment and into the wild, windy and warm, rain-drenched Southern night, that night. She was a young woman, and considered herself plain. She stood five foot six in stocking feet. She had mousy brown hair and deep dark eyes full of far too much sadness.
Jessica worked as an ER nurse at the general hospital in the small, coastal Southern city she lived in. Jessica only weighed a measly 110 pounds. She didn't eat well. Did not taste her food. She was only 27 years old but was aimless, drifting.
Her young life was shaped by an awful tragedy. Only a few years before Jessica had been a promising nursing student. She was vivacious, alive, on track for a successful life, by societal norms. That's when she met Leah. Small and slight, like her, a fellow nursing student.
The two girls had hit it off as friends and became lab partners at the University where they were both taking nursing degrees. They developed an affection for each other that slowly became something more. The touch of a hand here. A longing gaze caught there.
Finally, one day over coffee Leah had slid her small and delicate hand across the table, and taken Jessica's fingers into her own. Jessica had never felt such a thrill. That evening, on a park bench down by the harbor, backlit by a gorgeous sunset, Jessica and Leah shared their first kiss.
Slow and tentative, soft lips upon soft lips. But the kiss grew in passion and intensity. Jessica would never forget the thrill that coursed through her body, and heart, like electricity of a more primal nature, when Leah's slim but strong fingers curled though her soft brown hair around the back of her neck, pulling her closer into the passion they shared for one another.
So Jessica, and her sweet Leah became Lovers. Leah had taken Jessca to her apartment, laid her down in her bed, gently removed her clothes and made love to her, for the first time in her life.
Jessica remembered how she'd cried out, in passion and in love, her calves rubbing Leah's silky back, as Leah's mouth worked in the deepest core of her, taking her to dizzying, almost unbearable heights that night. And then, Leah's amazing taste, on her own lips.
Neither of the girls had ever been so happy. Their classmates saw them hold hands, giggle, quick kisses. Soon both graduated, and both took jobs at the Hospital. Jessica in the ER, Leah in the Laboratory.
One fall night, almost two full years after they'd fallen in love the couple were returning home to their modest apartment downtown. They were on the expressway, Leah was driving. Jessica's hand lay absently on her lover's leg.
She looked up and about the time she heard Leah gasp she'd seen a large white SUV crossing the centerline next to them, so close. Jessica couldn't remember the accident. But what happened next was seared into her memory forever.
It was the most intensely, agonizingly painful moment of her entire life. She came to slowly and looked down to see vivid red blood all over her hands staining her white dress.
The young lovers had been out for dinner and dancing with each other. Jessica foggily raised her eyes towards Leah, and she saw her, lying prone in the driver's seat. Lots of blood on her body and arms, but no obvious injury.
But what sent a spike of primal terror deep into Jessica's core however, was Leah's eyes. Wide, and completely empty.
Jessica was in horrible pain but didn't care, driven by adrenaline, fear, and love she climbed over the seat to Leah and grabbed her by the shoulders. Leah's head lolled. "Leah, BABY" Jessica's voice climbed quickly.
There was no life in Leah's eyes. Jessica placed her hand between her lover's breasts, through the material of Leah's dress she felt no pulse. Leah was utterly still, her chest didn't move. Jessica's voice climbed higher into hysterics. "LEAH OH GOD BABY NO NO NO PLEASE GOD NO!!"
Jessica was still hysterically shrieking Leah's name as the paramedics gently extricated her injured body from the couple's smashed car. She sat later in her hospital bed, after her surgery, understanding for the first time in her life what the word "bereft" meant. She sobbed, shook. Tears poured in torrents down her wounded face, twisted in shock and grief.
The doctors explained to her. Leah had died instantly on impact. She didn't suffer. Jessica cried for days.
Her sister Joanie came and stayed with her for a while. Joanie had practically raised her. She couldn't help, nothing could. Jessica's grief and loss was all encompassing.
She and Leah had been deeply in love. True love.
After her release from the hospital she went to Leah's grave, sat down in the dirt, leaned against the tombstone and cried more for her lost love. Deep, wracking, soul-searing sobs.
Joanie found her there and took her back to her and Leah's so very empty apartment.
That was a year ago. Now, Jessica went on about her former life. Going through the motions. Doing her job well, but emotionlessly. The object of her co worker's silent, hidden pity for her deeply broken heart.
At night she'd lie in the bed in which she'd slept, and loved, so happily with her Leah. Now she clung desperately to Leah's pillow she'd never washed, at night. The faintest scent of her lost soulmate so subtly embedded in it.
After another year like this went by Jessica started going out to clubs sometimes at night.
She didn't talk to anyone. Politely rebuffed any advances. She just sat alone. At corner tables, drinking Palmoma's, Leah's favorite, and letting the loud, trance and techno music wash over her. It made her forget. Made the pain lessen.
But she was lonely, so very lonely.
This night Jessica had been driving aimlessly downtown, she passed several of her normal hangout clubs, some impulse drove her to seek out something different.
She was driving down a side street when she caught a momentary flash of hot red neon from the corner of her eye.
She circled the block and drove past slowly. Saw a nondescript dark entrance in the side of a brick building, with a blue neon sign over it that read House Of L There was a small full parking lot, so Jessica parked her compact Toyota a bit up the street and walked in.
She knocked and when the door opened faint multicolored light and throbbing music poured out. She paid a doorman a small fee, and descended a narrow staircase to the club. The lights were low, but played about in multicolored fashion.
As Jessica walked up to the bar wearing a simple white sheath dress, with her mousy hair piled up in a French style on her head, not trying to stand out, she nonetheless felt as though she did.
Her eyes swept across the club, saw a row of booths and tables along two walls and a large dance floor on which several couples, and a few lone women, swayed and gyrated to the thumping trance music.
But the one thing Jessica immediately noticed about this club was the distinct lack of men.
Coming from a same sex relationship of her own she knew what this meant. She'd never been in a Lesbian club before. She wasn't looking for attention. She momentarily considered walking back out, but she noticed she'd already drawn the attention of a few women, standing still like she was, so she quickly walked to the bar, sat down and ordered a Paloma
Before anyone could approach her, Jessica picked up her drink, told the bartender she was going to find a table, and walked quickly to a corner booth and sat down.
Being here, in this environment was making her think of Sweet Leah and the love they'd shared. Jessica gulped down her drink and hung her head. The waitress came and she ordered another Paloma.
A relatively attractive middle aged woman with long blonde hair walked over and introduced herself but Jessica told her, politely, she wanted to be alone. For a long time Jessica sat, lost in her thoughts, drinking her Paloma's.
Occasionally she'd look up and around and see mostly a blur, but sometimes things stood out. A couple grinding on the dance floor kept her attention for a few moments, she remembered Leah doing that with her, heat in her eyes. Then she looked away.
